monkey00 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) So long story short, I met this girl from OLD and we've gone on 4 dates. I got a lot of indication that she was into me based on the way she looks at me and points out quirks/qualities about me that she was fascinated about. Things were actually going really well and on our 4th date we went back my place and things got very physical. She was one of the few girls I met from OLD that was actually normal, didn't play games, and was into me. So this weekend rolls around and I try to make date plans with her. She finally gets back to me after several hours and says she has something to tell me. She asked if it would be better to do it over text/phone/in person. I chose phone. So she goes on to ask me if I'm dating anyone else and that she took down her profile. I answer her and we talk a bit and she reveals to me that this guy she used to like that treated her like a nobody and didn't like her, he came back into her life and wants to date her...(I'm thinking to myself that this is a horrible idea and he's probably going to be a jerk to her). With that said she wants to pursue things with this guy and see where it goes. So I'm like okay, that's fine and I let her go. There is no arguing with her clearly because she likes him more and chose him over me. I just don't understand how a girl can like me and we can have great dates, and then this nobody returns into her life and it can make her pull a 180 on me without any signs/warnings. I'm very very bummed and disappointed but not sad. For the past few weeks I've been tired of the OLD site and took down my profile a few days ago. Now I've reactivated it but I am in no mood to be proactive. I'm really tired of this crap and dating. I'm sick of it and have been doing it for months. I really had high hopes things would go somewhere with this girl, and she decided to pull the trigger on me. I wonder if this is partly my fault, because neither of us discussed why we were both on OLD. I think if we discussed it, I wouldn't be in this mess. Edited July 9, 2012 by monkey00
Nicomis Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 So long story short, I met this girl from OLD and we've gone on 4 dates. I got a lot of indication that she was into me based on the way she looks at me and points out quirks/qualities about me that she was fascinated about. Things were actually going really well and on our 4th date we went back my place and things got very physical. She was one of the few girls I met from OLD that was actually normal, didn't play games, and was into me. So this weekend rolls around and I try to make date plans with her. She finally gets back to me after several hours and says she has something to tell me. She asked if it would be better to do it over text/phone/in person. I chose phone. So she goes on to ask me if I'm dating anyone else and that she took down her profile. I answer her and we talk a bit and she reveals to me that this guy she used to like that treated her like a nobody and didn't like her, he came back into her life and wants to date her...(I'm thinking to myself that this is a horrible idea and he's probably going to be a jerk to her). With that said she wants to pursue things with this guy and see where it goes. So I'm like okay, that's fine and I let her go. There is no arguing with her clearly because she likes him more and chose him over me. I just don't understand how a girl can like me and we can have great dates, and then this nobody returns into her life and it can make her pull a 180 on me without any signs/warnings. I'm very very bummed and disappointed but not sad. For the past few weeks I've been tired of the OLD site and took down my profile a few days ago. Now I've reactivated it but I am in no mood to be proactive. I'm really tired of this crap and dating. I'm sick of it and have been doing it for months. I really had high hopes things would go somewhere with this girl, and she decided to pull the trigger on me. Because women have options no matter what, and they couldn't care less about anyone's feelings but their own. That's just what they do. 2
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I'm sorry this has happened to you, your ego is bruised. However, do not spend time moping about this. You said so yourself that this guy she threw you over for treated her badly at some point in the past. Guess what? He'll do it again, and it will have nothing to do with you. Move on, she's the loser not you. 1
funlady Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sorry to hear that. My friend had the same thing happen to her. A guy she really liked decided to go with another person he'd known for a bit longer. I guess this kind of stuff happens when OLD is involved. Don't give up. Another girl will come around. Just sucks now
Author monkey00 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm ready to move on. I just hate the idea that I was used and how she got on OLD to try to forget the guy, despicable.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm ready to move on. I just hate the idea that I was used and how she got on OLD to try to forget the guy, despicable. This kind of thing actually happens quite frequently. That's why you shouldn't take a girl you met online seriously until you've been dating for 3-4 months, at minimum. 1
Author monkey00 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) Sleeping it over, I wonder if she made up this story to get a reaction out of me to see if I would fight for her. This situation kind of smells afoul. I dated a girl during college where I went through something similar and she wanted me to fight for her but I didn't enough and she was dating someone new - and when that fell apart (or wasn't what she imagined it to be) she came running back to me. I think she felt insecure, or I didn't make her feel secure enough about us and maybe this girl is feeling the same way. I feel like if someone gives you every indication that they're into you. I find it kind of hard to believe that they can flip a switch....maybe this is just a denial phase I'm going through. Edited July 9, 2012 by monkey00
Joaquin Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I would take what she said with a pinch of salt. All you need to know is she decided not to pursue things with you, and 4 dates in is really no big deal.
Author monkey00 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I don't know the timing of it seems really weird to me. Specifically since our last date things got hot and heavy...maybe that kind of freaked her out and made her pull away because things moved too quickly. I agree with you about taking it with a pinch of salt. Women say all sorts of crap, but it doesn't mean it's true. Me and an ex broke up and got back together twice, and she would feed me crap similar to this each time when she would feel angry or taken for granted. The next day she would pretend like nothing happened. Some women really thrive on drama. Or they need drama to get to show that the guy cares. I sent her a lengthy text this morning. I hope she responds and I'm curious to see what she has to say.
Joaquin Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Did she reply yet? Yeh can't wait for the update. If she has any sense she won't reply.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 ...she reveals to me that this guy she used to like that treated her like a nobody and didn't like her, he came back into her life and wants to date her...(I'm thinking to myself that this is a horrible idea and he's probably going to be a jerk to her). With that said she wants to pursue things with this guy and see where it goes. So I'm like okay, that's fine and I let her go. There is no arguing with her clearly because she likes him more and chose him over me. I think you did the right thing. Whether she's really giving this loser who treated her like a nobody a chance, or she's playing games to arouse your competitiveness, either choice is a poor one and an indication of weak character on her part. If she had a problem with you or didn't feel secure, she should have communicated that in a healthy, productive way - not dumped you. Who knows why people make bad decisions like these? Let her go. You seem to be feeling the urge to "save her" from her poor decisions. It's great to be a positive force in someone's life, but there's a limit, and she's gone over that line by dumping you for this guy.
truth_seeker Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 This kind of thing actually happens quite frequently. That's why you shouldn't take a girl you met online seriously until you've been dating for 3-4 months, at minimum. I agree. Too many options for people nowadays. They're going to place you in their personal pecking order. If you're No. 2 on their list and No. 1 isn't available, they will go with No. 2 to kill time but will jump ship to No. 1 if they become available. Someone like this you have to let go. You will never be their top choice, and you certainly don't want to be in relationship where the other person settles on you.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I agree. Too many options for people nowadays. They're going to place you in their personal pecking order. If you're No. 2 on their list and No. 1 isn't available, they will go with No. 2 to kill time but will jump ship to No. 1 if they become available. Someone like this you have to let go. You will never be their top choice, and you certainly don't want to be in relationship where the other person settles on you. I have to speak up as the exception to the rule here. Since I started dating this great guy from OLD in June, I have not been active on the dating sites, and I'm not looking for the bigger, better deal. I'm giving things with us a fair chance. I responded to one guy who suggested a date and asked to call me, right after my first date with this guy, and told him I don't multi-date and was giving this guy a chance. Since we haven't discussed exclusivity or anything, I still check my messages, but I haven't responded to any since we started dating (except the one mentioned above). I would only do that if the guy seemed like a good match, and I would tell him that I just started dating someone and am giving him a shot. I will say that I've gotten a heavier volume of contacts since I started dating him and became much less active on the site. I think that's the dating company's way of keeping you reeled in and looking at their ads and crap as much as possible = more $$$ for them. My theory is that they show your picture more in the little matchy games and whatever, so you get more attention and e-mails and are tempted to come back. Their interests are served by you spending time on the site. So people should be aware of this and not give in to the temptation to keep sniffing around for something else. Use the sites for your purposes. Don't let them game you. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I don't know the timing of it seems really weird to me. Specifically since our last date things got hot and heavy...maybe that kind of freaked her out and made her pull away because things moved too quickly. I agree with you about taking it with a pinch of salt. Women say all sorts of crap, but it doesn't mean it's true. Me and an ex broke up and got back together twice, and she would feed me crap similar to this each time when she would feel angry or taken for granted. The next day she would pretend like nothing happened. Some women really thrive on drama. Or they need drama to get to show that the guy cares. I sent her a lengthy text this morning. I hope she responds and I'm curious to see what she has to say. The fact that you are so obsessed with someone you've only been on 4 dates with shows that you lack options. Look up 'oneitis'. 1
Sweetheartt Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 When it comes to this OLD crap u can get dumped at any time lmao! Grow a pair and approach us in public 1
Meeks7 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 monkey, I feel for you as this has happened to me in the past. I always looked on the bright side though. Bottom line is, it takes two to tango. NO MATTER HOW COMPATIBLE YOU THINK y'all would have been, she clearly wasn't as interested. Have you ever tried dancing with a dead or stiff body? Yeah, trust me, it's not fun. You'll end up meeting someone into you as you are into them. It will be a beautiful thing and you'll laugh at this situation looking back. Everything happens for a reason and you just got to hold on to that hope. Our thoughts keep us going. At the same time, be proactive and consistently improve yourself in all facets of life. You'll make yourself a better catch for some lucky lady. Cheers.
fishtaco Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Happens to everyone. Don't let it get to you. Honestly, if you can't handle rejections, you have no business dating. You may complain that women have options. They change their minds all the time. They drop you and go for the guy with the muscles and fast car. They flake. Etc. Guess what, you can do the same. You are the only one stopping yourself from doing so. I've dropped nice women for bimbos with nice rack and great ass. Was it the wrong decision, sure, in the long run it was, but if women can drop me for the dude with the fancy haircut that wears sunglasses at night, then why can't I make the same mistakes? Whatever that they do, you can do as well. So go out and date a bunch of women. When decision times comes, all except one will get dropped just like you got dropped. It's just part of dating. It happens to me, it happens to you, it happens to other men, and it happens to women as well. There's no guarantee that the relationship will be a success, that is a WHOLE different art in itself, and much more difficult than dating. But as far as dating decisions are concerned, go knock yourself out. Do whatever makes you happy, and have fun. 2
Shaun-Dro Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 So long story short, I met this girl from OLD and we've gone on 4 dates. I got a lot of indication that she was into me based on the way she looks at me and points out quirks/qualities about me that she was fascinated about. Things were actually going really well and on our 4th date we went back my place and things got very physical. She was one of the few girls I met from OLD that was actually normal, didn't play games, and was into me. So this weekend rolls around and I try to make date plans with her. She finally gets back to me after several hours and says she has something to tell me. She asked if it would be better to do it over text/phone/in person. I chose phone. So she goes on to ask me if I'm dating anyone else and that she took down her profile. I answer her and we talk a bit and she reveals to me that this guy she used to like that treated her like a nobody and didn't like her, he came back into her life and wants to date her...(I'm thinking to myself that this is a horrible idea and he's probably going to be a jerk to her). With that said she wants to pursue things with this guy and see where it goes. So I'm like okay, that's fine and I let her go. There is no arguing with her clearly because she likes him more and chose him over me. I just don't understand how a girl can like me and we can have great dates, and then this nobody returns into her life and it can make her pull a 180 on me without any signs/warnings. I'm very very bummed and disappointed but not sad. For the past few weeks I've been tired of the OLD site and took down my profile a few days ago. Now I've reactivated it but I am in no mood to be proactive. I'm really tired of this crap and dating. I'm sick of it and have been doing it for months. I really had high hopes things would go somewhere with this girl, and she decided to pull the trigger on me. I wonder if this is partly my fault, because neither of us discussed why we were both on OLD. I think if we discussed it, I wouldn't be in this mess. It's never your fault when it comes to dating. 90% of the time, it's theirs, so stop stressing over it. Women cannot be trusted under ANY circumstances, so don't ever invest in them realistically. Get an escort for now. It'll relieve your angst.
funlady Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Have you ever tried dancing with a dead or stiff body? Yeah, trust me, it's not fun. Have you?
lino Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Wow a woman choosing a guy who treats her like sh*t over a decent guy... Can't say I've seen that before. Thanks for the replies. I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm ready to move on. I just hate the idea that I was used and how she got on OLD to try to forget the guy, despicable. I've never done online dating but I've been used several times as the guy to get over an ex. Most women can never go a decent period of time being truly single. If there's one promise I've made to myself that I vow to keep, it's to never be the recovery/stepping stone guy ever again.
ohmygoshistalk Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) hi monkey this is not your fault at all. let me explain something to you. i am pretty sure she likes you, you probably have as much chance as the other guy except he struck her in a way that she questions "why". like why would he treat me this way, why doesn't he like me..its more of an insecurity issue. she likes men, she likes you, problem is she doesn't like herself..so any man who likes her is basically screwed. saying this cause i been through it. out of 4 guys who like me (who are good looking, smart, funny) i rooted for the one who obviously didnt like me (dont think im his type). i asked him about it before and he said "just because i dont act like im insane about you doesnt mean i dont like you" (which is a pretty ******* thing to say , come to think of it) ive recently gotten really sick of the whole situation and so far ive snapped out of it. rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac...but lets just try to make it not be like that. humans are weird. in the animal kingdom you'd never see a penguin chase another if they get rejected, or any other animal for that matter. Edited July 10, 2012 by ohmygoshistalk
Author monkey00 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) Yeh can't wait for the update. If she has any sense she won't reply. She did reply and said she was still head over heels with the guy and it seems to me that it's a one sided attraction...however she admits that it's stupid. She did say we could talk more. But after I got home late from work I decided it was better not to call. I texted her saying last night's talk was enough and there's nothing else to say. And I just said for her sake I hope the guy isn't a douche. I think you did the right thing. Whether she's really giving this loser who treated her like a nobody a chance, or she's playing games to arouse your competitiveness, either choice is a poor one and an indication of weak character on her part. If she had a problem with you or didn't feel secure, she should have communicated that in a healthy, productive way - not dumped you. Thanks Ruby, it is poor character on part that she didn't tell me earlier. And I was completely fooled because she presented all the signs she was attracted to me. Maybe she truly was, but when she saw the guy again it flipped on a switch in her brain. And flipped it off for me. Who knows why people make bad decisions like these? Let her go. You seem to be feeling the urge to "save her" from her poor decisions. It's great to be a positive force in someone's life, but there's a limit, and she's gone over that line by dumping you for this guy. If I did call though. I would have asked her if she felt any attraction for me, and if she didn't I would easily just walk away. But at this point, there's no reason to fight the battle. Someone's decision won't change overnight. If anything, I realized from the past that fighting for someone doesn't necessarily change anything (most of the time). It's just easier to let time pass and when they're ready, they will reach out to you. I agree. Too many options for people nowadays. They're going to place you in their personal pecking order. If you're No. 2 on their list and No. 1 isn't available, they will go with No. 2 to kill time but will jump ship to No. 1 if they become available. Someone like this you have to let go. You will never be their top choice, and you certainly don't want to be in relationship where the other person settles on you. I really do hate the idea of settling. But there are many people out there who do it and they go to their grave never knowing. Or knowing it and accepting it. I told my friend yesterday that I probably dodged a bullet with her. Who knows if we did hit it off and became a couple, the guy walking into her life again could've destroyed it. I would have been in a much worst off situation. The fact that you are so obsessed with someone you've only been on 4 dates with shows that you lack options. Look up 'oneitis'. Oh I know about Oneitis quite well. I don't have that. I'm just really annoyed and disappointed in her. Trust me, when you've been dating for months on end with girls from OLD, you just get sick of it..especially with all the psychos and ones with baggage (this girl also I found out too late). I've also multi-dated (but rarely go past 1 or 2 dates). It was just a nice change to meet someone nice, normal, and seemed genuinely interested in me. She is a nice person, but she just has baggage is all. I should at least give her some credit for being upfront and honest. Most girls probably would have ignored me with no explanation whatsoever. monkey, I feel for you as this has happened to me in the past. I always looked on the bright side though. Bottom line is, it takes two to tango. NO MATTER HOW COMPATIBLE YOU THINK y'all would have been, she clearly wasn't as interested. Have you ever tried dancing with a dead or stiff body? Yeah, trust me, it's not fun. You'll end up meeting someone into you as you are into them. It will be a beautiful thing and you'll laugh at this situation looking back. Everything happens for a reason and you just got to hold on to that hope. Our thoughts keep us going. At the same time, be proactive and consistently improve yourself in all facets of life. You'll make yourself a better catch for some lucky lady. Yeah thanks. I'm doing my best. Aside from OLD, I go with friends to social events/events. Maybe the organic method is more practical still in this day and age. I'm ready to move on from this one. Happens to everyone. Don't let it get to you. Honestly, if you can't handle rejections, you have no business dating. You may complain that women have options. They change their minds all the time. They drop you and go for the guy with the muscles and fast car. They flake. Etc. Guess what, you can do the same. You are the only one stopping yourself from doing so. I've dropped nice women for bimbos with nice rack and great ass. Was it the wrong decision, sure, in the long run it was, but if women can drop me for the dude with the fancy haircut that wears sunglasses at night, then why can't I make the same mistakes? Whatever that they do, you can do as well. So go out and date a bunch of women. When decision times comes, all except one will get dropped just like you got dropped. It's just part of dating. It happens to me, it happens to you, it happens to other men, and it happens to women as well. There's no guarantee that the relationship will be a success, that is a WHOLE different art in itself, and much more difficult than dating. But as far as dating decisions are concerned, go knock yourself out. Do whatever makes you happy, and have fun. I'm ready to date again. I probably need a few days to forget this one and move on to new prospects. But it's so frustrating. I feel like it's a double edged sword. You don't put all your eggs in one basket and see multiple people, yeah you don't have to worry about getting hurt if one shoots you down or if it isn't your cup of tea. But there has to be a time and place to settle down. I hate the idea that you have to possess this mindset to date successfully and if you don't you are more likely to fail. It's a vicious cycle where you're constantly on the prowl to find the next best thing and you'll never settle down. No wonder there are so much commitment-phobes in the world. I don't want to be that guy who's a commitment-phobe and at the same time I realize if I don't play the game, I won't be able to meet someone. Dating is easy but frustrating at the same time. I'm kind of sick of it. I've never done online dating but I've been used several times as the guy to get over an ex. Most women can never go a decent period of time being truly single. If there's one promise I've made to myself that I vow to keep, it's to never be the recovery/stepping stone guy ever again. I've been there before in college. I don't know why but I feel like I can be an easy target sometimes for these kind of women. I wonder if I come off too trusting/nice. Good luck though with the latter, it would be easy if you could read minds eh? i am pretty sure she likes you, you probably have as much chance as the other guy except he struck her in a way that she questions "why". like why would he treat me this way, why doesn't he like me..its more of an insecurity issue. she likes men, she likes you, problem is she doesn't like herself..so any man who likes her is basically screwed. Yeah, she's screwed up in the head. She probably does like me, she told me the other night when we were in bed. But I'm glad she let me go instead of leading me on. You can't truly like/love someone completely if you still have hangups over someone else. That's too bad for her and other guys. That this one douche ruined it for everyone else. Oh well. Edited July 10, 2012 by monkey00
sid3 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 She did reply and said she was still head over heels with the guy and it seems to me that it's a one sided attraction...however she admits that it's stupid. She did say we could talk more. But after I got home late from work I decided it was better not to call. I texted her saying last night's talk was enough and there's nothing else to say. And I just said for her sake I hope the guy isn't a douche. Thanks Ruby, it is poor character on part that she didn't tell me earlier. And I was completely fooled because she presented all the signs she was attracted to me. Maybe she truly was, but when she saw the guy again it flipped on a switch in her brain. And flipped it off for me. If I did call though. I would have asked her if she felt any attraction for me, and if she didn't I would easily just walk away. But at this point, there's no reason to fight the battle. Someone's decision won't change overnight. If anything, I realized from the past that fighting for someone doesn't necessarily change anything (most of the time). It's just easier to let time pass and when they're ready, they will reach out to you. I really do hate the idea of settling. But there are many people out there who do it and they go to their grave never knowing. Or knowing it and accepting it. I told my friend yesterday that I probably dodged a bullet with her. Who knows if we did hit it off and became a couple, the guy walking into her life again could've destroyed it. I would have been in a much worst off situation. Oh I know about Oneitis quite well. I don't have that. I'm just really annoyed and disappointed in her. Trust me, when you've been dating for months on end with girls from OLD, you just get sick of it..especially with all the psychos and ones with baggage (this girl also I found out too late). I've also multi-dated (but rarely go past 1 or 2 dates). It was just a nice change to meet someone nice, normal, and seemed genuinely interested in me. She is a nice person, but she just has baggage is all. I should at least give her some credit for being upfront and honest. Most girls probably would have ignored me with no explanation whatsoever. Yeah thanks. I'm doing my best. Aside from OLD, I go with friends to social events/events. Maybe the organic method is more practical still in this day and age. I'm ready to move on from this one. I'm ready to date again. I probably need a few days to forget this one and move on to new prospects. But it's so frustrating. I feel like it's a double edged sword. You don't put all your eggs in one basket and see multiple people, yeah you don't have to worry about getting hurt if one shoots you down or if it isn't your cup of tea. But there has to be a time and place to settle down. I hate the idea that you have to possess this mindset to date successfully and if you don't you are more likely to fail. It's a vicious cycle where you're constantly on the prowl to find the next best thing and you'll never settle down. No wonder there are so much commitment-phobes in the world. I don't want to be that guy who's a commitment-phobe and at the same time I realize if I don't play the game, I won't be able to meet someone. Dating is easy but frustrating at the same time. I'm kind of sick of it. I've been there before in college. I don't know why but I feel like I can be an easy target sometimes for these kind of women. I wonder if I come off too trusting/nice. Good luck though with the latter, it would be easy if you could read minds eh? Yeah, she's screwed up in the head. She probably does like me, she told me the other night when we were in bed. But I'm glad she let me go instead of leading me on. You can't truly like/love someone completely if you still have hangups over someone else. That's too bad for her and other guys. That this one douche ruined it for everyone else. Oh well. You sound like a well grounded guy monkey, hopefully you'll get over her quickly and meet someone even better soon.
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