mikeystiger Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, we've been monogamous for a year and a few months, and we've lived together for 7 months. At the beginning of our rel. he was still "with" an ex and me. Twice I made out with his friend, once when we were not together and once when i found out he had been with his ex again. But he seems to have gotten over all that. Or he hasn't brought it up for a long time. He was "with" his ex quite often at our beginning and lived with her for a month over a year ago. That was mainly just for history. Even though I kissed his friend, he did much worse with his ex. So I should be the untrusting right? Well we had a wierd rel. to begin with but its great and normal now lol. Anyways. A while before we moved in together, he used to joke around saying that I had other guys, and that he was just my toy. That wasn't true, it was just like playing around and messing with each other type of thing. However, more recently he seems to actually believe that I really do have other guys or at least he takes it more serious. GRRR It's starting to annoy me ALOT! I do not have any other guys that I'm even remotely friends with nor do I try to go make friends with guys because of the chance of my b/f getting more skeptikal of me. I work as a secretary/extra help with no one else my age (they are all adults and girl secretarys) and I always let him now where I'm at. So its not like I leave the house and not mention where I'm going or not come home for a few hours. But still, he comes home from work most days and asks if I had fun doing it all day (which is a playful attitude) even though he knows i was working all day. I don't understand why he constantly asks if i was having fun doing it or why he constantly thinks I have other guys. I just want to know how to get him to stop and to trust me when i say that he's the only guy I want to be with. If I go out with my friends, I always invite him along, even if its something he won't want to go to. And his not trusting me issue is what made me make sure he knew where i was at or going or if i made plans to go to a friends or to my mom's after work, etc. But it never stops. My question I guess is just that I was wondering if anyone had any advice on what things I can do to get him to stop believing I want other people. Cause I don't, I'm very happy with him. Ok thanks for reading...sorry if I bored you lol. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 maybe he is seeing other girls and now has this whole paranoid thing going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeystiger Posted July 6, 2004 Author Share Posted July 6, 2004 that thoughts crossed my mind, but we are both home more often than not, unless we are working. and i know pretty much who's he with or calling...don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 could just be a phase....have you talked about why he acts suspect all the time? maybe it has happened in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeystiger Posted July 6, 2004 Author Share Posted July 6, 2004 I've brought up the he's just paranoid thing to him and he reassures me thats not it and yes it has happened in the past with most of his serious g/f's. we'll see i'll ask him. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 since it has happened in the past, that is the most plausible reason. he probably does not want to get hurt again, so he is taking the "active" approach, by pre-assuming that you are cheating. i would say this is his defense against getting hurt. and since his approach is not helping your relationship with him any...i would definately tell him. my bf of a yr&half...we live together too, for 7 months too...wierd! but he has this condeming approach...like anything i do that he does not like..mainly smoking...he makes this huge deal out of it and teases me, like saying it is a death stick, that i stink...anything to annoy me, cause HE thinks it will stop me from smoking, when i actuallity it pisses me off so i smoke more to piss him off. So his approach that he thought was soo good, the whole recerse psychology thing was working against him, cause i do not think like him in all areas. so in a nut shell: he may think he is preventative policing, when in actuallity he is only pissing you off. well we talked about it and he really does not pester me as hard core as he was...but he still throws in digs cause he hates me smoking. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 Have you guys considered counseling? Some say that sudden jealousy would show that he is cheating on you. But, he could just be suffering from low self-esteem. It sounds like you are not doing anything to make him suspicious (inviting him to everything is a good way to show that you are trustworthy. I think that anything you do that you wouldn't do around your partner is unfaithful in its own way.) Either way, if you have been faitful you deserve to be trusted. That is why I'm wondering if couples-couseling or counseling on his own would help him get over unfounded insecurities. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikeystiger Posted July 6, 2004 Author Share Posted July 6, 2004 tattoomytoe - he lays off for a little bit when he sees how i get really angry with him when he's constantly thinking things that aren't true about me, but it always comes back and i try to get him to tell me like why he thinks that and he's just answers something like because you do it, he kind of beats around the bush i guess. And i get what your saying about your b/f and the reverse psychology thing. maybe thats the same thing mine is trying....oh and he gets on to his mom all the time about smoking and always says she stinks too. savethedrama4yrmama - its not sudden jealousy. i noticed him getting more jealous last summer when we were becoming more serious and he mentioned it was because he cared but i seriously doubt he's suffering from low self-esteem. but that did make me think that maybe i'm just not giving him all the attention he wants. he's mentioned that a few times, that i'm not giving him attention so i must be giving it to someone else. but most days i just want to come home and just relax in front of the tv or something like he always gets to do instead of spoiling him constantly like he wants. i want spoiling too. :-P i don't really think we need counseling at least not yet. maybe if we get totally serious and plan on having a future together, but we aren't looking into that right now cause we both think we're just too young and not ready for that yet. and i'll take all the luck i can Link to post Share on other sites
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