planetpower Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 For all the years my husband and I have been on our own, my family has always brought up his "trust" in which his father left him when he passed. It's a modest one that pays basic living expenses and by no means are we living the great life. When we walk about job losses and not having much money, they always need to be like "oh he has money and what about the trust, you guys have plenty of money" and blah blah blah. I really wish we kept the issue of his trust secret, but I suppose it eventually would come out when we haven't had jobs and are still managing rent. But I always get and feel defensive when they mention the word "trust" like he's some kind of millionare, which is far from the truth. I feel like they think of him as this walking trust. I've briefly mentioned my husband having a small savings/inheritance to friends, but none of them feel the need to mention it all the time. How do I get them to stop bringing up his trust without getting upset and defensive? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I don't think you can avoid upset and defensive. Fact of the matter is that the word 'trust' conjours images of mansions and Ferrari's, and that's how it is. I would suspect their mention to some degree is a form of passive-agressive attack [been in a similar situation only a few months ago]. What i would do : - point out that you are not buying into the consumer society by not having expensive new stuff [what i did] - point out that you are looking for jobs and that it's not a big sum - if the above fail [and i suspect they will], tell them upfront that you are tired of them seeing your husband as the man who was born with a small ATM over his head, that you didn't marry him because of it and he is not a wonderfull person because of it. I would go for the latter with a tone of assertiveness, maintaining eye-contact and having a slightly agressive headstand [think gangsters in 40's movies], the tone must also be eerily calm, without inflections, and the overall trend to 'go down' on your tonality. Exercise it in the mirror, you are basically subcomunicating a message of 'knock it off' in a serious way. Choose the best combination of the above mentioned signs that fit you. I would take it a step further and make sure i wear something not so expensive when this happens, not be with my hair freshly done, and not fidget around with my hands/legs [shows insecurity]. If you speak to a group of ppl, i would face all of them with my legs [think standing up but with legs towards the center of the group], maybe leaning on one leg [and remain on that leg for the duration of your speach]. I would also include pauses, very small ones in your speach [watch Obama's speaches ... his body language screams 'i'm the boss']. Practice it a lot in the mirror ... this kind of thing will also help you at a job interview. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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