Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 I am feeling so much better and calmer now that I bet I could go get my ex back with some convincing/romancing. But... I don't want him back . I want a guy who doesn't poof off the planet completely when things get a bit unpleasant. I didn't deserve that, at all. I was really kind and respectful when he said he wanted to break up. That guy sucks at life. On to bigger and better things:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Well, hey, one day the urges will stop. They did for me. They will for you too I agree with this. I think mine is setting into that stage whereby the urges are stopping already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) Um, well, I woke up feeling less hot than yesterday. I do have the urge to contact him. My gut keeps telling me that there's something else going on that kept him from responding to me after he emailed me the breakup letter (and SAID in it he'd be willing to talk to me on the phone). For example, I had this ret*rded hacker trying to extort nude pictures out of me, saying he would ruin my life if I didn't comply. I figured he was bluffing, but maybe he wasn't and he sent some awful stuff to my ex that pushed him away for ever. Ugh, paranoia. Still, both he and his sister and family friends too have kept me as friends on fb, so that probably didn't happen. Or maybe someone thought they saw me with another man and told him that... I dunno. I actually see a therapist and the therapist says my ex just can't "deal." I've seen evidence of this before with my ex, but it's just hard to wrap my head around, since it's so ridiculous. Today I am going to go to an acupuncture appointment and take a long bus ride to a mall where I can buy my best friend a birthday present. So this should be great distraction. Just keep swimming. Edited July 7, 2012 by StarlaStardust Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 It is Day 3 for me. And Starla, even I feel like I could get back my ex with some convincing, but I don't want to. He has this nasty habit of just cutting off communication every time we had a fight or something like that. For me today, it is calculus all the way and maybe some gymming! Got a test on Monday, so gotta study And I think I'll go to the mall on Monday, just walk around a little bit, window shop etc. I randomly thought of my ex when I was cooking breakfast and arguing with my brother because I used to talk to my ex a lot about my brother. So that was one moment where I missed him for a sec. But all is good now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 I agree with this. I think mine is setting into that stage whereby the urges are stopping already. Well, the URGES altogether haven't disappeared. But the urge to beg and "talk it out" have been replaced with an urge to call her up and so "Wow babe, you ****ed up big time, have fun in your ****ty life" Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 7, 2012 Author Share Posted July 7, 2012 I went and did my thing and started to feel much better. Keep doing your thing, humans. It helps:) If you have a choice between sitting around and moping/ruminating and doing something positive/fun for yourself (ideally not involving alcohol), vote for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Totally Starla! I'm approaching day 4. I've kept myself busy and I feel somewhat better. Keeping yourself busy helps SO much. How was acupuncture? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 8, 2012 Author Share Posted July 8, 2012 It was fabulous:) I have felt sleepy all day from it, though. I get it for help with PMS. Lovely stuff. Thank you for asking:) I am glad to hear you are keeping yourself busy. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Well, the URGES altogether haven't disappeared. But the urge to beg and "talk it out" have been replaced with an urge to call her up and so "Wow babe, you ****ed up big time, have fun in your ****ty life" Yeah, I think I'm just starting to pass that anger stage too. I get what you mean. There were days when I feel like I just want to write to my ex and say how much I realised that I was all messed up from our relationship. How long ago did you break up with your ex? Mine's coming to the 8th week. Its amazing what one day can do. Yesterday I was on top of the world, not caring about her. All day today I've been hanging around my phone hoping she would respond to my message, as even after the breakup she never turned down a text or message, and called me out on it when I ignored them. Those type of days will come and go. Just keep moving forward and keep to your NC. You said that you had no intention to break NC but you did anyway. It's not going to help you heal and move on. Strict NC truly helps. Honestly. And like what Starla & BrokenMirror has said, keep yourself occupied with other things that will make you feel good or feel better. It really helps. I went and did my thing and started to feel much better. Keep doing your thing, humans. It helps:) If you have a choice between sitting around and moping/ruminating and doing something positive/fun for yourself (ideally not involving alcohol), vote for yourself. Totally Starla! I'm approaching day 4. I've kept myself busy and I feel somewhat better. Keeping yourself busy helps SO much. How was acupuncture? I like both your spirits. Keep on going! It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Thanks lady! These four days of NC have given me plenty of space and I realize that he isn't on my mind 24/7 you know? He just pops ina nd out of my thoughts every now and then and that is about it. I don't find myself pining over him, waiting for him to text. I miss him at times and worry that the next guy I date will be an arse lol Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Yeah, I think I'm just starting to pass that anger stage too. I get what you mean. There were days when I feel like I just want to write to my ex and say how much I realised that I was all messed up from our relationship. How long ago did you break up with your ex? Mine's coming to the 8th week. We broke up at the end of January but remained somewhat close until April and since then have been LC or NC Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 So Day 4 isn't going to good. I'm resisting the urge to pick up my phone and text my ex letting him know that I miss him. What to do what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 8, 2012 Author Share Posted July 8, 2012 I have a list of things I can do instead of give into similar urges. On it: Clean something Cook something to have on hand for the next day/later in the week Read a book Pamper myself somehow (paint nails, give myself a little facial, put some nice lotion on, etc.) Stop procrastinating something I've been puttin off Sit ups Push ups Etc. basically, every time you have the urge to send energy towards HIM, you turn it right back around and invest that energy in yourself. You're worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 I suppressed it by cleaning around a little bit. You said you experienced true love, or something similar to it no? Then you must know what it's like to trust that person with every single secret and know them inside out and you must know what it feels like to hug them and feel safe in their arms or to call them at three in the morning because you've had a nightmare. I had time to think and I realized I was at fault too, because I was overprotective of him. A few of the guys I dated had hurt me deeply and that made me like that. I wouldn't say I was crazy possessive, but I was possessive as a 4 on a scale of 10. And maybe that pushed him away. Had I not been like that would things have turned out differently? Would he have resorted to verbal abuse? He was a sweetheart. He would cook food for me randomly and bring it as lunch. He would draw things for me, and buy stuff every time he went somewhere without me even asking me to. And I can't help but feel that I am the one that turned him into the way he was and that I played a part in ruining our relationship. Because he has no trust for me. He said maybe 1%. He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care if we talk anymore or not. It's not of concern to him. He doesn't care if I hurt or not because he doesn't trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 The reason we broke up was that we wereo n a break so that he could take some time to "better himself." While we were on a break, a friend of mines kissed me. I told my ex about that and after that, he listened to me explain it, and then he shutdown. He didn't answer, he did nothing. And I've made a list. I've said it out loud countless times and it doesn't hurt any less. I'm in pain. WHat step of the process would you say I am in? Grieving? Because if that is so, then I've been here for months, Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Well, I am swamped with things most of the time. Studies,Research and whatnot. But he creeps into my mind randomly. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I do the same. There are not many people I can talk to about this. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I can't even talk to any family about it Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 According to mines, I shouldn't even be dating. So no. They won't listen. And I'm exhausted from all of this. I want to get to Day 5 and then Day 100 and hope it gets easier. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I'm 18. They're traditional Indian parents. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 NOt really no. WHich is why it's harder on me Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarlaStardust Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 I see a therapist and it helps a lot. Your college has a counselor you can talk to, I'm sure! Please don't just suffer like a martyr or something. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Well, Day 5 is here. I haven't thought about him all that much. I've been helping a friend through his breakup, so it's brought back a lot of memories for me. I had my exam today and I'm pretty sure I aced it And I've just been relaxing today. I was exhausted after that exam, after all, I did spend all the weekend studying for it. I miss him, but I don't want him back. He did a lot of things to me that are still hurting me, and if he truly loved me, he wouldn't have done that. List: 1. He was very abusive. He liked to use his words to make me hurt because I had told him that I didn't like it when people cursed at me. 2. He always had to have the upper hand and he would throw tantrums as in not answering his phone or completely ignoring me even when I tried to make it up to him. 3. He could be very nasty at times and he had anger issues. Good List: 1. He always cooked for me. 2. He once got me a card with a picture of two crabs holding hands and on the inside it said thank you for loving me even when I'm crabby. 3. He stayed up with me all the time and listened to me talk. 4. He would draw pictures that came to mind when he thoughtof me. Link to post Share on other sites
Blastoplast Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 ^^^ Seems a lot easier to do NC when you're in a hurtful, abusive relationship. I'm on day 2 of NC with my EX and it's been brutal. She sent me a text yesterday and just tried calling me 1 1/2 hours ago, but I reluctantly just let it keep ringing. We both love each other, and are deeply in love with each other but she needs to figure her life out. I'd welcome her back with open arms tomorrow if she came to my door, but I understand why she's leaving -- I tended to look at our relationship with rose-tinted classes and always overlooked all the bad things about her: her financial irresponsibility, her underlying cynicism and her wishy-washiness. I still love her and think about her all the time, but she needs to understand what she's going to be missing with me not being there for her. She still wants to be friends, but I think it's naive to think that, and as much as I'd love to be friends with her -- it's going to be near impossible if we both still love each other, it just won't feel right, not until we're "over" each other... if that ever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 ^^^ Seems a lot easier to do NC when you're in a hurtful, abusive relationship. I'm on day 2 of NC with my EX and it's been brutal. She sent me a text yesterday and just tried calling me 1 1/2 hours ago, but I reluctantly just let it keep ringing. We both love each other, and are deeply in love with each other but she needs to figure her life out. I'd welcome her back with open arms tomorrow if she came to my door, but I understand why she's leaving -- I tended to look at our relationship with rose-tinted classes and always overlooked all the bad things about her: her financial irresponsibility, her underlying cynicism and her wishy-washiness. I still love her and think about her all the time, but she needs to understand what she's going to be missing with me not being there for her. She still wants to be friends, but I think it's naive to think that, and as much as I'd love to be friends with her -- it's going to be near impossible if we both still love each other, it just won't feel right, not until we're "over" each other... if that ever happens. I understand. For me, there is no chance of my relationship ever healing itself. He has NO trust for me what so ever after what happened, which I posted above. I still don't think it can be called cheating. We were on a break, and I told him. I could have lied to him and not told him you know? But I did, because I didn't want to lie to him. And this is what happened. This is where I am today, resisting the urge to text him or call him because I am madly in love with him still, despite all that has happened to us. He was the first person I ever loved and I broke NC after almost 5 months. I don't know HOW I made it through those five months, because now I am suffering. I nearly texted him today and I had to force myself to NOT send that text. HE told me he still loved me and that he always would, but he couldn't be with me because he didn't trust me. We went through so much together. He brought me out of my depression. I love this guy, I wanted to marry him. He knows me inside out and he would always know what I was thinking. I'm a slightly weird person, as in I get random thoughts, and that never bothered him. I'm about to break down and break NC. I know that the chances of him texting me back are pretty nill. But I miss him. I'm scared that I won't find a person that will love me for who I am. I'm me, I love to read books and I'm picky about the pens I write with. I get cranky when I'm tired or sleepy and I can fall asleep anywhere. The thought that the next person I date, IF I date, won't like me for who I am, it's scary. And being Indian, I'm facing arranged marriage. It's either that or get disowned. Link to post Share on other sites
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