Author AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Maybe she's just scared to spend time with me cause the last time she felt so comfortable and feelings started coming back. So maybe she's worried she will let me in or something?? Regardless I didn't reply to the double booked txt. She knows I'll take her friday night. If she wants to come with she will check in later in the week. But how's this for Murphy's law. EVERY time! The other girl I had been interested in that was in a dream and stuff if you've read earlier threads. She asked me to go see the very same movie tomorrow night. I'm considering going with. But I don't think she considers it a date because she's invited her gay mate along with us.. So I dunno haha Link to post Share on other sites
BB7 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I can't believe your story has taken this direction! You were so set on NC and moving on and now it's all up in the air again. Okay, so she's bailed on you once that's fine because you have rescheduled. If she bails again, forget it she's playing games with you. Keep your guard up and let her come to you, don't be so eager (I know it's hard!). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Hmm hmm hmm....... Interesting ! I wish- for you and I -that it were easier to be truly indifferent, and just enjoy a girls company/affection when it came around, without missing it so much afterwards. But I'd say youre doing the best possible thing by trying convey that about yourself through your calm, cordial responses. Like several proverb-ish sayings advise - "just pretend until you are", or "convey an image of success and you will become successful". Seems like she just doesn't know what she wants... Very possible she is afraid of some returning feelings, from your account of that day you guys spent together. I guess the question would be how afraid and why ? And I personally don't think her ability to trust you is of any significance at this point. It's very likely she still has some feelings for you, but isn't sure whether or not it's enough that she wants you back, so in the meantime she's just testing the waters while getting some reassurance and emotional support from talking to/seeing you. You should definitely go out with this girl and her friend. Having someone else around let's you show off certain other aspects of your personality that girls like to see... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks BB7 Hope you're doing well. You're right its hard haha. I've pretty much convinced myself that she's playing games and is going to bail. This might not be true and if it isnt then great I'll see where it leads but at least this way I'm not getting my hopes up. But at the same time convincing myself that she's playing me has got me feeling a bit down today.. Like mindf***ing myself into thinking i've been lead on and used AGAIN... And other little things like my phone went off 9 odd times when I was in bed last night and I didnt check any of them. I got up thismorning kind of hoping one was her (I gotta stop myself getting my hopes up) and it wasn't.. So I'm having a kind of **** day but nothing I havent already felt and overcome before I guess. And Roger tell me about it -_-.. Being indifferent is tough, but at least I can act indifferent even if its not neccessarily the case. Yeah thats what everyone else I've spoken to about this has said really. That or she's trying to make me jealous to get me going crazy over her. But I dont think this is the case because why make someone jealous to get their attention when you know they would take you back if you wanted? That or she's trying to spark agression in me to see if I'm as hot headed and troublesome as I was at times during our relationship. As for being afraid, she's been ****ed over by every guy she's opened her heart to, including me. And I wouldn't blame her for being terrified that I would leave her out in the cold again, it kind of came out of nowhere the first time. I kind of want to, but my best chick friend is really close to this girl and I dont want to cause tension or anything between friendships. Not to mention I said I'd see this movie with my ex and she really wants to see this movie. So going and seeing it with someone else might just stir the waters up.. I was going to txt my ex in response to her cancelling on me with "Dont worry someone else has asked to see it with me tonight, we can see something else" but I decided against that, wisely I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I hope my situation can turn out something like this.. seems to me like youre getting another chance.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks friend But I dont want to get my hopes up. If you read through some previous threads of mine you might not be so sure though. I have been here once before and she got scared and ran away. And it caused me 100 times more suffering than our initial breakup. I dont want that to happen again. I would like to think you are right though. But it's been a very difficult journey so far, for us both. And regardless of what path it takes from here, its going to have its own challenges and difficulties I'm sure. I hope that in time things work out how you would like. Do you have a thread on here telling your story? And if so is the wound fresh? Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks friend But I dont want to get my hopes up. If you read through some previous threads of mine you might not be so sure though. I have been here once before and she got scared and ran away. And it caused me 100 times more suffering than our initial breakup. I dont want that to happen again. I would like to think you are right though. But it's been a very difficult journey so far, for us both. And regardless of what path it takes from here, its going to have its own challenges and difficulties I'm sure. I hope that in time things work out how you would like. Do you have a thread on here telling your story? And if so is the wound fresh? As long as you're careful.. can I have your stuff before you leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 I'm treading very carefully don't you worry What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere haha Link to post Share on other sites
Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 my heartbreak.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/334830-so-lost-without-her Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I'm treading very carefully don't you worry What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere haha Stuff... online gaming? No? Bah, am I the only nerd left? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blotter Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 To me a partner that is miserable and unhappy all the time EXCEPT for when they are with me is a huge red flag. There is something wrong with a person like this, i dont think it bodes well for a future relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Stuff... online gaming? No? Bah, am I the only nerd left? I'm a geek. A cool geek. I online game, not Pc tho. Xbox hockey and battlefield right now! Alexander... Don't worry about her flaking. Test? Maybe, maybe not, just stay calm and remember the hurt you caused her walking away the first time. Just be cool ALL the time. Play no games and don't stoop. You got it all figured out tho. Hehe. Just like I do, ya right. Atleast we have a game plan, er a no-game plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Sorry blotter I think it's a bit deeper than that. She was happy with life before me mate. And happy with me, then I broke her heart, turned her life upside down, lead her to believe I didnt love her and left her alone. That and a combination of work problems, financial problems and family problems are making for a tough time for her at present. All of these things have happened to her in the time after I walked out on her. I want to help her pick up the pieces, starting with me. She's not unhappy with herself, she's unhappy because so much is going wrong for her. She's got the weight of the world on her shoulders, and I can take some of the weight, she's just unsure whether or not she should let me in case it leads to me dumping even more weight on her again. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Stuff... online gaming? No? Bah, am I the only nerd left? It's been a long time. I'm into weight training and fast cars and clubbing. But I'm a die hard gamer at heart. Just don't tell anyone my terrible secret. Only a few years ago Infinity ward got me to play COD for them in events and competitions. Does that make me a geek? I'm still a geek though, just a car and fitness geek haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 I'm a geek. A cool geek. I online game, not Pc tho. Xbox hockey and battlefield right now! Alexander... Don't worry about her flaking. Test? Maybe, maybe not, just stay calm and remember the hurt you caused her walking away the first time. Just be cool ALL the time. Play no games and don't stoop. You got it all figured out tho. Hehe. Just like I do, ya right. Atleast we have a game plan, er a no-game plan. Thanks mate I'm doing just that. Im going off the rails and jumping off the walls in my head but outside I'm mr suave. No games, no stooping. Just being there for her when she wants me to be there and providing these opportunities for feelings to resurface and for her to remember how good I made her feel. And letting her figure out what she wants. What else can I do really? Link to post Share on other sites
Thisisbs Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Yeah, that sounds good. hope it works out for you man ^^. Its really hard to stay friends while you still have feelings, and I've realized that unfortunately LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I play PC and my xbox. Although I haven't played my pc games in a while, lost interest. Can't wait for GW2 though. When I tell people I play I often get a "No way, I would never have guessed" Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I play PC and my xbox. Although I haven't played my pc games in a while, lost interest. Can't wait for GW2 though. When I tell people I play I often get a "No way, I would never have guessed" You must be a female! My ex used to play rockband with me. Actually we played this past weekend. I love her voice, I was in heaven. Alexander, not much else we can do other than keep on keeping on with our heads heads held up high! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Thanks for all the input And good wishes. Also lets try and keep the thread on topic haha People might get confused trying to read this stuff haha Link to post Share on other sites
biogirl05 Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 you can't be friends like this, you're just going to end up hurting each other, you're hurting each other now. If you see your ex this much and have sex with her then of course you two will have feelings for each other. You're either going to get back together or it's going to blow up in a big way. If there's another girl involved with you I'm betting it's going to get ugly. If not now, then down the road. What you should do is make a decision now to either pursue her or let her go, but everyone has to make their own mistakes. By the way, it sounds to me like you are sending a lot of mixed messages. This whole "play indifferent" game is nuts. If you want her, tell her. If she doesn't reciprocate then you need to actually let her go, for both of your sakes. I don't intend for this post to sound mean, just trying to give you a wake-up call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Okay, you said you were worried about going nc after the movies because you wouldn't know how she feels?? Thats EXACTLY what you want her to do! You want her to wonder, in the meantime, you have us to distract you and talk to you while you're going nc after seeing her. I think thats a very good idea. Alright time for the girls perspective. I'm 20, so we are pretty much the same age. Yes, she sounds like she still wants you in her life. When you mentioned how you were talking to your friend about hanging out with girls infront of her, I peronally thought about how upset I would be if my ex did that, then i read that she left- she got offended that you were discussing hanging out with girls in front of her. she is completely using the dog as an excuse to see you. Now, as for her saying she is over you or whatever she is saying, thats where it throws me off. But all of the other signs lean to her missing you and wanting it to work out. The cuddling, the SEX, the asking to see the dog, all of it. Like you said, we're the same person haha. Let's both just let them come to us now and see how they take it:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Livelife - Being this age is **** haha I miss being a kid. I think its a good idea with NC its just going to be hard thats all. But youre right I have you to help me Thats what everyone is saying, so I'd like to believe its the truth, but I've been let down with this girl before, when it all seemed so perfect, so its risky. I said that going out part intentionally to bug her, but only because I was sour about her bringing up her sex life over bday dinner with me.. No idea why she would be giving me messages saying she's moved on and doesnt love me and thinks hanging out is bad. And the bailing on me part? Because all these things make me sick in my stomache, like she might be using me or something.. For an ego boost. But is there a possability she's only saying it because she get scared all of a sudden and tries to re distance herself cause she's scared? Thanks biogirl theres no harm in anything you said. But considering you probably havent kept up to speed with my previous threads it's hard for you to know the details of the story. I'm not being friends, or out to be friends with her. Bit unsure where this perspective came from. Me hanging out with her is my attempt to get her to revisit feelings she had, to fall in love with me again. I have no intentions of pursuing a friendship. And there wont be more than one girl in the picture. I dont play those games. As for the make or break situation it was more to scare her into seeing I wont wait forever. And as for this friend I was interested in. I dont intend to pursue further with her while the prospect of my ex is back on the table. Ill try and find a thread I posted which goes into detail about the situation before this one. I sent no mixed messages, I poured my heart out to her in a big way. I let some friends of mine read the things I said to my ex and it brought them to tears. I then got her in person, and again had a long teary conversation wearing my heart on my sleeve, asking for another chance and putting it all on the line. She was scared, and still confused. And me being blunt and upfront scared her away and got me hurt. Thats why Im not in a rush to do that again. She didnt recirpocate because she was still unsure, thats why im giving her the time to figure it out, by spending time with me if she wants, and rediscovering feelings WITHOUT being in her face and forcing feelings and answers out before she is ready to share... If that makes sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Okay livelife here's another question for you. So she's changed the movie night to Friday and left the door open for her to cancel. I haven't replied to her since she said I hope I haven't double booked and she hasn't got in touch either. Like I said before she knows that I'll take her out if she wants me too. But I don't want to be the one to contact her about it. What happens if Friday afternoon comes around and she hasn't got in touch with me? Do I bite the bullet and say "still wanna see this movie tonight?" or do I concede that it might not be leading anywhere and keep waiting for her to take the first step. Because the predicament I'm feeling ATM is you want your ex to make the effort or ur gonna give up. What if my ex wants me to make the effor or SHE will walk away. In going NC am I risking her giving up? But at the same time is me buckling and getting in touch with her (even tho she was last to contact me) going to push her away and make me look needy. Aw. I confused myself Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Okay livelife here's another question for you. So she's changed the movie night to Friday and left the door open for her to cancel. I haven't replied to her since she said I hope I haven't double booked and she hasn't got in touch either. Like I said before she knows that I'll take her out if she wants me too. But I don't want to be the one to contact her about it. What happens if Friday afternoon comes around and she hasn't got in touch with me? Do I bite the bullet and say "still wanna see this movie tonight?" or do I concede that it might not be leading anywhere and keep waiting for her to take the first step. Because the predicament I'm feeling ATM is you want your ex to make the effort or ur gonna give up. What if my ex wants me to make the effor or SHE will walk away. In going NC am I risking her giving up? But at the same time is me buckling and getting in touch with her (even tho she was last to contact me) going to push her away and make me look needy. Aw. I confused myself Just message her tomorrow with a "friday is good, just call me" and see what happens. I have the feelings you're going to get hurt, I hope I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Well she asked if Friday was okay. And I said that's fine. THEN she said she hoped she hadn't double booked and I didn't reply. So she knows I want to go on Friday. And the movies was my idea initially.. I too have the feeling like im going to get hurt. But I'm already hurting again I might as well see if it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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