jimbo54 Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Long story short me and my ex (first girlfriend/love) were going out for 2 years. During that time we had some really amazing times but she also lied a lot, broke up with me several times and I'm fairly sure she cheated on me, she certainly wasn't respecting the relationship by seeing other guys despite me treating her so well. She ended it almost 2 years ago very suddenly when we moved to separate universities but I did love her but I also knew she wasn't the right girl to go out with. We both removed each other from our lives with NC apart from one text she sent saying merry Christmas. We have a lot of mutual friends and after we broke up she essentially got to keep them since I couldn't bear to see her as I was hurting too much. She dated some of our mutual friends which tore me up. Every now and then on Facebook I would see a photo of her out with our mutual friends and I've tried to limit what I can see appear in my news feed etc without deleting our mutual friends and not be immature about it. But each time this would happen it would hurt a lot for some time. Anyway recently I had been feeling a lot better one of my best friends who is a mutual friend unfortunately was round my house and he went on his facebook and her profile appeared and I saw she had a few pictures of her and her boyfriend all loved up. This has hurt me deeply and brought back a lot of the sad and painful feelings from before. I'm not really sure what to do, I thought I would be over this by now. I still think about her and our relationship most days. I exercise, try to keep busy, see friends, ive date other girls (not found one to have a decent relationship with) but it still hurts deeply and I got over the anger of the cheating a while ago now I just miss her, not that I want to get back with her I don't ever want to see or speak to her again, its sad. Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Jimbo54, I'm not sure how to help. But, I do want to tell you that I know exactly what you're feeling. I went through this a number of times with my ex. Even worse...I not only saw her on FB hugged up, but also when we tried dating again, she was inconsiderate enough to leave heartfelt cards and gifts posted (from a guy she dated when we were on a break) all around her place. I would say to stay away from FB for awhile altogether. (I haven't been on for a year now.) But, if you enjoy it, you shouldn't have to change. Just try to remember things really aren't as they seem. Especially on social networks. Everyone is trying to look their best and appear to be completely happy. Most of it is for show. I found out later, that the guy my ex was all cuddled up with was later destroyed by her behavior. She broke his heart hardcore. So, don't be fooled! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 Yeah, my ex bragged and bragged about the woman he cheated with and through their up coming marriage in my face...how they were getting married in the spring, etc. They couldn't even make it past winter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Jimbo a lot of us on here can sympathize with what you've been through. After the first relationship, I looked at my ex's myspace page after about 2 months and saw her sharing a kiss with her new bf. I had a panic attack and absolutely was a mess for weeks upon weeks afterwards. Fast forward to a month ago. I've been broken up with my most recent ex for over 4 months now. After having her blocked on FB the whole time, I made the absolute worst decision ever to unblock her briefly and then look at both her and her sister's page. I found out that not only does she have a bf, but that they took a trip to California together so I sure enough conjured up a picture in my head of them sharing a bed together. Then, I got to read in her sister's wall posts all about how happy she is that her little sister (my ex) is with someone she is so crazy about and what a wonderful guy he is. I broke down crying and called my ex and it was an awful week. My ex told me as nicely as possible to f off and that she is in an rship and happy. I went to bed a mess for days after that. I would suggest you delete anyone remotely associated with that girl. If they ask, just be upfront with them. This is for your own good at the end of the day. Be true to yourself and take this time to discover what it is you really want in life and the kind of people you really want to be around. Your ex doesn't sound like she deserves the time of day. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
magneet Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 No advice from side, except im in the same boat. After being broken up for 9 months, I flew back to our home country to visit her, tried to get back together, we went away for the weekend. After that we spoke constantly for the next 2 months, me thinking great, we are together. Then she came to visit me in europe, went on a 2 week road trip, it ended up that we are not together. However, then she posted all the pics on facebook of us. Great stuff of seeing that as a daily reminder. then getting a random text just saying "hello". Then ofcourse, like with everybody else - she goes out partying, and pics of her get uploaded with guys surrounding her... just need to rant and vent about it Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 I can relate, as I've snooped once before on the guy I went out with after my ex. It made me so angry and disappointed that I haven't done it again! I've also dated on and off, but haven't found someone better. I try and remind myself that being single is far better than being with an ex again. And I confided in my sister abd she said just because they're in a relationship doesn't mean they're happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 ...but she might actually be happy and in love. Ans what if she is? It's a dangerous game to use someones troubles as a revenge tonic. Besides, if their suffering brings us happiness, what will their happiness bring us? Most people never really change though, so there's a good chance she's still lying and cheating. Your head has this figured, but your heart doesn't. Yet. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. Most play the 'relationship race' with exes but it's a dead end. Mix up the rules. Play it smart and stay single until you really do meet someone you connect with. Not needy and not looking is attractive to women! When you do meet 'her' you won't just be over the old GF, you'll thank God on bended knees that you didn't stay with her. You'll be fine. Don't accept anything less than you're willing to give. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
magneet Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 ...but she might actually be happy and in love. Ans what if she is? It's a dangerous game to use someones troubles as a revenge tonic. Besides, if their suffering brings us happiness, what will their happiness bring us? Most people never really change though, so there's a good chance she's still lying and cheating. Your head has this figured, but your heart doesn't. Yet. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. Most play the 'relationship race' with exes but it's a dead end. Mix up the rules. Play it smart and stay single until you really do meet someone you connect with. Not needy and not looking is attractive to women! When you do meet 'her' you won't just be over the old GF, you'll thank God on bended knees that you didn't stay with her. You'll be fine. Don't accept anything less than you're willing to give. reading all of this gives me hope and motivation. thanks a lot guys and girls... like u said, the head has this firgured but the heart doesnt't. Yet. This is good sound advice for everybody to follow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimbo54 Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 reading all of this gives me hope and motivation. thanks a lot guys and girls... like u said, the head has this firgured but the heart doesnt't. Yet. This is good sound advice for everybody to follow I agree with magneet. This has all given me a lot more hope that things will get better and one day when I meet the right girl I'll be glad. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
magneet Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 Speaking for myself - I dont want to jump into another relationship (I did that for a long time). With this time, I hope to become a better me, some commenter named it Version 2.0 The bigger, better version of your current self. With time we can all work through our "issues" so when we get into our next relationship we can be a proper companion and have a healthy and hopefully a more normal relationship (whatever your definition of normal is)... In a way it will be exciting to approach the future as a single male... at least we can spoil ourselves with all these big boy toys without having a gf to worry or complain... hehe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phanpooh Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Block her facebook or ask her block your fb, then you never could see anything about her, even if she was on a pic of your mutual friend... Stay away from fb for few weeks, in my case, i deleted my fb and found out that she blocked me... however, something, break-up damage over time Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I did the same thing a few months ago with a ex that I had been broken up with for 3 years, a little longer than your situation. At first it hurt for a week, but then the feeling went away, and since then haven't returned. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I agree with Phanpoo. If you didnt properly block her then you only have yourself to blame. It takes two clicks of a mouse to do that and your problems are gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I also agree with Phanpoo as well as g450. Block her! When I blocked my ex on Facebook, not only did all the things that she'd posted on my wall disappear but so did all the things she posted on mutual friends' walls as well. Photos taken by mutual friends that have us both in also don't show up to me, even though I know they're still up on Facebook. It's actually quite amusing because I know when she's posting on my friends' status because it appears like my friend is having a conversation with himself as it removes her comments but leaves his. I know it's her as it's done the same things on my wall with the conversations we had and she's the only person I have blocked. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
magneet Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I also agree with Phanpoo as well as g450. Block her! When I blocked my ex on Facebook, not only did all the things that she'd posted on my wall disappear but so did all the things she posted on mutual friends' walls as well. Photos taken by mutual friends that have us both in also don't show up to me, even though I know they're still up on Facebook. It's actually quite amusing because I know when she's posting on my friends' status because it appears like my friend is having a conversation with himself as it removes her comments but leaves his. I know it's her as it's done the same things on my wall with the conversations we had and she's the only person I have blocked. LOL - eradicating the past... thanks social media Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 ignorance is bliss right.. until it bites you.. and thats whats happened. this is why i don't think NC is that good to some degree. however i do know that feeling. for me it didn't hurt though.. i saw my ex Facebook looked through her photos and felt nothing lol! i was with her for 4 years.. although i have clicked on fb action that says "see less" and it stops updates and photos they are tagged in showing on your face book. excellent! (for a different ex) Link to post Share on other sites
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