Feeling like giving up due to blended family issues.

[Kona]

I will try and make this short. Here's a little back story, my fiance and I have a daughter of our own and he has 3 children from a previous marriage. I love them and they can be a lot of fun. However, they have a hard time listening and are not used to the rules that I expect in my household. They also have some "bad attitude" issues and do not treat my daughter as though she is their equal.

 

I understand she is their "half" sister, but she adores them and constantly talks about her siblings when they are not around. So it hurts me when she is singled out. It also is rough on me when my normal house rules do not apply when the older kids are around.

 

I am worried that my daughter will adopt their "bad habits" and it is hard for me to discuss my concerns with my significant other because he is quick to get angry about things. Also, he doesn't see his kids too much (holidays and 2 months out of the summer) so he does not want to discipline them when they are with us. I can see where he is coming from, but it is causing a huge frustration for me. Especially during these summer months. Moreover, because he is still paying his ex child support during the months we have all our kids, I have to pick up the financial slack. I pay for vacations, trips to amusement parks, I buy them clothes, going out to eat, groceries ... everything. I honestly wouldn't mind, but there is a huge lack of appreciation and a lot of bad attitudes and whining that comes with it. I've even started getting a bad attitude from my significant other, which is also wearing on me.

 

I feel like throwing in the towel, but I cherish the relationship I have with my fiance very much. I also love being a part of his children's lives, but I don't want to continue dealing with the bad attitudes and even more, I don't want my daughter to continue being treated as the "red headed step child" (for lack of a better term).

 

I've come to a crossroad and I'm not sure where to go from here.

 

[wow04]

How old are his kids? If you can't talk to him about this then it will never change.

[Radu]

Relationships are give and take, compromise.

'my way' by way of acting like a spoiled brat is not exactly compromise.

 

I suspect you have some guilt over leaving him because he needs you in those 2 months.

Why does he have to pay child support when the kids live with him, that's like paying double.

 

If no compromise is reached and your child is in danger of becoming like them you might be forced to choose your child.

[CarrieT]

I'm going to start with the whole thing about the kids being unappreciative of you spending money on them: They don't see it as anything other than what adults are expected to do so they don't get that it could be a hardship. They don't have comprehension yet of how hard it is to earn a living, pay bills, and make sacrifices. All they see is what their friends do and have and they expect the same. So, for starters, stop imposing adult sensibilities into them on that regard... I am learning this lesson with my BF's kids and teaching them the value of the dollar and time takes effort; they get an allowance based on the chores they do, but they still have a sense of "it is summer, let's go to the amusement park!" Not, "gee, can you spare $100 so we can ride roller coasters."

 

Secondly, if you can't communicate with your partner about the basics of rearing children, then the rest of your relationship is going to suffer tremendously as other issues arise. You'd best get through this issue and come to an understanding before you finalize with ring and a marriage certificate.

[Serendipitous_Love]

How old are his kids? If you can't talk to him about this then it will never change.

 

This is true.

 

The rules are HOUSE rules. They apply to all. You should sit down and discuss this with you fiance before you tie the knot.

 

Best of luck!