Has anyone cut out their parents?

[dazednveryconfused]

Over the years my mother has been very negative, toxic, judgemental, and my father has always just sat on the sideline and has never stood up for me. My brother committed suicide when i was 14, and for a while after my mom would constantly remind me how i was never that nice to him. we would fight like brothers, but i hardly think it was one sided. Either way, it felt like she was trying to put the blame on me. I went through a rough time over the last 15 years, attempting suicide, dropping out of high school, getting arrested just to name a few. I have been with the same girl for just over 10 years now, married for 2. throughout that time, she has felt the brunt of my mothers abuse, and my fathers lack of concern. I found anytime we would see my family, me and my wife would end up very upset for the next few days.

 

In order to work through these issues, I initiated some counselling sessions with my father, who invited my mother as well. They never admitted to any wrong doing, simply making statements that i have no control over my emotions, i'm overacting, etc. It felt like my teenage years all over again. After a lot of thought, I decided I don't want them in my life anymore....

 

i'm not sure if i have made the right decision, i am just wondering if anyone if anyone has been through a similar situation of disconnecting themselves from their parents.

[denise_xo]

I have disconnected in periods. Sometimes parents are just toxic and need to be removed from your life, either temporarily or permanently.

[Stupid Girl]

One parent. I haven't spoken to my father in 4-5 years. I don't really want to get into it, but I had a very bad and abusive childhood as a result of both of my parents (mostly my father). After a number of serious incidents, we were forced into family therapy, and it really opened my mother's eyes and made her realize what she was doing wrong, but my father refused to be affected by it, and stood by the idea that he did nothing wrong. I eventually told him that unless he was willing to admit to what he did, and deal with his issues as a person, I couldn't be a part of his life. His response was again to deny ever doing wrong. So since that day I haven't spoken to him.

 

If he came back now as a grown man (lol funny to think of it that way) able to admit what he did, I think I would consider starting a relationship with him again. Although I'm not sure. It's been such a long time, and he's missed out on so many formative events in my life, I don't know if there's even a point anymore.

[pink_sugar]

You're definitely not alone. While I talk to my dad on occasion, I keep my distance. He can be very negative and critical over things like my weight or my husband. I usually don't respond to his calls unless it's something important or I'll just text a response.

 

My husband's mom has never been very good to him. She's always favored her husband and even her dogs over him. I think part of the reason is that her H is very controlling and she let's him control the relationship and the stepfather has made it clear he has never liked me or his stepson. After them flipping out over something on facebook, we have decided to keep our distance. They've kicked him out over their dog, controlled our wedding and basically only wanted him around when they needed something. We're staying far away from them!

[Dorie]

My SO does not have a relationship with his alcoholic mother. She was simply too toxic so he limited contact, then went no contact all together.

 

He did experience a period of mourning but ultimately moved on with his life. He recognized how much more simply life is and how drama need not be infused in every circumstance. Cutting out this parent, though initially painful, has only added value to the quality of his life.

[dazednveryconfused]

thank you everyone for your comments. its really nice to hear that i'm not alone, and people have been able to move on.

 

i just wish that things didn't turn out like this.

[MuscleCarFan]

thank you everyone for your comments. its really nice to hear that i'm not alone, and people have been able to move on.

 

i just wish that things didn't turn out like this.

 

Yeah, it sucks, but you can't choose family you know?

 

Just focus on yourself and your wife and keeping yourselves happy.

[louise_23]

dont do it. believe me, you will regret it one day.

 

my family drive me insane. they really do. but my mother has been seriously ill this year with cancer. it really puts it in perspective. your family wont be there forever. once they're gone, thats it. gone. and it really can happen to anyone.

 

i can understand they are toxic and have alot of issues. my best suggestion is to spend time with each parent alone. go on a nice day out. even just to a beautiful park or something.

 

yes, they might drive you round the twist, but gradually you will break them down. i did this with my mum years ago after having a dream she was dead. we gradually spent more time together and i took interest in her life and complimented her if she had a new blouse and things. we're so close now its unreal. and i love it.

 

if you really cant do this or dont think it will work, distance yourself but keep in contact. once in a while phone call, send cards etc etc. just dont lose touch with them.

 

my mother lost her father in 1998. they hadnt spoke for about a decade. dont get me wrong he was a bastard to her growing up, absolutely. but she was very upset when she heard the news. i think deep down she regrets not keeping in touch.

 

anyway good luck whatever you decide to do.

[pink_sugar]

My husband lost his father from brain cancer at 16 and now his mom has it. However, his mom decided to choose her husband and dogs over her only son. Her husband controls and manipulates her and he allows it. He isn't allowed to visit without an appointment and they never involve him in anything. His mom chooses not to son around during this time and I can only say that is a sad choice for her. My husband has tried for years to have a relationship with her, she's never wanted one or allowed her husband to prevent her from seeing him. It's her loss.

[MuscleCarFan]

dont do it. believe me, you will regret it one day.

 

my family drive me insane. they really do. but my mother has been seriously ill this year with cancer. it really puts it in perspective. your family wont be there forever. once they're gone, thats it. gone. and it really can happen to anyone.

 

i can understand they are toxic and have alot of issues. my best suggestion is to spend time with each parent alone. go on a nice day out. even just to a beautiful park or something.

 

yes, they might drive you round the twist, but gradually you will break them down. i did this with my mum years ago after having a dream she was dead. we gradually spent more time together and i took interest in her life and complimented her if she had a new blouse and things. we're so close now its unreal. and i love it.

 

if you really cant do this or dont think it will work, distance yourself but keep in contact. once in a while phone call, send cards etc etc. just dont lose touch with them.

 

my mother lost her father in 1998. they hadnt spoke for about a decade. dont get me wrong he was a bastard to her growing up, absolutely. but she was very upset when she heard the news. i think deep down she regrets not keeping in touch.

 

anyway good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

I don't regret severely limiting contact with my mother at all. For some of us, the quality of life is much better this way. (see my wife, pink_sugar's posts).