Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I know you're just warning and telling me not to get all excited and get my hopes up. But I'm still going into tonight expecting things not to work. I just thought I'd share the txts and see what people thought. I'm not over analysing I dont think. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Yeah I've set myself up for the worst just in case. But that hope is definitely there. It's hard for people on here to understand my ex though. There are a lot of things about her I don't want to share online about her past. Family stuff. But she's been through so much horrible stuff growing up, which just makes me want to protect her even more. She's not immature or acting like a teenager. I honestly think she's just terrified that if she let me in it would lead to me hurting her like everything else in her life has. And I acknowledge that she might not be able to see passed this fear. I'm ready for that. I know what you mean. If things fall through tonight I'm just going to roll single for as long as it takes for something to fall into MY lap. Theres too much effort and risk in putting yourself out there. I'm just going to keep growing as a person until good things find me... P.S It's friday and she hasnt bailed. 8 hours ish till she will come get me haha. She sent me a txt at 1:30am saying "Friday :)".. Thoughts? Lol. I replied "Yeah :)" at 8:30 thismornin when I got up.. Because I didnt know what else to say to that haha... And I didnt wanna say cant wait or not long or anything cause I would come across eager? Like I said, I'm not giving the cliche "she's acting like a teenager she needs to grow up" line. I threw that in there specifically so you wouldn't take it as that. Just saying that regardless of what she's been through, when you're young, it's hard to know what you really want from one month to the next. And unfortunately, though rough family problems can force you to grow up quick and gain a certain type of maturity (as any tragic/sad events in anyone's past do), it's not necessarily the type of maturity that carries over into relationships. In fact more often an opposite situation where it can leave the person with all sorts of underlying issues (involving trust, sometimes dependency, and so on). Maybe she is afraid of you hurting her like others in her life have, but the likelihood is she doesn't think about it like that consciously and in those clear of terms. It may just manifest itself as her being an unsure person when it come relationships. One example: girls whose fathers were absent or treated them badly often have trust problems, cheat out of fear they'll be cheated on, fear commitment, etc. <-- random example, just one i've witnessed in a female friend of mine first hand. Not saying this in any attempt to diagnose your ex- and of course no one on here understands her (only as far as her actions described by you). That's why I tend to give a gang of different suggestions when you're wondering what she might be thinking... But, as you've also pointed out, she is the only person who knows her own thoughts, so getting some objective input can be useful. Which I know is probably why you write about it. Don't know what to think of the "friday :)" .... but your response was good, shouldn't have added anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Oh and I make my own freakish breed of electronic dance music... difficult to describe, but not techno, house, dubstep, or drum n bass Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Wait by the first message I meant the one about Looking forward to going to the movies... Not the Friday one haha. Whoops Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Is any of it on youtube? I want to have a suss. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Ah yeah missed that whole post hehe. Man I'm not sure, but your impression might be correct.... I'd be wondering if I were you too haaa. How helpful is that. But it is odd that she would bother sending it with the emphasis on the movie like that. Seems like that's not necessarily worth sending a text about, and yeah could be a sideways way of expressing her excitement to see you without seeming too forward. Kind of weird. Like if you had dinner plans with a girl and she said "looking forward to the salmon tonight :)" aaahaa... I would likely look into the same way you have, but it might just be a tendency toward wishful thinking. Either way sounds like she is genuinely excited about going out. Guess the question is whether it's any indication of future potential or just her truly wanting to hang out from time to time and get a little romantic. Hope you get your clarification soon... Hanging onto the hope just won't be worth more waiting Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 (edited) if you turn on private messages i can send you a link to my soundcloud, though it hasn't been recently updated Edited July 13, 2012 by RogerWallace111 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 No idea how to turn on PM's mate haha.. Yeah we will know in a matter of hours what her intentions are.. Link to post Share on other sites
Thisisbs Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Goodluck man. I'm on the edge of my seat... eyes glued to this thread to see the update. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Goodluck man. I'm on the edge of my seat... eyes glued to this thread to see the update. I'm glued to it too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Haha don't worry guys you'll know shortly after I do not long now. Movie is in 3 hours. Time for a prep sesh at the gym! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 It's 10:40 now. Bet everyone's wondering what happened. Might as well go into detail so you get the angle of it all. She was late to pick me up, thought I was gonna get stood up. She came to my door as I was leaving the house. To my suprise she gave me big hug first up. We drove to the mall and parked quite far away. As soon as we got out of the car she grabbed my bicep then moved her hand down to holding mine. As we got to the doors of the mall she let go and said "we need to stop doing this someone I know might see me". Confused me a bit. The movie went great. Laughed and had a great time. When the movie started she leaned over and grabbed my hand once more. Held it the whole time. After the movie we walked back to the car. She didn't hold my hand this time around. I told myself not to initiate any physical contact so it was all her. She asked me to drive her car back to mine to drop me off. I pulled up across my drive and kept the car running and opened my door. She said "so I'm not coming in?" I said she could come in if she wanted. But I thought she had an early start at work. She said she couldn't stay long. We went into my room and put a movie on. In bed she initiated all of the contact. She held my hand and pulled me close once more. Put my hand on her cheek and stroked my hair. She rolled over and kissed me too. She was very close. At one point she started opening up a bit. She said she doesn't sleep well any more. And said life is ****. I asked why and she said because of everything. She said she thinks alot. Bout work, family. And me. I let her talk while she wanted too. She had never opened up face to face before. She said "you must think I'm a freak" to which I replied "I just think you're terrified and confused" she asked "about you?" to which I replied "about a lot of things". We lay there for a while, just enjoying each others company. She put my hand on her chest and said that we have great sex. I took my hand off and said "had". Then I said I really enjoyed our night last weekend even though we had sex. She said "because you didn't want to?" and I replied "because you lied" She asked how she lied and I said "because you said you weren't using me" to which she replied "I didn't use you. Sorry I get urges" She started getting really close physically. I decided to make the speech. I said "I really enjoyed tonight" she said "I know". Then I said "but where are we going with this?" We talked for a bit. I said I'm getting 1 of 3 answers. Yes no or idk. I also said don't worry I'm prepared for all 3. She said she didn't want to stop talkin to me. And she wants to see king. I said I didn't need to be here for her to see king. She said it would be nice to say hi. To which I came back with I can leave a note that says hi. I'll even put a smiley face on it. The talk came after was short. She said she didn't know a lot. She was confused with everything. She stopped talking about it and went back to being physical. I said "I need to know, because if you can't see this leading anywhere then I don't think it can continue. Can you?" What came next, the moment we are all on the edge of our seats waiting for... "I don't know... I dont... No..." I clarified that she said no and she confirmed it. I kissed her on the cheek and said "It's okay. I was ready for it" She said nothing. Just looked sad. I took her hand and put it to my chest and said "You'll always be in here". She replied with "Always?". I said forever. She held me tight and said I feel bad. I didn't use you. I said I understand. Pat her on the back and said really it's okay. Then after a minute or two of silence I said you should go or you'll be tired for work. So she got up. I watched her get her things together. And made sure she didn't forget her scarf this time. When we got to the door I said "there's one more thing you need to know before you leave, you arent going to hear from me for a very long time." She said she understands. But what about king? I said if you ask to see king I'll get my housemate to call you. She said goodbye. I brushed my thumb across her cheek and said bye and closed the door on her. That was 20 minutes ago now. Finally. Closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Let it be an example to people with doubts. I'm glad you got a clear answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I think if people have doubts they shouldn't assume that what people on L'S perceive to be protocol is the way it always is. If you have doubt, and you have reason to believe there is hope. Then explore it. Because for all we know it could lead to them reclaiming something great. It didn't work out in my case. But love is love. And just because people break up doesn't mean they can't work out. Sometimes it's losing love that makes us realise how much we really need the person. It just wasn't the case for me. But thanks for following. And giving your input. You were right this time. But I feel content now that we have had a great night. Had a deep talk and walked away on a mutual level. It really is the closure I needed. And I was ready for it. Things are going to be a lot easier and smoother for me this time around I predict. But I'll have to wait til morning to see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Funny. Was a cold and cloudy night tonight. Bout 5 minutes after she left the skies opened. Raining something fierce. What timing haha Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I think if people have doubts they shouldn't assume that what people on L'S perceive to be protocol is the way it always is. If you have doubt, and you have reason to believe there is hope. Then explore it. Because for all we know it could lead to them reclaiming something great. It didn't work out in my case. But love is love. And just because people break up doesn't mean they can't work out. Sometimes it's losing love that makes us realise how much we really need the person. It just wasn't the case for me. But thanks for following. And giving your input. You were right this time. But I feel content now that we have had a great night. Had a deep talk and walked away on a mutual level. It really is the closure I needed. And I was ready for it. Things are going to be a lot easier and smoother for me this time around I predict. But I'll have to wait til morning to see. That's not the rule, that's the exception. You were the rule, you decided to give it a go anyway, and that's great, because it could have turned out into a second wind and at least you got your answer. When people break up, chances are, it's over. Some people work it out, I think success depends on the length of the relationship too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I think love has no rules or exceptions or guidelines or anything. It isn't a game. It has patterns because people have made it so. There was no rule to what I did tonight. There was no exception. I tried to find love where there was none. It's really that simple Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'm so sorry. Honestly that story depressed me a little bit and brought me down. How are you feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'm feeling fine at the moment. I was ready for it all night. The days to come might be different. But I have gotten a lot of answers to questions on my mind about her. I can be happy with what I know and how we went our separate ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Hey AJ.. sorry it didn't work out.. Breakups suck. Don't let this get you down and now it is time to make her part of your past and not the present.. a new girl is part of your future from this point on. Don't let her drag you into it anymore and if she breaks NC fer gawd sakes don't answer her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I think love has no rules or exceptions or guidelines or anything. It isn't a game. It has patterns because people have made it so. There was no rule to what I did tonight. There was no exception. I tried to find love where there was none. It's really that simple Sure it does, and sure it's a game when it's over. That's why you decided not to touch her, thought about what to answer to her text messages, had your mind set with answers a b and c. People don't have made it so, it's just human nature, who we are. I can see you don't like my answer and that's fine, I am just glad that you got yours and can finally move on, mentally stable, with clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Dude that sucks man. I feel for you. Looks like we both had a great start and terrible finish to the day yesterday. You sound strong and together tho. Good luck with what ever happens next. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Well. At least you know now, and had prepared yourself for it even if you were holding onto some hope as well. As much as it might have been momentarily nice to re-explore things this turn of events will result in you feeling content and back to your normal self sooner. Though it will inevitably depress you at times, I think that like me in my situation, you know it's for the better in the long run. Not that you are simply "better off without her", but that you gave it your all, found it wasn't going to work, and no longer have to struggle with entertaining the "what-ifs". Which is so nice. I don't like the terms "rule" or "exception", but in the vast majority of cases I've witnessed in real life, and heard about on here, real reconciliation (particularly the substantial, long-lasting kind) after a breakup is rare. It's not an issue of who cut things off, or is in the position of "power", as much as the fact that things change and once that bridge has been crossed it's hard for either party to feel fully secure in the relationship. My situation epitomizes it. I break up with her, we slowly get back together; she cuts me off, decides she needs me and comes back. After that it is no wonder that she feels so insecure in it that she has to end it a second time out of fear. I can't think of a couple I know who've had what truly seemed like an end-all breakup and have gotten back together indefinitely. Unless it was a simple cause and effect f*ck-up on one persons part (like when I very early on drunkenly insulted my ex's friends), and the other person forgave them. That's all somewhat beside the point, and I agree that every situation is unique. Just saying I also agree with Sam that there are "patterns" that are very often common between separate situations. Was gonna compare it to boxing matches, haa, but hmmm, better example would be... It's like the way every debate in some college debate club is unique (the topics, the standpoints of the participants), but there are distinguishable parallels that make it a learnable skill. None of that knowledge makes it any easier to let your brain override your heart, but in hindsight it's worth acknowledging. While I'm sad for any pain this will cause you, I also feel relief for you. You seem like a savvy dude who will get along very well in the future... And on a side note, where are you ? Assumed UK. Seems like we have a 14 to 16 hour time difference, can't wrap my head around it... Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Must be Australia or NZ ? Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 that's such a drag man, I honestly wanted to read that it worked out...I feel for you... Link to post Share on other sites
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