this is not the same but way complicated..serious thoughts needed!!

[suckstobeme]

ok to start off im actually a nice guy not knowin how to show emotions t way its intended. but to tell u the truth i was in new zealand for 10 months and i started to be friends with benefits with this girl next door to me in my hostel a week after reaching nz. i was 25 and she was 21 then its been a year now. then it came to being living in with her due to certain reasons . then we started doing everythin together and loved t company but i never intended to stay forever with her but all her friends loved me and then i came to know about her past where she had a lot of daddy issues and a LOT I MEAN A LOT OF SEXUAL PARTNERS. i din care much since i wasnt plannin on any future but always kept questioning her about it bcoz of morality issues but she said she never regretted her past guys or anything which made me even more angry by t looks of it now she might even had a threesome. but back to t story we had a lot of ups and downs bcoz of her past and her nature of not caring n calling it lik its jus sex why bother so much. so end of the day i kinda changed her for the good and it was hard when i left nz after finishing my studies til then i never told her i loved her but she on the other hand cried a lot in btw t relationship saying she wants me to be there forever and she loves me and etc i was like this is for the best. but then once i got back home a month later i said i loved her and i had a time of my life there with her and her friends even if we had so many fights coz al tht din matter after i got back home coz i thought i was missing out on life and never wil b tht happy( i kno i was selfish coz when she said she wud leave everything for me leave her friends which are a lot btw to be with me in my hometown 10000ks away i din care) then she said she wil wait for me long ditance has its own trouble but then she started hanging with this guy and she hooked up with him while i was plannin on getting back to her. and then i hear about it and got so angry did not talk to her for a while, when she was calling me al t time sending me sorry mails and txts etc. then i reconcile then again trouble forms sayin we r getting distant. so i thought call it quits n look cool n let her have a life thinking she wil always be there for me. then i find out she started sleeping with people again witout regrets and then find out from fb tht she is so in love with guy who she slept with who is 30 btw and when i find out i thought i was losing her and crazy called her txts tellin not to go meet him over the weekend shameful things happened and then after t weekend i get permission to talk to her and then i poured my heart out and **** while she was laughing sayin listen( i love you , but not in love with you, i wud have given anythin for u had kids with u blah blah and now its too late sorry) then i was like kept trying we were soul mates and **** but din work then a 2 weeks later she says she is getting married and then again i try no luck then last week she tells me she is pregnant and this guy is so happy even her mum and nana and al her friends. al this within a year of my leaving. the best part is she told me why we cant b together when we feel this way in feb, in march she meets this guy april or may he proposes sayin he doesnt wanna lose her and now pregnant. what did i do soo bad to go tru al this its gonna be a year 22 of this month since i left. i told her its too soon, then she tells me she knows the n she knows this is t guy when she saw him n etc......im goin tru hell witout a proper closure in such a short while, im tryin so hard not to curse thier relationship. but come on its sooooo hard....plz help im so sorry for t longs mess but only way i can prove to u guys its tht complicated....thanks a million if u read it fully