pink_sugar Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 My mom has been super conservative about my clothing for the longest time. It's really annoying. I am 23 now and she continues to say how my shorts are too short and my tops are too low. I wear regular shorts that are appropriate for my age range and most often my tank tops are just regular scoop neck tank tops, I only have a few plunging necklines, but I don't wear them as often, especially around her. I'm really tired of having her tell me what I shouldn't wear around her. Mostly because I think she is being unreasonable. How do I tell her to stop commenting on my clothing all the time and telling me what I shouldn't wear around her? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Just curious...are you still at home...? And does your clothing cause actual conflict with her...? Does she make you change? Or does she just comment on it and leave it at that...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 No, I've been living on my own for 5 years now and no it doesn't cause other conflict, but she constantly brings it up whenever a hint of cleavage is showing. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Religious background ... mormom ? Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Religious background ... mormom ? No, my mother-in-law's family has a Catholic background, but she's not religious. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Just tell her that you're an adult and it's none of her business. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 8, 2012 Author Share Posted July 8, 2012 So I was visiting my mom this weekend and after I left, she sent me this really long text message how my shorts are too short, my demin skirts are too short and my tank tops are too low and tight!! I told her I really didn't want to hear it anymore and then she said I need to respect her opinion! I mean, this almost makes me not want to visit her! She was saying I am dressing like a slut and like I'm trying to attract a man. Well what am I supposed to wear in 100 degree whether? I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Oh lord. I wish I had some advice to give you, but you've seen my thread. All I can say is that I understand how annoying that must be. Have you told her that her comments make you not want to visit? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 So I was visiting my mom this weekend and after I left, she sent me this really long text message how my shorts are too short, my demin skirts are too short and my tank tops are too low and tight!! I told her I really didn't want to hear it anymore and then she said I need to respect her opinion! I mean, this almost makes me not want to visit her! She was saying I am dressing like a slut and like I'm trying to attract a man. Well what am I supposed to wear in 100 degree whether? I really don't know what to do. Burqa ? Get one in white, black attracts the rays, white repels them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 So I was visiting my mom this weekend and after I left, she sent me this really long text message how my shorts are too short, my demin skirts are too short and my tank tops are too low and tight!! I told her I really didn't want to hear it anymore and then she said I need to respect her opinion! I mean, this almost makes me not want to visit her! She was saying I am dressing like a slut and like I'm trying to attract a man. Well what am I supposed to wear in 100 degree whether? I really don't know what to do. I suggest telling her that you're an adult. You don't live at home anymore. She needs to respect that you make your own life choices, including what you wear. She doesn't get to tell you what to do about anything. If she can't do that, then you're not going to come around anymore because you don't like spending time with someone who has such a negative opinion of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks for this, january. I am realizing I need to set firmer boundaries like my brother does with my parents. My dad always expect me to be over when he tells me to come for a BBQ despite me not giving him any confirmation and my mom always goes on forever about my clothes. This is why I'm glad I'm moving further than just around the corner from my dad. He doesn't pop in or anything, but once I move further away, he won't expect me to come over every time he calls, since I won't be just around the corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Thanks for this, january. I am realizing I need to set firmer boundaries like my brother does with my parents. My dad always expect me to be over when he tells me to come for a BBQ despite me not giving him any confirmation and my mom always goes on forever about my clothes. This is why I'm glad I'm moving further than just around the corner from my dad. He doesn't pop in or anything, but once I move further away, he won't expect me to come over every time he calls, since I won't be just around the corner. I said the burqa stuff as a joke, but the more i think about it, i think you should rent one out and go see your mother with your 'new wardrobe'. A mormon girl outfit would not get the message across good enough. I would even go as far as telling them i was converting to islam and that i will wear it from them on [say your new name will be Fatima]. They want kids ?; you are getting your tubes tied, and you are adopting a child of another race than yours. Say it with a straight face though. I did it with my aunt ... 'when are you getting married' ... 'me and my boyfriend can't get married'. Invitations to her house suddenly dropped afterwards, and resumed shortly after she was informed i was joking by someone else in the family. Edited July 9, 2012 by Radu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yeah, I mean if I wear something with even a HINT of cleavage and I do mean a HINT of cleavage, she says I shouldn't wear it. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yeah I was going to suggest you put on a snowsuit and go over there. That's probably not wise advice though LOL Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 So I was visiting my mom this weekend and after I left, she sent me this really long text message how my shorts are too short, my demin skirts are too short and my tank tops are too low and tight!! "Mom, I understand your opinion. I feel bad that you don't approve of who I choose to be, but I know that you love me and want me to be happy. What I wear has nothing to do with who I am and whether I should be lovable but when you talk to me like this, I feel unloved. I'm not going to change the clothes I wear just because you don't like them. I'm a grown woman and I have my own life to live. But if you continue to tell me how much you disapprove of me, for my own peace of mind I will have to stop coming to see you as much. Which would you prefer?" Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yeah, I mean if I wear something with even a HINT of cleavage and I do mean a HINT of cleavage, she says I shouldn't wear it. What this really is, though, is a mother unable to let go and see her child as a grown woman. She wouldn't tell any OTHER woman that they dress like a hooker, would she? What it amounts to is that you are going to have to make that break. You know, the one where you mentally force yourself to start thinking and acting like her peer (and adult) and not her daughter. And brushing off her criticism, laughing about it, like you would if it were coming from any other adult you know. In other words, it's on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 The problem is that this is not a casual encounter. She has sent me several really long messages about how I need to stop dressing this way and how I dress like a hooker. She seriously won't leave me alone on this. I've tried ignoring it, but she will pretty much go on forever until she thinks she can get me to change for her. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 The problem is that this is not a casual encounter. She has sent me several really long messages about how I need to stop dressing this way and how I dress like a hooker. She seriously won't leave me alone on this. I've tried ignoring it, but she will pretty much go on forever until she thinks she can get me to change for her. Excuse me? I thought you said you were 23, not 10. Stop opening her messages. Still on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 I don't open her messages, they show right up on the screen when they are received. Maybe you don't have a smart phone. You cannot block text messages either. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Did your dad control how your mom dressed after they got together? If he did then she is trying to make sure you have no more freedom about what to wear than she has. If he didn't then she doesn't like seeing you and your young body now that her's isn't in its prime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Interesting food for thought, Sally. I think both of these are true, actually. My dad made my mom lose weight, dress more feminine, dye her hair, put on makeup and etc. They have been divorced for 18 years nowShe's never really been the girly type. She is 100+ pounds overweight now, so it could also be that. My mom has always had a weight issue and I haven't, she has never made an effort to take care of herself or pride herself in her body. I excercise all the time and try to look my best to feel good about myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 "Thank you for your input." And then move on. Anytime she says "I don't like those shorts!" "Thank you for your input." "That shirt shows off too much cleavage!" "Thank you for your input." "You are dressing like a hooker!" "Thank you for your input." Once she figures out that her complaining is falling on deaf ears and not bothering you at all, she'll stop. Or if she doesn't, you won't care. She's entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 "Thank you for your input." And then move on. Anytime she says "I don't like those shorts!" "Thank you for your input." "That shirt shows off too much cleavage!" "Thank you for your input." "You are dressing like a hooker!" "Thank you for your input." Once she figures out that her complaining is falling on deaf ears and not bothering you at all, she'll stop. Or if she doesn't, you won't care. She's entitled to her opinion, and you are entitled to yours. I'm going to give this a shot. She's been doing this to me off and on since I was a teenager, so here goes. She told me just wants me to tell her "okay fine" about dressing differently, but I don't feel like I even need to promise her that. This is a good idea though without having to give into her. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I don't open her messages, they show right up on the screen when they are received. Maybe you don't have a smart phone. You cannot block text messages either. You can't block her phone number? Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 You can't block her phone number? They get along well except for this one issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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