Why do most Christians feel okay with having sex before marriage?

[M30USA]

So, a question to the Christians:

 

As stated in the OP - is it true that you CAN feel "okay" with having sex before marriage? Or is this always a "mistake"?

 

Are you talking about FEELING okay or actually BEING okay? We all know feelings are about as reliable as a straw bridge.

 

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

-Proverbs 14:12

 

All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.

-Proverbs 21:2

[M30USA]

The Bible is not always clear on every topic. Even Bible scholars and people who are very familiar with its passages do not find everything in the Bible to be crystal clear. Some things are very clear--such as God's law against adultery. God's ten commandments. Some things are not so clear, and so we have to rely on interpretation.

 

Fair enough.

 

So then, in light of this, we have 2 options:

 

1) Throw our hands in the air and say, "There's so many interpretations, let's just forget them all."

2) Study the Bible with the aid of the Holy Spirit and see what we can learn. Maybe, just maybe, some interpretations are merely the product of lazy study. At least we can narrow it down.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Are you talking about FEELING okay or actually BEING okay? We all know feelings are about as reliable as a straw bridge.

 

 

I was really referring back to the OP, and they wrote "feel," so I guess that's what I meant.

 

And I am not asking this ironically or trying to corner anybody. I sincerely want to know whether it CAN really truly be OK to have sex before marriage for any of the Christians here (because you guys are the Christians I have access to conversing with), or if it is always a "mistake."

 

As I've often said, I'm married to a born & raised fundamentalist (who is not one now, though he considers himself without a doubt "Christian:). He questioned little about the teachings he was brought up with while he was growing up, though sometimes he did rebellious acts. I asked him if he waited until he was married to have sex.. He was uncomfortable about answering me, but he kind of muttered "I did it before …" and that's all I got. I think he felt it was wrong.

 

Fortunately for me, he was not tortured about it between the two of us. I know, though, that he was "okay" because he believed 100% that we were going to be together very long term before we "did it."

[M30USA]

Mme,

 

The short answer to your question is, yes, premarital sex is mentioned among the litany of sins in the Bible. Sin is defined as anything which "misses the mark" for Gods plan. Does it mean a person is not a Christian? No. Can you feel totally fine with it even though it's a sin? Yes. Does that mean it's okay in Gods sight? No.

[TheFinalWord]

So, a question to the Christians:

 

As stated in the OP - is it true that you CAN feel "okay" with having sex before marriage? Or is this always a "mistake"?

 

Yes, it's a mistake. BUT...

 

We as Christians need to realized a few things:

 

1) As humans, we by nature, have a proclivity towards sin

2) A lot of people were not taught about fornication, and some that were taught about it, lived under bondage (maybe like what your husband experienced)

3) A lot of times people use sex as a way to deal with emotional confusion, seeking love, they honestly think it is a good way to "test" a relationship out, and a lot of times it is the men, who are supposed to be spiritual leaders, who pressure women for it (even in your case it sounds like you let him make the choice)..etc.

 

As Christians we need to take these things into consideration before blasting unbelievers about the incorrect choices they've made. Not excusing what they've done, and unless it was rape, choice was involved, but sometimes we make wrong choices and there can be a lot of factors that go into those choices. It's not just, "I don't care about God and I want to rebel just to snub my nose at him".

 

Good podcast from Pastor Bob today, who explained this better than me

 

Edited July 12, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[BetheButterfly]

So, a question to the Christians:

 

As stated in the OP - is it true that you CAN feel "okay" with having sex before marriage? Or is this always a "mistake"?

 

I think a Christian can feel ok with it, but I don't think it's particularly pleasing to God for a believer to feel ok with doing something not promoted by God to do.

 

My 2nd husband (I have been married once before and was a virgin when I first got married) and I did make the mistake of having sex before marriage. I felt horrible, asked God for forgiveness, and told my then boyfriend, now husband that if he wanted me, we would need to wait till we get married before making love again. Taking the premarital course at church only reaffirmed this in both our hearts, and we are grateful that we did wait until getting married!

 

Many people get focused on the physical, sexual aspect of getting to know a person without getting to know them on other levels as well. I do think it most definitely helps to wait till marriage, because sometimes people get blinded by the feelings/hormones and mistake that for love.

 

When my hubby and I put our sexual relationship on hold, we grew even closer spiritually and mentally. Since we got married, we have thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of our relationship, including making love with abandon!!!

 

So, even though we made a mistake, I am so grateful that God forgave us and that we repented and waited till getting married. It didn't hurt us at all. Instead, it made our relationship in other areas stronger!

[123321]

My 2nd husband (I have been married once before and was a virgin when I first got married) and I did make the mistake of having sex before marriage. I felt horrible, asked God for forgiveness, and told my then boyfriend, now husband that if he wanted me, we would need to wait till we get married before making love again.

 

That's sinful, not hypocritical. I'd file that under "oops it just happened", whereas if you tried to justify it, well that would be pretty lame.

[zengirl]

The Bible speaks for itself.

 

I would argue that clearly, if there are differing interpretations, it does not. If the Bible spoke for itself, there would be no need for biblical scholarship. You are right that humans are fallible (though I've yet to see anything that is infallible, except perhaps the natural cycle, so I'm not saying 'as compared to God' - that's your belief) and that any various interpretation may be 'correct' or 'incorrect' (or, frankly, it may not even matter in reality). But if the Bible 'spoke for itself' and we are not to interpret then you could have no argument with 123321 that sex, outside of marriage, is sinful, and the whole chain of this conversation - where you seemed to counter that and the importance of that - is left at that. Nowhere does it later clearly and completely alter that statement, and it is clearly in the Bible's text. One could 'interpret' - and many do - that Jesus, having died for the sins of man, as the story goes, helped to re-write and soften some of the Old Testament laws, but how far that goes to easing the burden of sin is up to interpretation and it varies, widely, among Christian sects. That's just a fact.

 

Two people can read the same Bible text and come away with very different interpretations. Biblical scholars do this all the time.

 

The other issue is how do you take literally a document written thousands of years ago in another language, which has itself changed a lot in that time? I've studied Hebrew (and it's sister language Arabic) anyone who thinks it's like translating French to English is very misinformed.

 

Oh, certainly, and that's all fine. It's the notion that one can pick and choose, with their own interpretation, or their own church's interpretation, and then call it 'what the Bible says,' neglecting the fact that, whatever else it is, it's a compilation of writings that's been translated and changed throughout history. I do some translating work - not into ancient languages, like Hebrew, which I imagine are even more difficult - and really, it is difficult not to change the meaning when you translate. And we're talking a document that's translated once, not over thousands of years.

 

At any rate, I think your view is fine and a valid interpretation, though I doubt you'll find many churches to agree with you. More often, you'll find churches that agree it is a sin, but plenty of church-goers who practice that sin regularly and wave it off. That would be fine with me without hypocrisy; as long as you'll wave off the other sins that could be similarly compared, but really I know plenty of people who are fine with premarital sex but consider homosexuality an abomination.

 

I have other problems with proselytizing, of course, but that's a different story.

 

The New Testament made it perfectly clear what morality really was: the Golden Rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. As far as I'm concerned everything else should stem from that.

 

A nice thought, but does not seem to be common interpretation. I do not think many churches follow that practice, personally.

 

Mme,

 

The short answer to your question is, yes, premarital sex is mentioned among the litany of sins in the Bible. Sin is defined as anything which "misses the mark" for Gods plan. Does it mean a person is not a Christian? No. Can you feel totally fine with it even though it's a sin? Yes. Does that mean it's okay in Gods sight? No.

 

I must've missed where the bolded was literally written in the Bible. Haha, that's another interpretation, by the way! Of course, even if you only said the words literally in English, everything is someone's interpretation to get the document into English, as 49 points out.

 

I'm still in the question of HOW can you feel totally fine with a sin, if you have a problem with other sins?

[BetheButterfly]

That's sinful, not hypocritical. I'd file that under "oops it just happened", whereas if you tried to justify it, well that would be pretty lame.

 

Yeah, I agree it was sinful. Hypocritical would be telling others "Don't do it!" but then doing it oneself, right?

 

Anyways, I am grateful for God's forgiveness and love!!! God's love and forgiveness are key teachings of Jesus and I am so glad they are!!!

[zengirl]

Yeah, I agree it was sinful. Hypocritical would be telling others "Don't do it!" but then doing it oneself, right?

 

Anyways, I am grateful for God's forgiveness and love!!! God's love and forgiveness are key teachings of Jesus and I am so glad they are!!!

 

I would say your story, Be, is also one about how you had an action that went against your beliefs and rectified it, after feeling guilt (which in answer to the OP, would be you WEREN'T okay with it). I may not share the same view of life, sin, and guilt for those actions, but I think it's admirable that you - when faced with something you felt was wrong - attempted to amend it as best you could. I don't think the OP was really referring about people who slip up once or twice as much as the many Christians who persist in pre-marital sex, many of them without ever expressing that overwhelming guilt you express.

[BetheButterfly]

I would say your story, Be, is also one about how you had an action that went against your beliefs and rectified it, after feeling guilt (which in answer to the OP, would be you WEREN'T okay with it). I may not share the same view of life, sin, and guilt for those actions, but I think it's admirable that you - when faced with something you felt was wrong - attempted to amend it as best you could.

 

Thanks. Appreciate it.

 

That's a cool word to use... "rectified". I never thought of it with that word before, but yeah, I knew having sex before marriage was against my beliefs, didn't resist it very well (well actually I resisted at first but then gave in... I blame my hormones) felt very guilty, and repented... I like the word rectified.

 

No I wasn't ok with what i did, although I do very much love having sex!!! I personally think sex is one of the most strongest pleasurable feelings in the world to many people, which is why many Christians who believe in waiting to marriage have a hard time with self control concerning sex. Self control is difficult for many people.

 

I don't think the OP was really referring about people who slip up once or twice as much as the many Christians who persist in pre-marital sex, many of them without ever expressing that overwhelming guilt you express.

 

Oh ok. I am not sure why it is acceptable among many Christians to have pre-marital sex. I wonder if it's the secular influence? It is true that many people feel guilt when they do something they believe is wrong. I am not sure really what has made many Christians think that sex before marriage is ok and not something to feel guilty about? What do you think?

 

I believe God is Judge, not me, so I am not trying to judge them. I just don't understand because I personally did feel guilt having sex before marriage. Now that I am married, I do not feel guilt at all making love to my hubby!!!

 

However, if I were to commit adultery (which I don't ever want to do and which I have promised God, my hubby, and myself publicly not to ever do), I would feel even worse guilt. I don't ever want to cross that line, because I don't ever want to hurt my husband. I hope that our marriage lasts till "death do us part" in a very happy and fulfilling state! Being faithful to him and him being faithful to me is a part of our covenant.

[M30USA]

I must've missed where the bolded was literally written in the Bible. Haha, that's another interpretation, by the way!

 

"Sin", when translated from the original Greek, means "missing the mark". It has the connotation of an archer missing his target.

 

It's not an interpretation, but a translation.

[Ross MwcFan]

I would say your story, Be, is also one about how you had an action that went against your beliefs and rectified it, after feeling guilt (which in answer to the OP, would be you WEREN'T okay with it). I may not share the same view of life, sin, and guilt for those actions, but I think it's admirable that you - when faced with something you felt was wrong - attempted to amend it as best you could. I don't think the OP was really referring about people who slip up once or twice as much as the many Christians who persist in pre-marital sex, many of them without ever expressing that overwhelming guilt you express.

 

Yup, that's what I was talking about, Christians who continually have pre-marital sex.

[M30USA]

Obviously Christians make mistakes. Some of us KNOW we're making mistakes when we do them and we abuse God's grace. Others of us sin in complete ignorance. I suspect there are some Christians in both parties with regards to the premarital sex issue.

[TheFinalWord]

Obviously Christians make mistakes. Some of us KNOW we're making mistakes when we do them and we abuse God's grace. Others of us sin in complete ignorance. I suspect there are some Christians in both parties with regards to the premarital sex issue.

 

Totally agree.

 

In fact, the point of Christianity is that we admit we make mistakes. That's all Christianity is at the end of the day...admitting to God (humbling ourselves) that, yes I am a hypocrite, a liar, a thief, and adulterer. There is nothing I can do about it either. Only God can help me. All other religions are works-based; Christianity is purely grace 100%. And that is only possible b/c Jesus did live a sinless life and died for us. It's like you committed a crime, you're in front of a judge, and are guilty. Jesus walks in and says "Judge, I'll pay his fine". You're set free, of all sin, past, present, and future. The problem is it is hard for us to wrap our minds around that. Why? Well we are always having to earn things in this world. Noting is free. But, God's love is free. All we have to do is accept it. Come as we are, not clean ourselves up first. Its seems easy, but many will reject it b/c humbling ourselves involves putting our ego aside. Pride is the root sin and why satan fell. Essentially, it's us saying we are our own god and don't need or want the true and Living God.

 

Now, for many of us, using human thinking, that is totally unfair. How can someone do all of those bad things and then it's just forgiven. You would be right, it is unfair. Grace is unmerited favor And God is abounding in it. Equal to his grace is his wrath, which is what people will experience if they decide they do not want his grace. God is just and holy and will not tolerate crime to go unpunished. No works can overcome it. "Judge yes, I raped that women, but yesterday I helped out at the food pantry". Response :"Good for you, that doesn't cancel out the rape". All sin, or crimes against God, will be answered for. Either God will look at us and say, "I see Jesus (doctrine of imputed righteousness for us bible nerds)" or He will look at us and say "I see John Doe". It's our choice

 

Now just because you are forgiven that does not mean there will not be consequences. A guy can commit a crime, God may forgive him, but he will still have to suffer jail or prison. And same with God, we can willfully ignore His wisdom (the bible) about forgiving others, sex, money, drugs, etc. He will still forgive us, but we will have consequences in this life.

 

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! " Romans 6

 

For Christians, the main one is we will know that by sinning we are going to be less effective for God. If you're a sincere Christian, that will be reason enough; the earthly consequences will also matter, but to a far lesser degree. Interestingly, even when we do mess up, God can still use us right where we are. There is no "too late" with God. Until we die. Then it is too late. If we do not accept God's gift of salvation we will have to answer for our crimes ourselves. If you want to know what hell is, forget about the fire and brimstone. Just think how no matter what happens in your life, you always have hope. Even if you are on your death bed from cancer you still have hope that maybe they will find a cure. Or if nothing else, death will relieve the pain. In hell there is absolutely no hope.

 

With pre-marital sex, rarely does it just happen. It begins with a compromise. First, many Christians enter into relationships with non-believers. They don't hold these values. You can see the dating forum and many of the men will not wait long for sex. They pressure for it.

 

Second, if they are in a relationship, they allow that initial honeymoon phase to completely override their thinking. This is where Christians need to be accountable to each other. Get involved in couples groups at church. Do group dating, etc. Many strategies, but being alone around a person you are feeling strong romantic feelings for will lead to compromise; Christian or not. Christians are still human and are very susceptible to the carnal nature. As believers, we need to recognize we are still human and need one another.

 

About translating the bible, I encourage everyone to study William Tyndale. He was martyred for translating the bible from Latin to English. He said there are some doctrines which even a plow boy should understand, such as salvation. However, yes there are some doctrines, which even the apostle Peter said of Paul's writings "are hard to understand" (2 peter 3). If that's an apostle saying that, then yes, there are hard parts to grasp and some things like the God's triune nature, God's eternal nature, etc that are simply beyond human comprehension.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p14MjwjFi_A

Edited July 13, 2012 by TheFinalWord