What the hell is wrong with me?

[the gap girl]

I have been married for about a year. My husband right now is good looking, successful and I am generally very happy with him.

 

Before we started dating, I was dating this guy, Paul. He was everything I would never marry. He mad an ok living, was younger than me, was not very well educated and was from the same town that I grew up in.

 

My husband and I had a short engagement. I hadn't seen Paul for about two years. He attended a wedding that I was at a few weeks ago. I found myself so attracted to him and thinking of our past together. I realized what a good guy he was. He would have done anything for me and was very romantic. My husband now doesn't even know the meaning of the word.

 

After I broke up with him, he went on a path of destructive behavior...heavy drinking...and wrong choices. I want so bad to call him and tell him how good he was to me. And apologize for ending things so abruptly between us. It was really nothing he did wrong. I want to tell him that.

 

I wish I never would have seen him so my life would go on as normal. Do you think it is wrong to call him?

[Tony T]

You don't need to call. You did what you felt you had to do and you are not responsible for his destructive behavior.

 

Take responsibility for your own actions but not those of other people. People's behavior is their own choice and has nothing to do with you. You were not a slave and not bound to be with him forever just to keep him from destructive behavior.

 

You say you are generally happy with your husband now. You need to communicate your need for romance a bit more. However, the fact that you are looking back to previous romantic experiences is a danger sign that you better work on your marriage.

 

Your marriage won't improve by making contact with ex's. That will only happen with your conscious attention to the situation at hand.

 

It's great to contact old friends and get reaquainted. But not cool to call someone from your past that you have suddenly become attracted to in an attempt to gain some romantic feelings you don't have in your marriage. Go about healing your marriage in a more constructive way.

 

If your attraction to other men and your romantic fantasies increase over time, seek professional counselling. Although some of this is natural, acting on it agressively is not good for a relationship.