Author Zammo25 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 He's just painting it black, senses emotional distance... He has one that got away and trying to find fault/blame others for his own actions because what he did did not work to win her back. How do you work to win her back with your NC then Yoda ? On tell us all wise one. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 How do you work to win her back with your NC then Yoda ? On tell us all wise one. Ugh.... You don't win them back. They need to comeback on their own if they ever do. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 What about the women who like to be chased? You know the ones who get upset, walk away and expect to be chased after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zammo25 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Ugh.... You don't win them back. They need to comeback on their own if they ever do. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. My point is wilsonx had a go at me by not fighting to get her back but at the same time preaches the NC mantra so which is it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 After I got cheated on and dumped I came to this site for advice and help on getting through it all. One of the first responses I got was "go NC" now if I seen this thread back then I would have agreed. Now a few years later I have to say I really appreciate NC. It helped with the pain and helped me move on and be free once again. Most people who come to LS are the ones who been dumped and are hurt, lost and confused. The best solution is NC why do they need to try to talk to they're ex and relive the pain of the break up. I'm not saying it's a solution that needs to be applied to each and every person, but it's hard to move on and heal when your being rejected or given false hope by the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 What about the women who like to be chased? You know the ones who get upset, walk away and expect to be chased after. You don't date those. What kind of question is that? You like being played with? If you're doing it right they will chase you. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 You don't date those. What kind of question is that? You like being played with? If you're doing it right they will chase you. You're right. But if you don't know you're with one until its too late, and you've already invested your time and emotions into it when what should one think when a break-up occurs? (I'd appreciate hearing more options than just NC, unless you REALLY are %100 certain there are none.) Link to post Share on other sites
k100danny Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 The girls who like to be chased, push you away in hopes of getting things or for them to get their own way arent any different. if they are doing this it is a type of manipulation. those type of people usually threaten it but will still return or act out if they don't get the reaction they want. If you are getting none of this then chances are they just want it to be over. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 The girls who like to be chased, push you away in hopes of getting things or for them to get their own way arent any different. if they are doing this it is a type of manipulation. those type of people usually threaten it but will still return or act out if they don't get the reaction they want. If you are getting none of this then chances are they just want it to be over. I suppose you're right. I've only just begun NC after a week of drawn out disappointments and pushing her away. I already know my chances are at a 0-0.001% chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 My point is wilsonx had a go at me by not fighting to get her back but at the same time preaches the NC mantra so which is it ? The NC thing is for you to move on dude. He has never proposed that NC was a tool to get your ex running back to you. There is no tool for that. The only rational thing to do, since you can't win them back (human freewill and all) is to work on moving on with your life. Whether it's by NC, or whatever, the whole point is to move on, because you have no other option. NC is the most logical way to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 He has never proposed that NC was a tool to get your ex running back to you. There is no tool for that. On the contrary, If you win a few million the next day I guarantee their mind will change a decent percentage. But then again that's only if you were with one of them money grubbing hobos. Link to post Share on other sites
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 This is an interesting topic and has caused quite a stir! I'll add my view, but this is only based upon what has happened in my life. I've always done NC after a breakup, in 3 previous major relationships. NC bring deleting the number, forcin myself to forget about them, and moving on. I've NEVER had an ex come back to me and change their minds, wanting to reconcile. So in this way NC has been good for moving on. Of course, with one of these previous ex's, I wanted there to be a chance, but it never came. Fast forward to my current ex, 3 months on since BU, I've not done what I normally do. Why? I still love the girl, that's why. And I still hope, as little as it may be, for her to return. Don't get me wrong, during the 3 month period I've had a 1 month spell of NC from me. This time, my ex has sent breadcrumbs. And me being me, foolish maybe, responded. Currently, it's a mix. LC, but very light at that. I don't feel bad when I don't hear from her, as I've accepted the BU and identified issues why it happened. I've also forgiven her and to be honest feel nothing bad. What I do know, is I miss her. So...for me right now, a mixture of NC and LC works. NC to make my mind and heart stronger, identifying issues where I can improve myself and of course getting into my brain that it's more than likely, as is my history, my ex won't return. LC works in that it's a reminder to us both that we're still in eachothers thoughts. A realisation that things needed doing for a reason, but not all barriers are completely closed. There's no hurt anymore, just the acceptance were two people living different lives, but still around. Of course, this could ALL change if one or the other was involved with someone else. Then, it's NC all the way. Although the thought of my ex with someone doesn't hurt me if I'm honest. So...NC and LC can work if the situation merited it. Just my view. Interesting. I wonder if this last one will be different. Maybe you guys will end up getting back together. SO your saying all your previous exes didnt contact you after long periods of time going by? Link to post Share on other sites
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 You cant just magically make your ex come back with NC. Moving on is actually giving you the BEST CHANCE. and even then a break up is usually irreversible. You might get back with her but it'll just end at some point. In most cases. Moving on is the most important thing because its all about YOU and not about anyone else. When you're feeling good by yourself other people will gravitate toward you. and at that point who cares about your ex? You have to learn to understand this. thats pretty much what i have done. The thing is i cant avoid my ex completely cuz we attend the same church, and his family still talks to me. but the weird thing is his family pretty much accepted me as family. As for him he is kinda doing his own thing. He is alway negative so either way until he chaged i would never take him back not like this. And he knows that too. SO basically he has to choose either fix his life or not fix his life i dont know Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 What most of you fail to understand.... It's not YOUR job to get them to want you back, it's THEIR job to get you to want them back! Until you have this attitude, approach and mindset... You have little to no chance of them wanting you back and if they did come back... ZERO chance of ever workiing out long term. Just read your post about that as well. Very motivational. Thanks for sharing such a valuable way of thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Edtheduck Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Interesting. I wonder if this last one will be different. Maybe you guys will end up getting back together. SO your saying all your previous exes didnt contact you after long periods of time going by? Who knows what the future holds. It's sill too early to tell I think. Yep that's correct, my ex's prior to this one have not reached out. The one before this current ex did ask a couple of times if I was ok, but I let it go as i didn't want to deal with it anymore. I guess for me, the older I get, the more I value relationships and want them to work. I'm a normal humble guy wanting to settle down and start a family. That's why my current ex is still on the mind. In my eyes she fits the bill perfectly. Each to their own I guess. Everyone works in different ways. We are all unique after all. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 NC is just an idea. Like Islam or Christianity or Evolution or any other idea at all, take from it what you want. It's your life. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Why would dote upon someone who gazed upon you in all of your glory and said I can do better? Link to post Share on other sites
blotter Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I think they whole point is that if you have already disengaged from the relationship and no longer have feelings for them then there is no need for NC. But, if you are still pining for the other person consciously or not, you are setting yourself up to get dinged once you find out they are banging someone else. If the thought of them draped around someone else doesn't bother you, go ahead and contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Why would dote upon someone who gazed upon you in all of your glory and said I can do better? Oh please, it isn't always that simple and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
2muchlove Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Why would dote upon someone who gazed upon you in all of your glory and said I can do better? Aahh. Yea it goes deeper than just that. Edited July 11, 2012 by 2muchlove Misread. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 G-D, don't tell me what I do and do not know. The reality is simple, no matter how complicated things get certain underlying principles are true and correct in some form or another. Scurry away little Ego your attempt to question my investment is fruitless because I'm going to stop responding and not care what you say because I am correct and could care less what you think; I wrote this for the benefit of others. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 You could just imagine you have no means of communicating with them other than in person, face to face, and if you don't feel you can do that, that says a lot about what you feel right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 G-D, don't tell me what I do and do not know. The reality is simple, no matter how complicated things get certain underlying principles are true and correct in some form or another. Scurry away little Ego your attempt to question my investment is fruitless because I'm going to stop responding and not care what you say because I am correct and could care less what you think; I wrote this for the benefit of others. But you're wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Oncehadluv Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 So today I broke NC and spoke with a mutual friend and my ex who I still want to be with. Turns out she had waited a bit for me to contact her before she allowed someone else to start getting close to her. Thank you so much for all the people screaming NC here. Should have never let the idea into my head if she was ATTRACTED to you then you would of been that someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Oncehadluv Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 attack you? btw grasshopper attraction isnt all about looks your so emotionally lost your getting trigger happy with your responses, understandable seeing how overwhelmed you are about your situation and maturity level Link to post Share on other sites
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