ladyabstrused Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Well? If that's your intention, I think I'll say this too. Don't want to see you get hurt. So just be careful and be prepared for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Hi all, I know I haven't posted in a while. I have been talking to my ex and I realized I am still angry and he's still the same. He has the same little habits that still bug me. And I also realized that although I do love him, I am not attracted to him anymore. We have been talking like I said, and a few "ily"'s have been exchanged with one another. It did take him a while to say it back because initially when I said it, he would divert the topic. I am thinking about going back to NC really. He wants to meet up at some point this week if it's alright with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I want to see him and I don't. I have a lot of anger in me towards him, for leaving me like he did. He left in anger and it took him five months to lessen that anger. My anger has been building up lately because the way I see it, his anger overcame the love we had and let him leave behind us. He left even when he promised that we would be together and that he wouldn't leave no matter what. His attitude is indifferent, although I do find that I have a slightly easier time getting him to listen to me now. I feel conflicted about seeing him. I have been dreaming about him again, but I just don't know what to do. If I don't talk, he doesn't talk. If I don't text, he won't text. It's just complicated. I know that in a month more, I won't have to worry about running into him randomly at his university because I will be back at mines. I already don't have him on my facebook. His number is imprinted in my mind and he is on my skype. I would like some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 And I want to keep NC. But I keep breaking. I was good for five days and then I broke it. One of my closest friends told me to see this as a second chance. But I don't know. I told him how I felt. And my fear is that I won't find someone like him. We've been through a lot together. We have a lot of memories together and I feel like I won't find someone who will like me for who I am. Someone who will not want to date me just to have sex with me and will dump me when I don't give it up. I do love this guy, with all my heart and he's genuine. He's the kind of guy that girls dream for, except for the anger issues he has. I cannot simply erase all the cursing. I've tried times and I can't. I cannot get his words out of my head. They're like a song put on a loop. And until I can get past that, our relationship, should we start one, will be doomed. It still upsets me when he decides to go to bed instead of staying up with me and it still upsets me when he doesn't text me back. I'm starting to withdraw from people I know and pretty soon, I will just be by myself and come next semester, I'm going to throw myself into studies. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I don't know if he is trying to fix himself in that area or not. But I do know that I initiated NC again. And today, the day I decide to NOT talk to him, he texts me first. Great Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Well, he texted a good afternoon and I asked if he would care if I stopped talking to him. He said he would. He also just left very rudely because he was busy and I said I would talk to him later. He said yep and I told him okay, whatever. I don't think he and I can coexist as friends. I could love him as much as I wanted, it isn't going to change a single damn thing because he will keep being selfish. There isn't a thing attractive about him. He is overweight and obese and a rude bastard who cares for no one but himself. I was stupid to think that we could be together and he just made me make up my mind about initiating No Contact because no matter how hard I try, I always end up getting hurt with him. So I am done with his bull. For someone who "cares", he sure is an ass. His old habit of leaving when he gets upset hasn't changed and this time, I'm not chasing. I told him that I thought we could be friends but things haven't changed, so we cannot be. I am upset at him and more upset at myself for being so gullible. I CAN live without him. I wasted more than enough time falling in love with this guy because clearly he isn't for me. He puts me through SO much torture. I don't know WHO he thinks he is, but I will not give him the satisfaction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 That's why you guys should just keep to your initial intention of NC. No point at all breaking it. Just brings more hurt. Now you've moved backwards somewhat. Just keep to NC. It's difficult at first. But keep the discipline, it gets easier. Good luck to the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Well, my day 1 is going great. I kept in touch with my ex and it made it harder because it made me miss him more. And I'm enjoying myself as much as I can, which isn't too much But I haven't talked to him yet and I don't plan on. I texted him last night, before the clock struck 12 and I told him that I just wanted to say bye and I will always love you. And those were my last words to him. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I'm supposed to meet up with my ex tomm, but I've decided I'm not going to. I realized that he doesn't care. And if he does care, he's showing it in a very poor way. He makes no effort to contact me, and I apologized to him last night. I said sorry for hurting him and said ily. His response was NOT to say sorry for what he did, but to return the ily and say he would apologize in person. Unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenMirror Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Just an update. I backed my car into someones car today because he was on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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