He's on vacation with his kids

July 6, 2012

He was looking for a best freind and partner and says he found that in me.

I am willing to bet my bank account against your bank account that he said the same thing to his wife early in their relationship. I mean, he did marry her and have children with her...

July 6, 2012

It's never anything wrong with them Rosie.

And that is why he is forced to put you way up high on that pedestal making you believe it's all you . . . it's because of YOU that he's happy now. It had nothing to do with him . . . he was like that because of HER.

But now that he found you (the OW he happened to be with when he got kicked to the curb), everything is fine with him and you make him happy.

"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine."
It was her.

Like I said, an astute person should ALWAYS be weary of someone quick to point out their flawlessness, who pushes blame everywhere else, who says nothing is wrong with them, who is unwilling to discuss issues, who runs from counseling, who tries to encourage you not to talk to their BS, who hasn't said one thing making them culpable for ANY choice etc. Self-absorbed, unreflective people who have things to hide do this...and rosie's MM sounds like one of them.

July 7, 2012

There is something fishy here. First you said she found out about his fling the night before and went ballistic. And then you said she didn't find out about his other affairs until after she found out about you. Which is it? Sorry don't know how to quote things.

July 7, 2012

I am willing to bet my bank account against your bank account that he said the same thing to his wife early in their relationship. I mean, he did marry her and have children with her...

I'd bet my bank account too.

However the only savings I have is $3.42 and a chocolate bar wrapper I found in the couch.

July 7, 2012

Your name describes how you look at life. "Rose" colored glasses! Come back in a year and tell us how great he is then. Quit making yourself out to be Snow White and him Prince Charming, cause your not!

The children and the wife have every right to hate your guts, you intruded where you had no right. He is their father, sorry as he is. As to his marriage, understand this little girl, you have NO idea WHAT WENT ON in their marriage, you are hearing the words from a self proven liar, cheater, and deceiver.

But you go on with your fairy tale, when your "prince" turns into the toad he really is make sure you come back here and let us know how your story ended, oaky?

July 7, 2012

Your name describes how you look at life. "Rose" colored glasses! Come back in a year and tell us how great he is then. Quit making yourself out to be Snow White and him Prince Charming, cause your not!

But you go on with your fairy tale, when your "prince" turns into the toad he really is make sure you come back here and let us know how your story ended, oaky?

Just for fun I wiki-ed "Prince Charming."

Turns out that it makes mention of Prince Charming being more of a stock character that has been woven into Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Cinderella.

So, um, it looks like Prince Charming got around a lot. Not really a one-princess kindof guy.

I can just see the arguments he'd have with the princesses:

"well Sleeping Beauty, it's not like you had anything else going for you! All you were doing was lying around all day when I found you."

"Cinderella, seriously, shut the Hell up before I throw those slippers out the window. Go scrub something."

"Snow White, don't even get on my ass about my previous relationships! You were living with seven guys in the middle of the woods, don't tell me that there wasn't something messed up going on!"

Notice they don't call him Prince Intelligent, Prince Caring or Prince Loyal?

July 7, 2012

Just for fun I wiki-ed "Prince Charming."

Turns out that it makes mention of Prince Charming being more of a stock character that has been woven into Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Cinderella.

So, um, it looks like Prince Charming got around a lot. Not really a one-princess kindof guy.

I can just see the arguments he'd have with the princesses:

"well Sleeping Beauty, it's not like you had anything else going for you! All you were doing was lying around all day when I found you."

"Cinderella, seriously, shut the Hell up before I throw those slippers out the

window. Go scrub something."

"Snow White, don't even get on my ass about my previous relationships! You were living with seven guys in the middle of the woods, don't tell me that there wasn't something messed up going on!"

Notice they don't call him Prince Intelligent, Prince Caring or Prince Loyal?

Lol....now I know why they all looked the same.

July 7, 2012

Just for fun I wiki-ed "Prince Charming."

Turns out that it makes mention of Prince Charming being more of a stock character that has been woven into Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Cinderella.

So, um, it looks like Prince Charming got around a lot. Not really a one-princess kindof guy.

I can just see the arguments he'd have with the princesses:

"well Sleeping Beauty, it's not like you had anything else going for you! All you were doing was lying around all day when I found you."

"Cinderella, seriously, shut the Hell up before I throw those slippers out the window. Go scrub something."

"Snow White, don't even get on my ass about my previous relationships! You were living with seven guys in the middle of the woods, don't tell me that there wasn't something messed up going on!"

Notice they don't call him Prince Intelligent, Prince Caring or Prince Loyal?

This is hilarious but so so poignant

My dad is indeed Prince Charming...a serial cheater who is charming. He turns it up and the OW eat it up and I imagine feel oh so special and loved. However, as you said, he is not Prince Caring or Loyal at all! Just charming...and that wears out quite quickly. It's easier to keep up the charm as you flit from woman to woman, whether full blown A or flirting, than it is to be a loyal, faithful, caring husband/boyfriend.

He charmed my mom and she bought it hook, line and sinker. Surprise...she got more than she bargained for. He was dating someone else at the same time as he was dating her and got two other women pregnant (before they dated), and she married him believing he'd be different with her because he loved her and she loved him and they had been friends for a few years before the romance. How horribly wrong she was. She spoke to one of his OW recently who told my mom: "Your husband is a good man, you need to cherish and pamper him". My sister and I wanted to throw up...like this woman is insane. Well she isn't insane...she simply knows no better and is building her case on the little she knows or THINKS she knows. I'm certain when she sees him he is all smiles, dressed nicely, smelling good and charming and sweet,and why wouldn't he be? Means to an end. Everyone, even if you're not being malicious, puts their best foot forward with people they're just getting to know and with situations/things/people that still have the "new car smell". This woman has not lived with him for all these years like we have and as my mom has, but thinks her knowing him for some months makes her the qualified expert on the "REAL" him lol . None of us get him in these decades, we're all delusional, but SHE knows the truth about him and his wonderfulness in a few months of a clandestine affair..yea.

How come MM always reveal their "true selves" to the OW in a few months, but their whole family, not just BS, know something different and have managed in all these years to just be misunderstanding him and not knowing how wonderful he REALLY is? Lol smh. My mom told her she was the flavor of the month and she of course blamed my mom for his behavior and also thought she was different...my mom told her she could have him and I'm thinking yepp all these OW should just get the chance to fast forward into a LTR open relationship and see how wonderful he is then .

Edited July 7, 2012 by MissBee

July 7, 2012

My father was Prince Charming as well,

But not so much for the picking up women end although he did have an affair with a much - younger woman.

He would tell other women that worked for him etc just how obstinate, stubborn, mouthy, lazy etc. I was and just how unreachable, even with all of his trying, trying, trying.

Truth was: I was a pretty quiet kid who didn't have great social skills ( largely due to his influence). I avoided him at all costs because he was physically violent and scary. He would take out his rage and stress on me and then lie to my mother about it. He told others I made things up constantly. I grew up believing that he would kill me if I stepped out of line. I also believed that no one would ever believe me. The converse was true, especially because they insolent young (and sometimes) old women would lecture me on respecting him, appreciating him and that I must not understand how much he loved me.

He might have. Who knows? Not I. He was an alcoholic that presented a very different image to the world of people that he wanted to believe that he was this fantastic, interested Dad. It was beyond sick and continues into my adulthood.

In my twenties, my relational compass was so screwed I truly believed that no matter what I did that there must be something so wrong with me that no one would ever love me. He would guilt me about having friends, dating etc. Anything independent of him that he couldn't 100% control. It wasn't until he actually tried to kill me in my teens that I just left.

I didn't realize he would never validate me until I was 26. How sad. I'm 30 now. Everything is still all about him and his money. My mother so wanted grandchildren and when I went into labor they hopped a plane to Ottawa. He came in the delivery room 1/2 hour after my daughter was born and all he could do was talk about his business to the nurse, trying to impress her with the fact that his company made $750000 that year. Nauseating. Never said congratulations. Granted he is a much better grandfather then he ever was a father. I worry for my daughter as he gets older. One sniff of that manipulative crap and they are both done.

I rarely trust, I certainly don't up and trust anyone with this history of behaviour (my husband as an example, we'll see how much further we get with mc).

Men like this are dangerous. They see themselves as receiving the short end and giving the long end while the converse is true.

They sneak and lie because they don't know how to deal with conflict and anger. They don't know what their real needs are. Temporarily a new relationship can be exciting and you can forget those empty pangs for awhile.

But the closer one gets to a man like this, the further away he shoves because he never knew how to be close to anyone except for superficially.

As long as he can impress you, it'll be great. He'll need constant reassurance and it will keep growing.

July 7, 2012

Rosie, all marriages, bad or otherwise, started off with two people in love and promising each other truth, trust and the moon on a stick, until they decide otherwise. No one believes that their partner will be the one to hurt them and everyone it is done to hurts and cannot believe that their partner was the one to hurt them so badly. I don't wish that on anyone. I say this so that you might understand that his wife will have had to deal with his serial cheating and the multiple hurts don't just mean dealing with yet another affiar, the feeling will multiply as in hurt on hurt x hurt. The children, no matter how hard she tries for them not to see, will see and know that Mummy is hurt and will pick up that Daddy has done something wrong. I don't know how long he has been a cheater, but these are young children, one entering puberty, which is always a difficult time, so their loyalty to their Mum is almost a given.

I should take up her offer to meet. When me and my XH split up I wouldn't introduce my son to my now H for at least 18 months, this was so I knew that we were in a long term relationship and so that he could get used to Mum and Dad not being together. When my XH had a new girlfriend, I met her on our own first so that I could know for myself what sort of person she was and she me. I had to be sure that she understood my son's needs and routine as well as my XH and I also ensured that this was a stable relationship as I didn't want our son to see different people in and out of our live's. TBH she could have been Mother Theresa and I would have insisted we meet.

I have little opinion as to whether your relationship is a keeper, I hope that it is so you don't get to feel the hurt his BS did and does. A D Day is horrendous, how she has coped with a serial cheater is beyond me. No one thinks they will be cheated on and many of us have ate our words with a spoon. Equally, no one truly knows what goes on or has gone on in a marriage unless they are the couple married. So, his version of things will of course be different from hers. So, please don't assume she was boring, not paying attention etc, had my H not paid me attention and was having multiple A's then I don't think I would be all Susie Homemaker either.

It may take a long time for you to have a meaningful relationship with his children, I do think meeting his wife is a first step, meet in public if you fear a row. If you cannot commit to this, how is she to know you can commit to her children? I agree that small steps will be needed and patience is needed in spades. Having his wife on board is probably the key to this happening.

July 7, 2012

OP,

if you really want to know what may be going on in your guy's mind, try contacting his wife and ask her if she has any emails from other woman he has cheated with or other evidence. If she does, see if she'll forward copies on to you...

I know it's hard to hear, but it really does sound like the reason he is with you now, planning a life, is that you are the other woman who stuck around long enough to be there when his eventually got caught and his wife kicked him out ( BTW...I still don't understand why , if he was so anxious to get out of there that it took his wife kicking him out to get him to leave...at best, he was unhappy but too much of a big chicken to do anything about it, so rather than be an adult and ask for a divorce, he chose to act like a naughty child sneaking behind mommy's back and cheat...at worst, he's lying to you- things weren't that bad at all- he's just a guy who can't control himself for more than five minutes. The fact that he won't attend counseling because "he's fine" is really troubling...sounds more like he won't attend counseling with you because he's afraid the counselor will see right through him and tell you exactly what he is....a big baby who now needs a new "mommy" in his life to look after him and be there for him while he just picks up his philandering ways right where he left off.

July 7, 2012

There is something fishy here. First you said she found out about his fling the night before and went ballistic. And then you said she didn't find out about his other affairs until after she found out about you. Which is it? Sorry don't know how to quote things.

She knew about one affair from about 7 years ago and they nearly broke up over it but stayed together for the kids. He now says they shoudl have divorced then.

When she found out about me she read his emails and FB messages and stuff like that the next day and found out about a bunch of other stuff that she didn't know about before so that's when it all went crazy and she threw him out.

July 7, 2012

The stuff about him fooling around with her coworker and kissing her friend is really very disturbing. All affairs are bad but going after women in his wifes personal circle is extremely hateful of him and she did not overreact about those things. He couldn't have sunk any lower or stuck the knife in any deeper. Very malicious and cruel of him to do those things. Yet now he pretends to be the hurt one by his wifes anger over those things. "oh woe is me! why is my wife so unreasonably angry over me making out with her friend?" Hmmm...sounds an awful lot like the guy in the link I posted to you doesn't it?

July 7, 2012

I hadn't really thought about it like that. I guess her co-worker was pretty bad, because she left her job over that, although it seems the co-worker was teh one who contacted him and made it clear she was interested.

Her friend was just a kiss, I think, and she's cut that friend out of her life completely and anyone associated with her. Her friend tried to make it up to her but his wife wouldn't do it.

Crap that is not good. That is not nice. Crap. Those are not nice things to do.

July 7, 2012

I get what you're saying but let me just say that they met really young and grew apart over the years and he was looking for a way out. But no, hte friend and the work colleague is not good. Why would he do that?

He told me that her work colleague used to come to dinners and parties at their house and they used to flirt and his wife used to laugh. Then the work colleague got in touch with him with email and they started being friends and then it developed but he felt badly and had actually ended it before his wife found out. When she found out they talked about what was wrong in their marriage and vowed to try harder but it didn't work out. His job took them to different places and she stopped working and got really involved with the kids, he was working all the time and they lost the connection, the spark.

Her friend was someone he had had a quick fling with before he met her (he was friends with her friend's partner) but it was a drunken thing that didn't go anywhere. The thing when he and I were first starting our affair was a drunken kiss. Crap, that is wrong. Crap. He said he wasn't meeting the fling on his business trip for anything other than a drink but his wife said that he had given the fling his hotel information.

Why would he do that when he was telling me he loved me? Why, when she finally through him out, was he telling me he needed me, I was his lifeboat, I meant everything to him? Why did he patiently wait for me and my boyfriend to break up and always be there for me? Why did he buy me nice things and take me to expensive dinners and away for weekends and plan a future with me?

Why do all that if he doesn't really love me? Is he really someone who will cheat, even on someone he loves? He said he didn't love her since the kids were born and that's when things started outside the marriage. I think she had some sort of friendship at the end with an old friend or something. So is she a cheater too?

He comes back next week from his trip with his kids. I really need time to think before he gets back. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. How can I end this now?

July 7, 2012

He answered all your questions for you. He needs you (for a soft place to land).

You are his life boat( because he had no where to to go and his world was adrift).

You mean everything to him (because he now has exhausted his current supply and he is looking for a new dealer).

Why did he wait patiently (because he needed you to ditch the dude so he could take his place).

Why is he always there for you(because he need to make sure the claws are in deep)

Why did he buy you nice things, dinners and take you away (because all those are just that "things". That is not love, commitment or honesty. They are easy and require no emotion or hard work)

I unlike the others think you should be with him. It is irritating to say the least to watch post all things contradictions about his wife even when you admit she has been nothing but gracious to you and the children back up that she told them to treat you kindly. I think you should waste years of your life you can't get back and then be tossed aside because you can't fix him. Then...maybe then you will understand the words that fall out of the mouth this humanoid aren't gold nuggets, his intentions are to self satisfy and his core is rotten.

Well, she's been gracious to my face but has spread a lot of things about me, some of it untrue. She even (I think it was her) posted something on a cheater website about me that can't be gotten rid of.

She's been a bit crazy, has called and hung up (denies it and has her number blocked). I can't prove any of it was her but if it wasn't her it was someone who knows her.

I don't want to waste my life but is he really using me as some sort of life boat and it's not love? Because he treats me with so much love and so much care and I wonder if he could be that much of an actor. Are his feelings not genuine? Or is love for him something different?

He really is wonderful to me and is always there for me and with me when he's not with his kids. He texts when he's on his way home to meet the kids and then texts all night while they play or whatever. He texts even from his desk at work, which is not very far from mine!

If this isn't love what is it? It doesn't feel like I'm being used, it feels like he really needs and wants me.

July 7, 2012

Like I said, I hope the two of you will be very happy together. You should get everything he has to offer the woman in his life.

I understand what you're saying but I really am trying to figure this out. I don't want to get hurt but how do I know that this is the real thing? It feels real, he does everything right, we really love each other, have an amazing connection, but with the kids and his history and everything everyone has said here I'm starting to get scared that it's all a joke, it's not real, it's just for now and in a year I'm going to be alone and have nothing after all this drama and trauma. It's been really hard and pretty embarrassing to ahve all this out in public.

I wish I could talk to my mother about this.

July 7, 2012

Rosie,

You sound very naive about serial cheaters.

All serial cheaters have perfected the art of conning people to get what they want! They USE everyone to acheive their goals. They are not capable of true love with anyone because they are totally broken inside.

Read the posts above of the people who grew up in households with serial cheaters, they know first hand what fakes they are to the general public or unsuspecting naive women.

July 7, 2012

I wish I could talk to my mother about this.

Is there a reason you can't?

July 7, 2012

Is there a reason you can't?

My father left her for another woman and she's not very comfortable talking about this. She was pretty disappointed when it came out I was having an affair with MM and that i sent pictures, etc. She loves me and is trying not to judge but I don't think it makes her very happy. I don't think she'd understand if I told her all the other stuff.

July 7, 2012

Interesting, this totally out of shape, unfit, drank too much woman would get up early to do yoga?

I've only seen pictures on his FB page and she's not obese but not skinny either. Very curvy and round, the complete opposite from me.

And I do think she drinks too much. MM did as well, he had a very big belly as a result, but now that he's with me he doesn't drink as much and works out A LOT more and is slim again. She didn't want him to pay for a gym membership, apparentlly.

July 7, 2012

Like you said when you started this thread a few days ago - you're missing him right now.

When he returns and you have him back and then you go on that vacation you have planned together, your doubts will be erased.

I think we can all predict these doubts will be temporary.

I do miss him. I think about him all the time, every second of the day. As soon as I wake up I text him a loving message and writes something back. I have doubts but I don't want to have them. I am so fng confused right now.

July 7, 2012

Oh honey, read your own words. You want so bad to make the wife seem terrible that you even say her friend tried to make it up to her but his wife wouldn't do it. What would you do if you caught your best friend with your man? I would immediatley cut that friend out of my life. Friends respect one another. Friends don't lie cheat and play around behind their friends back. Don't you see? Everything you say about the wife to try to portray her as bad actually paints her in a very good light with morals. You don't remain friends with someone who would stoop as low as being intimate with your husband.

I don't think they were intimate. They kissed after a drunken evening.

I don't know how much is his wife's fault but I do know it takes two to make things bad, right?

July 7, 2012

Rosie,

You sound very naive about serial cheaters.

All serial cheaters have perfected the art of conning people to get what they want! They USE everyone to acheive their goals. They are not capable of true love with anyone because they are totally broken inside.

Read the posts above of the people who grew up in households with serial cheaters, they know first hand what fakes they are to the general public or unsuspecting naive women.

This is what scares me. Has he conned me? Is he that good at putting on an act? He is SOOO loving towards me, so tender, so wonderful and so giving and it freaks me out to think that this could be an act.

July 7, 2012

that's what he told you darling. I'm not going to counseling to save my marriage, I swear it is to help her deal with my leaving. My guess is he said he would do whatever it took to save the marriage so she agreed to give the cheater one last chance and see if counseling could help and then he was caught cheating again and she threw his butt out. He needs you because he needs his ego pumped. This kind of man can not live within himself. He needs a woman, any woman as you have admitted yourself.

Keep looking within PLEASE. You are making progress. You are too young to be dealing with all his baggage. Find a good man to fall in love with not one you need to save.

I don't think so about the counseling. I saw some of the emails between them and while she was saying counseling was the only way he was saying it was over and that he was going to help her deal with things. Then she got nasty and really angry and they only talk via email now.

I'm trying to figure this out. My heart feels so heavy with missing him but also wondering what I've gotten myself into. I want to talk to her, sort of, but I don't think he would like that at all. We're a team and we're trying to make sure we do things together so that those who don't want us together don't tear us up.

I don't know if I need to save him. He's a grown man and his parents helped him out when he needed to scramble to find a place to live after he left. It was a tough time but he was there for me and I was there for him and we just really gave each other a lot of support through our mutual breakups. Mine was easier because my BF respected that I had fallen in love with someone else and although it was hard for him he was very calm and cool about it and let me go. We're still sort of friends because we have a lot of mutual friends.

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