harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Hi , Give me solution for my problem.. I am a girl from india, chenni, My marriage is love marriage. In chennai, in my family circul love marriage is big matter. So i went out from home and get married. So in my family, They hurted me not yet seen me and talked to me for 1 year. I have Come out but i feeled lot about my family and as much i cry ed. With in a year i delivered a girl kid. Then From my family one by one spoeked with me. My husband is very carying with me but he is short temper. if he get tensed he beat me like buffalo. Most of the husband beats wife is not a matter. but he beats me like i die. He Doe'st have any bad habits like drinking,smooking. He spends much money to hotel. i ask him to dont spend much for that we both will get fight and i get Sever biting from him. beeting is not a matter. But he me beat me like in cinema. he jumps in my hip, continues slap in my cheeks, he hold my hand like broke, hit me with full force, punch me, what ever things is there he throws me in my face. As much Rash Method he does. Every time he bits is got dizziness. then he live me. After 15 mints he comes back and ask sorry.. i wont do like this.. I Speak with him suddenly. if i not spoke also he get to tensed and start throwing and broke the things in house.. So i speak if he speked at once itself. I have to make some Scary to him, not to beat like this. What i have to scar him.. How i have to do some scary incident. ---- If i have not spoked with him with in 15 mints.he get much tensed and he tell i going to start drink alchocal or he drive car rashley. He doesnt come to home.. So i get beeting i speak with in 15 mints.. what to do.. please tell me i cant get beeting from him he is gym man. Link to post Share on other sites
justpassingthrough Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I can't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what I would do: I would wait until he falls asleep, then get the heaviest frying pan in the house and beat the daylights out of him, grab the child, and leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 I am not willing to take sucied. because i have girl baby. Shall i put some sleeping tablets and make scary him.. or what to do If i come out from home means it will very shame to me because In my Mother family all thinking that i am living very nice with my husband. If I come out from he get tensed and Do something or hurt me totally .. I love him very much he also love me very much.. but when tension comes he loosing his mind and doing like this beeting activity.. What to do.. I have not even discussed this thing to any one.. because every one will speak like you have decided your life you have done mistake like this only relation will speak.. i have to solve this my self. i can take any sleeping pill to attend sucid and also i tell him i have taken tabletes. he rush me to hoshpital also byt my scarness is that if i died my daughter get suffer.. Just 4 years cute girl. I dont know what to make. Please tell me some suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
Author harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 I can't tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what I would do: I would wait until he falls asleep, then get the heaviest frying pan in the house and beat the daylights out of him, grab the child, and leave. But i love him very much. When tensed only he react like this.. he also love me very much i know that. How i have to handel Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I doubt there is much protection there fir women in your situation; but if there is, reach out for it. Don't just try once. Playing around with sleeping pills for you or him is a very dangerous and stupid idea. If there is no external help (via police, religion, agencies etc.) Then ask your family for assistance. Sometimes bullies like you husband back off when other people find out what they are all about. Hiding this secret only causes more shame and troubles in the long run. Very bad for your girl child. I have a three year old girl myself. If you need to, take her and disappear. Start over. Anywhere but there. Take money and change cities. Do not let him track you. You can love him all you want, but that doesn't mean he isn't going to kill you eventually. Don't live this because of embarrassment. Life is damn short enough. Yours may be even shorter because of him. How long until he is beating your girl? Not long. Refuse to go back. Utterly refuse. Get money, friends plan it and get out. Do not let her grow up in this and do not kill yourself because your husband behaves like a dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 I doubt there is much protection there fir women in your situation; but if there is, reach out for it. Don't just try once. Playing around with sleeping pills for you or him is a very dangerous and stupid idea. If there is no external help (via police, religion, agencies etc.) Then ask your family for assistance. Sometimes bullies like you husband back off when other people find out what they are all about. Hiding this secret only causes more shame and troubles in the long run. Very bad for your girl child. I have a three year old girl myself. If you need to, take her and disappear. Start over. Anywhere but there. Take money and change cities. Do not let him track you. You can love him all you want, but that doesn't mean he isn't going to kill you eventually. Don't live this because of embarrassment. Life is damn short enough. Yours may be even shorter because of him. How long until he is beating your girl? Not long. Refuse to go back. Utterly refuse. Get money, friends plan it and get out. Do not let her grow up in this and do not kill yourself because your husband behaves like a dog. If i goes outs of home means it will be very shame name in my mother family side. because all are thinking now that i am living very happy love marriage life. if i does like going out of home.. i get very bad name.. i have to make my husband scary to beat me. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Get the bad name. I know that that is a huge cultural difference. But between protecting your daughter and your survival: take the shame. Get out. You are not going to scare this guy. He won't scare. He must have had scary stuff happen to make him this way. Your mothers family will have to deal with it. That's life. You cannot continue to be beaten because you might hurt someone's feelings by leaving. It's scary to leave, it may not seem like an option. If you disappear, then your mother's family does not even need to know about it. They may try to make you go back to him. This guy isn't scared of you or for you. If he was, he wouldn't beat you like this. He thinks you have nowhere else to go. You think you have nowhere else to go. That's why he does this. Women over here had (and some still have) these problems for years. Only when we stopped being scared of what other's would think of us, could we leave (or throw our husbands out). Is the shame for your mother's family the only reason you stay there when your daughter sees you harshly beaten? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 "After 15 mints he comes back and ask sorry.. i wont do like this.." so leave him go live with your mom he needs alot of medicine to calm him down, alot. pig Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 "After 15 mints he comes back and ask sorry.. i wont do like this.." so leave him go live with your mom he needs alot of medicine to calm him down, alot. pig The cultural-social penalties for a woman in this situation are incredibly harsh. It is VERY HARD for a woman to leave a situation like this in North America with supports. That's why I suggested disappearing. Can't live with him; can't poison the bastard. (DO NOT ATTEMPT TO POISON HIM) OP: he isn't going to stop. Those are lines from the beater handbook. They say "sorry, I was angry, I love you, I won't do it again OR I only did this because you did this or that." Then they beat you again. He will not stop. You need to get you and your girl child out of there. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Maybe go to Vellore or Bangalore. How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 here is a womens' refuge in Delhi, details are in paragraph five For these women, victims of heinous crimes, a refuge at last Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Can you talk to these people? PCVC >> What We Do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 here is a womens' refuge in Delhi, details are in paragraph five For these women, victims of heinous crimes, a refuge at last Shes in chennai. But I'm glad we hit the same notes Neat cross-post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Maybe go to Vellore or Bangalore. How old are you? 24 yrs old.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author harsha Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 I can go out and get bad name also.. that is not a problem.. if he taken some wrong decision means (attempting suicide). We have lot of commitments too.. We both are working in a same company.. both are getting enough salary to run a calm life. We Purchased a land only 6 month back. so i asked my brother to help me, he gave 8 lacks.. now we both are transferring the amount on montly basis to my brother account with in 2 yrs this debt will over. If i went to my mother home. he doest give money to my brother. Land is purchased in my husband name.. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) Harsha, this is horrible. Your husband is beating you too harshly? Your husband should not be beating you at all. Harsha, here is some info. This is the International Center Research for Women (ICRW). They are involved in domestic (family) violence issues. They are trying to help men change so they will not be violent towards women. They may be able to tell you where you can get help from. The homepage is here: ICRW | Where Insight and Action Connect The violence against women page is here: Violence Against Women | ICRW I spoke to a man in the main office. The main office is in the US, but they have offices in India. He said that the agencies in India might be able to refer you to another agency where they can help you. He does not know for sure. They might do that, or just refer you to police, but he said you can at least contact them to see what they say. If you don't want to reveal a lot of info about youself, such as where you are, etc., then I suggest sending them an email. However, I don't know how long it would take them to get back to you. ICRW Asia Regional Office C – 139, Defence Colony New Delhi, India – 110024 tel: 91.11.4664.3333 tel: 91.11.2465.4216 tel: 91.11.2463.5141 fax: 91.11.2463.5142 Email: [email protected] ICRW Mumbai Project Office 101-102, Ist Floor, C – Wing, Mangalmurti Complex Chikuwadi, Mankhurd Mumbai, India – 400043. tel: 91.22.2550.5718 or 5719 Email (they have the same email address listed): [email protected] There is another group that is helping women worldwide with violence and other issues. You can email: [email protected] Here is the website: Women Thrive Worldwide - Home This page has a list of other people in the organization. To get to that section, go to the page below. When you get there scroll down. Click on the names, which are links. Click on a name link. Info on the staff person, plus their email address is on that page. The email address would appear with the words "at" and "Dot." When emailing them you replace "at" with @. You replace "DOT" with a period. So for apalan AT womenthrive DOT org, you actually use the email address of [email protected] Women Thrive Staff Page Good luck. Edited July 5, 2012 by CopingGal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 It's a calm life except for THE FACT THAT HE BEATS YOU. See the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts