Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. you are positioning yourself to be the backup guy.. is that what you really want ? No I'm not. If we hang out and she doesn't express a desire to be with me again then it's curtains for us. She has been screwed around a lot in the past. What she felt for me was real. There is no way she would take me back as a temp bf. If we get back together it will be because she's overcome a great fear and in her mind taken a big risk to let me back in. She wouldn't be able to revisit a relationship with me without feelings returning. That I am confident about. ^ But I'm not confident we will get back together. I've put a lot of thought into all the outcomes I can think of here. And that's my thoughts on if friday goes well and she tells me she want's to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 No I'm not. Actually.. you already are... Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Okay all this talk of taking life by the balls and not torturing myself anymore made me get pretty impatient. So I just sent a txt to my ex. "Hey J_____, Still free for friday night?" Got a reply straight away saying "Hi Alex Yes I am." She never uses my name in txts.... Lol. I was going to say "No double bookings?" Or "Not going to cancel?" But that probably wouldnt have been smart hey? So I replied with "Okay great. I'll look up times in a bit and let you know. Still wanna take the Silvia?" Because she wanted to pick me up in her sports car. I didn't wanna reply with something she coudlnt reply back to, so I added the Silvia question on the end.. But she hasn't replied back haha. Oh well I'll look up session times later and ask which one she wants to see. Personally I would have ended it at "ok great", asking questions is taking the risk of no answers and that's where doubt settles in (in that specific case, not saying I never ask questions by text ) Be careful with your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Actually.. you already are... How is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 How is he? Read the thread.. she told him in no uncertain terms they are not going to be an item.. he pesters her till she breaks and agrees to go out, she then bails.. backup guy... She had other plans.. another guy.. go figure.... While I may be wrong.. I don't think so.... Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Read the thread.. she told him in no uncertain terms they are not going to be an item.. he pesters her till she breaks and agrees to go out, she then bails.. backup guy... She had other plans.. another guy.. go figure.... While I may be wrong.. I don't think so.... but, do you see her sorry attempts to keep him in contact? obviously she still has something for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 He's looking at it from worst case scenario, or personal experience. I appreciate his opinion, even though I dont think it's the case. He doesn't know my ex or how she thinks or feels. He knows only what I have written on here. And not even I know how she feels. EVERYTHING said on this and every thread I've written has been educated guesses and opinion. None can be taken as fact. Only guidence. I stand firm in disagreement though. A girl like my ex needs no backup man. She could have a new man tomorrow if she wanted. And a new man the week after if she didnt like the first. She has men chasing her all the time. There is no need for her to come to me to feel wanted when she is made to feel extremely desirable every day. I'll acknowledge there are many better looking and more successful men than me out there. Men she could snatch up in a heartbeat. If it was about ego and feeling important to her, she wouldn't come back to me and keep me as a backup. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 but, do you see her sorry attempts to keep him in contact? obviously she still has something for him. that is what they do to keep the guy as the back up plan.. without the little crumbs to keep the interest they wouldn't be there to fall back on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 She said in no uncertain terms yes. But it was in me moving on and meeting new people that SHE came back, SHE came to my house and left me notes, SHE apologised for the blunt and childish things she said and did and SHE admitted that I was hurt because she was scared and confused. When I dumped her looked her in the eye and said "in no uncertain terms" "No J____, there is no other girl in my life. I just dont feel the same attraction I once had for you, I dont think I love you any more." That once sentence, tore her world apart then and there. I saw it in her eyes. She believed it. Did I mean what I said? No. Why did I say it? Because I was scared we were moving too fast, I was scared she would hurt me like others had and I needed a scapegoat to get away. But sure enough I regretted it. I processed my feelings and came to the realisation that I wanted her, and although I was afraid, I valued what I had with her more than losing it through cowardess. I know it probably isn't the case with her, but who says it cant me? Additionally if you bothered to read my threads in detail. I can't recall a time that "I" pestered her for attention, or bugged her into seeing me. She said she wanted to see my dog tomorrow, I said I owed her a night at the movies seeing as I bailed last time and she said it sounded nice and asked me to take her out. There's no bugging or pestering there from what I can see? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. it is about having your eyes open enough to follow your head not your heart.. When people breakup those signs all mean something.. to you.. the person wishing for a reconciliation they mean one thing, to me.. a third party who isn't heartbroken and in a happy marriage who has seen those signs many times before they mean something else... Good luck.. I hope the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. it is about having your eyes open enough to follow your head not your heart.. When people breakup those signs all mean something.. to you.. the person wishing for a reconciliation they mean one thing, to me.. a third party who isn't heartbroken and in a happy marriage who has seen those signs many times before they mean something else... Good luck.. I hope the best for you. and this is why they need to talk if they do hang out and he needs to give her an ultimatum. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 and this is why they need to talk if they do hang out and he needs to give her an ultimatum. the ultimatum was given by her.. he didn't accept it, hence where they are right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Who knows maybe she bailed on tuesday to get back at me for bailing on her last time we went to see a movie. Even though I bailed between dinner and the movie because dinner didnt end on a very high note. Regardless of what people might think. I will find out where she stands. I wont let myself to be strung along. If we go out friday, I'll ask her her intentions. If they arent me, I'm gone. If she says she wants me then I'll tread very carefully and work on building things back up. If she says she's still unsure then I'll think about what I want. I might tell her to take some time and do whatever she needs to, but at the same time prepare myself for the fact that I might well be using me as a fall back. I'll distance myself and wait until she makes it certain she wants me, whilst moving on and assuming I'm a fallback. And I'll let her think she has me as a fall back but when it comes to actually using me she will find I am not there. 3 things will happen this way. She will take me back. We will go our seperate ways Or I'll start to move on while she remains unsure, because this pain and uncertainty is too much for me. And if in doing this she comes back to me, then great. Who knows she might not come around until I've moved on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 the ultimatum was given by her.. he didn't accept it, hence where they are right now. The ultimatum was given. And I DID accept it. I have earlier threads on this forum that show this. She came back into the picture and revealed that the "ultimatum" was made through confusion. Confusion leads to irrational decisions and wrong turns. We all know this. Hence what Livelife said. I am going to get a new refreshed ultimatum to go by when we speak in person next. Now that it seems she's no longer confused and acting out of fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Eh.. we're human beings, flawed and powered by our emotions. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind, it's not like I'm going to keep tab on what you said 2 days ago, at the time it was true, it's your right to want something else today. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. you are romancing it.. it really is cut and dry sometimes... I said in an earlier post that you haven't given her enough time to actually miss you... Good luck.. I really do hope you can come back to this thread and report good news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Indeed ^ Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Did I tell you my ex and I are talking, he actually gave me a ride to the store tonight (no, still haven't found a car ) Anyway, I ended up telling him bluntly that I wasn't the back burner type of girl. I'll tell you more if you want me too. Ah I wish I could find the right guy. Or that he could be find me, even better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. you are romancing it.. it really is cut and dry sometimes... I said in an earlier post that you haven't given her enough time to actually miss you... Good luck.. I really do hope you can come back to this thread and report good news. Any news is going to be good news.. Like I said, if we go out friday night and have fun together, then we will see where she stands. She will either say "Let's work things out" "I dont want to work things out" or "I dont know." It doesnt get much more cut and dry than that. 1) excellent lets work things out 2 excellent I get to put this **** behind me and move on 3) excellent well heres x ammount of space I'll be here if you're ready. Options 2 and 3 will give her plenty of time to actually miss me. And option 1 will only happen if she's already had enough time to miss me and want me back. Let's leave this subtopic haha. I didnt get any reply back from her about taking her car. Checked my phone and the message didnt even send.. Derp lol. Resent it and sure enough got an instant reply. "Ok. Yeh that sounds good :)" Ill look up times thisarvo and let her choose. No rush. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 No green jeep Aw. Sure tell us more about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 No green jeep Aw. Sure tell us more about what happened. Did you two decide on a time and movie? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I haven't looked up times yet. Im going to look it up after I knock off. Tell her the times then go to the gym. I dont check my phone at the gym (hardcore dedication haha). So I wont read her reply til after a solid workout. Then Ill reply to whatever she choses with something nice and friendly, then have a long hot shower and if she replies I'll leave it. Or is that wrong? I know I said I hate when people deliberately gauge their replies by the time the other person took. But is it bad to wait until I can be bothered replying when she's replying straight away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 We know what movie we want to see. If she bails though I'm taking this other girl with me. She asked me to come see it tuesday right before my ex cancelled but I said I wasnt free until the weekend (Leaving the door open for me to see it with my ex first, then her or just her if my ex bails.) Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 The hypothesis of my post yesterday looks like it will likely happen after all , aaha ! Yes, you can't worry about "backing her into a corner" because your sanity comes first man. And like I said, when you ask her I'd really recommend you say something like "I'm just wondering where this is going, because if nowhere, I just don't see the point", vs, again, "I still love you and it's gonna hurt too much to drag things on without a commitment"... The part about her using your name in the response when she never does seems weird to me though. Not to look too much into but it's strikes me as odd. My ex barely used my straight-up first name in a text (or really ever) when she was angry at me... Not that it would in any way mean that, but maybe something else. It's like it's condescending or something. I apologize for adding pointless questions, it just seems strange ! Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Meant to say my ex never used it except when she was angry... But anyway on second thought it's probably just a response to you showing doubt in her punctuality by asking her again ... Like a kid pestered about chores saying "yes, mother, of course i did the dishes" Edited July 11, 2012 by RogerWallace111 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts