He's on vacation with his kids

[rosieisblue]

Your relationship with him will never be that way, not for a long LONG time. He is a package deal with his kids. When you have an affair with someone who has children, this is how it is. And there's always an ex - Who WILL be in his life forever because of their kids.

 

You are jumping too far ahead, deal with the now and today first.

Don't expect to be 'bestfriends' with his sister. Just hope that they want to get to know and go from there.

 

I'm doubting your decision that you are going to end it. You're freaking out and instead of communciating your fears and concerns you want to run away. Just like how he handles things, instead of talking and sorting stuff out, he cheats.

 

I am freaking out a bit because it seems like it's going to take so long to get to a normal place. I'm not running, I'm just trying to figure out if I've got what it takes to get through the tough times ahead.

 

 

No you wouldn't. After being married to someone for so long, MOST want to fight for their marriage, all that they've worked for. Not too many walk away without a fight. Some people can and want to forgive, those with big hearts and have faith.

 

But why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't love them, who doesn't want them? wouldn't it be better to walk away with dignity?

 

If you want a normal life, a family of your own without the baggage, then yes, end it with him. Otherwise accept what you have and learn to go with the flow, learn to tolerate certain things (his wife being around at times because of their kids) and do your best to make it work.

 

That's what I'm trying to figure out-if I want to have a family without all the complications and if it' worth it.

 

This is why when one gets kicked out of the house (doesn't leave first) and then tries to build a new life with someone else so quickly, especially in A's like yours, it rarely works out.

I don't know what to think about this. The boss at work left his wife for a younger woman at work and they've just had a baby adn seem very happy. His ex wife hates him, though

 

 

 

I need to figure this out. I need to talk to him when he gets back. We only have a few days before he has the kids again for a week so it's going to be intense, I think.

[rosieisblue]

OP, let me get this straight:

 

On July 5 page one of the thread, you are complaining because your MM's children don't like you because you broke up their parents' marriage. This is supposedly an issue for you because you envision a life-long future with this man and want his kids to be part of that....

 

But by July 9 now you are about to end the relationship?

 

Do you realize how emotionally unstable you are?

 

Think about it. From life long commitment to MM and his kids on July 5, to wanting to break up with him on July 9.

 

The kids don't just hate you because you helped break up their parents' marriage.

 

They recognize that both you and their dad are emotionally unstable, that you were just a temporary girlfriend to their father, that you have no business being in their lives, and that you are completely unreliable as someone in whom they should place any emotional trust.

 

Let's face it, you're an OW to their cheating father, you're completely selfish, you don't care about anyone but yourself, which is why you got involved with a married man with adolescent children in the first place.

 

Your entire thread is all about me me me which is very typical for someone in your position.

 

Your life is a trainwreck, you helped make your MM's family life a trainwreck, now he is taking them on vacations when he can't afford to because the fantasy affair is blown out of the water and he is desperate because he may lose a lot of access to them in a divorce, he is trying to bribe them with the vacation.

 

What you really need to do is go completely NC with this guy and his entire family, forever, get out of any relationships, and get therapy for yourself.

 

You have absolutely no business criticizing these kids or your MM or his wife or anyone else for how they choose to run their lives, you're a complete mess who can't even intelligently manage your own.

 

My life is a trainwreck right now and I want it to stop being this way. He could afford this vacation with the kids but he can't afford the one she wants him to send her and the kids on. It's too much money and he thinks she should pay for it out of her own money that he gives her.

 

I'm not criticizing the kids. I understand their pain because I was there myself once, even though I was older when it happened to my family. I guess I do criticize her but I think it's because she has made things more difficult for us and maybe that's selfish of me. It's just she's so nasty to him and sometimes to me that it hurts.

[rosieisblue]

oh and he never left her before because she never threw him out before. he didn't leave. he got tossed out. He supposedly was unhappy for ten plus years but never left? Think about it.

 

He says he never thought about leaving before because he never fell in love before. This time, with me, he fell in love so wanted to leave and be with me. We were both with partners, though, so we were taking our time in doing it. It was a shock when she found out and kicked him out. I never thought it would happen that way.

[woinlove]

My life is a trainwreck right now and I want it to stop being this way. He could afford this vacation with the kids but he can't afford the one she wants him to send her and the kids on. It's too much money and he thinks she should pay for it out of her own money that he gives her.

 

I'm not criticizing the kids. I understand their pain because I was there myself once, even though I was older when it happened to my family. I guess I do criticize her but I think it's because she has made things more difficult for us and maybe that's selfish of me. It's just she's so nasty to him and sometimes to me that it hurts.

 

It was MM that made things more difficult for you by pursuing you while he was married and lying to his family. His actions caused problems with his family and you. Had he been free to pursue and commit to you, you would not be having these problems. So it is on him and his decisions and actions, not on his family.

 

As to what he is willing to pay for with his children, likely lawyers will sort that out, but perhaps not soon enough. It seems unfair that he is going back on a planned vacation for his children, but it doesn't surprise me because all his actions sound very selfish and he doesn't seem capable of putting his children first. Given all the turmoil his children and their mother have faced due to his actions, a vacation together would likely be very good for them. Don't expect MM to see that though, because he is too focussed on himself.

[rosieisblue]

The trip she wants him to pay for was being planned in the weeks leading up to dday. After dday he told her to go on it anyway but then the money reality hit and he can't afford it. She seems to think she should still have that trip, which was supposed to be this summer.

 

I don't know, that should be between them, really, not me.

 

I'm just owrried all this fighting is going to go on forever. I don't know why he still listens to her when she rages. He can't stand her, thinks she's trying to shake him down for more money when they're already reaching an agreement more or less.

[rosieisblue]

Ok, I'm young and I had a young bf and he ending up leaving me bored. So I give up love for a 'normal' relationship? I just don't now if I'll be able to stop loving him. Eery time I've broken up wiht him he lures me back in with his declarations of love and that we can make it work.

[Owl]

Ok, I'm young and I had a young bf and he ending up leaving me bored. So I give up love for a 'normal' relationship? I just don't now if I'll be able to stop loving him. Eery time I've broken up wiht him he lures me back in with his declarations of love and that we can make it work.

 

Who is the "him" that you're referring to here?

 

BF, or MM?

[dreamingoftigers]

So instead on honouring the agreement of the planned vacation, he gets to go on two.

 

Instead of sacrificing one of his own vacations (including one with his new girlfriend), you guys get to go play.

 

Yeah, she's being a total bitch.

[rosieisblue]

Sorry, don't know if I can stop loving MM. BF is just a nice guy who shared my early twenties with me. I am fond of him still, just don't have that passion and spark that I have with MM:

[rosieisblue]

So instead on honouring the agreement of the planned vacation, he gets to go on two.

 

Instead of sacrificing one of his own vacations (including one with his new girlfriend), you guys get to go play.

 

Yeah, she's being a total bitch.

 

But that was 7 or 8 months ago, in the heat of dday, when I was still with my BF. He didn't know that there would be so little money left over. Our vacation is being paid for by both of us.

 

I don't think she's a bitch but he gave the kids a really great 1 1/2 week vacation and she's taking them for a couple of days on another one but the one she wants, the big one they were supposed to take as a family, is really, really expensive and he just does not have the money.

[PhoenixRise]

But that was 7 or 8 months ago, in the heat of dday, when I was still with my BF. He didn't know that there would be so little money left over. Our vacation is being paid for by both of us.

 

I don't think she's a bitch but he gave the kids a really great 1 1/2 week vacation and she's taking them for a couple of days on another one but the one she wants, the big one they were supposed to take as a family, is really, really expensive and he just does not have the money.

 

 

Did the kids know about this big family trip that was being planned Rosie?

 

Were the kids excited about the trip?

 

 

This mother is looking at her children who have already lost so much, who are already dealing with so much, who are already losing their home, who have already suffered so much pain due to their father's actions.

 

It is pissing her off to have to disappoint them. I would be mad about it too.

 

Their father should put their needs first and cancel his vacation with you so he can afford to send them on the trip he promised them.

 

IF you and he are in it for the long haul you have plenty of time for trips and vacations together. Right now the kids needs should come first.

[rosieisblue]

Did the kids know about this big family trip that was being planned Rosie?

 

Were the kids excited about the trip?

 

 

This mother is looking at her children who have already lost so much, who are already dealing with so much, who are already losing their home, who have already suffered so much pain due to their father's actions.

 

It is pissing her off to have to disappoint them. I would be mad about it too.

 

Their father should put their needs first and cancel his vacation with you so he can afford to send them on the trip he promised them.

 

IF you and he are in it for the long haul you have plenty of time for trips and vacations together. Right now the kids needs should come first.

 

Yes, the kids knew. They were planning on going to a place where they used to live and had friends but it's far away and costs an enormous amount of money just to fly there.

 

We can't cancel our vacation now or we lose all the money. And she hadn't really brought this up until recently and seems to be angry that he had this trip with teh kids. She could have saved her money and given them a trip. Plus, once they sell the home there will be more money available and she could do it later.

 

I understand she wants teh kids to have things but they got this great trip with him already and they've had a good time.

 

I don't know. This is the stuff I just don't know if I want to deal with.

[rosieisblue]

Rosie:

 

If you ever live with MM or even marry him you must accept that a huge chunk of the income will continue to go to the kids, their home, college, and alimony payments. This is a very long marathon race. The finances of the two of you will always be affected by his ex wife and kids.

 

Rosie: Your ex BF was not charming and smooth. The single men cannot compete with the charm of a seasoned MM. Furthermore, single guys have all the single women of the world available to them whereas MM only have the women that are willing to compromise and date a taken man. Therefore, MM needs to be more attentive and charming when they find a woman that is willing to compromise.

 

But, there is more. At some level MM knows his relationship with you is harmful to you, but nevertheless, he will beg you to stay with him because that is the nature of being selfish. If you end up childless and with a crappy relationship where there is little money that is your problem. MM is not thinking about your wellbeing.

 

I accept that a lot of money will go to the kids for a long time and am prepared for that part but I guess it feels like she's trying to get every little thing she can out of him and then gets pissed when he doesn't cave. And then starts throwing his affairs in his face if he doesn't give in.

 

He is very charming and my bf is around my age so probalby not as charming and smooth but what went wrong with us was that we wanted different things: he wanted more of a home based life, he was working a lot and didn't want to do anything. I'm young, I want to travel, see the world, go out, have a good time AND ahve the home life.

 

I don't think MM isn't thinking about me or my well-being, I think he cares very much for me and wants to protect me from all of this. He doesn't want me hurt or upset and does everything he can to assure me and make sure I feel loved.

 

****, crap, crap...I just don't know what to do. You all seem so sure that he will cheat or do something else to make my life bad but really?

 

And this whole vacation thing. Why am I even being brought into this discussion? This is between them!

[alexandria35]

But why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't love them, who doesn't want them? wouldn't it be better to walk away with dignity?

 

Rosie you know it's unlikely that he has no love for her. After 20 plus years I'm pretty sure she has a piece of his heart and he loves her (crappy dysfunctional love though it is). I'm sure it's not the hot sexy romantic love that he has with you, afterall that's pretty hard to sustain in a longterm relationship after kids, finances, work, and normal family ups and downs. I'm also sure nothing about his actions or attitude appears like love for her right now either. He is a pretty selfish self centered guy and her fighting him for herself and fighting for her children is pissing him off at the moment. Like you he has some fantasy where she should just kiss him goodbye and smile at his newfound happiness and then make sure she and the kids are never ever a problem for him or for you. So yeah, he's pissed because he isn't running the show and she is standing up for herself but someday this will all be worked out, she will move on and likely find herself a much better man then him. When all the storm passes and dies down he'll likely realize that he still loves her, because unless you're some kind of psychopath you really can't just toss one person away and replace them with someone new. He has a long history with her, he has many many memories with her, and those things just don't go away because one leaves and finds another. When my stepfather and my mother were going through their divorce much of the time the only emotion one could see was pure hate. But in the end, once it was all said and done, I know he still loved my mother. I'm not saying he didn't love his new wife, I'm sure he loved her too (again in the twisted dyfunctional way that he loved) but that didn't take away from the fact that he and my mother had a lifetime together that had nothing to do with his new wife.

 

As for the vacation that he promised his wife and kids and that he's now reneging on because he likes to go back on his word, why can't he come to some sort of compromise with her. Maybe help her take a vacation that isn't quite as elaborate or expensive as one they initially planned or maybe something a little shorter? If this is something they planned together and the kids knew about it then I don't blame her for being pissed that now he's saying "too bad so sad, I'm taking MY vacations and you guys can suck lemons"

[rosieisblue]

Rosie you know it's unlikely that he has no love for her. After 20 plus years I'm pretty sure she has a piece of his heart and he loves her (crappy dysfunctional love though it is). I'm sure it's not the hot sexy romantic love that he has with you, afterall that's pretty hard to sustain in a longterm relationship after kids, finances, work, and normal family ups and downs. I'm also sure nothing about his actions or attitude appears like love for her right now either. He is a pretty selfish self centered guy and her fighting him for herself and fighting for her children is pissing him off at the moment. Like you he has some fantasy where she should just kiss him goodbye and smile at his newfound happiness and then make sure she and the kids are never ever a problem for him or for you. So yeah, he's pissed because he isn't running the show and she is standing up for herself but someday this will all be worked out, she will move on and likely find herself a much better man then him. When all the storm passes and dies down he'll likely realize that he still loves her, because unless you're some kind of psychopath you really can't just toss one person away and replace them with someone new. He has a long history with her, he has many many memories with her, and those things just don't go away because one leaves and finds another. When my stepfather and my mother were going through their divorce much of the time the only emotion one could see was pure hate. But in the end, once it was all said and done, I know he still loved my mother. I'm not saying he didn't love his new wife, I'm sure he loved her too (again in the twisted dyfunctional way that he loved) but that didn't take away from the fact that he and my mother had a lifetime together that had nothing to do with his new wife.

 

As for the vacation that he promised his wife and kids and that he's now reneging on because he likes to go back on his word, why can't he come to some sort of compromise with her. Maybe help her take a vacation that isn't quite as elaborate or expensive as one they initially planned or maybe something a little shorter? If this is something they planned together and the kids knew about it then I don't blame her for being pissed that now he's saying "too bad so sad, I'm taking MY vacations and you guys can suck lemons"

 

I don't think he loves her at all. In fact, he says he hates her. He get very, very angry with her and sometimes I think he's going to have a stroke or something.

 

I am going to stay out of their vacation argument. It's not my business and anymoney issues right now are between them.

 

I understand they have a history but his view is that her anger and rage has taken the whole thing and hammered it to dust. She says everything has been ruined by finding out about his affairs and can't see that there was good in it as well. As he says they had nearly 20 good years so why can't they remember that and move on instead of destroying all those good memories?

[alexandria35]

I accept that a lot of money will go to the kids for a long time and am prepared for that part but I guess it feels like she's trying to get every little thing she can out of him and then gets pissed when he doesn't cave. And then starts throwing his affairs in his face if he doesn't give in.

 

He is very charming and my bf is around my age so probalby not as charming and smooth but what went wrong with us was that we wanted different things: he wanted more of a home based life, he was working a lot and didn't want to do anything. I'm young, I want to travel, see the world, go out, have a good time AND ahve the home life.

 

I don't think MM isn't thinking about me or my well-being, I think he cares very much for me and wants to protect me from all of this. He doesn't want me hurt or upset and does everything he can to assure me and make sure I feel loved.

 

****, crap, crap...I just don't know what to do. You all seem so sure that he will cheat or do something else to make my life bad but really?

 

And this whole vacation thing. Why am I even being brought into this discussion? This is between them!

 

You are really very confusing. How the hell does you're MM who has children that he is going to be paying for maybe the next decade figure into your plans of travelling, having fun and seeing the world? And how exactly is the MM less boring than your boyfriend? Because I've not really seen a difference from reading your posts. You've mentioned a few times that your boyfriend liked staying home and that made him boring, but I've also seen you say the very same thing about your MM. He is mellow, he likes dinners at home, he has 2 friends that he sees maybe once a month and now apparently he's not going to have much money either, but he is exciting and your bf is boring. I think what happened is that you lived with your boyfriend, saw him every evening and morning and that got stale for you, but since you don't live with your MM it's still very much like dating. Add to that the whole breaking up his marriage, fighting with his wife, dealing with his kids hatred of you, trying to wiggle your way into his family while pushing his wife aside and I can see how you find this all very exciting. But if every thing were to go the way you want it to, then one day you two will live together, his kids will be visiting on the weekends and maybe throughout the week too, and much of your life will be go to work, come home, deal with dinner, laundry, dishes, figure out the budget while being sure to include all that child support, go to bed and then get up and do it all again the next day. You two will be just like any other married couple except your fights over the kids wont' even be over your kids. I just don't get how this is going to be any less boring than what you had with your bf and how you are picturing yourself traveling and seeing the world while also tying yourself down to a guy with kids and no money.

[alexandria35]

Ahhh..so he says he hates her, but hate is not the opposite of love. When I really truly don't care about a person then I simply can't be bothered to expend any of my emotions on that person at all, not even hate. When I think back over my past relationships, the times I raged and felt hate were at the people I cared about the most because they were the ones that had the greatest ability to hurt me, because hate and rage and anger usually comes from hurt and loss. If I were to meet a guy now who was still embroiled in some sort of emotional battle with an ex I would see that as a huge red flag and totally back away from him as it would only signal to me that he is still emotionally attached in some way to the ex.

[jwi71]

I don't think he loves her at all. In fact, he says he hates her. He get very, very angry with her and sometimes I think he's going to have a stroke or something.

 

This is all the evidence you need that he still has feelings, likely strong ones, for her. You don't get this angry UNLESS the other person (in this case his stbxw) still holds part of you.

 

Look at it this way...do you get this angry when someone cuts you off on the road? No. Yes, partly because getting cut off isnt such a massive life event but also because the other person means nothing to you.

 

When your MM lets go you'll know - he will simply stop caring and approach interactions with the stbxw as if she were a business partner or client.

 

And he's not there yet. Time frame: at least 18 months, perhaps longer.

 

I am going to stay out of their vacation argument. It's not my business and anymoney issues right now are between them.

 

Yes. And avoid talking about his D as well. That's his to sort out so let him.

In fact, if he comes whining/complaining to you about it - stop him. He's 40 and perfectly capable of navigating this on his own. IF he needs support, he can call his friends. Lets face it, YOU are not the best person for him to seek D advice from because you are the OW.

 

I understand they have a history but his view is that her anger and rage has taken the whole thing and hammered it to dust. She says everything has been ruined by finding out about his affairs and can't see that there was good in it as well.

 

Heres the thing RiB, all those A's INVALIDATE her life as she knew it. She is now, questioning her ENTIRE M. What was real? What was fake? Did he ever love me?

 

You have yet to demonstrate this here online, but can you imagine living 20 years with a man, have children with him only to find out one day he had multiple A's? That he told them he loved them, spent money on them, spent time on them when he could have spent that time/money on you?

 

It hurts. Deeply.

It also tends to piss one off.

 

And...one last thing...SHE didn't hammer anything into dust, HE did.

 

As he says they had nearly 20 good years so why can't they remember that and move on instead of destroying all those good memories?

 

I can almost understand your callous behavior towards the xW...but can you excuse HIS? For twenty years he lied and betrayed her and now he expects her to just "get over it".

 

If he can treat HER like that....how do you think he will treat you when the honeymoon phase ends?

 

Stay out of his D.

Avoid the children for now.

Encourage him to get IC.

Leave yourself an "out" if this R goes bad with him.

[rosieisblue]

Rosie:

 

No one can predict the future. Maybe this will be the last affair in his life and he will never cheat again. That is a possibility. However, one needs to look at the track record and the red flags and make a decision.

 

Folks in love decide with their genitals and do not use the brain. Hopefully you can be the exception.

 

BTW, you are comparing NEW exciting romance (MM) with the old established calm pattern of an older relationship (BF). We all know that NEW romance seems way more exciting, however, all NEW romance becomes OLD. You must have this into consideration before making plans.

 

It is quite possible your old BF was a much more stable and nicer man, but once he reached the phase of calmness in the relationship you became frustrated because you wanted more. This is very typical of men and women that need external validation to be happy. I beg you to seek IC.

 

This article from Psychology Today may be useful: What your MM is doing has been done a million times and outcomes are sometimes predictable.

 

Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity | Psychology Today

 

 

That article is frightening. But I can't figure out which one I am or which one he is. Yes, he's cheated before but he never fell in love with an affair partner before. I've never cheated at all before so I guess this one is a romantic one for me.

 

I am nervous as anything about him coming back. I just am all screwed up and am unsure about what to do or where this is going or if it can even work. Or if it's worth it.

[whichwayisup]

I am nervous as anything about him coming back. I just am all screwed up and am unsure about what to do or where this is going or if it can even work. Or if it's worth it.

 

Tell him this exactly!

 

Let him know that YOU need time to think and decide what you want. This way he can divorce and do whatever he needs to do reguardless of you being in his life. If they truly are going to divorce it won't make a difference if you're waiting in the wings or not. Right? The D will still happen. If it doesn't happen and he chooses not to, then you'll know what's what.

 

In the meantime, try focussing on yourself and your own life. Your family, friends and hobbies.. Stop making him your first priority and put yourself FIRST.

[Spark1111]

Rosie:

 

No one can predict the future. Maybe this will be the last affair in his life and he will never cheat again. That is a possibility. However, one needs to look at the track record and the red flags and make a decision.

 

Folks in love decide with their genitals and do not use the brain. Hopefully you can be the exception.

 

BTW, you are comparing NEW exciting romance (MM) with the old established calm pattern of an older relationship (BF). We all know that NEW romance seems way more exciting, however, all NEW romance becomes OLD. You must have this into consideration before making plans.

 

It is quite possible your old BF was a much more stable and nicer man, but once he reached the phase of calmness in the relationship you became frustrated because you wanted more. This is very typical of men and women that need external validation to be happy. I beg you to seek IC.

 

This article from Psychology Today may be useful: What your MM is doing has been done a million times and outcomes are sometimes predictable.

 

Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity | Psychology Today

 

Great advice!

 

And thanks for including what I found to be, hands down, one of the best articles written on infidelity.

 

Love Dr. Frank Pittman and ALL his books, especially the one excerpted here!

[rosieisblue]

This is all the evidence you need that he still has feelings, likely strong ones, for her. You don't get this angry UNLESS the other person (in this case his stbxw) still holds part of you.

 

Look at it this way...do you get this angry when someone cuts you off on the road? No. Yes, partly because getting cut off isnt such a massive life event but also because the other person means nothing to you.

 

When your MM lets go you'll know - he will simply stop caring and approach interactions with the stbxw as if she were a business partner or client.

 

And he's not there yet. Time frame: at least 18 months, perhaps longer.

 

 

 

Yes. And avoid talking about his D as well. That's his to sort out so let him.

In fact, if he comes whining/complaining to you about it - stop him. He's 40 and perfectly capable of navigating this on his own. IF he needs support, he can call his friends. Lets face it, YOU are not the best person for him to seek D advice from because you are the OW.

 

 

 

Heres the thing RiB, all those A's INVALIDATE her life as she knew it. She is now, questioning her ENTIRE M. What was real? What was fake? Did he ever love me?

 

You have yet to demonstrate this here online, but can you imagine living 20 years with a man, have children with him only to find out one day he had multiple A's? That he told them he loved them, spent money on them, spent time on them when he could have spent that time/money on you?

 

It hurts. Deeply.

It also tends to piss one off.

 

And...one last thing...SHE didn't hammer anything into dust, HE did.

 

 

 

I can almost understand your callous behavior towards the xW...but can you excuse HIS? For twenty years he lied and betrayed her and now he expects her to just "get over it".

 

If he can treat HER like that....how do you think he will treat you when the honeymoon phase ends?

 

Stay out of his D.

Avoid the children for now.

Encourage him to get IC.

Leave yourself an "out" if this R goes bad with him.

 

I plan on staying out of the D and anything else to do with her. That's his business. But him hating her means he still has feelings? He really hates her, thinks she has ruined his reputation by telling people about the affair (I don't think she's told many about the other affairs for some reason) and that she has behaved really badly during this. He says he doesn't know who she is anymore, she's not the same person and he never expected her to be so mean and nasty and vindictive about everything.

 

I understand that this has been very difficult for her because it's a long relationship with children but I still think she should keep her dignity by just dealing. If someone doesn't love you you shouldn't make a fool of yourself.

 

And maybe he did hammer it to death with his affairs and that hurts her a lot but still, isn't it best to make a good future for herself and her kids? That's all he wants her to do: gain her independence and make a happy life for herself and he thinks she expects to keep relying on him to make her future for her.

[whichwayisup]

that she has behaved really badly during this. He says he doesn't know who she is anymore, she's not the same person and he never expected her to be so mean and nasty and vindictive about everything.

 

HE DID THIS TO HER. God, what does he (and you) expect her to do and how to feel/react? To just suck it up, hand him over to you and everything is fine? Not say a word and be nice about it all? LIFE doesn't work that way.

 

You two had an affair and got busted. ON THEIR SON'S 13th birthday!!

Affairs devastate families, tear them apart.

[rosieisblue]

Rosie:

 

This experience is NEW to you. However, this act has been repeated a zillion times in the past by other folks. Therefore, some predictions can be made.

 

Let me ask you one more question:

 

If you had a daughter. Would you advice her to do what you are doing now with MM? The key here is that you are a very young woman with an entire lifetime ahead of you. If you were 50 and already had a failed marriage and grown kids and decided to be an OW, no big deal.

 

But, to be an OW as a young woman and to then end up with all the mess of a MM is rather insane for a young woman.

 

I would tell her to do what made her happy. The thing is, he makes me happy and I feel so special with him. It's all the other stuff that makes it miserable.

[rosieisblue]

HE DID THIS TO HER. God, what does he (and you) expect her to do and how to feel/react? To just suck it up, hand him over to you and everything is fine? Not say a word and be nice about it all? LIFE doesn't work that way.

 

You two had an affair and got busted. ON THEIR SON'S 13th birthday!!

Affairs devastate families, tear them apart.

 

I understood when it first happened that it would be diffficult and ugly at times but now it's been 8 months and I would htink things would settle down. In some ways they have, as they're finally moving towards D but in other ways she just keeps stirring up trouble with her demands.

 

I just want them to sort out their settlement and then everyone can let go.

 

I don't expect her to hand him over to me, he was already gone before she found out. He told her right away, when she discovered the texts, that he had feelings for me and it was big.

 

Iknow that affairs can be horrible and very hard for families but we can't change what happened, we can't get in a time machine and change our choices. We can only deal with what we have right now, which is our love for each other and a lot of angry, pissed off people