kaylabearjangles Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Ok, I am getting married in august to my boyfriend of 3 yrs. He is 25 yrs older than me and he left his wife of 22 yrs to be w/ me. So here is the situation: He got up this morning and went downstairs naked. He was down there about 45 minutes before I got up. When I came down he was scrambling to close windows on the computer. I looked at his-winkie if you will-and it had pre-cum on it. I just laughed to myself and went out to the kitchen. I came back in to open the blinds and looked again and it was still there and dripping on to his other "members". When I confronted him about it he lied right to my face. He was tongue-tied and eventually got pissed at me for asking. He also kept changing the subject to our bills. He said to himself (I overheard) "we have more important things to worry about." He likes to look at pics of master/slave situations. I'm not into that but he never really says anything about it. I feel that I am a fairly attractive young woman so I don't know what his deal is. We do have sex but not every night. He has a big belly and it is very uncomfortable; he doesn't understand that though. I would appreciate any thoughts on this matter. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Valentines5 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I divorced my exhusband recently because of his porn addiction. If I'm gonna be MARRIED to someone then I want to be satisfied sexually and not have to worry about my husband spending more energy and time jacking off to porn. I have needs and desires and I don't go hole up with a porn mag or sit in front of the computer masturbating - I want my husband to satsify me. My ex spent more time jacking off and I got fed up with it. Why be married? You'd think these morons would want the real thing with a real woman. It's a big problem these days and more women are dumping their men to find guys who are dying to have sex with their women instead of their hands. Think twice before marrying this guy - if he does it now - he's gonna keep doing it - and if you ask him to stop he'll just do it when you're not home. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 He left his wife of 22 years to be with you, and he's looking at porn and lying about it to your face. You want to be with this man because????? You need to ask yourself that. Love? Good provider? Gets along well with you? If those are some of the answers then thats great, but you need to look at the whole picture. Also, I agree with Valentines reply. Rarely do people stop when they get caught, they just get better at hiding it. Best of luck and let us know whats going on. Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 i cant believe you are all so worried about porn! im a 27 yr old girl and it does not bother me at all! if he was talking to other girls on line id be worried but its porn! its like how girls watch romantic movies. should a guy be worried about that? girls watch romantic movies and are sappy and love to cry about "ohh the guy is sooo romantic, i wish my guy would do that". its the same thing. guys dont get all mad about that! think about it!! thats actually WORSE! you wishing your guy would do the same thing that the guy in a certain movie would do romantically!! Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 i dont mean that ists worse, i just mean if you are worried about something like porn, think of how much more you'd be upset if your guy was watching a romantic movie and saying "oh i love that woman, she does sweet things for her man".... Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Jw, what you may find ok or accetable, others may not. It depends on the person and how it effects them. There are alot of relationships that are in trouble or have ended over porn. Its a growing issue. When someone is doing something that someone else doesn't like, especially if married or in a committed realtionship, its a disrespect to the person as well as the relationship as a whole. Also, a romantic movie is a far cry from porn. In a romantic movie you mainly see, love, kindness, respect and shared feelings...yes we all wont that, but thats not in porn. Not only that if someones viewing something that they are lying about, then thats a problem in its self right there. Link to post Share on other sites
DaiseyEyes Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as the porn goes. I would question why he felt the need to lie to you. It could have been that he was simply embarrassed. I don't think that this is something that you should lose any sleep over, but just keep in mind that if having your man look at porn really bothers you, then either you or he has to make a sacrifice; he has to stop, or you have to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
jw32802 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 it is all perception, and of course the guy is going to lie about it, if he knows you'll be mad. i find it so amazing that this bothers women, i just dont get it. and it is the same as a movie. you are crying and getting feelings about the movie because you think the guy in it is sweet or something. if you are secure in yourself, porn wouldnt bother you. Link to post Share on other sites
Azeele Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Does he have a webcam? Does he chat online? Everyone is assuming that he was looking at porn. What if he was hot chatting or actually webcamming with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 When someone feels the need to lie, then that is a problem. Yes it may be because he was embarrassed by it, but, if thats the case, then he shouldn't be doing something he feels the need to lie about, wheather it was from embarrassment or guilt or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kaylabearjangles Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 Well, he did admit it to me that he was looking and he was embarrassed so he didn't tell me the truth. He says he hates when I embarrass him. He has weird fetishes that don't interest me at all so in one sense I understand where he is coming from. When I make love I like it to be romantic and he likes it to be kinky. I don't mind if he looks once in a while when I am around but the fact that I caught him and he lied bothered me. I am not insecure it's just how our relationship started that makes me worry. He cheated on his wife with me and I've heard "Once a cheater, always a cheater." But, I really don't think he would ever cheat on me physically with another person, it's just the whole porn thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Azeele Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Does he lie about other things? Is this the first time you've caught him in a lie. You said he doesnt like to be embarassed? Is this the first time you've embarassed him? How did he react the last time you embarassed him? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 it is all perception, and of course the guy is going to lie about it, if he knows you'll be mad. i find it so amazing that this bothers women, i just dont get it. and it is the same as a movie. you are crying and getting feelings about the movie because you think the guy in it is sweet or something. if you are secure in yourself, porn wouldnt bother you. Yet again it's not always just looking at porn. Why is it so difficult for men and women to understand the difference between looking at porn and porn addiction. Why don't you go down the list and tell me if you think any of this is a problem: Hides pornography Lies about having pornography Sneaks out of bed at night to masturbate to pornography Denies significant other sexual attention because of lack of libido Denies significant other sexual attention because sex it not a priority Spends money (sometimes excessive) on pornography Becomes verbally abusive if questioned about pornography Becomes verbally aggressive when questioned about pornography Refuses to share pornography If my husband looked at pornography and didn't do any of the things above I'd have no problem with it. It's not that they're looking. It's that the pornography consumes their lives so much that they can't even see how they're treating someone they love. They can't comprehend the damage and pain they're causing by the above actions. Do you honestly think that the list above is acceptable? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 The above list is not accetable, thats an addiction. I agree with ya Olivia. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Originally posted by kaylabearjangles I am not insecure it's just how our relationship started that makes me worry. He cheated on his wife with me and I've heard "Once a cheater, always a cheater." But, I really don't think he would ever cheat on me physically with another person, it's just the whole porn thing. Well...um...tough ****? Smart move getting involved with a married guy in the first place. In any case, you asked for our thoughts Here's mine...I really am getting tired of these "OHMYGAWD MY BF/HUSBAND LOOKS AT PORNOGRAPHY! SHOCK! OUTRAGE!" threads. Kayla, I think you are insecure despite what you say because, like I said, there have been a lot of these threads in the past and I'd be willing to bet not all of the guys are former cheaters. I've never cheated on anybody. So, that can't be it. Why is it so hard for you women to accept that we like to beat off sometimes? Ok, ladies...think of your favorite male movie star who could get any piece of tail they want at the snap of their fingers. Guess what? They still jerk it from time to time. Sorry to spoil the illusion. Mayors, senators, musicians, billionaires, astronauts, models, blue collar schmoes...WE ALL BEAT OFF. If you meet a guy who tells you he doesn't, he's ****ing lying, and he has sexual hang ups. You act like having a wank every now and then to pictures of some random chick on the internet is some terrible sin that we should be ashamed of and try to cure. Please. Let the man have his porn and his dignity, for God's sake. What are you going to do if he doesn't quit beating off? Have his friends and family waiting when he comes home from work and have an intervention??? o_O For those who absolutely can't stand the fact that their man looks at porn, I have the perfect compromise. Unconditional blowjobs. In exchange for him giving up porn completely, you must agree to giving him a hummer whenever he pleases. No if's, and's, or but's. He just points to his crotch, nods, and you go to work. You'll also have to carry around a beeper to accommodate him when you're not in the immediate area. Get a beep, give a blow. Regardless of where you are and what you're doing. Shopping for groceries? Get to the express checkout. Business meeting in another city? Get the janitor to take over. Dying of cancer? Oh well. Better ask Jesus for the strength to rise from your death bed and give one last knob polishing. Yeah, I know this post isn't serious, but to me, neither is the topic of this thread. PS: Good list, Olivia. Listen to her, Kayla. I have an addition to the list by the way. If you come home and your man has converted your living room into a mock strip club, complete with fog effects and cheesy DJ, and he's sitting in the middle of the floor naked, covered in KY, humping a giant Mardi Gras head of Jenna Jameson with a fake vagina propped into the mouthhole....then he may have a problem with porn. Link to post Share on other sites
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