How should I win her back?

[Mushroom81]

Dear all,

 

I'm new here and I'm from Singapore.

 

I have a situation, hopefully i'll get some advice here. I'm 23 and my gf's 20.

 

A few days back, my gf started turning cold to me, although she still calls me and tells me she's with who and what's she's doing? I felt there was something wrong in her tone.

 

I let her out to enjoy with her frens. It was only towards the weekend when she called me and I actually asked her why she wasn't her usual self. She refused to tell but finally blurted why she's 'mono-tone' for these few days.

 

She has told me if not for the amount of money she owned me ($1000), she would have left long time ago, she blames herself as she wanted freedom and says because of her work etc... she wants to hang out more, citing that my temper and my constant nagging her of rights and wrongs were bugging her. Apart, she says it's her fault.

 

we had been together for almost 2 yrs and have broken and patched up a few times already (twice). Although I knew she would probably be agitated and stressed, she could be saying these in a moment of jiffy. I knew she treasured the relationship although she says she don love me anymore.

 

I seldom buy her gifts and not showered her affections like a man should to a woman, but deep down, i truly love her extremely.

 

What should I do to win her back.. I'll tried the usuals which worked for the past 2 times, but she has been conditioned already to these attempts. How should an alternative way? She made it clear not for me to call or contact her, although i'm planning to sms her my feelings.

 

There isn't a third party in this and I knew this breakup was due to negligence from both parties, refusing to point out each other's faults initially.

 

Thanks

 

 

Mr Mushroom81

[StartingAgain]

You've only to read your own post to figure out what you have to do to win her back. Stop doing the things you shouldn't be doing (criticizing her, get control of your temper, etc.) and start telling her how you feel about her and show her some affection and respect. You don't say whether your GF is American or Chinese. I am assuming that you are Chinese. Do not try to treat an American woman the way you would treat a Chinese woman. She will never stand for it. American women are very different.

 

Understand this, too. Once a woman has made up her mind that the is finished with a relationship, there is almost nothing you can do to win her back. This doesn't mean that you don't make the changes in yourself that you need to make. Just don't expect that she's going to change her mind. If she does so it will be because you have shown her that you have made real changes and that they are permanent. It may take months or years before she is convinced.

[Swamp]

She wants complete distance. If she made it clear to NOT contact her, well, I don't know man. Maybe you should just leave her completely alone for a long time.

 

Women do NOT like to be criticized for rights and wrongs. Only offer it if they ask you for it, or if it is on a lighter or happier subject. Don't just judge someone, that isn't fair. What about the rights and wrongs of YOU?

 

You broke up twice and got back together already. I really want to show you sympathy, but you said it yourself. Your temper and incessant disparaging of her person turned her cold on you. You may have pushed her too far to win her back. It is most likely over, and I hate to say that. You are supposed to respect her and make her feel good about herself WHILE you date her, not after she walks out on you.

 

Take it as a lesson. Just because you didn't shower her with gifts doesn't mean a freaking thing. Showering her with negativity is just as bad, if not worse. Balance yourself out next time. Respect the woman you meet next time.