He's on vacation with his kids

[rosieisblue]

But Rosie...

 

Your boyfriend was someone you dated for 4/5 years. Your MM is someone you've had an affair with for 5 months then an out in the open R for 7 months.

 

Didn't you have spark and passion with your bf initially too? You said it was only the last 6 months with your bf that you became bored. So it took you over the 3 year mark to grow tired.

 

Don't you at least think it is a possibility that you haven't known MM for that long. You still feel like the OW. The excitement passion and drama are thus at an all time high...but at some point...like at the 3 year plus mark, you'd probably be tired of him too?

 

How is the start of this relationship any different than your past one? Except for the immense drama?

 

I guess I was thinking that it could last with MM because it ha been so intense and so special and not like anything I've ever experienced.

[dreamingoftigers]

That's what my relationship with my husband started off like as well. He's a cheater. The intensity is a pretty dead giveaway to me now.

 

Relationships are meant to be peaceful and nurturing not super-intense all about ME. He made me feel like I was SO SPECIAL and that I MADE HIM HAPPY.

 

He barely knew me at the time!

 

I wasnt an OW, for the record.

[jade4071]

Well, it's because they don't speak and it's how they're handling the discussions about selling the home and the settlement.

 

But you're the one that pointed the daily emailing, along with his jogging and taking better care of himself. BTW, it IS a red flag. Almost every time someone points out something to you, you have a way to retort that it's not the case. Stop defending him and accept reality.

 

Don't they have representation? If not, they should each have their own and all communication regarding a divorce settlement should be done through their legal counsel, not with each other through emotionally charged email correspondence. There's a reason they are communicating with each other this way, they are choosing to, there's a reason for that. If they truly wanted nothing to do with one another they would be at the lawyer stage and it's clearly not. If for nothing else, your MM is absolutely thriving off all that drama he gets from both of you.

 

For a variety of reasons your MM may be less ready to divorce than he lets on to you. Of course, his BS may get there and want nothing to do with him (hopefully she does)....are you happy with being the back-up plan? Something tells me you would convince yourself it's something else and stick with him anyway.

 

FWIW, I never wanted to be a SAHM either. Before I had kids I didn't even think I liked them. I was a SAHM, by choice, for over 4 years and my career is just fine. In fact, it's better than it's ever been. It's better to have the option, should you change your mind, than to watch it blow away in the wind.

[amaysngrace]

I guess I was thinking that it could last with MM because it ha been so intense and so special and not like anything I've ever experienced.

 

That's because he's older than you and as someone on this thread put it "seasoned".

 

It'd be like me tring to seduce someone in his twenties. Sure I could do it very easily but would I? No way. I'd have such an unfair advantage over him mentally and sexually and could do a total mind-fk on him. Anybody older could do that but it's predatory behavior to go after the weak.

 

Rosie don't flatter yourself into thinking you're oh so special to him. He preyed on you because you're weak...nothing more.

 

So stop being weak and see how fast he runs. Start being demanding about your wants. You want a vacation? Make him bring you. Don't take no for an answer.

 

Or better yet, start seeing a guy your own age...see how he acts then.

[rosieisblue]

Is no big upheaval for you you Rosie. You are not betraying your children and you are not on the hook for a lot of cash for the next 12 years. Furthermore, you do not have to go through a messy divorce and you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

All you need to do is say "I'm done". Unfortunately your MM cannot simply say "I'm done" to his family. MM is frying in his own oil and juices. Some call it karma..

 

Rosie: A healthy person would walk away from the turmoil. You need a therapist to see why you seek this dysfunction.

 

Every time I've tried to break up with him he's begged me to come back and convinced me. I need to find a way to be firm if I'm going to do this. I need to see a therapist maybe, but I think this is going to be hard. And I have to work with him!! How do I deal with that? I've been there only a year and it's my first job!

[rosieisblue]

That's because he's older than you and as someone on this thread put it "seasoned".

 

It'd be like me tring to seduce someone in his twenties. Sure I could do it very easily but would I? No way. I'd have such an unfair advantage over him mentally and sexually and could do a total mind-fk on him. Anybody older could do that but it's predatory behavior to go after the weak.

 

Rosie don't flatter yourself into thinking you're oh so special to him. He preyed on you because you're weak...nothing more.

 

So stop being weak and see how fast he runs. Start being demanding about your wants. You want a vacation? Make him bring you. Don't take no for an answer.

 

Or better yet, start seeing a guy your own age...see how he acts then.

 

I actually think I've been more in control of this from teh beginning. He came on to me, he wanted me, I was holding back, unsure if I wanted to leave my bf, I've set a lot of the agenda so I've been in a lot of control, other than when he is with teh kids. It's weird, actually, when I think about it.

 

Crap.

[rosieisblue]

And I don't think I want to date anyone right now. I think I want to be alone and figure out my future.

[amaysngrace]

And I don't think I want to date anyone right now. I think I want to be alone and figure out my future.

 

That sounds like a good plan.

 

You can always look for another job too. Explain your situation to a higher-up and they may even be able to help you get a new job or at least give you a reference.

 

Stay strong, girlie.

[rosieisblue]

That sounds like a good plan.

 

You can always look for another job too. Explain your situation to a higher-up and they may even be able to help you get a new job or at least give you a reference.

 

Stay strong, girlie.

 

Our boss has been fully supportive of our affair because he had an affair at the office as well, left his wife and had a baby with his new gf. She returned to work. So it's a weird situation.

[Trimmer]

He says he never thought about leaving before because he never fell in love before. This time, with me, he fell in love so wanted to leave and be with me.... It was a shock when she found out and kicked him out.

So you should be very clear here: he said he wanted to leave, but you have no evidence that he really would have done so. What actually happened was that she kicked him out.

 

So other than what he says, all you know for sure about what makes your affair different from his other ones is that in your case, he was discovered, and got kicked out.

 

I plan on staying out of the D and anything else to do with her. That's his business. But him hating her means he still has feelings? He really hates her, thinks she has ruined his reputation by telling people about the affair (I don't think she's told many about the other affairs for some reason) and that she has behaved really badly during this.

Oh my god, are you serious with this? Doesn't this make him sound like a ridiculous child? Please use your own intelligence and think about it: why would you expect a betrayed spouse to be more protective of the wayward spouse's reputation than he was himself? HE ruined his reputation, HE behaved really badly. Please use whatever objectivity you have available to look at this... Failing to do that so far is what has you in this mess.

 

He says he doesn't know who she is anymore, she's not the same person and he never expected her to be so mean and nasty and vindictive about everything.

 

I understand that this has been very difficult for her because it's a long relationship with children but I still think she should keep her dignity by just dealing. If someone doesn't love you you shouldn't make a fool of yourself.

I'm going to ask you to do the "what if it was your daughter" exercise again, but I'm going to flip the tables a little bit. What if your daughter was married to a man for over a decade, had a couple kids, and then found out that he was having an affair, and that he had betrayed her several times before. Your daughter is hurt and angry, and her life is turned upside down and she is questioning everything that she trusted and counted on.

 

As she is dealing with her anger, and trying to figure out how to pull together a new life for her kids, would you tell her that she was making a fool of herself and to "just deal" and walk quietly away?

 

 

I don't expect her to hand him over to me, he was already gone before she found out. He told her right away, when she discovered the texts, that he had feelings for me and it was big.

You have a real deficit in being able to empathize with her. Again, being as objective as you can, think about this carefully: "He was already gone before she found out." However, from her perspective he was still there up until that moment. He had to be, right? Because she hadn't found out yet. And that's why what seems obvious to you - what you had months to get used to - was such a damaging shock to her. Because it all happened before she found out.

 

I know that affairs can be horrible and very hard for families but we can't change what happened, we can't get in a time machine and change our choices. We can only deal with what we have right now, which is our love for each other and a lot of angry, pissed off people

And what you also can't change, is just how angry and pissed off they are. And what you can't change is the fact that if these parents have any sense at all, they will continue to be involved, together, in their children's lives, as parents even though they will not be spouses. Which means communicating, sharing expenses, sharing decisions, and dealing with hard decisions together.

 

I have to tell you, as a divorced parent of 2 kids who are now teenagers, I have to talk to my ex-wife all the time about difficult and sometimes uncomfortable issues and decisions about the kids. (Some of which have been made even more difficult by the damage done to our kids in our divorce, even though we had more-or-less a model divorce, without hostility or any of that.) So for you to think that she will eventually walk away or "move on" or that there will eventually be a clean separation, and that you will just be able to take your place in his life, without hearing the echoes of their marriage, without smelling the scent of their family, is naive.

 

You are young and you don't know that. I am older, and I've been through it - I'm living it right now - and I'll tell you that's the way it is. They will always be parents together, and they will always be dealing with issues of money and kids together, and all of it will be just that much more complex because of all the dynamics around how you guys got together and the fact that you were present during the breakup of their family.

 

You said yourself: "but we can't change what happened, we can't get in a time machine and change our choices. We can only deal with what we have right now..."

 

In a kind of a way, this applies to your future, too. You won't be able to change much of what will happen in their family dynamic, you won't be able to change their choices or their behaviors. You will have to deal with what you get. And a lot of that is already set in motion.

 

I'm starting to feel like whomever said that I am being used as a soft spot for him to land is right.

I think that's a decent analogy. And I don't mean to be unkind, but is it possible that you just happen to be the soft spot that is there when he got kicked out? In the past, he was always able to stay. Do you wonder what he might have said to his other women? Finally, he gets kicked out, and he's falling. Of course he needs someplace to land, and you are the one who is there right now.

 

 

Maybe he needs me to act as a barrier from dealing with her or his problems. I don't know, but it's starting to feel like that. It's all fun with me and then he doesn't have to think about his problems or something.

 

I don't think I'll know, though, until the D goes through and it's all settled down.

... and you're even more deeply committed and embedded in the situation than you are now.

 

It blows my mind when people blame the BS for "ruining the reputation" of the other spouse. If his precious reputation meant so much, perhaps he shouldn't be providing so much fodder to tell.

 

I have no intention of ever being a SAHM. I have a good education and a good career that I'm working hard at and plan on continuing to work at.

 

I just think I need to get out of this. Maybe see him once in awhile but get out of this situation. His wife is never going to be out of the picture and his kids are always going to be there and you're right, the money situation is going to go on forever.

 

I wish I hadn't done this. I really do.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Trimmer

[MissBee]

That's what my relationship with my husband started off like as well. He's a cheater. The intensity is a pretty dead giveaway to me now.

 

Relationships are meant to be peaceful and nurturing not super-intense all about ME. He made me feel like I was SO SPECIAL and that I MADE HIM HAPPY.

 

He barely knew me at the time!

 

I wasnt an OW, for the record.

 

Yes intensity is a red flag for me too.

 

I wasn't aware that I attracted drama and was a drama addict in a sense with relationships. I thought drama meant fighting and abuse etc...but it isn't. I would have intense relationships overcome with passion and the person having some complicated situation: like having another woman, kid and life. I always felt soooo unfortunate that every time I had some great connection it would turn into a disaster or some catch.

 

I realize that I subconsciously chose unstable, exciting situations that filled me with uncertainty and anxiety and that probably wouldn't last the long haul, and ran away from guys who were good for me, as I equated that to boring and my own commitment issues (that I also didn't know I had, as I've always wanted husband, babies etc) would take over if I felt a situation was becoming settled.

 

It's something I'm still battling with. But now I'm at least aware and can assess my feelings as I feel them and choose to act or not act and admit to myself where certain feelings are coming from.

[rosieisblue]

Yes intensity is a red flag for me too.

 

I wasn't aware that I attracted drama and was a drama addict in a sense with relationships. I thought drama meant fighting and abuse etc...but it isn't. I would have intense relationships overcome with passion and the person having some complicated situation: like having another woman, kid and life. I always felt soooo unfortunate that every time I had some great connection it would turn into a disaster or some catch.

 

I realize that I subconsciously chose unstable, exciting situations that filled me with uncertainty and anxiety and that probably wouldn't last the long haul, and ran away from guys who were good for me, as I equated that to boring and my own commitment issues (that I also didn't know I had, as I've always wanted husband, babies etc) would take over if I felt a situation was becoming settled.

 

It's something I'm still battling with. But now I'm at least aware and can assess my feelings as I feel them and choose to act or not act and admit to myself where certain feelings are coming from.

 

He is very intense. When I broke up with him last time he was on little get away with his kids and he put me on the phone with his older one who said some really rude things to me. I got upset and sent MM a message telling him I couldn't do this.

 

He called and begged me to not do this, we could make it, trust him the kids will come around, etc. He was begging me not to do it and that he needed me. I agreed to not end things. I almost think I was seeing how important I was to him. I don't think I've handled this well at all.

 

I feel sorry for his kids right now. I think there will be a lot of drama in the next few months.

[MissBee]

He is very intense. When I broke up with him last time he was on little get away with his kids and he put me on the phone with his older one who said some really rude things to me. I got upset and sent MM a message telling him I couldn't do this.

 

He called and begged me to not do this, we could make it, trust him the kids will come around, etc. He was begging me not to do it and that he needed me. I agreed to not end things. I almost think I was seeing how important I was to him. I don't think I've handled this well at all.

 

I feel sorry for his kids right now. I think there will be a lot of drama in the next few months.

 

Omg! The more you reveal the more it solidifies how much of an unstable, drama king this guy is. So let me get this straight. He knows his kids don't like you, on one hand he tries to act like he wants you all to be a happy family YET, when you do something he doesn't like, he uses them hating you as a weapon, and instead of fighting his own battles, hands the phone to his adolescent kids so that THEY can curse you out for him????? How mature and classy of him...smh

 

That is BEYOND inappropriate. But he is inappropriate and immature and self-centered all around. If he plays that game with you, you're in for A LOT! I can just imagine how he will use them to manipulate you in the future. Their hatred for you doesn't bother him, but seems to quite help out his agenda. He knows you want to please him and don't want them to dislike you...so when you step out of line, he waves their hate as a weapon to keep you in check. He's sick.

 

Yes you can bet on more drama, this man thrives on it and doesn't seem to know any other way.

[jade4071]

I'm just amazed at the stupidity of the above. What person in their right mind would hand the phone to his kid who is dealing with the pain his father caused and say here talk to my ow?? He traumatized the kid with is thoughtlessness already but then he makes it worse, what a dumbass! Of course the kid was gonna be rude to you, I can't believe that your mm would expect anything else. He wasn't protecting the kid nor you rosie.

 

Exactly! This guy cares for nothing and no one but himself. Rosie....I hope you are able to break free of this mess before you're in it for the long haul. This guy is no good for you.

[rosieisblue]

Omg! The more you reveal the more it solidifies how much of an unstable, drama king this guy is. So let me get this straight. He knows his kids don't like you, on one hand he tries to act like he wants you all to be a happy family YET, when you do something he doesn't like, he uses them hating you as a weapon, and instead of fighting his own battles, hands the phone to his adolescent kids so that THEY can curse you out for him????? How mature and classy of him...smh

 

That is BEYOND inappropriate. But he is inappropriate and immature and self-centered all around. If he plays that game with you, you're in for A LOT! I can just imagine how he will use them to manipulate you in the future. Their hatred for you doesn't bother him, but seems to quite help out his agenda. He knows you want to please him and don't want them to dislike you...so when you step out of line, he waves their hate as a weapon to keep you in check. He's sick.

 

Yes you can bet on more drama, this man thrives on it and doesn't seem to know any other way.

 

 

Sorry, I may have explained it wrong. We were on the phone talking while he was away for a few days with his kids a few months ago. His son wasn't ahppy that he was talking to me so he asked him son if he wanted to talk to me. His son got on the phone and was pretty rude to me and then hung up on me.

 

I got upset and broke up with him in a message and then he rang me while later to beg me to not break up.

 

I decided to not break up and then it was ok, although his son sent me a message telling me his dad was really mad he had been mean to me.

 

He has been very upset that they hate me so much but has been confident they'd come around, especially the younger one. But it doesn't matter, I don't think, because it's time to endthis.

 

I just don't know how to handle it at work. It's going to be very, very awkward and I don't think I'd be able to get a job right away and I need a job to pay my bills.

[rosieisblue]

I'm just amazed at the stupidity of the above. What person in their right mind would hand the phone to his kid who is dealing with the pain his father caused and say here talk to my ow?? He traumatized the kid with is thoughtlessness already but then he makes it worse, what a dumbass! Of course the kid was gonna be rude to you, I can't believe that your mm would expect anything else. He wasn't protecting the kid nor you rosie.

 

I never looked at it that way. His kid was mad because we were talking on teh phone and when he got on the phone he asked me to please stop bothering his dad when they were together. I said I really liked his dad and he said he did to and then called me a bunch of really rude names so that's when I broke up with him. But it didn't last more than a couple of hours.

 

I never looked at it as being wrong to put his son on the phone. I just wanted to talk to him while he was away and I missed him so much.

[PhoenixRise]

I never looked at it that way. His kid was mad because we were talking on teh phone and when he got on the phone he asked me to please stop bothering his dad when they were together. I said I really liked his dad and he said he did to and then called me a bunch of really rude names so that's when I broke up with him. But it didn't last more than a couple of hours.

 

I never looked at it as being wrong to put his son on the phone. I just wanted to talk to him while he was away and I missed him so much.

 

Rosie

 

This kid is never ever going to accept you. He just isn't. From his perspective, not long after dday he was trying to spend some time with his father, but you and he could only focus on each other. He felt so bad about it he outright asked you to leave his dad alone during (what was supposed to be) HIS time with his dad.

 

Rosie, I am not trying to be mean, I really am not. But what this MM and YOU are obliviously doing to these children is just heartbreaking.

 

And you don't get it. Not really. And I don't think you ever will.

[dreamingoftigers]

I never looked at it that way. His kid was mad because we were talking on teh phone and when he got on the phone he asked me to please stop bothering his dad when they were together. I said I really liked his dad and he said he did to and then called me a bunch of really rude names so that's when I broke up with him. But it didn't last more than a couple of hours.

 

I never looked at it as being wrong to put his son on the phone. I just wanted to talk to him while he was away and I missed him so much.

 

OKay,

 

1. thanks for clearing that up a bit

 

2. there's a couple things to take away from the situation

A) the kids view you as competition, clear and simple and in fact you are. Their father diverted attention from their security and family towards his own extra-marital purposes. At this stage they are too young to see that it was up to DAD to control DAD's time and actions. DAD can't even put the phone away while he is with KIDS. In fact DAD doesn't have the sense to make the kids feel special. He is much more concerned with making the OW feel special and taking away from their time. DAD seems to be the expert in creating a demand for his time and not in a healthy way.

 

b) That's got to be a pretty big red flag for an introduction to his children. He doesn't prepare either one of you for that and instead INVITES a conflict between you. He might be charming, but he's a dolt.

 

It seems like he must be in some pretty damn heavy denial to what he put those kids through. OMG, my Dad stepping on my Mother to claim his arrogant happiness was tough for the week or so until he got his head screwed on straight. I can't imagine being 11 & 13 trying to deal with those feelings, and for the long-haul too. arg. so, so mean.

[dreamingoftigers]

and then the father gets really mad at the KID about it!!! How shaming. Jeez.

 

As if he can expect his SON to treat his OW better then he treated his own WIFE!

[Furious]

Rosie

 

You are very stubborn....you have decided that this is the love story of the century.

 

So many posters here have tried to open your eyes and you insist on clinging to your version of the grand drama that you're embroiled in.

 

Simply, your story as been told a million times and it is so boringly cliche that it has turned into a black comedy.

 

You and your MM are the tragic victims, all in the name of love, and the

evil wife and the horrible children are plotting to destroy true love.

 

Life would be glorious if reality didn't interfere.

 

Wake up...smell the coffee....

 

Perhaps when all the drama wears off in a couple of years, you will find

that settling down with your overaged Romeo, and you're clipping coupons, while your young friends are going out and having fun you just might think it was not what you'd envisioned.

[dreamingoftigers]

Rosie

 

You are very stubborn....you have decided that this is the love story of the century.

 

So many posters here have tried to open your eyes and you insist on clinging to your version of the grand drama that you're embroiled in.

 

Simply, your story as been told a million times and it is so boringly cliche that it as turned into a black comedy.

 

You and your MM are the tragic victims, all in the name of love, and the evil wife and the horrible children are plotting to destroy true love.

 

Life would be glorious if reality didn't interfere.

 

Wake up...smell the coffee....

 

Perhaps when all the drama wears off in a couple of years, you will find that settling down with your overaged Romeo, and your clipping coupons, while your young friends are going out and having fun you just might think it was not what you'd envisioned.

 

I think that there's some heavy realization going on here.

 

There's nothing wrong with clipping coupons but at 25 make sure that they are for a spa day and not for adult diapers for your soon to be husband!

[awkward]

 

I never looked at it as being wrong to put his son on the phone. I just wanted to talk to him while he was away and I missed him so much.

 

This is one of the saddest stories I've heard. I've heard worse don't get me wrong, like the MM who told his teen daughter that he and her mom fell out of love a long time ago. The kicker is he told her this the day after her mom was buried.

 

You see, his wife found his cheater phone a week before she died. She ended up in the hospital the day after she found it. She forwarded the information and naked pictures of the THREE OW to a couple trusted friends. She planned on notifying the MOW's husband after she got out of the hospital. The other two were single OW. (She also had a friend start working on divorce papers.)

 

Anyways the day after the funeral the wife's trusted friends notified the BH. (Who BTW didn't believe it, didn't want the text messages, nor his wife's naked pictures to prove it.) When the MOW called MM and told him, he asked his daughter if he knew anything about it. That's when she told him that she had found his cheater phone a couple of months prior but couldn't tell her mom because her mom was dying of cancer.

 

So he takes that moment to tell her that he and her mom fell out of love a long time ago. As if he only stayed with his wife because she was sick for the last 7 months. The only thing is that he forgot to tell his wife that they fell out of love. If he had, I'm sure she would have changed her life insurance policy to her kids only.

 

He knew his phone was missing. He knew his wife had probably found it. He would go up to the hospital to visit her, never saying a word. Not an apology ... nothing. He says that he apologized to her when they found out she had only 24 hours left to live. By that time she was in and out of consciousnesses.

 

Guess who he was on the phone with talking to 20 minutes before his wife died? Guess who found out their mom was dead before his own kids? If you said OW #1 you were correct. MM's teen daughter said that she can't believe he called one of his OW's before he even told his own kids.

 

The reason I'm sharing this with you is to show you that there are men and there are boys. The MM in this story is a boy. He puts himself first. His children are way down on the list. He is worried about his happiness only.

 

If you read this and think what a great guy, staying with his young wife while she was sick and dying of cancer then I'll be the first to tell you that your perspective is skewed.

 

Your MM reminds me of this MM.

 

Fun Fact: MM wrecked his brand new Harley that he bought a month after the funeral with part of the life insurance proceeds. So sad.

[rosieisblue]

I never looked at it that way. I just thought it was nice that he was so attentive to me even when away from me. And I thought if I told his son how much I liked his dad he might try to understand. Stupid, I guess.

 

He has also done a surprise meeting with his younger son. Once in a shop for a few minutes and then at a amusement park, where the three of us spent the afternoon together. It was fun but now maybe it wasn't such a great idea.

 

His wife told me she supported me meeting the kids at one point. That's when she offered to meet with all three of us to talk about my role in the kid's lives. MM was absolutely against it and I just felt like it was her being manipulative or something.

 

I wish we had thought of the kids more. She went away for a couple of weeks maybe two months after she threwhim out. He was home wiht th ekids and wanted me to meet them while she was away. She found out (the kids texted her) and she called me. they had already refused to meet me then and sshe and I had a really long talk. I told her all about fallig in love with MM and she told me all about the affairs she had discovered. Then she sent a mail with all the information. I just thought she was bing mean and trying to break us up but in that call she was calm and told me she didn't want him back but wanted me to know what he had been doing and that the kids hated me and that if she was my mother she would be worried about me.

 

She also suggested I get checked for STD's.

 

I have really screwed up. Those kids will never like me. I need to end this with him. He's going through something that has nothing to do with me. I think he really does think he loves me but I'm not sure he does.

[rosieisblue]

This is one of the saddest stories I've heard. I've heard worse don't get me wrong, like the MM who told his teen daughter that he and her mom fell out of love a long time ago. The kicker is he told her this the day after her mom was buried.

 

You see, his wife found his cheater phone a week before she died. She ended up in the hospital the day after she found it. She forwarded the information and naked pictures of the THREE OW to a couple trusted friends. She planned on notifying the MOW's husband after she got out of the hospital. The other two were single OW. (She also had a friend start working on divorce papers.)

 

Anyways the day after the funeral the wife's trusted friends notified the BH. (Who BTW didn't believe it, didn't want the text messages, nor his wife's naked pictures to prove it.) When the MOW called MM and told him, he asked his daughter if he knew anything about it. That's when she told him that she had found his cheater phone a couple of months prior but couldn't tell her mom because her mom was dying of cancer.

 

So he takes that moment to tell her that he and her mom fell out of love a long time ago. As if he only stayed with his wife because she was sick for the last 7 months. The only thing is that he forgot to tell his wife that they fell out of love. If he had, I'm sure she would have changed her life insurance policy to her kids only.

 

He knew his phone was missing. He knew his wife had probably found it. He would go up to the hospital to visit her, never saying a word. Not an apology ... nothing. He says that he apologized to her when they found out she had only 24 hours left to live. By that time she was in and out of consciousnesses.

 

Guess who he was on the phone with talking to 20 minutes before his wife died? Guess who found out their mom was dead before his own kids? If you said OW #1 you were correct. MM's teen daughter said that she can't believe he called one of his OW's before he even told his own kids.

 

The reason I'm sharing this with you is to show you that there are men and there are boys. The MM in this story is a boy. He puts himself first. His children are way down on the list. He is worried about his happiness only.

 

If you read this and think what a great guy, staying with his young wife while she was sick and dying of cancer then I'll be the first to tell you that your perspective is skewed.

 

Your MM reminds me of this MM.

 

Fun Fact: MM wrecked his brand new Harley that he bought a month after the funeral with part of the life insurance proceeds. So sad.

 

 

That's a really sad story that freaks me out. I am getting out of this but can't figure out how to deal with work while I look for another job. I can't afford to just quit.

[PhoenixRise]

I never looked at it that way. I just thought it was nice that he was so attentive to me even when away from me. And I thought if I told his son how much I liked his dad he might try to understand. Stupid, I guess.

 

He has also done a surprise meeting with his younger son. Once in a shop for a few minutes and then at a amusement park, where the three of us spent the afternoon together. It was fun but now maybe it wasn't such a great idea.

 

His wife told me she supported me meeting the kids at one point. That's when she offered to meet with all three of us to talk about my role in the kid's lives. MM was absolutely against it and I just felt like it was her being manipulative or something.

 

I wish we had thought of the kids more. She went away for a couple of weeks maybe two months after she threwhim out. He was home wiht th ekids and wanted me to meet them while she was away. She found out (the kids texted her) and she called me. they had already refused to meet me then and sshe and I had a really long talk. I told her all about fallig in love with MM and she told me all about the affairs she had discovered. Then she sent a mail with all the information. I just thought she was bing mean and trying to break us up but in that call she was calm and told me she didn't want him back but wanted me to know what he had been doing and that the kids hated me and that if she was my mother she would be worried about me.

 

She also suggested I get checked for STD's.

 

I have really screwed up. Those kids will never like me. I need to end this with him. He's going through something that has nothing to do with me. I think he really does think he loves me but I'm not sure he does.

 

 

 

Rosie

 

I think the wife, if you are truly going to be in the children's life, genuinely wanted to talk to you about the kids. She is their mother so she reached out to you about them.

 

Let me ask you, has your MM ever talked about what kind of mother his wife was prior to dday? I would be willing to bet that if he was inclined to tell the truth, he would have to say that his wife loves the children to pieces and that she is a good mother.....Rosie, that is why she reached out to you about your role in the kids life, and that is why she instructed the kids to be nice to you.

 

Your MM didn't want you to talk to her because she knows more than she has told you and he never wants you to hear it all.

 

AND

 

In spite of all you have posted about her, all your fear and competitiveness that has been on full display here, ultimately, I think she feels sorry for you.