amerikajin Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Don't let this limpdick affect your performance at work. Take the weekend to let all of this get out of your system and get back to work on Monday. Maybe even have a chat with your boss to reassure him that you're trying to work through this. I like the way you're deciding not to be some hapless victim, but channel your rage carefully. <stepping down from the pulpit> Link to post Share on other sites
perdida Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 KaiaMahina, ufff...I know how tough it is to be at work and not be able to put your friggin brain on pause.....been there done that.... wonderfully designed scenarios you got there....you crack me up!! I love it. If only we could take action! I guess I'll just have to settle for the "creative visualization" of my ex's limp member as you mentioned. Unless I go insane and decide to go Lorena Bobbitt on him on a dark night while he sleeps....bwahahahaha... I'm only kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaiaMahina Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 Perdida ---- re:Bobbitt: Just make sure you use rusty hedge clippers. Amerikajin --- thanks for the good words. This weekend is going to be all about ME. Lying in the sun, sipping a cool, high-octane drink and getting some of that 100 proof peace in my brain. It's going to take a lot more than that pathetic lunatic to bring me down. Ya'll won't believe THIS one. I just went to get lunch and when I got back to work there was a vase with a dozen long-stem red roses at the reception desk for me. My co-workers waited with baited breath...was it from the knucklehead who, with one telephone call, flushed his entire future happiness down the toilet and into the sewage system of loneliness and despair? Was there going to be a happy ending for poor dumpette me? Naw. He ain't that classy. And he ain't that ballsy. These were from an ex-ex-fiancee from 4.5 years ago, who dumped me twice and has been my "buddy" ever since. Buddy with an agenda. He called last night and when he found out about the latest ex, immediately asked me to marry him. Cripes. Don't it just figure? Right up there with "you don't know what you got 'til it's gone" should be "you never get what you want until you damn well don't want it anymore"!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by KaiaMahina These were from an ex-ex-fiancee from 4.5 years ago, who dumped me twice and has been my "buddy" ever since. Buddy with an agenda. He called last night and when he found out about the latest ex, immediately asked me to marry him. Dumped you twice? The minute he finds out you're single he asks you to marry him?? Is it just me or does that seem a little like preying on the recently seperated. Don't become anyone's "rebound", seriously. I suggest you take a breather and just sort yourself out for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaiaMahina Posted July 16, 2004 Author Share Posted July 16, 2004 No, afighter...this guy has been staking out the lay of the land ever since he dumped me the second time 4.5 years ago! He's dated and married, I've dated, yet he's kept in touch, telling me that we're actually supposed to be together and trying to lure me away from who ever I happen to be with at the time. He's been asking me to marry him since before his divorce was final and while I was dating and engaged to the latest ex! He's just stepped up the campaign because he sees the field is now clear. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Reading through your posts, I'm curious if you have read Olivia's posts on "owning love". Getting dumped sucks, I know, but you can't force someone to love you...... Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by KaiaMahina No, afighter...this guy has been staking out the lay of the land ever since he dumped me the second time 4.5 years ago! He's dated and married, I've dated, yet he's kept in touch, telling me that we're actually supposed to be together and trying to lure me away from who ever I happen to be with at the time. He's been asking me to marry him since before his divorce was final and while I was dating and engaged to the latest ex! He's just stepped up the campaign because he sees the field is now clear. Ugh. Why does that give ME the creeps? It really does sound like stalking... Link to post Share on other sites
judy Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Hi, everyone: How you all make my day by reading all of those. My ex- boyfriend of 2 years dumped me (we have a 1 year old) for a co-worker (korean bitch) and he got married within 3 months. I was devastaed and heartbroken and he tried to make it all my choice. You know what I wished, I wish both of them can not have any more children, even they have kids, they will be either retarded or stupid, and I wish him living in this torture forever his life. I wish Karma comes true and I wish God listens to my pray and make my day soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 "Korean Bitch?" What the heck does being korean have to do with it? The person you loved does not love you any more. This does NOT make them evil. Please acknowledge that fact. It sucks. It HURTS, and I understand your anger. But, you don't own them. Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted July 16, 2004 Share Posted July 16, 2004 Originally posted by judy Hi, everyone: How you all make my day by reading all of those. My ex- boyfriend of 2 years dumped me (we have a 1 year old) for a co-worker (korean bitch) and he got married within 3 months. I was devastaed and heartbroken and he tried to make it all my choice. You know what I wished, I wish both of them can not have any more children, even they have kids, they will be either retarded or stupid, and I wish him living in this torture forever his life. I wish Karma comes true and I wish God listens to my pray and make my day soon. I know it hurts to get stabbed in the back like that... but what good does wishing that their children turn out retarted? It's not the child's fault... the child shouldn't have to suffer. It just sinks you down to their level... so just smile and move on. Even though you feel like you got the raw deal from your ex... and I know how that is... just smile and wish them the best. It makes you the better person, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
judy Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 But he forced me to abort our five month girl and the next day after abortion, he kicked me and my son out of his place. What comes around goes around, If that is how the whole universe works. Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Originally posted by judy But he forced me to abort our five month girl and the next day after abortion, he kicked me and my son out of his place. What comes around goes around, If that is how the whole universe works. Yeah, those are definitely dickhead moves to pull... but you can't say that he forced you to have an abortion. No one can force you to do that... if he was threatening to leave you if you didn't have the abortion, then you should have left him. He will get what is coming to him... I believe in this as well. Instead of using this negative energy towards thinking of ways to plot his misfortune though... I'll just apply it to something else, like using it for the gym, towards work, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 That's very nasty. Your horrible situation reminds me of what one wag said about men and women: A woman will occasionally fake an orgasm; a man-- an entire relationship. Good quote sinner, but I was married to one woman who was able to fake an entire relationship. Don't think I ever faked any orgasms, tho... Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaiaMahina Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Mr. Spock...I am not trying to FORCE this person to love me. I'm not an idiot. He doggedly pursued my love and my trust (yes, he said he wanted me to trust him) until he won them. His last email said that he'll never stop loving me, and when he dumped me, he told me he loved me. If he had said point blank, "I no longer love you," do you think I would be on here making a fuss? He loves me, but he is so intent upon pleasing his dysfunctional family and in particular his racially bigoted, narrow-minded, disapproving mother, that he can't stand on his own two feet and choose a life with me. THAT is why I'm angry! He's denying both himself and me love and happiness. He's miserable right now, just as I am, but he's too gutless and ashamed to do anything about it. He's made his bed and now he'll have to lie in it. I have a right to feel angry, hurt, betrayed and crazed because deliberately pursuing someone with promises of "forever" and then turning on a dime and dropping them is WRONG. I think it's cathartic to lash out at him in this venue. It sure beats making a fool of myself by calling him up crying, screaming, begging, cursing or babbling drunkenly. Especially since he wasn't man enough to let me have my say when he ended it -- I was literally speechless and he ended the conversation by hanging up on me. I am smart enough to understand that NO means NO because my mother taught me this when I was very young. When a man says he doesn't want me, I leave without another word and I never contact him again. If I were trying to force him to love me, I would be huddling in the bushes outside his house or calling him at 3 AM sobbing and pleading. Underneath all this fury and madness, I feel sorry for him. He has a helluva life and honestly, there's no need for me to wish anything bad on him because he's already wished it on himself. One day he'll probably wake up at 2 AM sweating and thinking (like the Talking Heads song) "My God, what have I done?" Oh, well. But I reserve the right to cleanse myself of all this venom in a way which hurts NO ONE, maintain what dignity I have left after this debacle, and keeping myself out of a funk. After I come up with a torturous scenario for the ex, I find myself laughing. Not necessarily at his imaginary predicament, but at the whole mess. Sometimes anger makes you strong enough to bridge the gap between total despair and some level of reasonable functionality. It's a damn sight better than feeling victimized and devalued. And far better than ending up on an episode of COPS being dragged away from the ex's vandalized car with a crow bar in your hand. It's all very well to advise someone to behave like some Zen Buddhist monk and simply pick up your loincloth and keep walking, calm and unaffected by any tribulation down some road to universal bliss. But being human is a messy business for most of us and we have to devise coping mechanisms. This is mine. So leave me to it. Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Sometimes anger makes you strong enough to bridge the gap between total despair and some level of reasonable functionality. It's a damn sight better than feeling victimized and devalued. And far better than ending up on an episode of COPS being dragged away from the ex's vandalized car with a crow bar in your hand. It's all very well to advise someone to behave like some Zen Buddhist monk and simply pick up your loincloth and keep walking, calm and unaffected by any tribulation down some road to universal bliss. But being human is a messy business for most of us and we have to devise coping mechanisms. This is mine. So leave me to it. KaiaMahina, in my humble opinion you're the best damn writer right now on these boards. Your rage is making for some fine art. Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 I agree... you've got a way with your words, Kaia. It almost makes me feel bad for this ex of yours... the way you can put that rage into words. Hah, I said almost, don't get any ideas. Anyways... I'm glad you clarified your thoughts on anger as opposed to feeling "victimized and devalued." I don't think I'm quite that collected though... if I were to think angry thoughts about my ex, it would extend beyond bridging the gap of despair and amplify itself; I would have trouble not taking it out on others. I've been going to the gym for 5-6 days a week now for the past three years... but sometimes that's not enough to get my aggression out. I sometimes feel like going out and picking fights because I feel like I have nothing to lose; I can just snap and let all my anger out that way. But that's foolish... like you said, I have to let the anger out in a way that hurts no one. I liked how you said that you are going to "cleanse yourself of the venom in a way which hurts NO ONE." You are a strong woman... and I have to say, you seem to be dealing better with your break-up better than I am with mine. A question about your previous exes though... as you said they always come around: You said they contacted you asking you to get back with them? Was this after you hadn't spoken to them in a long time? Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 I'm so absolutely furious that I could tear his house down to the ground and then dig up the foundation with my bare hands! Sinner, I absolutely agree (the above quote being only a small sample of Kaimahina's opening thread). The way she's able to transfer her fury into words...........incredible.....and exhilerating. Well done. It is cathartic. Hope the venting of venom worked, but not to the extent that you'll stop posting. He loves me, but he is so intent upon pleasing his dysfunctional family and in particular his racially bigoted, narrow-minded, disapproving mother, that he can't stand on his own two feet and choose a life with me..................He's denying both himself and me love and happiness. Let me ask you Kaimahina: So he loves you now, and stays with you, and you get married, have kids, and then you hit a few "bumps" in the ole road to "death do you part;" AND THEN he agrees with his mother. Have I painted a prettier picture for you? You'll be able to do much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaiaMahina Posted July 19, 2004 Author Share Posted July 19, 2004 Sinner...thank you for your wonderful compliment. It's that little streak of Irish in me that gives me the "gift of the gab." Samson...anybody ever tell you you look like Rod Taylor? Yes, you're totally right...it's better that I was cut loose now rather than down the benighted washboard road of life with this wanna-be mama's boy. As it is, he's going to be taking the garbage out for her, watering her petunias and rinsing out her support hose in the bathroom sink when he's got nose hair like a whisk broom and a grey beard down to his f***ing knees. He doesn't need to marry me...he's already got a wife. Blah Toolz...you haven't pummelled anyone into a sorry mess of broken bones and broken cartilege yet, so you're doing just fine. You're channeling some of that anger by working out. There's no way to dissipate ALL of it. All you can hope for is to take the edge off, which is what I do by bitching. Sometimes I feel like a Porsche with a brick on the gas pedal and the emergency brake on! You feel like somethin's gotta give...but why throw your dignity away? This person may have pulled the earth out from under your feet, but only you can make a fool of yourself. And I prefer not to do that. And I get the impression your mother didn't raise any fools either. As for the others who came back into my life: the one who ended the dumping with "Goodbye forever!" called me within 2 weeks (apparently there's a time differential on the planet HE comes from) and ended up marrying me (yes, we're now divorced). The one who said, "This isn't working. There's no hope," called me within one week saying, "I'm miserable. I made a stupid mistake!" Duh. Same person dumped me AGAIN saying "I'm just a stepping stone. Go on with your life." Within 2 months he was sending flowers and has spent the last 4 years trying to get me back. Let's see...the musician who dumped me, saying "I don't have time for a relationship...music is my mistress!" came back after one week, and then (after dumping stupid me the second time) wandered back after 2 years. I guess his mistress must have changed the locks and put his bags out on the stoop. Well, what can you do except keep on keeping on? Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 play video games! or buy DVDs...me 400+ dvds and gonna buy me a 52 inch widescreen HDTV to enjoy it all baby! hehe Link to post Share on other sites
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