SmallSacrifices Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Hey, all. Last night, I cheated on my boyfriend with a mutual friend. We were very, very intoxicated when it happened, and didn't realize the magnitude of our actions. Upon coming home this morning, I sought out this website in an attempt to find answers, and know that other people are going through something similar. Nothing I read helped. I need to externalize these feelings, or I just might explode. I have never felt so sick to my stomach, so disgusted with myself. I never thought something like this could happen. I love my boyfriend with every fiber of my being, and would never do anything to hurt him. I don't want to lose him. I know that I will never, ever ever do anything like this again. Is it okay to not tell him? I would rather have it eat me alive than to have to face him, and inevitably lose him. I want so badly to feel peace about my decision to not tell him. I need to feel peace. I feel like throwing up. Someone, please, relate to me. I know cheating is NOT, and never will be okay, but I want to feel that it is okay to keep this a secret. I want to feel that I am not scum, that I am not a whore. But, I can't help but feel that I am. Will this ache and regret go away with time? Will I be able to live my life without pain? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 well i haven't cheated and never will for that very reason. however its done. depends how long you have been with your bf. tbh its never a good idea keeping it a secret if he finds out else where, then guess what.. you will deffo lose him for good. really depends on the circumstances. either way, its a massive punch to the nuts for him and depends if he and you can move on from it if you do choose to tell him. sadly you can't undo what is done. Link to post Share on other sites
Thisisbs Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 I think you should tell him and you two should talk this problem out. The longer it stays hidden, the worse it will be when he finds out. He'll lose more of your trust if you don't tell him. There's no way you can walk out of this without consequences because of the intensity of the situation. I would tell him and talk to him and apologize and hope he accepts it, instead of waiting a few years down the road, when you two are engaged, or married, and he finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmallSacrifices Posted July 8, 2012 Author Share Posted July 8, 2012 I think you should tell him and you two should talk this problem out. The longer it stays hidden, the worse it will be when he finds out. He'll lose more of your trust if you don't tell him. There's no way you can walk out of this without consequences because of the intensity of the situation. I would tell him and talk to him and apologize and hope he accepts it, instead of waiting a few years down the road, when you two are engaged, or married, and he finds out. I am not prepared at all to tell him. I will lose him, and I'm not ready for that. Edit: Thank you, though, that makes a lot of sense. Better to hear it directly from me than from another source. Link to post Share on other sites
hypersonic Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 I'm probably in the minority on this but oh well. If you're cheating was truly a one time deal and you are resolved to never again let yourself get even close to a situation where that could possibly happen then keep it to yourself. Everyone can make a mistake once and if your relationship is otherwise good then why risk losing it? Now if you think he's going to find out from other sources then it is best for it to come from you... Link to post Share on other sites
Alban Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Don't live with a lie.. you mentioned above that you would never do something to hurt your BF, but you cheated. What else could be worse than this ? I can see that you are regreting but you should tell him, put yourself in his shoes what would you want ? A relationship based in LIES ? He will have pain , very much of it, but eventually with time he will heal with your love, he will not trust you for a very long time, and maybe he will leave you, and if that happens you cant do anything to change it .. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted July 8, 2012 Share Posted July 8, 2012 Is there any underlying reason why you might've done this? Have you been second guessing the relationship at all, even a little? And what does the mutual friend think? Does he want you for himself? Personally, if it were me, I would want with all of my heart to sit on this and make it go away, but the reality is that it won't. Also, if it's eating away at you as much as it seems to be, you won't be able to keep quiet (also like me). It'll come out, maybe another night when you're intoxicated. Or, maybe the friend might come clean. Trust me, it will come out. My advice is to come clean and risk the consequences. Try writing it in a letter to him and then read it back to yourself. Make sure you're expressing yourself the way you mean to. Do your best to make him believe you're truly sorry and then give him time to be upset. Also, if he does forgive you, the mutual friend is likely to be out of the picture forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starman8 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 The truth always rises. If your love is deep enough for one another, you will weather this storm. Never let this happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SmallSacrifices Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Thank you everyone for your advice. I told him the truth, and he took it surprisingly well. I think he is going to forgive me (I'm sitting in his room as we speak!) I feel so much better. Even if I had lost him, it would've been worth it to come clean. What a weight off. Thank you again everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Phew! Good luck. Thank you everyone for your advice. I told him the truth, and he took it surprisingly well. I think he is going to forgive me (I'm sitting in his room as we speak!) I feel so much better. Even if I had lost him, it would've been worth it to come clean. What a weight off. Thank you again everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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