StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Hey everyone:) Thank you so much for being here for me to vent to and receive comfort from all this time. I don't know if it'll stick, but I am doing so much better these last few days. I still think about him, and I even dream about him (grrr), but I am meeting new men just out in the world and finding them interesting and attractive, and letting them take up some of this headspace of mine. Having a new, innocent crush really helps, and pursuing your hobbies/passions helps you meet great people. The break up is really starting to sting a lot less, and I am feeling that "acceptance" we always hear about. It does get better with time. Hang in there! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 I'm on day 2 of NC (again!) and I keep getting the urge to contact him. I was talking to this guy I think is kind of cute and all that made me do was miss my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 I'm on day 2 of NC (again!) and I keep getting the urge to contact him. I was talking to this guy I think is kind of cute and all that made me do was miss my ex. I so know how that goes! Very important to avoid talking to the opposite sex while you're still feeling this way, in my opinion. I went to a campaign HQ I am involved with last night to volunteer for something, and ended up feeling interested in a man there. It just happened. When I left, I realized, "OMG I didn't think about my ex even once!" Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Oh I'm slightly jealous we've been broken up almost five months and had NC for around 4 and a half. You'd think I wouldn't think about him by now eh Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 Oh I'm slightly jealous we've been broken up almost five months and had NC for around 4 and a half. You'd think I wouldn't think about him by now eh Maybe there are small, deliberate changes you can make to your life to kind of speed up the process. I'm happy to brainstorm with you! But I only dated the guy (whom I believed the love of my life) for 9 months. Broken up for 3 months, tried to get him to talk to me to no avail until 27 days ago when I just freakin' let it go. How long were you together? Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 We were together almost three years. And we formed an emotional bond two years prior to us dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 It just takes time, Broken Mirror. If a year has gone by and you're still in this same place, then worry a bit. What have you been doing to cope? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 In all honesty not much. I have extremely strict parents, so my going in and out is limited. And I do not date lightly, for me, it has always been something serious. So flings are ruled out. I read books, I do research for my Uni, I volunteer and I study. I crochet every now and then. I did develop a crush on a guy but that didn't go very far. He didn't like me so that went down the drain and since then, well, I haven't found a decent guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 In all honesty not much. I have extremely strict parents, so my going in and out is limited. And I do not date lightly, for me, it has always been something serious. So flings are ruled out. I read books, I do research for my Uni, I volunteer and I study. I crochet every now and then. I did develop a crush on a guy but that didn't go very far. He didn't like me so that went down the drain and since then, well, I haven't found a decent guy. Join a dance class/gym/something physical that your parents will let you out for. This is a great way out of a funk. Give it a month and see how you feel:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 Don't worry too much about finding a decent guy to replace the last one. This should seriously be the last thing on your mind until you feel better on your own, because you won't date lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 I'm on day 2 of NC (again!) and I keep getting the urge to contact him. I was talking to this guy I think is kind of cute and all that made me do was miss my ex. Well, hey, one day the urges will stop. They did for me. They will for you too Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 I hope they do too I think I should direct my focus towards studying. I feel lonely at times because I got so used to dating someone and being with them. Thank you for your support. I find myself reading the forums and they help, and starla, I would like to be friends Link to post Share on other sites
skyisfalling Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Starla is a great supporting wonderful person on this forum, I'm glad you're charmed by her as much as i am I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. I love residual harmless crushes, I can fantasize about them all i want without all the emotional baggage that's for sure! I hope you're having a great Friday today! As for me, my goldfishes died today so I need to give them a proper burial... Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 Sky, your poor fishies:( I remember when my first goldfish died. I couldn't even go to school that day; I was so upset Broken Mirror, okay, we are officially pals:). I think focusing on studying is extremely important, and if you can make 30-60 minutes a day, or even a few times a week, for physical exercise, you might find yourself feeling a lot better all-around, including around heartbreak. You'll probably retain and recall information from your studies more easily, too:) Exercise is one of the fastest ways out of any "rut." Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 I feel the love on this forum always:) Thank you Sky:) and everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I do enjoy running! I started two weeks ago and then I got swamped with work, so that had to stop. But I'll get on it. 60 minutes isn't too much to spare And I'm glad we are pals as well, I could use a friend who actually knows what to say rather than expressing how sorry they are. It is a nice change. And I'm going to try avoid communication with genders of the opposite sex for a while with the exception of this guy in my calc class . I think you should listen to Endlessly by Green River Ordinance. It's beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I'm just finishing day 1 of NC. I kinda had a mini revelation today, decided its time to start moving on. Unfortunately she's been on my mind all day You WILL Get through it. I'm starting Day 3 of NC. How long were you two together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 I do enjoy running! I started two weeks ago and then I got swamped with work, so that had to stop. But I'll get on it. 60 minutes isn't too much to spare And I'm glad we are pals as well, I could use a friend who actually knows what to say rather than expressing how sorry they are. It is a nice change. And I'm going to try avoid communication with genders of the opposite sex for a while with the exception of this guy in my calc class . I think you should listen to Endlessly by Green River Ordinance. It's beautiful. I listened to the song. I'm more of a death metal chick, but I still listened;) Thanks for sharing. Even if you run for 10 minutes a day, it'll get you in the habit, instead of blowing it off for days on end because an hour ends up being too much to spare with your workload. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I hope you liked it! I listen to most music. Have you heard of Blood Red Sandman? By Lordi! Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 We were together for 15 months, though she was my crush for a little less than a year before that. I moved in with her to take care of her after only being together for 3 months or so. The semi full story is here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/333615-3-months-later-i-still-love-her-im-still-wreck Okay well here is the thing. My ex, I dated him for almost three years and we had a strong emotional bond that formed two years before we dated. Exiting that relationship nearly killed me. I loved him with all my heart and the way it ended was over an issue we had, at which I was to blame for too. But he ignored my calls and my texts and I begged him for a week to at least talk to me. And after that I went numb. NC is what helped me. I recently broke NC at the urging of a friend. And let me tell you something, NC is NOT something you want to break. All it does is break back feelings that you are trying to get away from. The moment you hear her voice, you will be reminded me everything and you will want to keep talking. Trust me, I know you want to talk to her, and hold her. Even I wanted to. But it's not the right thing to do. You cannot break NC, whatever you do. Talk to us, talk to me and I can try to help you out. Keep yourself busy, study, workout, make friends, hang out. Whatever you have of hers, box it up. Throw it away if you can't get rid of it. IF it is meant to be, you two will end up together again, and if it isn't, then it isn't going to help you to keep hurting yourself over and over again. I'm starting Day 3 NC after breaking NC after almost 5 months. And I cried in those two weeks that we talked because I missed him. And him? He hasn't bothered to check in, to see why I haven't called or texted. It hurts. It hurts more than anyone can imagine, and I want to hear is voice. But I'm able to hold myself back by remembering all the trouble we had together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I went through a month of on and off trying to fix things before I moved out. I still miss her, even though today I started to move on. It was just when I moved out she told me She still loved me and hoped we would be able to be back together in the future. Part of me just wants to talk to her to have her say she no longer loves me. It would help me move on so much. Believe me, I know how you're feeling. My ex told me he still loved me and that just gave me false hope because it made me think I could fix things. It's a red alert. Move on. Having her say she no longer loves you will not alter the pain at all, nor will it make it any easier because in the end, you gotta move on. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I know it will not change the pain, but it will help me let go of her. I'm going to go for 3 months of NC, then we will end up working together in October. Seeing her again will stir up old feelings, there is no doubt on that. What will you do then? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I'm hoping that by then, my emotions will be under check. This is what I wrote on another post today. Reading my link above should put all of this into context So today, I finally had a conversation out loud about my breakup. First to my cousin (PhD in psychology) and then to my sister. They each pretty much gave me the same sound advise. My ex most likely still has feelings for me, and is trying to make me jealous, as she often enjoyed it the most when she was being pursued by me during the relationship. Between the comments that she had to me about being around people that have one nighters (which I doubt she'll be able to do as it took about 2 and a half months for her to be comfortable enough with me to have sex due to her past) and short term relationships. Then the fact that the guy that she had over when I dropped the dog off is a 28 year old former marine (she's 20 almost 21), and even if she's not doing it to make me jealous, there is no way that is lasting. Both each said she seemed fairly boy dependent and needy, and this is just the current carnation of that. But it wasn't that that made me have a complete turn around. It was just hearing myself go over all of the issues that happened in the final month of the relationship. Just hearing the words aloud were enough. I was able to think how I really didn't need that crap. So I'm back to where I was Wednesday, feeling happy and being productive. But now I'm in an even better mood. Last night I had sent her a message over FB that I had wanted to talk. Initially I wanted to have a final few words with her to say I was going to go NC. She opened the message right away, but still hasn't responded. As of now, even if she responds, I have no intention of breaking NC. Let her make her own choices now. She's no longer my problem. The only chance of me breaking NC if its an emergency. I know I will see her in 3 months as we will be working a haunted hayride together. By then, I should be over her. If by that time she regrets her decision, we can move forward then. If not, I'll have moved on and it won't matter anymore. Again thanks for all of your help. I'm glad you're staying so strong. And I do hope that you have moved on by then and that you start feeling better. As the days increase, NC will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I've actually been trying to keep NC for the past month or so, but she keeps breaking it. I haven't had the heart to ignore her though. Well, you're trying to keep it now, and that's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
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