Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 I didnt know where else to turn and just looking to vent and get all my feelings off my chest and looking for support. July 2nd, I lost the most important part of my life. I spent almost 17 months with this girl and I feel so empty now. Before we even got together she meant a lot to me. I was in a bad relationship before her, with a girl that meant a lot to me but I meant nothing to her. Thats how I met the love of my life, through the girl that constantly lied to me and cheated on me. And the girl I love got me out of that bad relationship and I immediately started thinking about her. But she had another guy in her life at that point so I went a few months without talking to her for the most part until I decided to text her and then a few days later she came over to see me. That night we shared our first kiss. And the next weekend I invited her back over and asked her to be mine. That was March 12, 2011. At first things werent too serious, but a couple months into it, I fell in love with her and told her so and she was in love too. We started spending 3 or 4 days a week together. Lost contact with almost all our friends because all we cared about was each other. Of course that ended up causing a few problems but they got fixed and she let a few friends back into her life. But things were even better, she would come over friday and stay with me until late sunday night when she would go back home. Almost every weekend we were together the whole time. Things were so amazing. But her home life was kind of bad and she got a lot of emotional abuse. I was a top ranked wrestler in my state and trained since I was 10 years old with the option of wrestling in college. But while I was practicing or at matches she had no one there for her and I felt so guilty I quit so I could spend more time with her so she wouldnt be alone. We ended up having a pretty big fight because of the stress her family put on her, and took some time apart. After a few days I went to her house with all her stuff I had and told her she could do something to show she wanted to be with me or I had to let her go. She wanted to move in with me and of course I let her. But I ruined that before it even happened. Those days we had apart she wasnt there for me and I talked to another girl, that was just a friend, but a few nights after she moved in that girl called my phone. And after an argument, she left and decided her terrible home life was better than sitting around while a girl called me. Again with a few days of not talking we worked things out and our love was as strong as ever. We have so many memories, shes been at my house so much I cant look anywhere without thinking of her. My whole town we have memories, all the places I like to eat, the places I like to go, make me think of her. We had our problems, like all relationships but we swore we would never give up, and we never did, until now. July 2nd, I misread a text and the reply I sent didnt make sense at all, she accused me of texting another girl and of course I got defensive and upset. So I ignored her for a couple hours so I would calm down and not say anything stupid. After we talked again she said she had to go out and get something then started ignoring me so I called and she answered saying she was busy hanging out with friends and she kept ignoring me and just saying okay to everything I had to say so my anger got the best of me and I told her I was done until I was worth talking too. Two days later she agreed to come over and work things out but wanted to go do other things first so I got upset and we had another argument and she started ignoring me and told me she wanted space, that she still loved me and wanted things to work, but wanted some time alone. I handled every single thing the wrong way. Besides disrespecting her way too much when I was in a bad mood, I handled the space terribly. I felt so bad I went out the next day and bought her gifts and chocolates and flowers and left them in her room while she was out. I saw her out in town that night and convinced her to talk to me for a little bit. She promised she would call me that night after she got home, hugged me, kissed me and left and I was feeling better. Until I never got the call. So of course I blew up her phone with so many thoughts racing through my head. The next day she texted me saying she wanted things to get worked out she just was trying to figure herself out. So I had the bright idea to buy her more stuff and surprise her at her house. When I got there, there was another guy there with her that she said was just a friend and there was a friend that was a girl there with her too so I wasnt as worried but, I broke down and did everything I could to get her back but she just said I cant respect her or anything she asks me to do. Yesterday she agreed for me to come over and pick up the ring I bought her for last Christmas and all the clothes she had of mine. We sat in her room for a while, and she let me hold her, rub her back, play with her hair, and kiss her cheek. Things were a lot more civil as I was more calm and I could tell she was about to cry. After I left, I broke down again but left her alone. Until her sister cussed her out for what she did to me. She then texted me cussing me out, saying she hasnt had feelings for me in a long time, wanted to break up for a while, and the guy that was at her house the day before was making her so happy. I really dont know If I should believe it, but it sure did hurt. Up until the fight things were so great. She was sweet as ever, texting me, spending a lot of time with me. And most importantly we were trying for a family of our own, and have been for a good while. Guess thats what makes this so hard. Should I believe what she said or is that just part of her grief showing? Today will start day one of no contact, and its going to be so hard. My family loves her so much and expected us to get married. And I was only $100 short of the engagement ring I was going to buy and propose with within the next month or two. I know she still cares, her friends say she gets real upset when my name is mentioned and she told them seeing me with another girl would kill her. I dont want to give up, I want her back, I dont want the relationship back. I want a new one, one thats better than ever, but I know I need to give her space and let her see other guys no matter how bad it hurts me. My emotions are all over the place and I want to text or call her so bad but I know I cant. I gave up so much for her, gave it my everything and now shes gone and I cant stand the thought of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 The big thing here is that she was already checked out of the relationship and used the text as her out. She got to blame it on you and relieve her own guilt. Simply enough she played you pretty well. She got to leave the relationship guilt free and made you look like the bad guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 She then texted me cussing me out, saying she hasnt had feelings for me in a long time, wanted to break up for a while, and the guy that was at her house the day before was making her so happy. I really dont know If I should believe it, but it sure did hurt. DUDE!!! She was cheating on you! Why do you think she went high and to the right everytime she thought that you had another girl hanging around? Because, if you did. Then she could ease her own guilt about what she was doing. So, in a weird way, she was hoping that you were cheating. Reading through your post, it seemed like she found any excuse to fight with you. Because if you argued just once! She was out the door and hooking up with this dude. Thus, giving herself permission to see this guy because, "My boyfriend such and ass and we haven't been getting along." Hard to cheat on a person if you like them. Easier to do if you're mad at them. So, what you're telling me is that you gave up a wrestling scholarship for this chick? ARE YOU INSANE!!! Get back to it!!! Work on you, work on your goals and get your life back on track! Start no contact with this girl NOW! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Girlboots Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 DUDE!!! She was cheating on you! Why do you think she went high and to the right everytime she thought that you had another girl hanging around? Because, if you did. Then she could ease her own guilt about what she was doing. So, in a weird way, she was hoping that you were cheating. Reading through your post, it seemed like she found any excuse to fight with you. Because if you argued just once! She was out the door and hooking up with this dude. Thus, giving herself permission to see this guy because, "My boyfriend such and ass and we haven't been getting along." Hard to cheat on a person if you like them. Easier to do if you're mad at them. So, what you're telling me is that you gave up a wrestling scholarship for this chick? ARE YOU INSANE!!! Get back to it!!! Work on you, work on your goals and get your life back on track! Start no contact with this girl NOW! Couldn't have said it better. Listen to this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Im going to leave her alone and let her live her life, but I know if she came back, id be right there waiting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Well just about a minute ago she texted me. And yesterday she said for me to lose her number and never contact her again. When I was trying to fix things I bought her a few gifts. Text: Do you want all these gifts back? I dont want it.. Of course im just going to ignore it, but when I went yesterday to pick up the ring and my clothes we talked about the gifts and I told her she could give them away or just throw them away that I didnt want them. So why would she contact me about them? An excuse for me to come over? Probably not but I dont know why she would even bring it up after all she said yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Well she still feels guilty. Responding relieves that guilt and makes it like you could be buddy buddies. You already told her what to do with them and even if you hadn't you shouldn't reply anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yep! Don't reply. Time to heal and move on, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Well its been a little over 24hrs since Ive had any contact with her.. never gave in to her text earlier. But its still hurting, im still sitting here wondering what I could have done differently. Still hoping one day she comes back.. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Ouch mate, sounds like a painful situation indeed Did she cheat? Maybe, cant be certain, although it does look that way. But if she did, do you want that kind of girl in your life? Someone that let you sacrifice so much for her only to throw it all away? Good work for not responding to the txt. If what everyone's saying is true then she's just looking for a way of easing her own guilt. Either through being buddies or making you get angry and victimising her again. It was so easy for her when she could push a button, set you off and make you look like the bad guy, she was living a guilt free life. But now you're being strong, your gone and you've taken the power and left her to her own devices. The guilts building in her and she's starting to resent herself now that she's got no one to make her feel victimised. Keep it up mate, I know you told me you want her back and wish you could be where I might be at the moment. But honestly if I was cheated on by this girl I wouldnt be waiting around.. No matter how much I thought I loved her. Link to post Share on other sites
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Any way for you to get back into wrestling and in college? I will add, never, ever, drop all your dreams and your future for a girl (or a guy, ladies). People should be part of your life, not be your life. I hope you understand the difference now with what happened and hop back on the horse. You don't want a crappy job for the rest of your life. As for her, unless you want the gifts back (do you have a sister or a good friend?), leave it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
magneet Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Hey mate I apologise before hand if my message will be a bit harsh, I dont intend it to be, but realising the truth is, well Harsh. Samilia said People should be part of your life, not be your life. That is fact number one. Secondly, ur an emotional wreck and dont think straight right now. Cry, shout, hit a bag, sleep, do whatever, for a few days and then man-up. Life goes on. Life will be better, after the hurt is gone and after u realise that its better to be without her. Thirdly, one meets people in your life for certain reasons, to learn certain things from it. Also some stay longer than others. You learned a lot of thid breakup. Mainly, how not to treat a girlfriend. One can not give up a life for a partner - you should still do your own thing. I also went through something like this. Also where I put my interests to the side to make her happy. There is something called CO-DEPENDENCY. Have a look at that. That adds in with what Samillia said. So, buddy, hang in there, but not want her to get back with you, you need to look past that, you need to heal. Then you need to fix yourself, be happy with yourself, then you (I, and most of us) will be able to have a functional relationship, where we get the love and respect we desire, need and want... Chin up mate... Stop being so nice. It just pushes here further away. From the movie swingers (watch it) Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her? Rob: You don't call. Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her. Rob: Right. Mike: So I don't call either way? Rob: Right. Mike: So what's the difference? Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back. Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her? Rob: Right. Mike: Well that sucks. Rob: Yeah, it sucks. Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her? Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite. Mike: What do you mean? Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her. Mike: Well what if she comes back first? Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget. Mike: There's the rub. Rob: There's the rub. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 That little screenplay is awesome! ^ Never heard it before but it makes so much sense haha. Love it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Well woke up with a little surprise, not really sure what it means. But it was sent at 3:02AM. Im thinking its just trying to ease guilt but again not going to reply. Text: I dont mean anything I said yesterday.. just know that. I was pissed. But our personal lifes and whatever, should be kept between us, not our family. got it? k. Guess shes refering to telling me that she didnt have feelings for me for a long time and wanted to break up and for me to leave her alone and never contact her again. And that she doesnt want me talking to her sister about what happened, but added her to the NC the same day. Seems like she went from apologizing to trying to take control at the end. Any thoughts? The fact that it was sent at 3:00am makes me feel a little better, that im not the only one losing sleep, and im atleast on her mind, even if it is only because of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Dude, she's trying to ease her own guilt and she doesn't want you exposing anything more or else...other truths would come out that she doesn't want to admit to. Just remember, even if she said things out of anger, there's usually some truth behind what they say. Ignore her and move on. i have a feeling that this isn't the last time you hear from her to stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 Well for all the hopefuls out there I guess I got good news. Its been a week since the break up and she broke NC the past two days.. and today like I said earlier it was 3am. I ignored it for a while but myself got the best of me if that makes sense. I replied. I wasnt really trying to be nice but watch what happened. Text from me: You said to never contact you again, and I'm trying and its not really going that bad. And cant really keep things between us. There isnt an us. But I am keeping it to myself now. But youre making this harder than it has to be. You moved on.. dont linger around playing games with me. I dont know how you feel, but you texted me at 3am for some reason. If you miss me, tell me, before its too late. Maybe youve already let go and that guy does make you happy. But I think things just got hard for us and we got scared. 17 months is a lot to let go of. If you dont want to let go tell me. If you are done please dont text me or its going to make things worse for us. If you need to talk one more time for closure then we can. But if im on your mind a lot then theres a reason for that. God got us through everything, a lot of things, and I feel like we gave up on Him. But if youre truly done Ive got to move on too. Her very next text started with "I miss you" Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Her very next text started with "I miss you" ................and?!?!?........ So, what? I miss the Chicago Bears! I wish they were playing! SO, she misses you. Okay. That really tells you nothing. It's breadcrumbs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Was there further conversation after that? I hope you didn't return with "I miss you too"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 been a lot of further conversation.. and for the most part, its went well.. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Once upon a time I sent my ex the whole I miss you card and what I got back sent me crazy haha. She replied "I know". I'd reply back with something smart but a little bit sharp too, if not nothing. Something like "I can sympathise, I remember what it's like to miss someone you love" Link to post Share on other sites
AlexanderJames Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Just stay in control mate.. The first time I broke NC was a success because I steered the conversation where I wanted it to go. It's your talk, you chose to listen and respond. You chose when it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iwantyouback31211 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Talked some more today.. made plans to reconnect soon.. probably in a mutual place and not for long.. but its a step forward.. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Talked some more today.. made plans to reconnect soon.. probably in a mutual place and not for long.. but its a step forward.. I wish you the absolute best my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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