ResilientX Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 I have been on these forums several times and I have become confused due to my wife's actions. Let me explain as briefly as I can: My wife wanted a separation with, from what I understood quite clearly, no chance of reconciliation. I have been working through the pain and anguish of the whole situation made worse by her involvement with another man while we are still living together. Finally, after many weeks of therapy and self searching, I had a direction and was preparing myself to let go and move on. This in itself, as most of you are aware is difficult. Nevertheless, I decided that for my own well being to keep going. It would not be the end of the world. I finally sit down with my wife after no seeing her in two weeks to look over some legal paperwork and decide options for division of assets and so on. While she was looking at these, she mad a statement that it was I who wanted the divorce, not her. I had assumed that I was no longer the one since she was "seeing" someone else, who is now, in her own words, "being kept at three arms lenghth" ???? She also told me she had feelings for him, a while ago, but now thinks she just admires him...to make along story short, she wants to postpone the paperwork until September so that we can be more emotionally rational...I am lost here...first time going through this and I am really confused about what she is trying to say. Has anyoner been in a similar situation? Is she having second thoughts or is she dragging this on in case someone else comes along? either way, I am continuing my journey, for me, but my resolve weakens whan I cannot get a clear picture.....HELP!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 It sounds as if your affair is over and now that the OM is out of her life, she may be beginning to think straight again. If you still want her, give it some time as she suggests. If it appears that she is interested in reconciliation, then you begin with an honest examination of how you got from where you started to whare you are now. Marriage therapy with someone experienced with helping couples overcome infidelity is in order. She's the wandering partner, so at this juncture, she doesn't get to make many demands. You get to make one though: She end her relationship with the OM. She can have no contact with him for the rest of her life. She doesn't call him, email him, nothing. She should write him a letter telling him it's over, that she was wrong to ever have a relationship with him, and that she will never have contact with him ever again. Any attempt on his part to contact her will be ignored. You get to read the letter and approve. Then the both of you go to the post office and mail it together so that you know it has been sent. Then she must submit to being carefully scrutinized, her email read, her online activities momnitored, her phone calls monitored, and she must account for her whereabouts at all times and allow herself to be checked up on. She's the one who has the hardest job, since she must now show she is willing to do what is necessary to regain your trust. She may not be willing to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ResilientX Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 Only problem is that this person is her boss! Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Well, she probably doesn't want to hear it from you, but she's going to have to quit her job, whether or not the two of you reconcile. If you reconcile, you must make it a condition. But in any event, she just became a liability; she's a law suit waiting to happen. In all probability, her boss (or his boss) is going to trump up some reason to fire her. This may not happen right away, but it'll probably happen and it'll come out of nowhere. When will they ever learn... never s*** where you eat. Link to post Share on other sites
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