What is so wrong with wanting a woman that treats you well

[A O]

Why is it that when men say they want a woman who respects them and is loving we are accused of wanting a slave or wanting a stepford or being afraid of strong women. Are we supposed to want nasty and mean women who treat us like crap in order to not be accused of being misogynists?

I don't see it....and that is saying something given that I see/read more than most.

 

I would assume most reasonable women want a man that treats them well and doesn't constantly put them down or make snide remarks or verbally abuse so why is it wrong for men to want the same in a woman?

What is most important is possessing the ability to dismiss those that don't align with our core beliefs/values or our own standards of behavior.

[threebyfate]

Based on how quickly you get hysterical Woggle, your version of loving and respectful sounds like a living hell. To be unable to make one single dig at your partner, even when teasing, must be like walking on eggshells for the entire relationship.

[threebyfate]

Or walking in his shoes on eggshells, could be ostrich shells for all we know? Which none of us can speak for, after all they are his shoes.

 

 

Anyone care to address the topic he brought up?

Woggle has years of history that we're all aware of ad nauseum. Since he's the OP, this topic surrounds his beliefs and issues, his expectations of what a loving and respectful relationship should entail. Hellish in contrast to normal happy, emotionally healthy and functional relationships.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's news to me that it's "so wrong" for a man to want a woman who treats him well. The men I know want that, and the good ones wouldn't stick around for anything less.

 

I'm curious about what YOU think is so wrong with it, since you're the one who made this statement.

 

I've noticed that we have a whole new crop of recently joined women-haters on board and a few of them are here backing you up. You must be thrilled.

[Trimmer]

I'm not going to bash Woggle for his topic regardless of whatever his posting history may be, which I am not familiar with, and it seems his topic has been turned into an attack on him. I really don't find much fairness in that at all. Instead of creating dialogue in regards to his post, it has turned into a personal which hunt. Sometimes you people piss me off.

If you were familiar with his posting history, which many of the rest of us are, you would find that he periodically "freaks out" and borders on self-sabotaging a marriage that he claims is a great one, that he is lucky to be involved in. And when he does freak out, he comes here, vents his craziness, and most times, afterward he thanks the participants who provide him a little tough love (many of whom have the same genitals you do) for peeling him off the ceiling.

 

So much for objective discussion.

It's not an objective discussion - we are friends who have known each other for a long time, and no, it's not objective.

 

So you are welcome to post whatever support you wish to him "regardless of his posting history" - maybe you can be of some help. Those of us who have been around him for literally years will continue trying to peel him off the ceiling yet one more time.

 

You say your best friend and you kick each other's asses sometimes? So do we.

 

So instead, we'll just beat up on woggle because this type of thing is so rare it just ever heard of. It's a figment, something that only exists outside the realm of reality.

No, it's obvious to all of us who know Woggle better than you do that it's something that he did experience directly and personally, through abuse from his mother and in his first marriage.

 

But it's equally obvious to us (as clearly reported by him) that it's NOT a factor in his current marriage - in fact, he reports that his wife is one in a million, and he almost can't believe how lucky he is to be with her.

 

So given that, what's your point? This guy is holding on for dear life - what may sound like an intellectual discussion is a real battle in his own mind, so what are you going to try to convince him of? Are you going to try to convince him that his current wife is a witch in hiding? Try to confirm his paranoia that all women are out to get him? To what end? What's your angle here?

 

I remember once my mother told me that my current wife doesn't have the guts to do what my ex did.

I say your current wife doesn't have the pathology to do what your ex did. Choose, Woggle: me or your mom - whose side are you on? That's not a rhetorical question, I'm asking you directly.

 

And don't talk about what other people think, what stories you read in the f***in' Daily Mail. Nut up and take a stand for yourself and your marriage - seriously, are you going to side with your mother?

 

Cheated on me with at least 40 guys

Tried to shoot me

Held knives to my throat.

 

This is what is considered a strong woman.

By your mother? By your ex-wife? Are you going to let them be your standards? You've got to be smarter than that...

Edited July 7, 2012 by Trimmer

[Woggle]

Here is a poster blatantly encouraging somebody else to cheat but of course this is all in my head. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/334484-i-cheated-what-now-do-i-tell-him#post4100435

 

It's funny how a man watches porn or goes to a strip club he is scum but a woman is encouraged to outright cheat on a guy. And people wonder why I feel the way I do.

[Trimmer]

Here is a poster blatantly encouraging somebody else to cheat but of course this is all in my head. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/334484-i-cheated-what-now-do-i-tell-him#post4100435

 

It's funny how a man watches porn or goes to a strip club he is scum but a woman is encouraged to outright cheat on a guy. And people wonder why I feel the way I do.

Nobody's saying that mysogynists and misandrists don't exist, so it's a silly and pointless exercise for you to go and find one example (or two or three, or ten) and point and yell "See? See?"

 

The point is, how does that case reflect on your marriage and your own life?

 

What's your point, Woggle? Do you think your wife is in disguise, and the woman from your link, and your mother, and your ex-wife are all inside her, waiting to pop out?

[betterdeal]

For fuxache, Woggle, there are some nasty people and nasty attitudes in the world. Deal with it.

[Radu]

Cheated on me with at least 40 guys

Tried to shoot me

Held knives to my throat.

 

This is what is considered a strong woman.

 

As many others have pointed out, that's psychotic.

And if your mom said that about your 2nd wife, she needs to get her head checked.

 

Fact is, in your country hatred abounds [uK and Canada too].

Women are being told they should hate men and that everything they do is empowering, affirmative action is everywhere, races hate each other but because of strict rules they cannot do anything or risk going to jail.

They make false allegations of either abuse or of assault.

Your first wife was someone who would have done that regardless of this situation and now you are weary, shell-shocked.

 

You said it yourself, you are paranoid and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You need to get help because if your wife is really a good human being, then you might be the one who messes her up just like your ex messed you up.

And considering it's the US [and NJ], i don't think you will find another good woman in that country.

 

Just be happy that you found her and forget the feminazi's; start believing in yourself, improve yourself because what the women in this thread picked up on ... is insecurity.

[Radu]

Cheated on me with at least 40 guys

Tried to shoot me

Held knives to my throat.

 

This is what is considered a strong woman.

 

As many others have pointed out, that's psychotic.

And if your mom said that about your 2nd wife, she needs to get her head checked.

 

Fact is, in your country hatred abounds [uK and Canada too].

Women are being told they should hate men and that everything they do is empowering, affirmative action is everywhere, races hate each other but because of strict rules they cannot do anything or risk going to jail.

They make false allegations of either abuse or of assault.

Your first wife was someone who would have done that regardless of this situation and now you are weary, shell-shocked.

 

You said it yourself, you are paranoid and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You need to get help because if your wife is really a good human being, then you might be the one who messes her up just like your ex messed you up.

And considering it's the US [and NJ], i don't think you will find another good woman in that country.

 

Just be happy that you found her and forget the feminazi's; start believing in yourself, improve yourself because what the women in this thread picked up on ... is insecurity.

[xxoo]

Here is a poster blatantly encouraging somebody else to cheat but of course this is all in my head. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/334484-i-cheated-what-now-do-i-tell-him#post4100435

 

It's funny how a man watches porn or goes to a strip club he is scum but a woman is encouraged to outright cheat on a guy. And people wonder why I feel the way I do.

 

Very few women, overall, would agree with her. That's the truth.

 

Wogs, you find the worst examples of womankind (and I understand you've lived a "worst example" with your ex and your mother), and decide that all women are like that--even your current wife. Can you find some wonderful examples of womankind? Women YOU respect and admire? Why not conclude that your wife is like them? Who is she more like in character--the best or the worst of womankind?

[Pyro]

Here is a poster blatantly encouraging somebody else to cheat but of course this is all in my head. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/334484-i-cheated-what-now-do-i-tell-him#post4100435

 

It's funny how a man watches porn or goes to a strip club he is scum but a woman is encouraged to outright cheat on a guy. And people wonder why I feel the way I do.

 

do you realize what you are asking for? You are asking that ALL women in the world stop hating men. In an ideal world this is brilliant and we all want the genders to get along.

 

Come back to the real world and realize that nothing in life is perfect and as long as you continue to purposely look for this garbage then you will continue to be scared of life.

 

Again: the world is not perfect and there will always be misandrists out there and you continue to go and look under rocks for them. You can't make them go away or ask them to. The only way you (yes you Woggle) will ever get some stability in your life on this matter is to turn your back on them and stop trying to find them. If you stop trying to find them then you will rarely ever hear about them and when you do that life is actually a fun thing to experience.

[William]

Here's the topic:

 

What is so wrong with wanting a woman that treats you well

I would assume most reasonable women want a man that treats them well and doesn't constantly put them down or make snide remarks or verbally abuse so why is it wrong for men to want the same in a woman?

 

In order to avoid the penalty box, please provide personal 'tough love' in person, via telephone or e-mail or use the LoveShack private messaging system. On-forum, we discuss topics in a civil and respectful manner. Thanks.

[Radu]

Damn browser, triple posted.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Radu

[Woggle]

Very few women, overall, would agree with her. That's the truth.

 

Wogs, you find the worst examples of womankind (and I understand you've lived a "worst example" with your ex and your mother), and decide that all women are like that--even your current wife. Can you find some wonderful examples of womankind? Women YOU respect and admire? Why not conclude that your wife is like them? Who is she more like in character--the best or the worst of womankind?

 

You are right but when I read this stuff I just visualize women reading it clapping their hands and saying you go girl. It just gets me so worked up because I have been subjected to my exes taunts while her friends stood there and cheered her on. I also saw my mother cheered on as she abused my father. I am very vigilant about not becoming a victim so I look for things around every corner.

[Woggle]

Also I hate to say this but I am actually starting to excuse men cheating because I am so sick of the you go girl attitude amongst women when they cheat. Sometimes I really do feel like his wife is probably cheating on him anyway so why not. I truly do hate myself for feeling this way because it goes against everything I believe but I am just fed up.

[Pyro]

Hope that makes you feel better about everything.

[xxoo]

Also I hate to say this but I am actually starting to excuse men cheating because I am so sick of the you go girl attitude amongst women when they cheat. Sometimes I really do feel like his wife is probably cheating on him anyway so why not. I truly do hate myself for feeling this way because it goes against everything I believe but I am just fed up.

 

Aw, that sucks because it is basically exactly what that woman said in the post you quoted--supporting the young woman for cheating, because the guy is probably cheating on her anyway so why not.

 

Don't become what you hate, woggle. Fight the dark thoughts!

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a faithful partner, who treats you with kindness, care, and respect. Ideally, those of us who want that find each other, and have rewarding relationships--like you and your wife

 

Others want other things more---they want to protect themselves at all costs, even at a partner's expense. They build walls, lash out, and believe the best defense is a good offense. These people are struggling. But we can't wait for them to figure it all out before we enjoy our relationships.

[Woggle]

I am starting to figure if you can't beat em join em. I truly am just tired of it and fed up with trying to be a good guy when it seems that most women I see fully support this kind of thing in women. Where are all these women that disagree with this mentality because when I go on other boards they seem in short supply.

[xxoo]

I am starting to figure if you can't beat em join em. I truly am just tired of it and fed up with trying to be a good guy when it seems that most women I see fully support this kind of thing in women. Where are all these women that disagree with this mentality because when I go on other boards they seem in short supply.

 

Yes, as long as you keep visiting message boards, or reading comments on internet stories, you will keep seeing the same messed up mentality. It is easy to find on the internet.

 

Tune out. I can't watch the mainstream news (ABC, NBC, FOX, etc) because it upsets me too much, and makes me feel unsafe. I get my news on NPR--getting the info I need, without the sensationalism that triggers my anxieties.

 

Good women are everywhere, just like bad. You just have to change your focus to notice them.

[Woggle]

I just don't know how to shake this suspicion that deep down most women are that way. I would love to read some positive stories but they are hard to find.

[xxoo]

I just don't know how to shake this suspicion that deep down most women are that way. I would love to read some positive stories but they are hard to find.

 

They aren't that hard to find. You don't notice them all around you, because your focus is on the negative stories.

 

Here's a positive story from a reputable source. Fair warning: I haven't screened the comments below the story. Probably best to skip them, just to be safe

[Radu]

Go into a retirement home, and talk to the old women there, the ones that got married before the 2nd wave of feminism and remained married to the same man.

 

Talk to ppl who are on their 1st marriage and have 25yrs or more put into it.

 

Or google for celebs who have been married for forever.

 

It's true that feminism removed guilt, empowered them to do this, allowed them to be egged on into this, taught them to hate us, and offered them support if they did this, but not all choose this type of stuff and some still have good morals in their families.

Edited July 7, 2012 by Radu

[Radu]

They aren't that hard to find. You don't notice them all around you, because your focus is on the negative stories.

 

Here's a positive story from a reputable source. Fair warning: I haven't screened the comments below the story. Probably best to skip them, just to be safe

 

That article, while generally ok has messed up on a few things while being more than accurate on others.

[Woggle]

It's not the tabloids but the responses to the articles.