i think i am cramping his life style

[sad]

why am i sad? cause i have been with this guy for two years now and a half actually. he has given up so much for me "willingly". he has cut his drinking down toalmost nothing, he don't see his friends anymore, although he talks to them on the phone, he hardly goes to anymore games, some, but not as many. he helps me out financially, and my daughter as well.

 

he is basically a good person, but, i feel so guilty when something comes up and i don't want him to do it, like getting drunk now and then. at times he will mention something about something he missed cause he knew i wouldn't want him to go, he says it so casually and i'm not even sure how he meant it, but it leaves me with such guilt!

 

i feel like i'm really cramping this guy life style even though he is making his own choices. i don't even know about half the stuff he wants to do, he just don't do it cause heeither wants to be with me or thinks i will get mad.

 

i feel like leaving him. i know how much he loves me and i don't want to, it's just that i'm so tired of feeling guilty. what can i do? i've tried talking to him but things just stay the same. he says he is happy. any ideas?

[clairbelle]

Cramping his lifestyle? How about helping his life? I mean when you love someone, sometimes you make better choices, not only for them but because you value yourself more.

 

How about looking at this with the attitude that you have actually HELPED his life instead of cramped his lifestyle.

 

You should stop feeling so guilty...if this guy says he's happy, then he is. Take him for his word. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are making him make better choices about his life and act responsibly.

why am i sad? cause i have been with this guy for two years now and a half actually. he has given up so much for me "willingly". he has cut his drinking down toalmost nothing, he don't see his friends anymore, although he talks to them on the phone, he hardly goes to anymore games, some, but not as many. he helps me out financially, and my daughter as well. he is basically a good person, but, i feel so guilty when something comes up and i don't want him to do it, like getting drunk now and then. at times he will mention something about something he missed cause he knew i wouldn't want him to go, he says it so casually and i'm not even sure how he meant it, but it leaves me with such guilt! i feel like i'm really cramping this guy life style even though he is making his own choices. i don't even know about half the stuff he wants to do, he just don't do it cause heeither wants to be with me or thinks i will get mad. i feel like leaving him. i know how much he loves me and i don't want to, it's just that i'm so tired of feeling guilty. what can i do? i've tried talking to him but things just stay the same. he says he is happy. any ideas?

[Deejette]

I think you would feel worse if he were still out there getting drunk. The fact that he is willing to cut down on the drinking shows that he values your relationship and knows that his old ways would destroy it.

Cramping his lifestyle? How about helping his life? I mean when you love someone, sometimes you make better choices, not only for them but because you value yourself more. How about looking at this with the attitude that you have actually HELPED his life instead of cramped his lifestyle. You should stop feeling so guilty...if this guy says he's happy, then he is. Take him for his word. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are making him make better choices about his life and act responsibly.