What is so wrong with wanting a woman that treats you well

[Pyro]

I have better results talking to a brick wall.

 

You are as gullible as an 18 year old.

 

Unicorns are real. You just read that online so it has to be real.

[Woggle]

I am simply saying why betrayal can be so devastating for some men.

[Anela]

I also feel like if I give up this anger it sort of lets my mother, ex and others who did me wrong off scott free. It feels like excusing their actions if I stop being vigiliant. I know my ex is in prison but kind of consequence has my mother ever suffered? This sounds twisted but it is sort of a sick revenge that my mother who is a feminist has a son who is a misogynist. It's sort of like a homophobic preacher having a gay or lesbian child.

 

aren't you proving her to be right about men, if you act like a misogynist? Did she mistreat you just because you were a boy? I only know a little bit of your history.

 

I remember someone here who said that they couldn't take responsibility for where they were in life, because it would hurt too much (I think that was what they said). it was easier to blame others. I was feeling extremely depressed/heartbroken, and my bitterness was from feeling like I wouldn't have another chance, that I'd had certain things stolen from me (that affected me, and my confidence as a kid), and I also stupidly felt that if I sudden;y managed to let go of it all (the anger from what happened as a kid, teen, and what happened in recent years), it would have meant that that period of time was a waste as well - the anger, the dealing with things, the grief over various things. It sounds so ridiculous when I write it down: keep on being angry, otherwise you'll have to admit you wasted one year, or two years, in and out of bitterness. Oh, yeah: much better to just live the rest of my life that way.

[Woggle]

She hates men with a passion and is pretty much a complete to any male. She didn't make an exception for her son.

[Anela]

I am simply saying why betrayal can be so devastating for some men.

 

It was devastating for me, too. And my mother, and my father, my sister, friends of mine...

[bentnotbroken]

From what I read on here its because they get insulted if a woman rejects him. Some men think that they should never get rejected.

 

NO IT DOES NOT SCARE ME. Everyone is different and unique. I refuse to live in a world of fear and hate.

 

 

:bunny::bunny:BRAVO!!!:bunny::bunny:

[Trimmer]

Not defending them but I think it is a sincere belief. People have no idea what it does to a man when he shows a woman his heart and she stomps on it.

Really? I know just what it does to a man - I spent almost 20 years with my ex, had kids together, long ago I trusted her to take the walk of life with me when I wasn't sure I could do it on my own. You really think I have no idea?

 

But the difference between us is that I didn't have pathological females intentionally trying to damage me - not even my ex. Leaving me was lame, but it wasn't an active attempt to hurt me. It was selfish, but she owns that all by herself - not the entire female gender.

 

So I don't see a boogey-woman around each corner with an evil grin on her face and a knife in her hands. Sure, I've been hurt - that's a normal risk in human relationships - and I'm a little skittish about new relationships (which is also normal) but I don't see every female as a likely malicious attacker.

 

In your more sane moments, I think you see the connection between the damage caused by your mother and your ex, and the more extreme difficulties of your current outlook. In your - frankly, "crazier" - moments, you insist that your perception of all women as potential attackers is just the way you see things.

 

Eventually you will feed one side enough to let it dominate, and the other will atrophy and lose out. It makes me sad that I don't know what to tell you to do to feed the side that you know (I think) is the one that will sustain the marriage that, by all accounts, is a positive one. It makes me sad that you might just decide that it's easier to give up, give in, and that will be it. I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you to do.

 

I also feel like if I give up this anger it sort of lets my mother, ex and others who did me wrong off scott free. It feels like excusing their actions if I stop being vigiliant.

Quite the opposite: if you stay angry at all women, if you nurture your damag, it just validates their pathologies. It means they have turned you into their monster. Do you really want to keep feeding that creature, continue being a slave to those masters?

 

I know my ex is in prison but kind of consequence has my mother ever suffered? This sounds twisted but it is sort of a sick revenge that my mother who is a feminist has a son who is a misogynist.

I still say you are looking at it backwards, and that analogy isn't very fitting. If the homophobe thought that ALL men turn out gay, and her son turned out gay, that would only validate her pathology and feed her hate. That is a closer analogy to your situation. Your being a misogynist just proves her point.

 

You want revenge? Prove her wrong. You want to fight back? Fight to overcome the evil that she tried to install in you. Shouldn't your ultimate revenge be to not let her ruin your life? To grow past the damage she tried to inflict?

Edited July 9, 2012 by Trimmer

[Woggle]

Most of the time I know it is her abuse that makes me have such knee jerk reactions. I realize that holding on to this anger only hurts me but it is a sick sort of security blanket and the idea of giving that up is frightening. I see what holding on to hatred has turned my mother into but still I grab on to that security blanket whenever I feel angry about gender relations.

[amaysngrace]

Most of the time I know it is her abuse that makes me have such knee jerk reactions. I realize that holding on to this anger only hurts me but it is a sick sort of security blanket and the idea of giving that up is frightening. I see what holding on to hatred has turned my mother into but still I grab on to that security blanket whenever I feel angry about gender relations.

 

Hey...yea it is like a sick security blanket. It's the part of you that you're afraid to let go of because you've identified with that part of yourself for so long that who would you be if you let the damage go?

 

Who would you be if you channeled the anger and dealt with the pain that was inflicted upon you?

 

I get it. It's how you cope for what was done to you. But you're a smart guy and you know that your sporadic outbursts of anger aren't normal. Your view of the world is not normal. It's dysfunctional Wogs and you know it.

 

But in some sick way it's become your identity and you're scared of who you'll be without the damage. I totally get that.

 

Well here's the deal. Once you get help to put the past behind you, the past no longer controls your life. YOU will control your life. Your head becomes clearer and you can actually focus. The thoughts stop spinning.

 

You still will be you though. The difference is your mentality will shift from being a victim to being a survivor.

[Woggle]

Hey...yea it is like a sick security blanket. It's the part of you that you're afraid to let go of because you've identified with that part of yourself for so long that who would you be if you let the damage go?

 

Who would you be if you channeled the anger and dealt with the pain that was inflicted upon you?

 

I get it. It's how you cope for what was done to you. But you're a smart guy and you know that your sporadic outbursts of anger aren't normal. Your view of the world is not normal. It's dysfunctional Wogs and you know it.

 

But in some sick way it's become your identity and you're scared of who you'll be without the damage. I totally get that.

 

Well here's the deal. Once you get help to put the past behind you, the past no longer controls your life. YOU will control your life. Your head becomes clearer and you can actually focus. The thoughts stop spinning.

 

You still will be you though. The difference is your mentality will shift from being a victim to being a survivor.

 

I know that but get me riled up and I just don't think clearly. I am hoping that the vacation next week will be the start to finally putting it all behind me.

[Woggle]

After reading this from now on I am taking on a you go boy attitude towards men cheating. have had it.

 

What Do Men Get Out of Looking At Other Women? (And Why Do Men Cheat?) | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach

[Trimmer]

After reading this from now on I am taking on a you go boy attitude towards men cheating.

WTF? That's a man talking about why men are attracted to other women even when they are in relationships. How in the world does that inform your fundamental issues of feeling like all women are out to get you? Are you just in a downward spiral now, lashing out at anything you see?

 

have had it.

Sorry, buddy. So have I. You need help beyond what you can get here, and I now believe that the "internet help" you are getting is either (a) prolonging your search for a true healing process, (b) hastening your ultimate implosion, or © enabling you to stay swirling in a purgatory see-saw of illusory "feel better"/"feel bad" cycles.

 

I don't want to give up, but I can't participate any more, either. I don't think your internet activities are helping you, and without some kind of more direct and effective help, I fear that they may eventually make you worse.

 

Good luck navigating your marriage and your life.

Edited July 11, 2012 by Trimmer

[xxoo]

After reading this from now on I am taking on a you go boy attitude towards men cheating. have had it.

 

What Do Men Get Out of Looking At Other Women? (And Why Do Men Cheat?) | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach

 

That article makes you angry? I don't get it

[Woggle]

That article makes you angry? I don't get it

 

Scroll down and read the posts from Elaine.

[xxoo]

Scroll down and read the posts from Elaine.

 

Why do you read those comments? Really, why? What could you possibly get out of it, other than a rush of anger?

 

About "Elaine", she sounds like a female Woggle.

 

Evan's wise words to Elaine apply to you as well:" I’ll also take my positive attitude over your negative one."

 

But the bottom line is--Elaine is one screwed up, hurt woman. One woman. Not all women, or even most. One hurt woman.