turnera Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 According to some he is smart to wait until he finishes college and makes enough to feel accomplished. IF - IF - he were going to school FULL TIME (that's 4 or more classes a semester), I wouldn't be being so hard on you. Unless he has a mental illness, there is NO EXCUSE for him to be taking only two classes except this: He LIKES what he has going and has NO DESIRE to change. You are convenient. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 What do I expect of a husband? I expect him to be supportive of me, a partner to share my life with. It gets lonely sometimes, not to say I just want someone to fill my bed, but someone to come home to that loves and respects me. I want to share my life with someone. I know he can't support me financially right now, but he can just be there for me when I've had a long day, and that's all I ask. I don't like expensive things, I'm a very simple person and it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I have my hobbies, and my own life cut out for me, I would just like to have him share it with me. My daughter does not need a father, her father is an excellent person and we have a very good relationship. It feels like I'm a single girl all week and then on the weekend I'm not. And maybe, just maybe, I'm pushing it because I don't want to come home to a 4 bedroom house alone every night. And maybe I'm getting closer to 30 and have this idea that I should be married by then. So the truth is revealed I figured lots of loneliness was factoring in. I understand how you feel...but decisions based on desperation or loneliness often turn into ones you regret later on. No one should be marrying simply because they don't want to be alone. You can't pressure your boyfriend into marrying you just to ease your loneliness. He is a person to with his own needs and yes you say you just want a warm body in your bed and house for support...but that may very well get old and if he married you before he was ready, you both may end up resenting each other. There is no rule that you need to marry at 30, although I do get the pressure. But don't focus on that. Find more ways to do things with him as a couple. You don't need to wait for him forever...but consider why you want to marry him and if the truth is that at this point any half decent man will do. If he's a good guy who has good qualities, then maybe you should wait. If not, you can decide to leave him and find some guy who is ready to put a ring on it ASAP. Even then, that may be a disaster as well if you're simply in a rush to find a husband so you're not lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 In my culture, completely usual and even strongly recommended for the guy to wait for financial stability before even thinking about marriage. Whether or not you want to wait is up to you, but I would say that it doesn't necessarily reflect his feelings towards you. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Curious how old your child is. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 In my culture, completely usual and even strongly recommended for the guy to wait for financial stability before even thinking about marriage. Whether or not you want to wait is up to you, but I would say that it doesn't necessarily reflect his feelings towards you. Yes, but cultures that reflect that usually have young men who work hard for stability. My worries with the OP's boyfriend is how hard is he really working to finish uni and be financially stable if he's going that slowly? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Ah, fair point. I still don't think that such complacency necessarily reflects on his feelings for her, but if complacency in itself is a deal-breaker for her I completely understand. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Ah, fair point. I still don't think that such complacency necessarily reflects on his feelings for her, but if complacency in itself is a deal-breaker for her I completely understand. Oh, no, I don't think it reflects his feelings for her at all - but it may reflect his actual intention to get married or the importance he places on that. Someone can 'feel' for a person all they want and not move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 He reminds me of the old cliche of the pot-smoking 45-YEAR-OLD stoner who still lives in his parents' basement and pretty much just gets up every day and ... well ... lives. Does he smoke pot by chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I agree with you. Thank you for your words. He is the type who believes he needs to be able to support the woman which means he feels he needs to earn $30K to do it. He wants to wait till after college. I dont see anything wrong with either of these two issues. Does he always come to you...do you ever go to him ? Each situation is different.....you cant equate what you are doing to what he is doing...He could be in a harder field where there is much more requires learning by him. As part of financial aid he could be on some work program where he needs to work in college to help pay for it...thus this doesnt go down as income but reduces his college costs. This $150 you are refering yo could be a net income after taxes paid and other fees he needs to pay. He is looking at this for a relalistic standpoint of I cant live away from home and have a girlfriend making say $300/week. Are you sure he isnt lazy/lack motivation but say he is learning disabled thus he needs more time ro study than others? Him not seeing you during the wek could be he sees driving over to youas taking too much time.....say you live 30 min away...so he comes over to you but only can stay 2 hrs because he needs to come home due to early morning class. So he knows he cant do homework at your place because of you talking and having a child. ...or he works PT M-F evenings from say 4pm-9pm. Its also possible he share his car with his mother...so she needs it in the evenings because say she works second shift so he has no means to come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Alicant310 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 if its sooooo important to you. Than ask him yourself! Women wanted voting rights, we'll here it is. Equality instead of trying to analyze whats wrong with himl why dont you look outside of your selfishness and understand No means NO. Respect it or move on Link to post Share on other sites
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