It's been 29 days...

[ac11442]

I'm 29 days into nc. I'm actually rather proud of myself for not caving. Especially since I had a week off of work (time we had planned to spend together). I go back to work tomorrow thank God! I'm hoping it will help take my mind off him.

 

Tonight was hard, though. It was July 4th and I took my daughter to the park to see the fireworks. I was surrounded by families and it made me sad. Sad that I don't have one, sad thinking about xMM spending the holiday with his w, and even more sad to realize that even if we were still together it wouldn't be different, I'd still be at the park alone with my daughter.

 

The longest we've ever gone nc (sort of, I emailed him once during that time) was 50 days. Ironically I kept saying 7 weeks, he would correct me to 50 days. I'm hoping that once I get past the 50 day mark it will be easier.

 

I just needed to post something tonight. I've been incredibly tempted to email him so I figured I'd post here instead. Thanks to all for being tolerant.

 

Quick question: I know it's different for everyone but how long did it take to get over the urge to contact the xMM? With the exception of the occasional pop up, of course. I'm praying for the day of indifference to arrive.

[EmptyHeartGirl]

AC, you are doing well! I am proud of you. The first month is always hard. For me week 4-7 were extremely difficult for me, and holidays are always the worst, but you got through one holiday, the others will get a bit easier.

 

The urge will take some time. For me there was no urge mainly because I was so hurt by what he did I didn't want to contact him. He did continue to pursue me as they tend to do, he didn't want to let go of a good thing, and I was trained so well. I let him contact me for about five months, but I refused to see him. I don't think I was ready to let go totally, and I wanted to give him a piece of his own medicine, I wanted him to beg, and I wanted him to THINK there was a chance, when there wasn't. Finally, with therapy and staying busy I finally decided not to respond the next time he contacted me, which was in January.

 

There are times when I see something on TV or see a movie that I think about him, and wish I could talk to him about it, but I just remind myself of the pain and hurt I felt and it usually helps. I think I am in the angry bitter state now, I think it helps because I see him for the loser he is.

 

I would suggest you write him a letter and put in all the things he did to hurt you, but don;t send it. Read it to yourself, and then put it away, next time you get the urge, pullout the letter and read it, it should keep you on course, it helped me in the beginning.

 

Best of Luck!

[sad puppy]

Keep your eye on the brighter future for yourself, for your daughter. You're doing very well! Keep going. Just because you have your feelings, doesn't mean you have to act upon them. Feel it, stay calm, and they will pass. Keep going, NC is to help break you out of the hellish situation. One day at a time, my dear.

[ac11442]

First of all, thanks to everyone here. You've really helped a lot.

 

Last night was horrible, today was almost worse. The only real thing keeping me from contacting MM is the fear that he won't respond at all.

 

But I called and made an appointment for IC today, I'm going Monday. I'm hoping it will help me get through the hard time.

 

Until then I'm going to take it day by day, sometimes minute by minute, or even second by second.

[sad puppy]

Good for you. It's a tough situation but keep focused and committed to yourself on this. These tough times will pass, seems they will not but we can all assure you they will. One milestone after the next. Going for a massage, a facial often helped me move on and pamper myself a bit. Do anything and everything you can to treat yourself, make yourself feel happy and less stressed. Rooting for you.