fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Been with my gf 6 months; we live 3 hrs apart and are both in our mid-twenties. She is a flirty girl and has a bit of a wild past. She wanted to talk about sexual partner numbers (I didn't), she went on to tell me she's been with 15 people, had a threesome, and most of the men she used to date were always much older than her. She also has a lot of guy friends and is always texting. She has this one close guy friend who is older than her and I also know she used to have a crush on. I know him too and he's a nice guy and I can tell he wouldn't be interested in her but she always talks about what a good guy he is and even got him several things for his b-day. I calmly brought this up and she said he's like a big brother. What makes me write this, besides everything above, is that she has been moody often the last several weeks. She gets real condescending with me and I'm not sure if she even notices. It's like she is poking at me a lot sometimes. She tells me she loves me and I really think she does. I just would hate it if she cheated on me and there was something I should've noticed as a preventative measure or if I should say something to her? Please help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Okay, suspecting a cheater 101: 1. Picking fights with you. Therefore, they can justify themselves cheating because you're being an ass. 2. Guards their phone with their lives. Locks it when they never used to do it before. 3. a lot of texting and you don't know to who and at all hours. 4. changing the way they look. Losing weight, new wardrobe, new haircut, new undergarments you've never seen them in. 5. excuses not to see you or call you or skype with you. 6. Story of what they're doing or where they've been doesn't add up. 7. sex decreases or becomes boring and routine. Basically, if your gut is telling you something is wrong. There's usually something wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Okay, suspecting a cheater 101: 1. Picking fights with you. Therefore, they can justify themselves cheating because you're being an ass. 2. Guards their phone with their lives. Locks it when they never used to do it before. 3. a lot of texting and you don't know to who and at all hours. 4. changing the way they look. Losing weight, new wardrobe, new haircut, new undergarments you've never seen them in. 5. excuses not to see you or call you or skype with you. 6. Story of what they're doing or where they've been doesn't add up. 7. sex decreases or becomes boring and routine. Basically, if your gut is telling you something is wrong. There's usually something wrong. There isn't really any of this that matches up to stuff she's doing. She doesn't guard her phone or anything and doesn't have a pass code for it. The sex still seems to be good and she always tells me that she misses me and wants to be with me. She hasn't really done anything different with the way she dresses. I've never noticed any stories that don't add up. I've just never really had a gf this experienced or flirty before and maybe that's why I'm worrying and just being paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Anyone in a relationship is at risk of being cheated on. TBH, your girlfriend sounds like she'd be better off being single and polyamorous. Some people aren't built for exclusive, monogamous relationships. That's valid. A statement I made is MC regarding this dynamic was 'You like the freedom of being single and the security of being married' Decision time. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 It's extremely disrespectful to you that she is flirting with other guys while in a R with you. Have you told her you don't like it? I can't imagine being with someone (esp long distance) that openly flirts with others. It's not cool, I wouldn't stand for it. Why does she need so much attention? I'd say that's a big red flag--craving and needing so much male attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 It's extremely disrespectful to you that she is flirting with other guys while in a R with you. Have you told her you don't like it? I can't imagine being with someone (esp long distance) that openly flirts with others. It's not cool, I wouldn't stand for it. Why does she need so much attention? I'd say that's a big red flag--craving and needing so much male attention. She hasn't openly flirted with other guys with me around. However. she told me of this situation where she was waiting to get a drink at a work party and she was talking to this guy who thought he was "talking" to her and then she just walked away. She said she thought the situation was funny and that the guy thought he had a chance. Is she just craving attention from me or trying to make me jealous? And sometimes I can't tell if she's being flirty or if that's just her personality Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Anyone in a relationship is at risk of being cheated on. TBH, your girlfriend sounds like she'd be better off being single and polyamorous. Some people aren't built for exclusive, monogamous relationships. That's valid. A statement I made is MC regarding this dynamic was 'You like the freedom of being single and the security of being married' Decision time. I'm a little confused by what you mean. Do you mean I should ask her this? She told me she's never met someone who she's wanted to marry but told me that she wants to be with me forever and have a family one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 Ahhhh.... then your biggest problem is communication. If she's doing something that bothers you, then you need to talk to her about it. I mean, REALLY talk to her. DO NOT be arguementative, DO NOT be demanding. Just explain to her your concerns and listen to what she has to say about it. Don't draw it into an arguement. Just tell her what you are concerned about and that you need a little reassurance that you're still the guy she wants to be with. Because if you're not, you'd rather not be strung along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 Ahhhh.... then your biggest problem is communication. If she's doing something that bothers you, then you need to talk to her about it. I mean, REALLY talk to her. DO NOT be arguementative, DO NOT be demanding. Just explain to her your concerns and listen to what she has to say about it. Don't draw it into an arguement. Just tell her what you are concerned about and that you need a little reassurance that you're still the guy she wants to be with. Because if you're not, you'd rather not be strung along. When I asked her about her relationship with the one guy she said she did have a big crush on him for the longest time, but realized it wouldn't work with him even if he wanted to be with her. This made me feel a little weird bc she still sees him every now and then and says he's really a great guy. But then she told me she's made up her mind that I'm the guy she wants to be with and said she would never have told me she loves me and all that if it wasn't the case. I think it may just be the guy instinct in me to worry she likes this one guy. Does it sound like I just need to chill out? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I'm a little confused by what you mean. Do you mean I should ask her this? She told me she's never met someone who she's wanted to marry but told me that she wants to be with me forever and have a family one day. My statement was a reflection of actions, not words. Something to understand about women; watch their actions. Words are the tools of their trade, like a hammer or saw in your hands. They build with them; they tear down with them; they destroy with them. It all depends on the value applied to the words. Life experience shows actions to be truer and more authentic describers of behavior, personality and psychology. That's my opinion. Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Reddice Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 My statement was a reflection of actions, not words. Something to understand about women; watch their actions. Words are the tools of their trade, like a hammer or saw in your hands. They build with them; they tear down with them; they destroy with them. It all depends on the value applied to the words. Life experience shows actions to be truer and more authentic describers of behavior, personality and psychology. That's my opinion. Be careful. Truer words have never been spoken. Actions speak louder than words indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fray5 Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 My statement was a reflection of actions, not words. Something to understand about women; watch their actions. Words are the tools of their trade, like a hammer or saw in your hands. They build with them; they tear down with them; they destroy with them. It all depends on the value applied to the words. Life experience shows actions to be truer and more authentic describers of behavior, personality and psychology. That's my opinion. Be careful. That's really good advice. Thank you! I'll approach with caution, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
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