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Surprising contact by ex..he actually said he misses me

sweetheart5381

By sweetheart5381,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Quite a surprise tonight. I just received a text from the ex saying that he would like for us to together sometime soon and that he misses the time we spent together and how great it was. Very unlike him to express his feelings like this. He said that he would like to have a few drinks and hang out like we used to.

 

For background, we are co-workers, dated exclusively for 8 months and he broke it off in late January/early Feb stating he needed space. In hindsight we both realize that we went too fast as a "couple".

 

We have talked at work for the last few months, social chatter, and make no specific effort to say more than "Hi" in passing through the same corridor. There has been no talk of the relationship, I dont think either one of us want to re-visit a painful breakup.

 

I replied to this text and said yes, I would like to spend time with you too. We talked about when we are free, etc. We will likely see each other this weekend.

 

I must admit I'm a little nervous about this meeting. He did not initiate alot during the relationship, so it seems very odd that he is doing so now.

 

Any thoughts?

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Balzac

Balzac

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Both single? Divorced?

 

Hey you sound happy. I've never understood arranged breaks but apparently they work for some.

 

Were you dating during this "break"?

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Both single? Divorced?

 

Hey you sound happy. I've never understood arranged breaks but apparently they work for some.

 

Were you dating during this "break"?

 

Truth be told, I was devastated with his need for "space" assuming the worst (another woman) and annoyed him with questions, ect until he broke it off completely. So not really a "planned break".

 

He has been separated for over 2 yrs, currently in divorce proceedings. I am single.

 

Yes, I was dating during this break. No attachments, just dates, having fun.

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Ruby65

Ruby65

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That's a tough situation.

 

On the one hand, it's pretty much everyone's fantasy to have an ex contact you this way and set up what could almost be considered a date... wooo hooooo!!!

 

On the other hand, do you really want to entertain the notion of opening yourself up to someone who was fine with leaving you "devastated" the last time around?

 

I know, if I was in your shoes, I'd definately be meeting him for drinks and to hang out and see what he has to say. I'd be SO psyched!!

 

But I'm also at the other end of that road.... my last breakup was over almost 2 years ago now and even though I was absolutely CRUSHED for months, I've gone on to meet someone new who blows my old rejecting ex SO FAR out of the water that I'd never ever ever go back!!

 

My feeling from this vantage point is, don't ever settle for someone who's already rejected you.

 

Even if they're having second thoughts right now..... they've already chosen to walk away once and there's no reason for them not to do it to you again. Your heart is precious! Why risk it when there are AMAZING guys out there who will treat you the way you really deserve?

 

Anyhow, just my 2 cents!

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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We got together last night at his place. We had an amazing time together, just like we always had we we were a "couple".

 

We were both a little nervous at first, it was the first time we spent time alone in private since we broke up. The weirdness went away very quickly though and we talked like we hadn't missed a beat in the relationship.

 

We both seem to have a greater appreciation for one another, more consideration and more listening. The "break" was in fact just what we needed to be more fully aware of just how good we are together. Our connection is so strong, it's crazy. We both know that now.

 

We had a fair bit to drink and I couldnt drive home. I told him it was fine for me to stay on the couch but he told me that he would want me in his bed if I was there. He wants us to take things slow this time around and not become too overwhelmed with emotions too fast. He paid for my cab is going to come and pick me up to get my car later on today.

 

I am personally still so shocked about all this, 3 days ago I would have never guessed that we would be kissing and touching and talking intimately again. Love is a crazy thing.

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Svet74

Svet74

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what are your intentions for meeting with him?

to get back together?

cuz him saying he misses you just means he misses you. doesnt mean he wants you back

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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what are your intentions for meeting with him?

to get back together?

cuz him saying he misses you just means he misses you. doesnt mean he wants you back

 

I dont want to go back to the pressure of being a "couple" and being one another's sole source of happiness.. that was what led to the demise of that relationship. Neither does he. Looking back, we both showed signs of being hot and cold to one another because we were trying so hard to be "perfect" that we lost sight of the "fun".

 

We are in a brand new relationship now. No obligations, no pressure, just enjoying one another's company in whatever way we are both comfortable.

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Svet74

Svet74

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I dont want to go back to the pressure of being a "couple" and being one another's sole source of happiness.. that was what led to the demise of that relationship. Neither does he. Looking back, we both showed signs of being hot and cold to one another because we were trying so hard to be "perfect" that we lost sight of the "fun".

 

We are in a brand new relationship now. No obligations, no pressure, just enjoying one another's company in whatever way we are both comfortable.

 

well thats good. thats kinda how i feel toward my ex. were back in contact. but im ok with or without him. So its all good

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Good thing you didn't go out with his best friend.

 

Well actually, his friend and I have made plans to go out for drinks when he returns from vacation next week. My ex knows of these plans, and I am pretty sure he is aware that his friend and I are fond of one another and have become closer in the last month or so.

 

In fact, I think my ex's friend is trying to show him that if he wants me back he better move fast or risk losing me forever.

 

This may well be why J (ex) has expressed his emotions and interest in "taking things slow" and spending time together again.

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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well thats good. thats kinda how i feel toward my ex. were back in contact. but im ok with or without him. So its all good

 

I think once you know that you are ok with or without them, and they figure that out too, they will be forced to act one way or the other.

 

Glad you are ok, either way :)

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Svet74

Svet74

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I think once you know that you are ok with or without them, and they figure that out too, they will be forced to act one way or the other.

 

Glad you are ok, either way :)

 

 

what do you mean by they will be forced to act one way or another?

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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what do you mean by they will be forced to act one way or another?

 

I mean that they will do something to prevent losing someone they care about like contact/communicate. When they realize the complete loss, they either accept it and move on without the other or act in an effort to preserve the connection to the other.

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Well, as I expected it turns out that he "still doesn't know what he wants" LOL. He could not keep up the caring facade for too long, I saw through it pretty easily this time.

 

Truth is, he wanted sex and once he got it he started playing games and tried to string me along again.

 

No big surprise, once a player, always a player!

 

He actually did me a huge favour by becoming cold and uncaring again.. I will never have to wonder if he was the "one". Definitely not.

 

He burned the bridge splendidly!!

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Svet74

Svet74

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Well, as I expected it turns out that he "still doesn't know what he wants" LOL. He could not keep up the caring facade for too long, I saw through it pretty easily this time.

 

Truth is, he wanted sex and once he got it he started playing games and tried to string me along again.

 

No big surprise, once a player, always a player!

 

He actually did me a huge favour by becoming cold and uncaring again.. I will never have to wonder if he was the "one". Definitely not.

 

He burned the bridge splendidly!!

 

you had sex with him? why?? but hey at least you know he is still a doosh

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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you had sex with him? why?? but hey at least you know he is still a doosh

 

I had sex with him to see what he wanted. I am not wasting anymore time and the longer it drags out without sex, the more likely it is I would have fallen for him again.

 

I am still hurt, made it clear to him and called him on his BS. He doesn't give a **** at all.

 

No loss to me, I know the truth :)

 

Now full NC, including work.

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Stanza

Stanza

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Sorry to hear it, I was thinking you were going to get a happy end to this story :( Wish you strength.

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Yes, he certainly doesn't deserve me.

 

Truth is, he justed wanted to know if I still cared - to feed his massive ego.

 

I have a feeling he will keep doing this, it's a game for him so NC is the only way to go.

 

I will be fine.:D

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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I didnt expect this one to hurt so much.

 

I knew it was a bad idea but I did it anyway, just to know for sure he didnt care so I could move on.

 

It still hurts like a bitch... I thought he was my friend, have been nothing but a great, loving, forgiving friend to him.

 

He betrayed the friendship. He betrayed the love I gave him and I never asked for anything but respect for my feelings.

 

This one hurts pretty bad.

 

Be forewarned - those that want a second chance. Sometimes, it's just a second chance to have your heart broken again.

 

Once bitten, twice shy.

 

Heavy duty.

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flitzanu

flitzanu

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Quite a surprise tonight. I just received a text from the ex saying that he would like for us to together sometime soon and that he misses the time we spent together and how great it was. Very unlike him to express his feelings like this. He said that he would like to have a few drinks and hang out like we used to.

 

For background, we are co-workers, dated exclusively for 8 months and he broke it off in late January/early Feb stating he needed space. In hindsight we both realize that we went too fast as a "couple".

 

We have talked at work for the last few months, social chatter, and make no specific effort to say more than "Hi" in passing through the same corridor. There has been no talk of the relationship, I dont think either one of us want to re-visit a painful breakup.

 

I replied to this text and said yes, I would like to spend time with you too. We talked about when we are free, etc. We will likely see each other this weekend.

 

I must admit I'm a little nervous about this meeting. He did not initiate alot during the relationship, so it seems very odd that he is doing so now.

 

Any thoughts?

 

saying he misses you is not the same as "i want to work on our problems and get back together with you."

 

be mindful.

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louisehawley6

louisehawley6

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When me and my ex broke up, I said to him that I'd like for us to be together but in a brand new relationship. Pretty sure he has and still does have reservations about an 'actual brand new relationship' being able to happen. We are not together and we have no contact, I read somewhere that for a relationship to actually work out the 'second time around' you need to have been apart for at least 10% of your life so far...

 

What do you think of this? Can you really have a brand new relationship when you haven't really been apart for that long? Don't you think there is the possibilty that things will just go back to how they were? Have you addressed your orginal problems with him?

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Svet74

Svet74

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When me and my ex broke up, I said to him that I'd like for us to be together but in a brand new relationship. Pretty sure he has and still does have reservations about an 'actual brand new relationship' being able to happen. We are not together and we have no contact, I read somewhere that for a relationship to actually work out the 'second time around' you need to have been apart for at least 10% of your life so far...

 

What do you think of this? Can you really have a brand new relationship when you haven't really been apart for that long? Don't you think there is the possibilty that things will just go back to how they were? Have you addressed your orginal problems with him?

 

what do you mean by being 10% percent apart in your life? as in 1 year? that part confuses me. explain

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sweetheart5381

sweetheart5381

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Thanks for the responses... my laptop has been down for the last 2 weeks, sorry for the tardy response.

 

I am happy to say that I spent one night crying over what I missed (the mirage) and that's it.

 

I didnt get caught up again, thought logically about the situation and understand it much better now.

 

The ex came back because he saw that I was moving on and getting closer to his friend (not commited or dating, just flirting a lil and talking). He got jealous and cock-blocked, not because he wants to get back together, but so he would have me waiting for him. He knew that his friend was out of the country on vacation and decided it would be a great time to pursue. When the cat's away...

 

He pursuaded me to have "good times" without any real serious talk of the relationship. Obvious red flag which I called out by having sex. Epic fail for him.

 

He is now very angry that I don't give a damn. He openly makes an ass out of himself at work now, angry and making it obvious that he is upset with me. Silly... he broke up with me, he should be the one that is over it by now.

 

It was just sex :lmao:

 

I have now seen him for who he is and he has in fact validated all of my concerns with him as a so-called partner.

 

Whew, dodged a bullet there.

 

End of chapter :D

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