Why won't he divorce?

[Impatient76]

I started dating this guy a year ago. We were both separated and had been for some time. Realizing we were getting serious (and wanting to get myself totally together) I finalized my divorce three months after we started talking.

 

His situation is made more complicated by financial diffiulculties. He and his ex were sharing the house but separated and she moved out shortly after we started talking. He's given a few timeframes for filing the paperwork, but something always comes up with her that makes it get put off.

 

He is planning on moving to be with me in the next few months and I've let him know that his marriage needs to be resolved before he moves to be with me. I brought this up a few weeks ago and he still hasn't brought it up with her. I asked about it and he has indicated he will bring it up this weekend.

 

I have no doubt that he will, I just wonder why he's dragging his feet. I should mention a few things 1) He's a great guy. He isn't a douchebag and isn't trying to be a jerk to her. 2) We're in two different states. I trust him; I've met his family, he has met mine. This is all aboveboard in that she knows about me. There isn't anyone else in the picture. 3) He has indicated that she is unstable and flies off the handle for little to no reason. I don't know her or her experience. I'm not judging her. He has told me he's always wrong no matter what he does for her. 4) There are no kiddos involved.

 

This is what really gets me. If there were kids, I'd wait patiently. But there aren't. And based on what he says, she makes him unhappy. So why won't he just file already?

[Jethro]

He's given a few timeframes for filing the paperwork, but something always comes up with her that makes it get put off.

 

What comes up, specifically?

 

No kids, financial difficulties... there seems to be zero negatives for him to divorce. So, you have an extremely huge red flag going on here. If I were you, I'd put the ultimatum up now that he files the paperwork. You will very soon find out the reason why he hasn't filed.

[whichwayisup]

Love how he is putting all the blame on her. She's in the wrong, she's acting a certain way, she's going to be upset, she's blah blah blah. I guess his shi.t doesn't stink and he's perfect. Everything is her fault and not his .. Yet when one person truly wants out, wants a divorce, they make it happen. He IS dragging his feet..For a reason and you may not like my answer but I think he isn't sure what he wants (divorce) so he is taking his time, putting you off by exaggerating and bending truths so you will stick around. I mean, if he told you "hey, I'm actually having second thoughts and need time to sort this out, sort myself out and I cannot guarantee the outcome in your favour" I highly doubt you'd wait patiently by his side, allowing him to still live with his wife..

 

You make the choice. Tell him to call you when the D is final and then you'll date him in a proper way. People don't get up do/change unless they have or want to.