In love with my [ex]friend. (longish)

[Atelophobic]

A while back I met the most amazing guy, and as the story goes there was an instant attraction. At the time I was in a (failing) relationship, and nothing really happened between us because I didn't want to do anything that I would regret.

 

So I kept my distance, slightly hurting this guy (I believe), because he knew the kinds of trouble I was having and didn't know why I would choose to be with the kind of guy I was dating. Then my relationship totally fell apart due to completely separate reasons. I had kept in touch with this guy via the internet, so when I told him this, it was like some weight had been lifted and we were able to talk freely and get to know each other without any worries (on my part) that I wasn't doing the right thing by my boyfriend.

 

Everything was awesome. We found out we had so much in common, and I was falling head over heels for this guy. It seemed like we had known each other our entire lives.

 

He was in the process of moving, and neither of us really wanted anything long distance, so we tried to keep it at a flirty friendly level, while inside wishing madly that we could be together. So finally, he's the one that says he wants things to stay this way even when he moved.

 

Problem is, once he got there, I was informed by a mutual friend that he was saying he was in love with someone else he had met in his new town. By then, I hadn't talked to him for a few weeks so I assumed it to be true. And I was happy for him. I really was. I wanted him to have somebody. Although it did strike me as kind of sudden. Then again, things between us were sudden and then I felt that maybe he had been faking it the whole time. If he could do it again so quickly.

 

So a few days later my ex boyfriend calls, and I accepted a date. I wanted to see if I could make it work. After all, we had been together for a long while, and I thought maybe I just wasn't meant to have sparks flying. Just meant to be comfortable. And that was alright.

 

A few weeks into this, the guy that had moved away called me. He was enraged. He denied dating anyone else, or even having feelings for someone else. Basically he wanted nothing else to do with me. Came out of nowhere for me, because I already thought he had forgotten me.

 

Recently my boyfriend broke up with me, and I tried to resist calling this guy because I didn't think he would believe anything I said. In all honesty I wasn't wanting to talk to him simply because I was lonely. I just wanted our friendship back and a chance to tell him I never meant to do anything that he felt was unfair.

 

So I sent him an email. Just to say hi and ask him about his holiday. He replied (yeah, wow) and gave me an update on his life right now, then went on to say:

 

"Don't think I don't think about you because I do. Often. But I can't really talk to you anymore. Whether you understand or not, I don't know, but this is just how it has to be. I've been down this road too many times. I'm not going down it again."

 

I did the bad thing and sent him an instant message (we had never blocked each other) just to say that I was sorry and hoped he changed his mind someday. I was having trouble with my IE and I wanted to at least say something back. Thing is, he responded and we ended up talking for quite some time tonight.

 

We both feel that we were incredibly stupid, listening to what others had said about us (he had been told that I was pregnant). It's really a lot of messed up dramatic lies. I want so badly to have a friendship (at least) with him, but he's proceeding with caution. Fair enough.

 

I still love this guy. Would the right thing to do be that I keep this to myself? I don't want to hurt him ever. And maybe that would do more harm than good.

 

Atelophobic

[HokeyReligions]

I'm glad you both realized that you should never listen to other people. In your place, I would try to get my emotions in check and proceed with caution. I wouldn't say the "I love you" phrase just yet.

 

How will you feel if you say it and it scares him away? Maybe he is not ready for love yet. Can you get hold of your emotions and deal with that and JUST be friends? If you can't, then I think he should know how you feel and have the opportunity to discuss your feelings openly and honestly with each other. He may be able to tell you that at some point he thinks he may fall in love with you. If that is the case, can you live with that hope, knowing that it might not happen?

 

Honesty is wonderful, but timing is critical. Only you can guage how you think he will react.