Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 His "little sister" answered me. Were in business. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 She must be a party animal. Just tell her that youre really worried bout him. He's acting dangerous and you think he's going to hurt himself. Dont use things he's said specifically or anything I need to go and I wont be able to access this site for a while.. But I wanna help best I can. If you're really destraught or worried or need to talk just look up Alex Westmacott on facebook. In Adelaide South Aus. Dont think theres many people with my name gettin round but if you cant find me look for the one with the green hat and aussie flag in the background. (Im not that patriotic it just happens to be hanging in my room lol shh) I wont tell anyone where I added ya from Lets just hope not too many people get through to page 7 and see that haha. Good luck! Keep me posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Ok so to sum up I called him twice, no answer. Texted him saying i was going to call people, no answer, so I texted that girl. She asked what he was upset about and all I said was family problems and asked if she got a hold of him, she said hes probably asleep, and not to worry. She said he did this a couple days ago as well. I told her that he was not at his house, and she thinks that he might have gone home home ( were at college and he has a house here and his moms house about 45 minutes away) She said not to worry and if one of us hears from him to let the other know. She also said I just need to give him space. So I went back to my room, and i texted him saying I know hes going through a lot, so ill give him space and leave him alone, but that if he needed any comforting or anyone to just talk to that I would be here. I also ended it with saying just please text me so I know you're safe. Okay now you gotta help me as the next days and weeks go by to keep his space!! it just sucks, I just wish he would give me a second chance, but i know hes going through a lot. hes shutting me out...I think the fact that he didnt say yes or no to my question about him not wanting to work it out was good? All he kept saying was I want you to be happy, you need to be happy. I'm happy when i'm with him and we're normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Ok so to sum up I called him twice, no answer. Texted him saying i was going to call people, no answer, so I texted that girl. She asked what he was upset about and all I said was family problems and asked if she got a hold of him, she said hes probably asleep, and not to worry. She said he did this a couple days ago as well. I told her that he was not at his house, and she thinks that he might have gone home home ( were at college and he has a house here and his moms house about 45 minutes away) She said not to worry and if one of us hears from him to let the other know. She also said I just need to give him space. So I went back to my room, and i texted him saying I know hes going through a lot, so ill give him space and leave him alone, but that if he needed any comforting or anyone to just talk to that I would be here. I also ended it with saying just please text me so I know you're safe. Okay now you gotta help me as the next days and weeks go by to keep his space!! it just sucks, I just wish he would give me a second chance, but i know hes going through a lot. hes shutting me out...I think the fact that he didnt say yes or no to my question about him not wanting to work it out was good? All he kept saying was I want you to be happy, you need to be happy. I'm happy when i'm with him and we're normal. Here's an update from this morning. Got a text from him about 6 hours later saying he was back and was going to go to sleep, said he just drove, went nowhere specific. I told him i'm trying to help but he keeps blocking me out. His reponse? "sure am." I asked him why and he said because all i ever do is get upset with him, so why would he want to talk to someone about his problems when that person is upset with him? Im upset that hes treating me like this when im going out of my way to be nice. He said all I want is answers, i didnt want to talk about whatever was bothering him. I told him I will give up on getting answers right now, that I just want to be there for him. I really do. I just want to be there for him, more than anything. and it hurts that he is isn't letting me. I used to be that person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) What's getting me now is random memories keep popping in my head from before we broke up. The time of my life. We went to Savannah, GA for his fraternity formal. I literally can't stop crying, like hyperventilating. I've stayed at my room at school because I don't want to risk my mom seeing me like this, it makes her mad. I miss him soo damn much. I'm now going through the anger stage. Anger that I now think him saying I want you to be happy, was his nice way of ending it with me last night. Anger because I apologized to him about some personal things that happened to him today, a fraternity brother died, and I told him I was sorry and he was in my prayers. he responded by saying thanks, and continued to say how crappy his life was. I was a bit rude but I'm sick of it. I responded " complaining about it isnt going to do anything, especially to me if you arent going to let me help you. You have to learn and grow from it. Don't like your life? You're the only one with the power to change that." He said okay. thanks. My response? "bye." I might have been a litttle too harsh with that. and Now I think I should have said something different, I should have asked, are you going to let me help you or are you just venting. Oops. Edited July 11, 2012 by livelife Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well he obviously has some pretty big walls up and I don't know if you will be able to knock them down. You've tried more than hard enough to get through to him with no success I think that any more attempts will just push him further away. Dont think of the memories as bad things. Be happy you got to enjoy these expriences and cherish them forever. They werent the best times of your life, they were just the best times "so far". You've got so much to live for. In time you'll look back at those memories and feel good trust me. The anger stage for me is much more enjoyable. I get to punch boxing bags for hours and lift weights all day. Yelling is fun too! There are healthy ways to get through the anger quickly. Do something that takes a lot of explosive energy. But nothing harmful! I've learned many times that brick walls and porceline tiles in the shower will always come out on top vs your fist. Just make sure that WHATEVER you do, you dont take out ANY of the anger on him. Not only will it make him mad and negative towards you, but it portrays to him that you are in a bad place and we want him to think your on top of the world. Like I said you've done all you can. How many times have you asked him if he's going to let you in and got no answer. Saying "bye" like that was probably the most powerful thing next to just ignoring him that you could do. Now he will see you've had enough of his childish games and wont be a part of them. Just keep that independant attitude and dont go chasing him up again now. He is safe and he still has his walls up. Time to focus on yourself for now Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well he obviously has some pretty big walls up and I don't know if you will be able to knock them down. You've tried more than hard enough to get through to him with no success I think that any more attempts will just push him further away. Dont think of the memories as bad things. Be happy you got to enjoy these expriences and cherish them forever. They werent the best times of your life, they were just the best times "so far". You've got so much to live for. In time you'll look back at those memories and feel good trust me. The anger stage for me is much more enjoyable. I get to punch boxing bags for hours and lift weights all day. Yelling is fun too! There are healthy ways to get through the anger quickly. Do something that takes a lot of explosive energy. But nothing harmful! I've learned many times that brick walls and porceline tiles in the shower will always come out on top vs your fist. Just make sure that WHATEVER you do, you dont take out ANY of the anger on him. Not only will it make him mad and negative towards you, but it portrays to him that you are in a bad place and we want him to think your on top of the world. Like I said you've done all you can. How many times have you asked him if he's going to let you in and got no answer. Saying "bye" like that was probably the most powerful thing next to just ignoring him that you could do. Now he will see you've had enough of his childish games and wont be a part of them. Just keep that independant attitude and dont go chasing him up again now. He is safe and he still has his walls up. Time to focus on yourself for now Well, he responded to the bye and said oh...and I said what? You gave up on us last night, on me. and he said No I didn't. So I asked him why he told me to find another guy, and he said can we not talk about this right now...so I respected his wishes. I do think he cares, I do. I just think he i going through SO much that he can't really show anything right now. Everything literally has happened at once. Every now and then I will send him uplifting texts every now and then, but discuss nothing of "us". In the mean time, i'm going out to bars tomorrow and friday i'm going to a party with some guys that he doesn't necessarily like. I hung out with them alll the time before me and him got together. (they are in different fraternities) so of course they do not like eachother haha! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 He definitely isnt thinking straight right now. But good job for backing down when you did. Of course he cares like I said he wouldnt be messaging you if he didnt care. Especially now that so much is going on in his life yet he still manages to think of you and message you. There's no harm in an occasional "Hope you're doing okay" but what do you hope to get out of it? Has this recent turn of events changed your perspective on him, yourself and your compatability? Good idea going out and having fun. Who cares who it's with as long as you have no sinister motives to deliberately hurt him, which I know you don't. This whole Sorority sister and Frat brother thing is so other worldly to me haha. We have none of that here in Aus. Ive seen fraternities in 100's of movies but never really understood why it's such a big deal lol. >< Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 He definitely isnt thinking straight right now. But good job for backing down when you did. Of course he cares like I said he wouldnt be messaging you if he didnt care. Especially now that so much is going on in his life yet he still manages to think of you and message you. There's no harm in an occasional "Hope you're doing okay" but what do you hope to get out of it? Has this recent turn of events changed your perspective on him, yourself and your compatability? Good idea going out and having fun. Who cares who it's with as long as you have no sinister motives to deliberately hurt him, which I know you don't. This whole Sorority sister and Frat brother thing is so other worldly to me haha. We have none of that here in Aus. Ive seen fraternities in 100's of movies but never really understood why it's such a big deal lol. >< haha! I was wondering if you knew about fraternities and sororities this has shown me that I need to back off, I need to let him come to me, and he will. I do think he will. It has shown me that I actually really do love him for what I did last night, and the fact that its been a month and im still trying and crying over him. What i hope to get out of the, i hope youre okay, messages is that he sees im here, and that im not being overwhelming. it is always nice to have someone check up on them. When should I send him a message next? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Good to hear you say that! Because you do need to back off for now. But dont wait by the phone or depend on it happening any time soon. A month isn't a huge ammount of time. So I dont doubt you still love him, and it's no suprise you still cry. Txting him will show him you're thinking and that you care. But it cant be too often. Dont let it look scheduled or routine or anything. Go one or two days without speaking to him. Then if you dont hear from him for that time, send him a short "Hope your okay" txt. Nothing too open or lengthy. "Hope you're okay" Would have more impact than "Hey I hope you are doing well, if you ever need me I'm here waiting" Just remember that you really should be putting yourself first here, regardless of his situation. Because it's your life, and he isnt exactly putting you first either. Use this time to focus on you. I'm sure you're still hurting and torn over the breakup. And I know you are confused as to what you want and where you want to go. So before jumping in head first again use this space your giving him to give yourself time to think about what YOU want. You are so focussed on working on things with him and helping him it looks like you are forgetting about yourself and your needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Good to hear you say that! Because you do need to back off for now. But dont wait by the phone or depend on it happening any time soon. A month isn't a huge ammount of time. So I dont doubt you still love him, and it's no suprise you still cry. Txting him will show him you're thinking and that you care. But it cant be too often. Dont let it look scheduled or routine or anything. Go one or two days without speaking to him. Then if you dont hear from him for that time, send him a short "Hope your okay" txt. Nothing too open or lengthy. "Hope you're okay" Would have more impact than "Hey I hope you are doing well, if you ever need me I'm here waiting" Just remember that you really should be putting yourself first here, regardless of his situation. Because it's your life, and he isnt exactly putting you first either. Use this time to focus on you. I'm sure you're still hurting and torn over the breakup. And I know you are confused as to what you want and where you want to go. So before jumping in head first again use this space your giving him to give yourself time to think about what YOU want. You are so focussed on working on things with him and helping him it looks like you are forgetting about yourself and your needs. I really am, I guess this shows my personality, i'm really caring!! And okay, I like that about going a couple days without it. I'll do that. And shorter is better? Thats something to remember too. I guess I wouldn't be feeding too much in for him. It's just tough to put myself first when i care so much about him and am so worried about him, and when hes always on my mind, I watch my actions very carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I can tell you're really caring Just come back and read this when you're having down moments or feeling weak. Just got a txt from my ex. I'll post it on my thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 I can tell you're really caring Just come back and read this when you're having down moments or feeling weak. Just got a txt from my ex. I'll post it on my thread it's really hard at night time. Because thats when I think about him most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Something keeps telling me not to go to this club/bar tomorrow night. I just feel wrong going.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) Sorry I keep posting. This is me trying to stop myself from texting him. I honestly just feel guilty. It's all my fault. I was the one who left him. I didn't mean to. This is all my stupid fault. I keep opening up texts to go text him, and i'm stopping myself. It's so difficult!! It's storming outside, nighttime theres so many things I could say to him. But I know I will be so happy when I see he texts me first. Edited July 12, 2012 by livelife Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Almost posted your first name on here. Whoops. /: haha I'm EXACTLY where you are missy. Did ya read through the threads I linked you in my thread thismorning? I left my ex. I feel everything you're describing trust me. I know how much it hurts having this regret clawing at you. Knowing that if you didn't do it you would probably be happy with them. Believe me I know it hurts, just remind yourself that something made you walk away the first time, might not have been much but it was enough. Feelings change. We are allowed to change our minds. It's okay to worry about the future and to hope for reconciliation. But you CANNOT look at the past like that. Make peace with yourself and forgive yourself. Because you'll never be able to fix anything if you hate yourself. So you want your next chapter to be with him again. That's okay to want that. But you will never be able to discover the next chapter if you keep re reading the last. If if I can be strong then you can too. We'll get through this **** one way of another I promise Sorry if this is full of spelling mistakes and bad Grammar. I had to speed type it haha Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 And don't apologise for posting in your own thread you goose. I want you to post here every time you want to txt him. 1000 times a day if you have to. As long as it keeps you from txting him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 And go out tomorrow. You owe it to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 How do you stop yourself from texting her? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Dunno. At first it was really hard not to message her but it got easier. Remember we are at different stages here even tho we are both in the same boat. I've given my self time away from her and time to think about what I want and who I am. I've had that time to heal and to distance myself. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and even though I've changed directions for the moment I've shown myself that I can be strong and happy regardless of the outcome. You haven't had a long time away without talkin to or hearing from him have you. So it's harder because you haven't truly committed yourself to living for you and letting go. Some might say I haven't either because I'm seeing my ex tomorrow but never the less I've had that absence to recover. Just remind yourself of the big picture. What will happen if you keep messaging him. What will happen if you leave him alone. Do you want to txt him? Yes. Will you be happy with the result you get from txting him? No. Will it be hard not to txt him? Of course! But will the outcomes, whatever they may be, be better for YOU? Yes they will. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Sometimes the actions that are best for us and that we need to make are the hardest. If you find it really hard. Message me what you want to txt him word for word. Pretend like your sending it to him. Then I'll give you a response with how it would make me feel if I was in his shoes. Just don't message him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Sometimes the actions that are best for us and that we need to make are the hardest. If you find it really hard. Message me what you want to txt him word for word. Pretend like your sending it to him. Then I'll give you a response with how it would make me feel if I was in his shoes. Just don't message him! I'll take you up on that offer. Thanks so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Don't mention it It's the least I can do from all the way over here in Australia haha What is it like 11 over there? Get some sleep you've got a big fun night tomorrow. Don't want to be tired! Link to post Share on other sites
Author livelife Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Don't mention it It's the least I can do from all the way over here in Australia haha What is it like 11 over there? Get some sleep you've got a big fun night tomorrow. Don't want to be tired! Storming like CRAZY!!!!! and Me and him both have an anonymous account on twitter. I'm releasing some things on there, I don't care if he sees it. Theres a trending topic right now called #HowToKeepARelationshipWithMe and I keep posting things on it....Oooooooops... Sorry I'm not sorry! haha. Its helping me point out the negatives he did for me in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Storming like weather? Or angry haha. Good work! Let him see it maybe it will open his eyes a little. And thats very productive, when we go through breakups we tend to block out all the bad things that ever happened and only remember the good. We get ourselves believing that it was all perfect when it wasnt. So keep reminding yourself of those things. I wrote down lots of stuff like that. And thinks I didnt like about her, bad habbits and stuff haha Link to post Share on other sites
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