Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I combined the first one and said sorry to hear that, whatever is wrong I hope it gets better. do you want to talk about it? I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Just a matter of whether you want to continue a convo with him. Or keep him distant and guessing what your feeling? Make him think he is going to have to see you in person to figure out what's up and how you feel about him? I'd hate for you to try and engage an adult convo with him only to pull the 180 and not reply cause he knows it keeps you on the hook. I think he will respond to this by either saying no he doesn't want to talk about it, or he will talk about it. either way I could still have the power. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I think he will respond to this by either saying no he doesn't want to talk about it, or he will talk about it. either way I could still have the power. oh...my goodness... What he just told me is crazy. I don't know if it is something I should post here... Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Ohhh.. Really? Well you got a response straight away? Is it good? bad? sinister? How does it make you feel? I want to know I hope it's not something that hurts you Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Ohhh.. Really? Well you got a response straight away? Is it good? bad? sinister? How does it make you feel? I want to know I hope it's not something that hurts you No its not! haha i'll just post it what the heck His dad that he isn't really close to or sees a lot stole his check book and wrote a huge check to himself. The bank is all up on him now and he had to get his dad arrested. He said he went to the gym, overworked himself, and now just feels horrible. I asked him if there was anything he needed and he just repeated himself by saying well im broke, my dad is in jail, and i feel horrible. So I said, is there anything I can do. He said I don't think so, so all I said was well im sorry I hope you feel better soon. I think he will start to see i'm kinda retreating. All he responded was "thanks." Now is my chance to not reply! Edited July 11, 2012 by livelife Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Not what I was expecting. If it was something serious I was going to get you to add my facebook and tell me haha D: It's still very bad though. Cant really imagine how I would feel in his shoes. The things to take from this, You put in effort to help. It didnt fall on deaf ears. He's in a real bad spot at the moment, and for the time being you probably wont be the thing on his mind the most. Be prepared for him to be distant, but acknowledge that its really got nothing to do with "you two" and all to do with his dad, he wont be able to process feelings and figure out what he wants with you when there's this on his plate. Retreating is a good idea, not to show him you're backing off. But to give him time to himself and to give yourself a break as well. Just remind yourself that you reached out to him and he didnt ignore it. Although he isnt comfortable discussing it with you he has acknowledged your efforts and that you care. He want's you to know he is in a bad place, and he wants you to sympathise, which you do. As crap as it might be for you I think you need to give him some space to work out the stresses of recent events. When he starts to settle down and get over it you'll pop back in his head. Maybe tomorrow afternoon or the next day send him a message saying "I hope things are looking up for you". You dont need to tell him your thinking of him or anything, that much is obvious. But checking in with no onbligation for him to reply shows you care. But arent dependant on him opening up and coming to you if that makes sense? Edited July 11, 2012 by AlexanderJames Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Unless of course he keeps txting you, or decides to open up or asks to see you. Dont ignore him. But let him talk to you when and if he is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Not what I was expecting. If it was something serious I was going to get you to add my facebook and tell me haha D: It's still very bad though. Cant really imagine how I would feel in his shoes. The things to take from this, You put in effort to help. It didnt fall on deaf ears. He's in a real bad spot at the moment, and for the time being you probably wont be the thing on his mind the most. Be prepared for him to be distant, but acknowledge that its really got nothing to do with "you two" and all to do with his dad, he wont be able to process feelings and figure out what he wants with you when there's this on his plate. Retreating is a good idea, not to show him you're backing off. But to give him time to himself and to give yourself a break as well. Just remind yourself that you reached out to him and he didnt ignore it. Although he isnt comfortable discussing it with you he has acknowledged your efforts and that you care. He want's you to know he is in a bad place, and he wants you to sympathise, which you do. As crap as it might be for you I think you need to give him some space to work out the stresses of recent events. When he starts to settle down and get over it you'll pop back in his head. Maybe tomorrow afternoon or the next day send him a message saying "I hope things are looking up for you". You dont need to tell him your thinking of him or anything, that much is obvious. But checking in with no onbligation for him to reply shows you care. But arent dependant on him opening up and coming to you if that makes sense? I think this is perfect. I didn't mention this before but he really is in a bad spot even before this. he doesn't trust anyone anymore, his fraternity brother is making up "rumors" about him, his mom was texting me about the breakup right after it and it upset him, he doesn't have that many people there for him, but i've told him that I am. And I agree he needs space and time, and I will send that text, keep it short and sweet, and if he wants to open up he can, if not I understand. Other than that Still let him come to me I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah my ex has a lot going on too.. And mothers! ugh my mum talks to my ex.. Theyre friends on fb and my lil bro works where she used to so they cross paths a bit... JOYOUS Sounds like he has a lot to work through. Poor guy. Good work, if you hear from him before tomorrow indulge him in convo, but if not go with it. Just be aware it might take some time for him to come to you now. Not because he's moving on or anything but because he has this to get through first. And it might take time. I txt my ex just then, got a reply instanly.. But I'll post it in my thread haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah my ex has a lot going on too.. And mothers! ugh my mum talks to my ex.. Theyre friends on fb and my lil bro works where she used to so they cross paths a bit... JOYOUS Sounds like he has a lot to work through. Poor guy. Good work, if you hear from him before tomorrow indulge him in convo, but if not go with it. Just be aware it might take some time for him to come to you now. Not because he's moving on or anything but because he has this to get through first. And it might take time. I txt my ex just then, got a reply instanly.. But I'll post it in my thread haha. Oh can't wait to read what happened! And yeah he texted me again and said he wanted icecream, but didnt want to ruin his diet. I told him he could be a fat kid for a moment and I could bring some over if he wanted. He said no that he had a low carb high protein diet....okay. So All i said was, alrighty. Have a good night. feel better. Again, he turned down seeing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 This is now really getting to me. WHY can't and why won't he see me? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 It's really not exciting haha... Dont get too keen. Sounds like he's confused to me. I would have said "I want icecream" as an invitation to have icecream. Haha someone's trying to clean bulk. And the only reason I would have mentioned my fitness diet to a female who isnt a PT or bodybuilder would be to make it obvious I'm gettin buff. Thinking from a boy who goes to the gym full time's point of view anyway. Like I said in this state dont take him turning down invitations to see you to heart. Beforehand when he said he wanted you to work yeah wtf okay but not he has a legitimate reason to want to sook and be on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 It's really not exciting haha... Dont get too keen. Sounds like he's confused to me. I would have said "I want icecream" as an invitation to have icecream. Haha someone's trying to clean bulk. And the only reason I would have mentioned my fitness diet to a female who isnt a PT or bodybuilder would be to make it obvious I'm gettin buff. Thinking from a boy who goes to the gym full time's point of view anyway. Like I said in this state dont take him turning down invitations to see you to heart. Beforehand when he said he wanted you to work yeah wtf okay but not he has a legitimate reason to want to sook and be on his own. Stop me, i'm honestly about to go nuts and text him and ask him why he is refusing to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Well it might be irellevant. But a very attractive friend of mine who I've spoken on here about heard I was having a hard time and was unhappy. She didnt know what was wrong but knew I was sad. She asked to come see me and talk to me about it and I turned he down because I didn't want to bug her with my problems. As she's a potential new interest to me should things with the ex fall through I don't want to give her the impression I'm weak, struggling and dependant on others. It might have nothing to do with your situation.. But maybe he doesn't want you to see him suffering or sad. Because your in such a turmoil at the moment, trying to show each other that you are strong, happy and well (even though its not the case). Having you come over and pick up the pieces of his life and look after him when he's a mess might make him feel worse. Cause your being strong and independant and he's coming across weak and dependant. Make sense? Again this could be the case with him refusing to see you in the past. Maybe he has had a lot bugging him for a while. And isn't comfortable seeing you in person until he's confident he can portray a happy, strong minded persona around you? I dunno I'm just rollin with a train of thought here.. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Stop! >< He can't see you at the moment. He cant deal with his dad f***ing him around and you wanting him to make effort with you and all his other problems at the same time. He has to deal with his S*** one at a time and prioritise. And his dad being in jail and banks riding his arse are top of the list. Pushing him to make an effort here when he's in turmoil will only stir anger in him. It will come across selfish on your part. An push him away Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I can understand that. He told me last time we hung out and we both cried that he wanted to hang out with me to get his mind off of problems. And thats why he was so distant when we first broke up, well hes being distant again. I honestly might just ask him, because at this point I deserve respect and i deserve to know why he keeps turning me down. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Trust me and be patient. He knows you care, and that you want to see him. This is where you need to show strength in yourself and let him work through his problems. I don't think he's going anywhere don't worry about that. Not for the time being. The LAST thing he will be thinking about is letting go and moving on from you. Sounds like theres a long list of things he will be thinking about before he thinks about you. Not because you arent important but because theres bigger things to worry about at the moment. Dont bug him, dont push him. You did well, you did everything you could without coming across weak and needy. Dont stuff it up. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I'm telling you why he didnt let come over If you txt him he will reply, "because I've got too much going on at the moment". And ask for space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I'm telling you why he didnt let come over If you txt him he will reply, "because I've got too much going on at the moment". And ask for space. okay, i'm going to try! It just hurts. so i let my emotions get the best of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Well, emotions also let you know the kind of person that you are. It seems like you're someone I'd be around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Well, emotions also let you know the kind of person that you are. It seems like you're someone I'd be around. So that's a good thing? I'm confused haha! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I know it hurts but be strong! For yourself and so that you can be an inspiration to us. Cause I need inspiration haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 and this is why I love this website. Because I get more support than I do from my friends, unbiased opinions. I like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 So don't hate me Alex, but I crashed and I did ask him He told me yes that he had a lot going on and he didn't want to feel like crap when he hung out with someone, and that i've been "pissed off lately" I told him there was a difference between being pissed off and upset. He said another reason was that he was afraid to do anything with me because all I thought was that he was trying to get me back to his place. (Not the case, I told him the other day that the only time he has asked me to hang out was to come over, when talking about how he never asks me to hang out) I explained that to him, then he says how he can't do much anyway because he has been having money problems ( which he has) it just seems like excuse after excuse to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 So that's a good thing? I'm confused haha! Sure, why wouldn't I want to hang with someone nice? I don't like mean people, to put it simply. Probably why I don't like sarcasms. Did you know sarcasms is the lowest kind of wit? Link to post Share on other sites
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