anxiety and other wierd problems are ruining my life.

[harley]

i have this condition it is called photosensitive convulsive disorder. it means that i can have seizures from flickering lights, sun filtering through the trees, strobe lights, etc.

 

years ago i had the first one when i was sixteen. since then i have had anxiety attacks when i get too far from home for fear of it happening again. i tried medication but in order to monitor it i would have to have them regularly. but instead i use common sense and avoid alot of things.

 

the problem is my b'f knows about this sorta, i told him once but i don't think he fully understands and i don't want to bring it up again cause it embarrasses me.

 

i have so many problems and am so limited from this that i feel like i should just live alone as a recluse. the anxiety sets it off and i think it will happen again, so i do so much to avoid the anxiety that i miss out on so much and am so limited to life and my job.

 

when i can't do a job cause it is too far away, he gets so mad at me and i feel so bad and i feel like leaving him cause he thinks i don't want to work, which i do. i have been in counseling for this and all they did was teach me relazation which helps to a point only.

 

i don't know what anyone can say or what i can do, but i feel so ashamed to tell too many people, they'd think i was a freak. what can i do? i'm so desperate and hurting and feeling like i'm out of control with this thing. i'm fourty something now and have lived with this since i was sixteen, but i've never been with anyone like this guy before, he is making me see things that i never saw before and it makes me want to do more to change myself, but i feel so stuck, maybe he'd be better off without me sohe can find a "normal" woman. i'm really confused

 

i'm so sorry this is so long, it was a little detailed to make my point. thank you to anyone who reads it.

[Deejette]

It is important to share your anxieties about your condition with your boyfriend. If he loves you, or even likes you, he will feel compassion for you and want to help. This will allay your fears and you will be able to relax. My mother has seizures and also has a devoted male companion, who feels for her and wants to be there for her, even though she is embarrased by her uncontrollable condition.

 

i have this condition it is called photosensitive convulsive disorder. it means that i can have seizures from flickering lights, sun filtering through the trees, strobe lights, etc. years ago i had the first one when i was sixteen. since then i have had anxiety attacks when i get too far from home for fear of it happening again. i tried medication but in order to monitor it i would have to have them regularly. but instead i use common sense and avoid alot of things. the problem is my b'f knows about this sorta, i told him once but i don't think he fully understands and i don't want to bring it up again cause it embarrasses me. i have so many problems and am so limited from this that i feel like i should just live alone as a recluse. the anxiety sets it off and i think it will happen again, so i do so much to avoid the anxiety that i miss out on so much and am so limited to life and my job. when i can't do a job cause it is too far away, he gets so mad at me and i feel so bad and i feel like leaving him cause he thinks i don't want to work, which i do. i have been in counseling for this and all they did was teach me relazation which helps to a point only. i don't know what anyone can say or what i can do, but i feel so ashamed to tell too many people, they'd think i was a freak. what can i do? i'm so desperate and hurting and feeling like i'm out of control with this thing. i'm fourty something now and have lived with this since i was sixteen, but i've never been with anyone like this guy before, he is making me see things that i never saw before and it makes me want to do more to change myself, but i feel so stuck, maybe he'd be better off without me sohe can find a "normal" woman. i'm really confused

 

i'm so sorry this is so long, it was a little detailed to make my point. thank you to anyone who reads it.

[Tony T]

Your condition is called agoraphobia. The photosensitivity is a part of it, basically what brought it on. Because it would be so easy for you to close your eyes, turn away from the sun, etc., this cannot be the excuse of your limitations. Clearly, you developed agoraphobia gradually after this first experience. You may or may not have assoicated panic disorder.

 

Many doctors have associated this problem with a rather benign condition of the heart called mitral valve prolapse. It is not life threatening but can bring on rapid beating of the heart and other anxiety mimicing symptoms. There are people who take beta blockers such as Inderal, Tenormin, etc. for this and do just fine.

 

People with agoraphobia often suffer from depression. A combination of Klonopin, a seizure medication with calming effects similar to Xanax, and a suitable antidepressant has been known to totally eliminate the fear and agoraphobic symptoms in many people.

 

The best therapy is a combination of medication and exposure therapy, where a person moves farther and farther away from their comfort zone each session with a trained therapist. You are basically exposed to situation you fear, gradually, so you will see that nothing will happen. The panic has NEVER EVER killed anyone...but it does very much feel like you are going to die...but you won't. This is also known as systematic desensitization.

 

There is so much help you can get for this condition. Use your search engine and look up Agoraphobia and read up on the modern treatments.

 

The condition requires the absolute understanding of people closest to you. If your boyfriend is not open minded and empathetic enough to fully comprehend the terror you feel, his presence and nonsupport in your life can be counterproductive. However, this condition is not easily understood since tasks that most people don't even think about, such as going out of town, up elevators, over bridges, etc. are very major accomplishments for one with agoraphobia.

 

There is no doubt you suffer from depression. The fact that you have to keep all this inside because people won't understand, having to turn down social invitations and not go to events you want to attend, feeling like you are disappointing your boyfriend and others by your inability to do things they consider quite simple, can be devastating psychologically.

 

You can get help. But you also have to become assertive. Don't let people push you around...and don't keep people in your life who can't accept your limitations. You have suffered enough. Why put yourself through more?

 

I hope you will more fully explore the help available to you. If you don't have insurance and you can't afford it, you can get help free through various clinics and from universities that have psychology departments. You do not need to suffer with this problem.