Did it mean anything to him?

[naru12]

A friend left my life because things got complicated between the him and I since I had a boyfriend. We got a bit involved and things got awkward because he kissed me and we were passing the friend zone, so I would always tell him that I felt guilty and that it wasn't right. During that time that we spent together he took me out to hang with his friends and sister on a few occasions, locked me out of his apartment on a chilly day just to teach me to ride a bike, and created a list of things I have never done before and wanted to complete them with me, contacted me consistently just to see how I'm doing or what i'm upto, and even got upset at me because I denied his offer for a ride with him and his sister to go back home from campus because I was going home with my bf instead..we would spend nights just drinking tea and telling jokes and chatting the night away, he said that him and I were like Romeo and Juliet (these are just a few examples)

 

I accepted that he left and that I will be over it but I wanted closure. He told me that it was just fun and games and that it didn't mean much. Do you think there is a chance he lied? and if so, why do people sometimes say opposite of what they feel?

 

I really thought I was at least a good friend to him and I enjoyed our time so much, so what he said bothered me.

[Beachead]

People lie for many reasons. In this context, I feel it was because of pride. He didn't want to show a person who didn't reciprocate his feelings the pain he was in from the rejection. I mean really, what could you possibly do to make him feel better besides tell him that you wanted to be with him right? I take it that wasn't going to happen. This situation is his fault and it's his problem because he chose to try and split you and your boyfriend apart. Not a wise decision.

 

So to answer your second question, yes he was lying, and no it wasn't fun and games. He fell for you and wanted you to be his but after awhile it seems he came to his senses and realized nothing was going to happen; so he left to get over you.

 

That's pretty much it.

 

Had he not fallen for you, perhaps you two could have became great friends but his feelings got in the way and stunted that relationship. That's very unfortunate but it happens very commonly. We live and learn and I'm sure there will be many opportunities in your life to meet great people.

 

Best of Luck

 

ps. Sorry if my response sounded harsh.

Edited July 12, 2012 by Beachead

[naru12]

People lie for many reasons. In this context, I feel it was because of pride. He didn't want to show a person who didn't reciprocate his feelings the pain he was in from the rejection. I mean really, what could you possibly do to make him feel better besides tell him that you wanted to be with him right? I take it that wasn't going to happen. This situation is his fault and it's his problem because he chose to try and split you and your boyfriend apart. Not a wise decision.

 

No, your response wasn't harsh, thanks for being honest and giving me your insight on this situation.

 

So to answer your second question, yes he was lying, and no it wasn't fun and games. He fell for you and wanted you to be his but after awhile it seems he came to his senses and realized nothing was going to happen; so he left to get over you.

 

Yeah, I also felt that his response was a bit off.. I could never really figure out why.. out of curiosity what part gave it away or made you think that he may have had some sort of feeling and that it wasn't just fun and games? because I kind of felt that we were almost like fwb at some point and usually people say that fwb is all about the physical aspects and no emotion involved right?

 

Had he not fallen for you, perhaps you two could have became great friends but his feelings got in the way and stunted that relationship. That's very unfortunate but it happens very commonly. We live and learn and I'm sure there will be many opportunities in your life to meet great people.

 

I agree, I know things like this happen quite often.. would you say because we both had an attraction for each other that our friendship was doomed from the start? I think what helps me to be over this the most is just knowing there was probably nothing I could have done to make it work out. Also do you think that as long as one or both people have an attraction towards each other that it's naive to think you could actually be real friends?

Edited July 12, 2012 by naru12

[Beachead]

It really depends on the two people and the situation. Mutual friends, personality types, location, relationship status, stages in life, are just a few factors that can determine whether two people can have feelings and still be friends.

 

I can't speak for anyone else really so I will try to answer your question using your specific situation.

 

For you two, I don't think it will work.

 

On his part, it would have given him a false sense of hope because he'd think you'd leave your bf for him when in reality, you wouldn't. As a result, continuing to stick around would have made it harder and harder for everyone..especially for him. He wouldn't have been able to move on and find someone who was single and available for him. The line was crossed between you two so it was tough to go back to the way things were. It would have eroded your relationship with your boyfriend away.

 

He knew this, so he left.

 

Oh, and I was just speaking from personal experience. If it was all fun and games, he would have just stayed in your life, content with whatever role he could play in it as long as you were a part of his life. Maybe that's what he started off as, but somewhere along the way, he fell for you and it all went downhill from there.

 

We only leave to get over people we've fallen for.

 

 

 

That's my opinion atleast.

 

Best of luck

Edited July 12, 2012 by Beachead

[LoverOfDance]

It really depends on the two people and the situation. Mutual friends, personality types, location, relationship status, stages in life, are just a few factors that can determine whether two people can have feelings and still be friends.

 

I can't speak for anyone else really so I will try to answer your question using your specific situation.

 

For you two, I don't think it will work.

 

On his part, it would have given him a false sense of hope because he'd think you'd leave your bf for him when in reality, you wouldn't. As a result, continuing to stick around would have made it harder and harder for everyone..especially for him. He wouldn't have been able to move on and find someone who was single and available for him. The line was crossed between you two so it was tough to go back to the way things were. It would have eroded your relationship with your boyfriend away.

 

He knew this, so he left.

 

Oh, and I was just speaking from personal experience. If it was all fun and games, he would have just stayed in your life, content with whatever role he could play in it as long as you were a part of his life. Maybe that's what he started off as, but somewhere along the way, he fell for you and it all went downhill from there.

 

We only leave to get over people we've fallen for.

 

 

 

That's my opinion atleast.

 

Best of luck

 

 

Yeah, I think you're(beachhead) very right. Just adding to your reply cause I think you already answered her question perfectly.

 

I did something similar to what your(OP) friend did as well. I lied, not out of pride but because I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings. He was already sensing that I was avoiding him. I don't know why he felt bad though. It's not my fault that I fell 4 him and it's not his fault that he couldn't be with me. This situations are just one those unfortunate occurrences of life that just happen to be nobody's fault.

 

At the end of the day, what needs to happen, will happen. You'll both go your separate ways. And if you're meant to be friends, you'll meet again. When I'm over my friend, I'll definitely reconnect with him and his gf because I love them as friends. I think if your friendship is a solid one, he'll definitely be back.

[naru12]

I did something similar to what your(OP) friend did as well. I lied, not out of pride but because I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings. He was already sensing that I was avoiding him. I don't know why he felt bad though. It's not my fault that I fell 4 him and it's not his fault that he couldn't be with me. This situations are just one those unfortunate occurrences of life that just happen to be nobody's fault.

 

So i'm guessing the avoiding or disappearing act is pretty common and happens quite often.. I contacted him many times, text, email ect. but he would never ever reply to anything. But when one time I ran into him by accident in person, I was upset because he ignored me all that time and I acted like I didn't know him.. yet he just chatted to me like nothing happened, like he didn't ignore me for months. Also why couldn't he just tell me "please stop contacting me". Have you ever done that? actions like that just confuse me.

Edited July 12, 2012 by naru12

[LoverOfDance]

So i'm guessing the avoiding or disappearing act is pretty common and happens quite often.. I contacted him many times, text, email ect. but he would never ever reply to anything. But when one time I ran into him by accident in person, I was upset because he ignored me all that time and I acted like I didn't know him.. yet he just chatted to me like nothing happened, like he didn't ignore me for months. Also why couldn't he just tell me "please stop contacting me". Have you ever done that? actions like that just confuse me.

 

I never gave my friend my number or asked 4 his. He didn't ask 4 it so I never gave it to him. I'm glad he didn't though cause it shows he's a good bf. I've known him 4 a year and a few months but I only spoke to him when we met at dance class which was about 3 times a week.

 

When he spoke to me, I never ignored him. Regardless of how I was feeling, I always smiled and responded but never tried to keep our conversations going. If he had my number though and we texted constantly, I would have probably politely told him that I needed some space and time to get myself together.

 

I think he should have done that but guys and girls are very different. Ignoring your texts and then acting like nothing happened when you guys bumped into each other was very childish of him. He should have told u he needed space cause of course u would understand and your feelings wouldn't be hurt. If he couldn't tell u the truth, he should have at least lied or something to avoid hurting your feelings. I think u should just let him be. Like I said, if he really values your friendship, he'll be back when he's feelings 4 you are gone.