[b]Girlfriend spending lots of time with Ex, Am i being Paranoid?[/b]

[ziggy]

I am going out with my girlfriend for 6 months and am very much in love with her and she says she is in love with me, but i get frustrated with the amount of time she spends with her soon to be ex husband. They separated 8 months ago and are filing for divorce next month. However this man is my girlfriends best friend, she is not that social and does not have many friends,they work together and often hang out after watching footie at his place, go to gigs cinema etc.

 

She said she split up with him because she did not love him, I know he is taking it very hard and is not making any effort to meet new people and relies on her . We have spoken about it and i have told her how i feel, but she assures me nothing is going on. We had a big row and she ended up staying the night at his house which made things worse. We are planning to travel overseas next year, and she has told me that she wants to travel with him when he comes to visit, which i think is a bit much. As we have not being going out for that long i feel that they have a strong emotional relationship that we don't yet have, and she can get this emotional support from him and does not need it from me.

 

Am i worrying about nothing, should i trust her and just learn to share her with her Ex??? don't think i would be very good at this, even at the moment i am finding it very difficult and cringe every time the phone rings and it's him.

what should I do??

Thanks

ziggy

[VeryConcernedGuy]

Hey Ziggy,

 

I have just posted a similar post, because my girlfriend is socialising with a new found best friend, who she found from a lost mobile phone.

 

They have become very chummy.

 

Look, I reckon you need to keep asking her why she needs to keep this going when she doesn't love him. Don't sound Jealous, just try and get to the bottom of it.

 

Is she being less affectionate toward you?

 

I am experiencing this, and often wonder what is going on........But my girlfriend cheated on me and told me so, so I have a trust issue with her, even though she says she's not, I try and trust her but end up becoming very suspicious.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Maybe you would like to check out my post and let me know what you think, from a mans point of view, I have asked mainly women for advice, maybe you should ask more women also, to get there perspective.

 

Cheers

[Fetish 2]

Hey Ziggy,

 

It's hard giving advice on this forum as it is easy for many users to jump to conclusions about rights and wrongs without knowing all the circumstances surrounding a situation.

 

However, The fact that you are worried in this matter is very understandable. I guess it all comes down to the point that your g/f was once married/still is, to this man. They obviously had a very strong connection and this would not be easy to just let go of. They were a big part of each others' lives, and it would not be easy to just shut each other out.

 

However, I would think that your g/f should be putting in a bit more effort to allay your fears and concerns.

We had a big row and she ended up staying the night at his house which made things worse.

She shouldn't have done this. As you said... you were arguing over this exact matter and she goes and stays at his house? That would have fired me up & she should've considered your feelings in doing this.

 

Also the fact that she wants to travel with her ex while traveling with u is also a bit of a worry... It doesn't seem like she is completely over him, and wants to continue living a life...if not with him,, then certainly still with him playing a large part in it. Possibly a larger part than u have...

 

My advice: You both need to really communicate & communicate well. Talk all your queries over with her, and make sure she makes an effort to improve on these.

 

Also, maybe you need to separate for a while.

She seems to be jumping from one very serious relationship to another. She hasn't had time to be single. She needs to be given time to reassess where she's at, where she wants to be, and what she wants. After a while, if she comes back to you...you will know she's ready to commit to you, and only you. If she doesn't, then this will show you she wasn't ready to commit herself to you... and therefore you have done the right thing getting out early.

 

Go out and try to meet other girls... see what's out there...try and find someone with less of this emotional baggage & history.

 

Goodluck.

xxx

[stewwy]

quick and simple response. I have been in the exact same place. twice. talk to her, tell her how you feel. If she gives you the whole "hes my best friend" bs then show her the door. you are the one who is supposed to be her best friend. both times for me it has ended up with the people in question getting it on during one of thier "lets go out and have a drink" talk sessions. watch your back man

[ziggy]

your replies were very helpful to me, put a different perspective on things. We have had a good long talk about the situation and have talked through a lot of the issues, and i feel that there is the will to make it work. Thanks for giving me the kick in the ass to discuss the problem rather than let it fester and do more damage.

Ziggy