Well I was wrong.

[AlexanderJames]

Think I'll reply

"I can help with that. Like after the movie tomorrow?"

 

Yes? No?

[AlexanderJames]

Hey DMS always good to hear from you.

Thanks for the input mate. And bravo if you read through this whole thread just then. It's what 12 pages now haha.

 

Not getting my hopes up. But I'd be lying if I said my fingers weren't crossed behind my back.

 

Think I'll send that reply I wrote.. Then it at least decreases chances she will cancel again?

[livelife]

Hey DMS always good to hear from you.

Thanks for the input mate. And bravo if you read through this whole thread just then. It's what 12 pages now haha.

 

Not getting my hopes up. But I'd be lying if I said my fingers weren't crossed behind my back.

 

Think I'll send that reply I wrote.. Then it at least decreases chances she will cancel again?

 

If she does come over after, Thats when you need to have the talk with her.

Don't crack and have sex with her, she probably shouldn't even sleep over in my opinion.

[AlexanderJames]

Me - I can do that. Tomorrow as in after the movie?

 

Her - I guess.... If I'm not too tired . <--- whatthef***? /:

 

Me - I don't think I'll be free any other time. When did you have in mind?

 

Her - That's okay.

 

I haven't replies to that. What can I say?

Besides maybe alright I'll see you tomorrow night?

[AlexanderJames]

There will be no sex don't worry. I'll be strong /brave face.

 

Sounds to me like she's not keen on seeing me after the movie anyway?

Now I'm just confused haha. She knows I work til 5pm. And that I gotta go home and get ready to meet her at 6:30. When did she expect me to help?

[livelife]

Me - I can do that. Tomorrow as in after the movie?

 

Her - I guess.... If I'm not too tired . <--- whatthef***? /:

 

Me - I don't think I'll be free any other time. When did you have in mind?

 

Her - That's okay.

 

I haven't replies to that. What can I say?

Besides maybe alright I'll see you tomorrow night?

 

I would honestly just say alright then I'll see you tomorrow night.

[livelife]

There will be no sex don't worry. I'll be strong /brave face.

 

Sounds to me like she's not keen on seeing me after the movie anyway?

Now I'm just confused haha. She knows I work til 5pm. And that I gotta go home and get ready to meet her at 6:30. When did she expect me to help?

 

shes playing the game, shes making you wonder.

[AlexanderJames]

Reckon she's just keeping me guessing??

 

I replied

"Okay

I'll see you at mine tomorrow night"

 

She wants to pick me up from mine so.. Plus I felt I owed her a smiley.

Don't think she will reply to that haha.

 

Would love to get a "okay can't wait :)"

Or even an "looking forward to it" would be nice.. Wishful thinking haha.

[RogerWallace111]

Yo ! I was just saying in response to "we'll see how right you were" that if you make it happen, it will. Meaning discussing the situation with her saturday regardless of how the night goes. Cause even if it goes really well, it's gonna be absolutely no fun waiting days for the next time you guys hang out, wondering what her intentions are. Hopefully even if it is a good evening, you'll overcome your fear of scaring her off and not continue giving her unpressured space in hopes that she'll say she wants to try again. It wouldn't be worth it... I'd say only hold off on asking her where its going if she says "let's hang out again tomorrow" or within a couple days. That might be pain worth going through, as more regular visits could indicate real interest on her part.

 

Somewhat applicable : When I had the option to keep doing stuff w/ my ex, go on that camping trip, etc... I had to force myself to cut her off and not wait around for that ****, because even though I thought that we would no doubt end up snuggling/f*cking/etc once in a while, I knew it couldn't/shouldn't go back to how it was after that. And that was even with her continuing to tell me constantly that she loved me... Doing all of that would have lead to such prolonged pain and mental turmoil. And I just really feel that once you go through a big breakup, it's bound to happen over and over again. I was so happy to get her back 2 months after my big ****up which led to her telling me she was "cutting all ties" with me, but I should have known it would inevitably end again. At least in this stage of our lives, it was doomed.

 

Now, nearing six weeks nc, I feel kind of low a lot of the time, great/optimistic a lot of the time, but very rarely have any sort of sinking stomach, anxious thoughts about the situation. Maybe once a week for about 2 minutes. That's what I'm particularly thankful for.

 

Obviously very different situations - yours and mine- but the basic thing is the same: sacrificing your own mental state to hang onto hope that is very unlikely to amount to anything that won't just result in future pain. Buuut, that being said, I'm also all about living in the moment, and doing what feels good in the present, cause that's all you have, and you can die at anytime...

 

Always cursed with seeing both sides of any situation. Makes it hard to be decisive... Made a fatass tune a bit ago that's got me very content, though.

 

 

And yes that second wording of your question to her was what i was getting at.

Edited July 12, 2012 by RogerWallace111

[AlexanderJames]

Here's roger How are you mate?

You always shine a light on any doubts or questions I've got floating around before I even ask them haha! So dont bring it up if she asks to see me again, but bring it up if she doesn't. So basically leaving it until I would otherwise get out of her car or shut the door behind her or whatever if she doesnt ask to see me again. But I shouldnt suggest seeing me again should I? Only go with it if she does?

 

I'm all too familiar with the occasional **** day in between a lot of good ones. Just can't let them get to you, 6 weeks NC is a great effort, and the worst is by far behind you which I know you are aware.

 

Well I dont think my prediction stands as firm as yours at the moment considering what she txt me today saying, it kind of sets tomorrow in stone, but again she seemed so excited the first night and still bailed so who knows

[RogerWallace111]

Doesn't sound to me like she'll bail this time. I was just suggesting, yeah, that if she happens to ask to see you soon, like tomorrow or the next day, would be the only case in which it might be wise not to ask her where things were going. Not saying it's something to hope for, just giving you the one possible exception to my advice to talk it over right away. Because if she were eager to see you again immediately it would be decent evidence that she's looking to get back into things. But if she suggests some time next week and keeps the sort of distance she has been, which is the likelihood, i really hope for your sake that you ask. You said yourself she's not the type who'd swallow her pride, come out, and ask for a fresh start. So, you really only have the option to clarify things with her yourself, or wait through more of the sh*ttyness you already have been.

 

And thanks, bud. The actual not contacting isn't that difficult. I rarely get any urge to do so. Even when I have ****ty days or moments, it's usually just in a personal way where getting ahold of her doesn't even cross my mind. Not sure what that says... Maybe that- as friends always tell me, and I know (as far as logic is concerned) - she isn't the "right" girl for me right now, and it's the loss of the relationship/companionship that I'm having trouble adjusting to more than anything.

[RogerWallace111]

Oh and to answer the how am I question, which i appreciate your asking, I'm doing quite well tonight. Like I said I made a song that pleased me very much, and as often happens, found myself dancing recklessly in front of my gear... And now I'm just relaxing, feeling pretty nice in general...

[AlexanderJames]

Yeah she wont suggest seeing me soon. If she does I'll be shocked.

And she wont suggest seeing me in a week or anything like that. She wont bring up seeing me again I dont think.. If anything Ill go NC with her and get an "I miss king" or something suggesting I invite her around. But that wont happen either, because If she doesnt suggest seeing me soon then I'll bring up the talk tomorrow night. I dont want to wait and wonder wtf is going on like I have been this week.

 

We planned to see each other, and the week has STILL been ****ty as hell. I cant imagine how **** it would be with no immidiate plans and just being left in the breeze wondering.

Frankly, that can get f***ed right off. It's make or break tomorrow. Im over putting myself on the line. It might not even be worth it.

 

Glad to hear youre doing well too. I think you are right you arent feeling sick over her so much. Those occasional bad days would just be like you said adjusting to being alone again. Or even feelings you'd buried away coming out and getting processed and let go of.. They will get less and less powerful and frequent in time.

 

What kind of music do you compose?

[RogerWallace111]

Glad to hear you saying that with such conviction ! Sounds like you've really come to terms with what's truly best for you (not that you didn't know all along, but that lingering hope is just a hard thing to overcome). Looking back at one of my recent posts I thought this bit that came out rather spontaneously summed it up well, for you , I , and anyone else in a similar situation:

 

You don't want to be "sacrificing your own mental state to hang onto hope that is very unlikely to amount to anything that won't just result in future pain"...

 

you've gotta put yourself on the line ! your future looks brighter without her in my honest opinion, though it may hurt in the short term. From what I've learned of her I think she just needs some time to grow up a little and develop a more mature, level head. not saying the cliche "she's acting like a teenager !", I'm sure she can be loving in a quite mature way at times. But as far as knowing what's important to her maybe she needs some time to develop. A lot changes every f*ckin year in your early twenties...

 

Yeah, mainly, I think I have this fear of it being difficult to find and get to know someone to the point I knew my ex, and building that extreme comfort level... In my "relationships" prior (if you could even call them that), I always felt like I was putting on a bit of an act trying to be super cool, etc. She was the first female who I was completely open with, like I would be with one of my best male friends but even further in some aspects... I think that's what I miss most, and fear not being able to build that again with someone. But I obviously can & will. The confidence needed to do so easily has already been coming back and will only keep building up.

[whoknows11]

I dont mean to interrupt or anything but im looking for confidence as well. I completly hurt myself. My ex and i started talking after everything the day before yesterday. Conversation went well. Then yesterday when we started talking, she just stopped responding and didnt text me for the rest of the day. Didnt answer any of my texts. I dont know what it means or what to do. Let alone why.

[AlexanderJames]

Glad to hear you saying that with such conviction ! Sounds like you've really come to terms with what's truly best for you (not that you didn't know all along, but that lingering hope is just a hard thing to overcome). Looking back at one of my recent posts I thought this bit that came out rather spontaneously summed it up well, for you , I , and anyone else in a similar situation:

 

You don't want to be "sacrificing your own mental state to hang onto hope that is very unlikely to amount to anything that won't just result in future pain"...

 

you've gotta put yourself on the line ! your future looks brighter without her in my honest opinion, though it may hurt in the short term. From what I've learned of her I think she just needs some time to grow up a little and develop a more mature, level head. not saying the cliche "she's acting like a teenager !", I'm sure she can be loving in a quite mature way at times. But as far as knowing what's important to her maybe she needs some time to develop. A lot changes every f*ckin year in your early twenties...

 

Yeah, mainly, I think I have this fear of it being difficult to find and get to know someone to the point I knew my ex, and building that extreme comfort level... In my "relationships" prior (if you could even call them that), I always felt like I was putting on a bit of an act trying to be super cool, etc. She was the first female who I was completely open with, like I would be with one of my best male friends but even further in some aspects... I think that's what I miss most, and fear not being able to build that again with someone. But I obviously can & will. The confidence needed to do so easily has already been coming back and will only keep building up.

 

Yeah I've set myself up for the worst just in case. But that hope is definitely there.

 

It's hard for people on here to understand my ex though. There are a lot of things about her I don't want to share online about her past. Family stuff. But she's been through so much horrible stuff growing up, which just makes me want to protect her even more. She's not immature or acting like a teenager. I honestly think she's just terrified that if she let me in it would lead to me hurting her like everything else in her life has. And I acknowledge that she might not be able to see passed this fear. I'm ready for that.

 

I know what you mean. If things fall through tonight I'm just going to roll single for as long as it takes for something to fall into MY lap. Theres too much effort and risk in putting yourself out there. I'm just going to keep growing as a person until good things find me...

 

P.S It's friday and she hasnt bailed. 8 hours ish till she will come get me haha. She sent me a txt at 1:30am saying "Friday :)".. Thoughts? Lol.

I replied "Yeah :)" at 8:30 thismornin when I got up.. Because I didnt know what else to say to that haha... And I didnt wanna say cant wait or not long or anything cause I would come across eager?

[Samilia]

Me - I can do that. Tomorrow as in after the movie?

 

Her - I guess.... If I'm not too tired . <--- whatthef***? /:

 

Me - I don't think I'll be free any other time. When did you have in mind?

 

Her - That's okay.

 

I haven't replies to that. What can I say?

Besides maybe alright I'll see you tomorrow night?

 

mmh wtf? "I guess"? Ahm... "I guess" is something we say when we really don't want to do something and give a rude "well see" or "yes".

 

"I guess"? No please, don't guess, let me give you the answer, I'm not your puppy.

 

And then, "it's okay", what is that, are you boring her? No please, let me know, I'll go on a date with that hot blond..

 

I don't like this conversation one bit.

[AlexanderJames]

I dont mean to interrupt or anything but im looking for confidence as well. I completly hurt myself. My ex and i started talking after everything the day before yesterday. Conversation went well. Then yesterday when we started talking, she just stopped responding and didnt text me for the rest of the day. Didnt answer any of my texts. I dont know what it means or what to do. Let alone why.

 

Was it a deep conversation? About your feelings and everything? Or just a normal catch up chat?

 

I like'd to tell myself that my ex distanced herself because she realised that stronger feelings where coming back and it scared her so she backed off to have some time to think.

 

I wouldnt hold onto that though. I pretty much convinced myself it was hopeless and that I wasn't going to get anywhere. That was I could see where it went from a safe point of view without risking getting torn up over the unknown.

[AlexanderJames]

mmh wtf? "I guess"? Ahm... "I guess" is something we say when we really don't want to do something and give a rude "well see" or "yes".

 

"I guess"? No please, don't guess, let me give you the answer, I'm not your puppy.

 

And then, "it's okay", what is that, are you boring her? No please, let me know, I'll go on a date with that hot blond..

 

I don't like this conversation one bit.

 

I don't want to think too much into it.. Because for the past week since she bailed on tuesday night I've been txting in much the same manner as this. Being blunt and indifferent about everything she says. So I dont look too excited for tonight and that I dont care if it falls through or not...

She may well just be sending txts like that because she's clued on to the way I'm replying. Because it's very different to how I normally write.

 

And aww, my ex is a hot blonde :'( haha..

[whoknows11]

Was it a deep conversation? About your feelings and everything? Or just a normal catch up chat?

 

I like'd to tell myself that my ex distanced herself because she realised that stronger feelings where coming back and it scared her so she backed off to have some time to think.

 

I wouldnt hold onto that though. I pretty much convinced myself it was hopeless and that I wasn't going to get anywhere. That was I could see where it went from a safe point of view without risking getting torn up over the unknown.

 

It was just casual talking. I didnt wanna push anything on her. But i heard from her today. She said that she just really needs her space and shes told me that since the breakup. And that i never gave it to her. And she also said shes done now cause i changed my fb picture from the one of us to me. She saw it even though we arent on eachothers friends list. Also shes the one who wanted to keep contact and was fine with it yet this happened and it gets thrown on me.

[AlexanderJames]

It was just casual talking. I didnt wanna push anything on her. But i heard from her today. She said that she just really needs her space and shes told me that since the breakup. And that i never gave it to her. And she also said shes done now cause i changed my fb picture from the one of us to me. She saw it even though we arent on eachothers friends list. Also shes the one who wanted to keep contact and was fine with it yet this happened and it gets thrown on me.

 

Walking away over a facebook DP? Mate this girl's got some growing up to do. Spend some time apart, give her the space she craves. Ii will give her a chance to miss you.

[AlexanderJames]

Roger when you get your A$$ on here gimme your two cents on this haha.

 

Didnt get anything back after sending the "yeah :)" in response to her txt at 1 am.

 

But I did get a txt about 20 minutes ago, she worked late so she probably just got up. But heres what she sent. "I'm looking forward to seeing Ted, going to the movies tonight :)"

 

There was a short convo after. 3 or 4 txts each way. She opened up a bit so I figured I wouldnt be so distant like I had been all week and give her something back. It was just playful stuff about the movies being so funny we wet ourselves, and I said I'd use her scarf if I had an accident.

 

As soon as it got the point where I could see the convo had reached it's high I decided to send her a txt saying "Haha I have lots of work to do today so I'll see you tonight okay :)" and she replied "Okay x"

 

What do you think of the first txt she sent though? I got the impression she is excited to see me, but she doesnt want to tell me she is. By pointing out she's looking forward to "seeing the movie" and "going to the movies" but not saying anything about me just gives me the impression she want's me to think she's not actually looking forward to seeing me. Just going to the movies?

[Samilia]

ugh.. what happened to expecting the worse and keeping an open mind? Not to say that your text message isn't good stuff, but I can see right through you mister, you're over analysing the texts, wagging your tail waiting for tomorrow, and your heart is getting all hungry again.

 

Slow down in your head, it's just a movie. I don't want you to be disappointed. If it works out, it will be great, but keep nonchalance in mind!

[whoknows11]

Walking away over a facebook DP? Mate this girl's got some growing up to do. Spend some time apart, give her the space she craves. Ii will give her a chance to miss you.

 

Heres the backstory

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/331815-needing-miracle-there-still-hope

 

 

You already know how its been. But i just wasnt expecting her to bring up the space thing. She was the one who wanted to stay in contact and was fine with talking. Until now. I could tell it was gonna happen. Now that she said it today about me never giving space since we broke up and she needed it, just made me feel horrible,dissapointed and embarrased. Cause i didnt think i was doing anything wrong. The fb thing, idk how she saw it or why she cares. But that made it worse. She said " im sorry im done" after she saw it. Cause she was pissed about it.

[AlexanderJames]

ugh.. what happened to expecting the worse and keeping an open mind? Not to say that your text message isn't good stuff, but I can see right through you mister, you're over analysing the texts, wagging your tail waiting for tomorrow, and your heart is getting all hungry again.

 

Slow down in your head, it's just a movie. I don't want you to be disappointed. If it works out, it will be great, but keep nonchalance in mind!

 

Swing and a Miss Sam Looks like you can't see right through me at all!

I'm expecting the worst still. If I had a tail it wouldnt be wagging.

 

Just figure if I was on the back burner and she wasnt looking forward to seeing me why go out of her way to send me that txt? Or even go?

The movie is this soon. Its friday arvo here atm.