He's on vacation with his kids

[rosieisblue]

I can't understand this young generation that MUST BE TEXTING all the dang time. If I was one of MM's kids, I would be livid that daddy and his mistress couldn't stop texting during my vacation. How needy are you both? Seriously? And sending nude pictures of yourself to a MM's phone? What is wrong with this generation?

 

I think you are MM's soft spot for now. Soon, he will tire of you and the animosity with his kids. Any man who picks a MUCH younger girl over his children is a piece of poo and his children should cut him out of their lives. Considering he can't go long without texting..... them cutting him out may be sooner rather than later.

 

I know there is no way this younger generation would have lasted 20 years ago when cell phones were rare. And I do not get why someone thinks they are 'loved' by getting a text. Just because you get a text doesn't equate to love, compassion or caring. Its a friggin text. I can be sent from a bathroom while going potty. How is that romantic or cute?

 

I didn't send nude pictures to his phone, I sent them to his email when we were falling in love. I feel pretty stupid about that now because she's seen them and was really angry about them coming to her home on a weekend.

 

Texting is just how we communicate, just as phone calls or letters were used before. Andhe's not that much older and he didnt leave his kids, he left his wife. his kids are still very much a part of his life.

[rosieisblue]

It's just sad all around. Being in love isn't suppose to be this complicated.

 

I still don't have a whole lot of respect for MM because he causes so many people so much pain.

 

I know you say it's yours and his fault but really it's mostly his. If he wasn't with you then he would have been with another woman. He is the one who is married and has children. Yes they're gonna blame you rather than dad cause they're loyal to him so it's gotta be your fault but really it is mostly his.

 

Even his wife isn't angry with you. She knows whose fault it is mostly.

 

Does he even acknowledge that he's wrong or does he only justify cheating by blaming his wife?

 

I still don't understand why you're with someone like him...you seem like a nice person...I don't know why you're with such a loser.

 

He admits it was wrong to cheat and he regrets it a great deal, I think, but not with me. He regrets the other incidents because they didn't mean anything but with me it meant something, there were feelings right away and they just grew stronger so although he knows he hurt her and the kids he also knows that he would not have been happy if he had stayed.

 

I'm with him because I love him and he's a fantastic guy in so many ways. We just completely click. But now, after reading on here, I'm wondering if it can last. It's great right now in a lot of ways but will it be that way in teh future?

[rosieisblue]

Rosie, many times you've posted that you and mm had a timetable for when you both were going to leave your other relationships but his wife finding out changed all that and she threw him out. So many mm tell the ow they are leaving and some of them believe it when they say it but when it comes down to making it a reality they can't do it for x,y, z reasons. Then you've got some mm who flat out lie and have no intention at all of leaving, they just say it to appease the ow and keep her the ow as long as possible. Point is.......your mm may well be one of those mm who just couldn't have done it when it came down to it, (I suspect this is so cause of so many previous affairs) but the bad thing for you rosie is it wasn't his choice. His wife made that choice for him. This is going to haunt you rosie, always in the back of your mind. It won't be a easy thing to live with.

 

Also.........please get some empathy for his wife, she isn't going to get over it anytime in the near future and she is angry and is entitled to be. Her whole world has changed and there are many more changes ahead. You can't expect her to get over it in a year or even two years. He cheated on her over and over again and to add insult to injury he kissed (maybe more) her friend. Damn right she is angry! Look at it this way.......how would you feel if you were here because he dumped you and a few months later, someone said rosie get over it, you have no right to be angry. Wouldn't that piss you off? It had took me almost 2 years to get over the affair, rosie, a long marriage is a lot more to get over and be able to move on and let go of the anger. So stop expecting her to be a saint, she isn't, she is a woman who has been badly hurt and has a lot of life changes staring her in the face and 2 kids whose world has forever changed. EMPATHY.........find some, put yourself in her shoes.

 

I understand his wife is upset and I know she has a right to be but I just don't want to get pulled into an argument with her or any argument between them. I want her to keep me out of it and not involve me. It's for them to sort out, not me. She was sending emails for awhile to him and including me in on them and I don't need that. it's not my business, to be honest.

 

I don't expect her to be a saint but I wish sometimes she would be more grownup. She's done some dumb stuff and it causes problems for everyone, even her kids. It's been 8 months since she kicked him out so I think it's time for everyone to start moving on. He isn't going back, they're getting a divorce, it's time to let go of the fact that he cheated on her. It's not going to change and I honestly think that her clinging to that stuff isn't doing her any good.

[rosieisblue]

Honestly from how you've described MM, I don't think you need to worry about this situation with his kids. Just date your MM and see where you are in a year.

 

1) He is ruining his relationship with his children. Texting you while spending time with them is just going to drive a wedge in the father/children relationship further. I predict in a couple of years the kids will not want to visit their father at all. Even by this Christmas he might find them begging their mom to not make them go to their Father's for the holidays.

 

2) He will blame you for his kids not wanting to be around him.

 

3) He will cheat on you.

 

If his wife was willing to take him back, he would go. In a heartbeat. He would still cheat though because he is a serial cheater. He will have OW, OOW, OOOW no matter who he is with because that is who he is. It has nothing to do with the women's physical appearance, their personalities, nor their lifestyle. It has everything to do with him. IT'S WHO HE IS. Hopefully his wife has figured this out.

 

Don't waste your life on him. Don't waste your child bearing years on him.

 

Don't have children with him. Please just don't.

There is no way he would go back and it's not a possibility because she doesn't want him and he doesn't want her. They're completely done except for the details of the divorce.

 

I am not having kids anytime soon so it's not an issue with us right now.

[rosieisblue]

MM is very handsome, charming and women love him.

 

I need to think about this. I really need to think about this.

[MissBee]

I understand his wife is upset and I know she has a right to be but I just don't want to get pulled into an argument with her or any argument between them. I want her to keep me out of it and not involve me. It's for them to sort out, not me. She was sending emails for awhile to him and including me in on them and I don't need that. it's not my business, to be honest.

I don't expect her to be a saint but I wish sometimes she would be more grownup. She's done some dumb stuff and it causes problems for everyone, even her kids. It's been 8 months since she kicked him out so I think it's time for everyone to start moving on. He isn't going back, they're getting a divorce, it's time to let go of the fact that he cheated on her. It's not going to change and I honestly think that her clinging to that stuff isn't doing her any good.

 

Are you serious???? How is ANY of this different from what LG said? I'm sorry but YOU don't get to determine that she should get over the cheating and act grownup. I hope if you get cheated on by your husband or this MM that you also get over it in the nick of time so that he and his OW can be happy. Tens of different people who don't know each other have agreed that your MM is the main one who seems like a child in this saga...the both of you in fact.

 

What kind of dumb stuff does she do? She seems to be the only even-keeled one in this mess. She is no saint, but she seems rather sensible and gracious in handling this, as I assure you I would not be as polite to you as she has been...sorry, but that is the truth.

 

I think you and MM are honestly a better match and seem to be vibing on the same wavelength.I think the wife just won life's lottery. She is upset now and maybe will always be...but hopefully she realizes she has lucked out and starts enjoying herself and her kids. I do agree that she should leave you and MM to it and just focus on what's best for herself and her kids. As awkward said, focus your time and energy on MM and report back in a year...as the situation seems self-correcting and the whole kid thing may prove not to even matter at all.

[MissBee]

double post

[awkward]

My main fear is that he will either go back to his wife or else we won't make no matter what. My fear if I called and told him to focus on his kids is that he would htink I was bailing on him.

 

There is no way he would go back and it's not a possibility because she doesn't want him and he doesn't want her. They're completely done except for the details of the divorce.

 

I am not having kids anytime soon so it's not an issue with us right now.

 

Why is your main fear he will go back if there is no way he would go back?

 

We're not saying don't have kids with him soon, we're saying don't ever have kids with him. Your kids will suffer the same fate as his current kids. The only difference being you knew better.

[woinlove]

I don't expect her to be a saint but I wish sometimes she would be more grownup. She's done some dumb stuff and it causes problems for everyone, even her kids.

 

Wow. Can you think of anything that MM has done that might have caused any problems for his children? Ever wish he were more grownup?

 

If you want grownup and not causing problems for others, maybe you haven't found the right man.

[amaysngrace]

Baggage, oh yeah I got it and it has taken me almost 50 years to get down to the nitty gritty and try to fix myself.

 

I'm sorry to hear of everything you've been through. XO

[rosieisblue]

Why is your main fear he will go back if there is no way he would go back?

 

We're not saying don't have kids with him soon, we're saying don't ever have kids with him. Your kids will suffer the same fate as his current kids. The only difference being you knew better.

 

Ok, I guess what I mean is that there is a little fear in me that he will go back for the kids, for their history, for their long relationship, but he says he is absolutely done, feels nothing for her, has no interest, just wants her to get going with her lie and be happy and find someone new.

 

I'm not thinking about kids at all right now. I'm too young for kids at the moment and it would be too complicated with things the way they are.

 

In the future i want kids but I'm starting to see that he might not be the one to have them with.

[rosieisblue]

Are you serious???? How is ANY of this different from what LG said? I'm sorry but YOU don't get to determine that she should get over the cheating and act grownup. I hope if you get cheated on by your husband or this MM that you also get over it in the nick of time so that he and his OW can be happy. Tens of different people who don't know each other have agreed that your MM is the main one who seems like a child in this saga...the both of you in fact.

 

What kind of dumb stuff does she do? She seems to be the only even-keeled one in this mess. She is no saint, but she seems rather sensible and gracious in handling this, as I assure you I would not be as polite to you as she has been...sorry, but that is the truth.

 

I think you and MM are honestly a better match and seem to be vibing on the same wavelength.I think the wife just won life's lottery. She is upset now and maybe will always be...but hopefully she realizes she has lucked out and starts enjoying herself and her kids. I do agree that she should leave you and MM to it and just focus on what's best for herself and her kids. As awkward said, focus your time and energy on MM and report back in a year...as the situation seems self-correcting and the whole kid thing may prove not to even matter at all.

 

I guess I sounded unfeeling but I didn't mean to. She's done a lot of phone calls (not recently), she or someone around her has posted about me on a cheater website, she's included me in emails I don't need to be included in...it's just been kind of ugly. Now all she does is argue with MM about the settlement but hopefully that will be sorted soon. I guess I just want her to not focus on me or him anymore. Iknow she can't just walk away and forget him because of the kids and it's a difficult situation but hopefully she'll find a way to be happy in the future. I don't want her unhappy, I don't want anyone unhappy.

 

This whole thing is really a mess. It sucks.

[rosieisblue]

Wow. Can you think of anything that MM has done that might have caused any problems for his children? Ever wish he were more grownup?

 

If you want grownup and not causing problems for others, maybe you haven't found the right man.

 

He is grownup with his kids. He makes sure they are taken care of financially and sees them regularly. Yes, him leaving has hurt them a lot and they need to have time to recover but would they be happier having unhappy parents both at home? I don't know if that would be better for them.

 

I think this all happened so quicly that he's been running around trying to make things work and it's been very hard because he had no place to live and when he did it wasn't really a place he could bring the kids until he got his own place so he had to keep going back home to take care of them when she went out and sometimes they'd fight when she got back. It was a very hard breakup for everyone. And tehn I was going through my breakup with my bf and even though it wasan't nearly as dramatic it was still very hard.

 

Everyone got hurt in this, everyone lost something.

[woinlove]

He is grownup with his kids. He makes sure they are taken care of financially and sees them regularly. Yes, him leaving has hurt them a lot and they need to have time to recover but would they be happier having unhappy parents both at home? I don't know if that would be better for them.

 

I think this all happened so quicly that he's been running around trying to make things work and it's been very hard because he had no place to live and when he did it wasn't really a place he could bring the kids until he got his own place so he had to keep going back home to take care of them when she went out and sometimes they'd fight when she got back. It was a very hard breakup for everyone. And tehn I was going through my breakup with my bf and even though it wasan't nearly as dramatic it was still very hard.

 

Everyone got hurt in this, everyone lost something.

 

His children would have been happier if they had a father who had respected his family and didn't bring deception and lies into their home, causing a breakup in one of the most painful ways which will likely stay with them for the rest of their lives. It is possible to divorce with respect and integrity, but this man would never be capable of that unless he changed into a very different person.

 

You say he is a good father but that just seems like words. From everything you write, I would say he is a bad father. A bad father brings deception into his children's home, treats their mother with contempt, looks to their mother's friends and colleagues for ego boosts and sexual strokes, and places his own selfish needs above his chidlrens. He fits the bill and him saying he cares so much about his children only means that he wants to be seen as a good father, but isn't capable of demonstrating the selflessness and responsibility that would actually make him one.

 

Even now, when he doesn't live with his children any more, he can't be fully present for the precious days he spends with them, instead needing his ego continually stroked by you to bolster him during his time with his children. Maybe some day you will see how you excuse his behavior and place blame on his W for reacting to his atrocious behavior. Right now you seem blind to it.

 

You keep saying it happened so quickly. One month he had his W, he had you, he was planning to get together with his party fling, he was kissing his W's friend, flirting with others, and then it all came crashing down and his W tossed him out. He doesn't sound like he has the maturity and self-contentment to be on his own and he focussed on you and managed to pull it off so far.

[truthbetold]

MM is very handsome, charming and women love him.

 

I need to think about this. I really need to think about this.

 

Yes you do Rosie. BC in another 2-5 years when the "new" wears off with you and he's only 45 and another hot body in their 20's starts flirting with him. And he back bc he'll need to know he still has "it" and he gets that familiar rush that cheaters are addicted to and she sends a naked email to him. Then maybe you'll get that cold splash of water we're all trying to warn you to avoid. What goes around Rosie, comes around. Always, in some way. ALWAYS.

[angie2443]

He is grownup with his kids. He makes sure they are taken care of financially and sees them regularly. Yes, him leaving has hurt them a lot and they need to have time to recover but would they be happier having unhappy parents both at home? I don't know if that would be better for them.

 

.

 

There is a lot more to parenting than financially supporting them and spending time with them. Children need someone to teach them how to be healthy adults that function well in society. You sound very, very, naive. I think that was a huge part of MM's attraction to you. Honestly, I find the age dynamic disturbing in this situation. Yes, I know that relationships with huge age differances can make it. What I see more often than not though, is these much older men hooking up with these younger women because the women are less experienced and easiar to manipulate. I find the mentality of these men disgusting. From what you've described about this man, I think him bieng around his children is going to do some harm, regardless if he's with you or not.

[alexandria35]

I understand his wife is upset and I know she has a right to be but I just don't want to get pulled into an argument with her or any argument between them. I want her to keep me out of it and not involve me. It's for them to sort out, not me. She was sending emails for awhile to him and including me in on them and I don't need that. it's not my business, to be honest.

 

I don't expect her to be a saint but I wish sometimes she would be more grownup. She's done some dumb stuff and it causes problems for everyone, even her kids. It's been 8 months since she kicked him out so I think it's time for everyone to start moving on. He isn't going back, they're getting a divorce, it's time to let go of the fact that he cheated on her. It's not going to change and I honestly think that her clinging to that stuff isn't doing her any good.

 

Well I just wrote a long post about the pain and destruction that happened in my family and to my little brothers when my stepfather left and decided to pursue a new romance rather than honor his committment to his sons and his wife. Then my stupid crazy computer suddenly erased everything when I hit the backspace key to correct a spelling. LOL...that's okay my post was too long anyways and Ladygrey and MissB have already posted you long heartfelt stories of their childhoods which had little to no impact on you so no point in telling about my family. I just want to say that I witnessed so much pain, hurt, heartache, anger, and just plain damage when my moms marriage with my stepfather ended. It was just awful and my mom didn't always handle things the best way. She made mistakes, sometimes her pain and anguish over seeing my little brothers lose their stability and their father got the best of her and she would say nasty things or rage at my stepfather. I blame him. No my mother was no saint and did a lot of things wrong but she was coping the best she could under the circumstances. She was left with two little boys while my stepfather was out having the time of his life with his new girlfriend.

 

Rosie when people get married and have children and plan their futures together and one person renegs on their promises and decides to pull the rug out from everyone the damage that causes is something that is just hard to describe. People don't get over things like that in a few months and it usually affects the kids for life. Oh I've seen some people do the seperation and divorce right, where they have really come together to protect their kids and make their emotional health their top priority but that is rare and it certainly doesn't apply to your MM. My mom and my little brothers took years to heal from that destruction. You think his wife and his kids should just get on their merry way and stop making problems for you. Who cares about the promises he made to his wife, who cares about the sons who thought their dad was always going to with them. They should just get over it and stop being a problem. Maybe they should throw you a party and have a parade in your honor because of course everyones main concern should be you and your MM's happiness, even his wife and children should manily be focused on not being any kind of problem for you two.

 

You think she did some dumb things because she or someone close to her posted something about you on a website? LOL...hey did you ever think maybe it was dumb to get involved with a MM? Did it ever occur to you that sending nudie pics to married mans home email is kind of dumb? I don't ever have to worry that someone is going to post my name on a cheaters site or tell everyone that I sent naked photos of myself to a married man because I don't do dumb things like that. Oh but lets not talk about you or your MM and his stupidity. No lets just keep the focus on his wife and blame everything under the sun on her because she is so dumb and so difficult.

 

Rosie I see a lot of people here posting their hearts out trying to get you to reconsider your relationship and save you from heartache and pain. I'm not going to do that. I honestly don't wish pain and unhappiness on anyone but I think you're going to need some of lifes hard knocks before you grow up and become a deeper more insightful person. Right now you are arrogant and shallow. You think you know everything, you think you should be able to dictate how people should react and how they should feel. How long they should be able to hurt and how they should be allowed to express that hurt, but you don't hold yourself or your MM to any of the same standards, so you are also a hyprocrite. Everyone here keeps asking you to have some empathy for his wife but you just don't and I don't think you're going to experience empathy for her or anyone else until you get a good dose of pain yourself. So I say stay with the MM for as long as it takes for you to understand and really see what everyone here is saying. You two are a good match right now, you two are on the same level, you're two peas in a pod and you belong together.

[truthbetold]

Well I just wrote a long post about the pain and destruction that happened in my family and to my little brothers when my stepfather left and decided to pursue a new romance rather than honor his committment to his sons and his wife. Then my stupid crazy computer suddenly erased everything when I hit the backspace key to correct a spelling. LOL...that's okay my post was too long anyways and Ladygrey and MissB have already posted you long heartfelt stories of their childhoods which had little to no impact on you so no point in telling about my family. I just want to say that I witnessed so much pain, hurt, heartache, anger, and just plain damage when my moms marriage with my stepfather ended. It was just awful and my mom didn't always handle things the best way. She made mistakes, sometimes her pain and anguish over seeing my little brothers lose their stability and their father got the best of her and she would say nasty things or rage at my stepfather. I blame him. No my mother was no saint and did a lot of things wrong but she was coping the best she could under the circumstances. She was left with two little boys while my stepfather was out having the time of his life with his new girlfriend.

 

Rosie when people get married and have children and plan their futures together and one person renegs on their promises and decides to pull the rug out from everyone the damage that causes is something that is just hard to describe. People don't get over things like that in a few months and it usually affects the kids for life. Oh I've seen some people do the seperation and divorce right, where they have really come together to protect their kids and make their emotional health their top priority but that is rare and it certainly doesn't apply to your MM. My mom and my little brothers took years to heal from that destruction. You think his wife and his kids should just get on their merry way and stop making problems for you. Who cares about the promises he made to his wife, who cares about the sons who thought their dad was always going to with them. They should just get over it and stop being a problem. Maybe they should throw you a party and have a parade in your honor because of course everyones main concern should be you and your MM's happiness, even his wife and children should manily be focused on not being any kind of problem for you two.

 

You think she did some dumb things because she or someone close to her posted something about you on a website? LOL...hey did you ever think maybe it was dumb to get involved with a MM? Did it ever occur to you that sending nudie pics to married mans home email is kind of dumb? I don't ever have to worry that someone is going to post my name on a cheaters site or tell everyone that I sent naked photos of myself to a married man because I don't do dumb things like that. Oh but lets not talk about you or your MM and his stupidity. No lets just keep the focus on his wife and blame everything under the sun on her because she is so dumb and so difficult.

 

Rosie I see a lot of people here posting their hearts out trying to get you to reconsider your relationship and save you from heartache and pain. I'm not going to do that. I honestly don't wish pain and unhappiness on anyone but I think you're going to need some of lifes hard knocks before you grow up and become a deeper more insightful person. Right now you are arrogant and shallow. You think you know everything, you think you should be able to dictate how people should react and how they should feel. How long they should be able to hurt and how they should be allowed to express that hurt, but you don't hold yourself or your MM to any of the same standards, so you are also a hyprocrite. Everyone here keeps asking you to have some empathy for his wife but you just don't and I don't think you're going to experience empathy for her or anyone else until you get a good dose of pain yourself. So I say stay with the MM for as long as it takes for you to understand and really see what everyone here is saying. You two are a good match right now, you two are on the same level, you're two peas in a pod and you belong together.

 

Absolutely freaking beautiful!!! Cosign x100 Brilliant, really EVERY.WORD

[angie2443]

 

You say he is a good father but that just seems like words. From everything you write, I would say he is a bad father. A bad father brings deception into his children's home, treats their mother with contempt, looks to their mother's friends and colleagues for ego boosts and sexual strokes, and places his own selfish needs above his chidlrens. He fits the bill and him saying he cares so much about his children only means that he wants to be seen as a good father, but isn't capable of demonstrating the selflessness and responsibility that would actually make him one.

 

.

 

This is so true, especially the bolded part. The only part that I disagree with is that this man isn't capable of bieng a responsible partner. I think people like this simply don't want to give up the time and energy it takes to be responsible, so they choose not to. It's much more fun to play phone texting on the cell phone and sneak away for secret meetings with their "play friends", than to sit down and help their child with homework, teach their child how to take responsibility for their actions, or help clean the house.

[dreamingoftigers]

 

I understand she's been close to his family but she's not in the family anymore. They're divorcing. Doesn't she need to back off a bit to make room for me? What happens at birthday parties for nephews or whatever? We can't all be there togetehr so what happens? She's close to his sisters and has been for a long time and that probably won't change but still, it's really weird because how do I have a relationship with them? I don't know that she's said anything to them but since their close I think she might have.

 

Crap.

 

This is absurd. Why should the mother of the grandchildren abdicate her 20 year relationships with his family for what could easily be the flavor of the month?

 

This isn't just "his" family anymore. When they married it became "their" family. They might be terminating their marriage, but that does not (in the majority of cases) mean that the abused party has to skink away and live jn some cave for the ow to have her glory shine at birthday parties!

 

Those nieces and nephews know her as their aunt. She will always be their aunt. You will at best be their "new aunt." and yes, his sisters probably knew what a tool he had to women before they got married. No one is shocked here I'm betting.

 

Even in my grandfathers case, his family (brothers and sisters and such) do the family reunions. My grandmother is always invited. So always has been. As well as Pearl who is another cast-off wife of a brother of his (there's 8 brothers and sisters, before they started dying anyways). My grandfather has been to a couple of these. He's NEVER brought the ow. He doesn't dare. And he's a narcissist. The ow doesn't really want to pop up either. It'd be uncomfortable. To tell the truth, I don't think they've ever met. My grandfather has been with her since the 70s.

 

The stigma is still there, granted I find it a little over-the-top but it is what it is. (on a completely unrelated note she gets very drunk and VERY shrieky, we had a "break room" at my aunt's house when she came to visit because her voice was echoing through people's heads. I've never experienced anything like it. Although it was amusing (in a detached way) to watch her with her shrieky voice and my grandfather completely hammered saying, "shut up A." he was so loaded though he could barely articulate it and she couldn't hear him anyways. I hope that those genes are recessive.)

[alexandria35]

This is absurd. Why should the mother of the grandchildren abdicate her 20 year relationships with his family for what could easily be the flavor of the month?

 

This isn't just "his" family anymore. When they married it became "their" family. They might be terminating their marriage, but that does not (in the majority of cases) mean that the abused party has to skink away and live jn some cave for the ow to have her glory shine at birthday parties!

 

Those nieces and nephews know her as their aunt. She will always be their aunt. You will at best be their "new aunt." and yes, his sisters probably knew what a tool he had to women before they got married. No one is shocked here I'm betting.

 

Even in my grandfathers case, his family (brothers and sisters and such) do the family reunions. My grandmother is always invited. So always has been. As well as Pearl who is another cast-off wife of a brother of his (there's 8 brothers and sisters, before they started dying anyways). My grandfather has been to a couple of these. He's NEVER brought the ow. He doesn't dare. And he's a narcissist. The ow doesn't really want to pop up either. It'd be uncomfortable. To tell the truth, I don't think they've ever met. My grandfather has been with her since the 70s.

 

The stigma is still there, granted I find it a little over-the-top but it is what it is. (on a completely unrelated note she gets very drunk and VERY shrieky, we had a "break room" at my aunt's house when she came to visit because her voice was echoing through people's heads. I've never experienced anything like it. Although it was amusing (in a detached way) to watch her with her shrieky voice and my grandfather completely hammered saying, "shut up A." he was so loaded though he could barely articulate it and she couldn't hear him anyways. I hope that those genes are recessive.)

 

LOL..dreaming I've read your posts about your family and I wish I could meet them, they sound like such a good time...lol. I wouldn't want to be in your family, I just wanna hang out with them...roflmao...Seriously I love your stories about them.

 

But I agree with you. My oldest son is married with small children and I simply adore them. If he divorced and took up with another woman that would be his business and his life, but he better not expect me to cut ties with his wife. She is one of our family and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so if my son and her divorced I would probably work even harder to maintain a good strong relationship with her.

[rosieisblue]

I'm going to break up with him. I can't do this. I'm done. I want a normal life. This is too much, too crazy, I do not want to live this way.

[MissBee]

This is absurd. Why should the mother of the grandchildren abdicate her 20 year relationships with his family for what could easily be the flavor of the month?

This isn't just "his" family anymore. When they married it became "their" family. They might be terminating their marriage, but that does not (in the majority of cases) mean that the abused party has to skink away and live jn some cave for the ow to have her glory shine at birthday parties!

 

Those nieces and nephews know her as their aunt. She will always be their aunt. You will at best be their "new aunt." and yes, his sisters probably knew what a tool he had to women before they got married. No one is shocked here I'm betting.

 

 

 

Ditto. The expectation that all of a sudden the stbxW should just disappear (even before the divorce is final) and everyone welcome Rosie in, as though it were simply a matter of formally changing officers is nuts As you said, when you marry, especially for a while, you are part of the family. You and your mother in law and father in law often have the same last names, your kids are their blood. They have grown accustomed to you and this relationship does not simply evaporate upon divorce, worse yet, most families won't shun the BS so that they can have a welcome parade for the OW. She will always be a part of the family, especially because of the kids....

 

Maybe you should have a baby with him too Rosie to guarantee your role and maybe they'd be forced to embrace you then. (I am totally kidding).

 

Anyway MM is a packaged deal. Plain and simple. You signed up for a man with kids and a stbxW who may always be around and a family who may or may not come around. That's the deal. You take it or leave it Rosie. But wishing that the family will shun the BS and embrace you, wishing the stbxW will just get over it so you can be happy, wishing the kids will just like you etc are all only wishes...wishes with no basis in how people really respond and how things really work.

[carhill]

A middle ground could be, as I suggested far prior, to suspend contact with MM while he is on vacation and meet with an IC in the interim. Call a few. They always have cancellations if you're flexible. One or two sessions could help with clarity if you target this issue specifically. Then, 'decide' for sure when he returns and you meet with him in person.

[beachbabe82]

I understand his wife is upset and I know she has a right to be but I just don't want to get pulled into an argument with her or any argument between them. I want her to keep me out of it and not involve me. It's for them to sort out, not me. She was sending emails for awhile to him and including me in on them and I don't need that. it's not my business, to be honest.

 

I don't expect her to be a saint but I wish sometimes she would be more grownup. She's done some dumb stuff and it causes problems for everyone, even her kids. It's been 8 months since she kicked him out so I think it's time for everyone to start moving on. He isn't going back, they're getting a divorce, it's time to let go of the fact that he cheated on her. It's not going to change and I honestly think that her clinging to that stuff isn't doing her any good.

 

Babes, sending nude pictures was not very grown up of you to do!! You have to be smarter than that!!!!!

 

You inserted yourself into their marriage by messing around with someone who already had a spouse. You can't moan and cry now...you chose this. Just like I did

Edited July 8, 2012 by beachbabe82