Dumbgirl Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 How can I get my bf back??? I need some advice...my bf and I were together for 2 years. He broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and said that he knows that he wants to be with me, but that I need to change. I was a really insensitive, selfish, inconsiderate girlfriend. I see that now. I never cheated on him, but I took him and everything he did for me for granted and thought he would never leave me. I think I made him feel really insecure and hurt, and he has been hurt badly before. I feel awful. I know that part of the reason I acted like such a jerk was because I was resentful about some of the ways he had acted during the realtionship and because I got comfortable with him. I had been calling him last week since the break up and he seemed to be getting more and more annoyed with me. He went away this past weekend and we did not speak. He called me when he got back and we decided to have a face to face chat during which he said that he needs to be on his own right now to figure out his life and that he cannot give me 100% at this time so it would not be fair if he got back together with me. He also said that he will always love me but that he thinks fell out of love with me. He reassured me that it is not because of any other girl and that he feels he cannot be with anyone at this time anyways. He has asked that we do not speak for awhile and that when he is ready, he will contact me. When I asked about the possibility of trying again in the future because I realized my mistakes and want to show him that I can be the wonderful, caring girlfriend that he deserves, he said he could not answer that right now. He said that he didn't want to give me false hopes and say yes for sure, but that he also did not want to close the door on the possibility of being with such an amazing person either. Then he hugged me and we both cried in each other's arms. What do I do? Do I leave him alone like he has asked me to? Do I send him an e-mail letting him know how much I love him and how sorry I am? I really want a second chance to prove my love for him and make things right. I want to give him 100% - not the 75% I was putting in before but I don;t knwo if I'll ever get the chance to make him see that. Thanks -DG Link to post Share on other sites
CISCOKID Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 do not contact him, if he has requested to leave him alone. He will come around in his own time. It takes men longer to come around, I broke up with my bf 7 1/2 weeks ago, he just contacted me yesterday via email wanting to talk, because he is now ready. remember that 5 mins to a woman is forever, and 2 days is like 5 mins to man. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 hmmmm... i would maybe send him just an i love you card, maybe tell him all this that you wrote about him, the good stuff...that you are sorry and you will be there for him. also try to change the things about yourself that you are not happy with, and not the things HE may think you need to do, but what you want to do to be a better person. give him some time, you take some time and just think about what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
michela Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 SEND NOTHING!!!!!! I am literally in the exact same situation, and let me tell you what ever pain you are feeling now will only get worse as he pulls away from your attempts at regaining his affection! See I would desparately like to have my boyfriend back, I love him more and in a more unique way than I think I will ever love anyone, but I would rather him view me as someone who respects him and myself rather than a desparate pity case! I think in the end if you do the whole no contact thing which is what I am now trying you may be more sucessful! Link to post Share on other sites
princess rose Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Girl: I hate to be the one to rain on your parade, but from what you posted, something doesn't seem quite right. This man told you, in essence, that it's your fault that you two broke up. Sure everyone has their character flaws and bad days, but he didn't even seem willing to talk and work it out, he just fled from the problem. Is that the kind of guy you wanna give your heart to? Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 DO NOT CONTACT HIM.... steer well clear its hard and it hurts but you have to move on and move on with with your dignity in tact. He has told you he wants no contact from you so that is exactly what you should give him.. And can I also just point out that it takes two to make a relationship work and though I am sure you have yuor flaws like we all do I doubt very much from what you have said that this relationship broke down soley because of you.. perhaps use this as a learning experience to grow and mature but never change who you are.. You sound already like a loving kind person.. hold that thought and stay strong.. If you want him to miss you give him a reason to and dont contact him.. Good luck XXXX Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 7, 2004 Author Share Posted July 7, 2004 Thanks so much look forward. I know that not calling him is the right thing to do, but its so hard. I don't want him to forget about me. I am really worried that he will find someone else or that he has someone else already. He kept saying that I was not the same person that he fell in love with. I just want to show him that I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 8, 2004 Author Share Posted July 8, 2004 Oh boy......I cracked. I called last night. Not good. He seemed annoyed and really cold. I asked him if he meant it when he said that he fell out of love with me...and after soem hesitation he said Yes. I then asked if maybe it was him confusing his angry, hurt feelings with falling out of love, and he said maybe that's why I need time. What does that mean? That he has to figure things out? He told me to respect what he asked for so I CANNOT call Link to post Share on other sites
derrick231 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Yeah definetly don't call now.. I would have said not to before....I went through sort of the same situation and didn't want her to call. I was planning on calling her, just wanted a little time to think...She didn't leave me alone...We ended up braking up. I honestly just wanted some thinking time and she pressured me and we broke up.. Now I can honestly say that it was a mistake, but I was backed into a corner I felt and I ended it... I really do still love her and am now the jackass trying to get her back. So there you go...I would have called her back soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Thanks Derrick. That is very reassuring to hear. I hope he plans on calling me and just needs time to think. Its really hard to be patient when you are in a situation like this....you just want answers. Somehow, I get the feeling that this is not going to be a temporary thing with him, but you never know right? Thanks again - DG Link to post Share on other sites
crazyconfused Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I agree and disagree with what people have been telling you. I was told to not have any contact with my (then) ex that would have been the worst thing for me to do. Granted I did not call him at all unless I was returning a phone call from him. But I did do little things like send him ecards and emails telling him how I felt and that I realized my mistakes. I was in the same situation you are. I love him more than anything but I treated him wrong. It took us spliting up to realize it but I finally did. I have done a lot of soul searching and figured out what was causing me to act like I was and have dealt with it. I suggest you do the same. Dont just think about what you did wrong, think about what inside you was causing those actions. Thats the only way to get rid of them completely. Anyway I went as far as writing a list of everything I had done wrong in the 3 years we had been together and gave it to him. That did a world of good, it made him realize that I really had put a lot of thought into it and was on the road to changing. That may not be the best thing for you to do only you can decide that. I completely disagree with everyone who says no contact is best. I do have to say though do not push him. Let him know that you just want to tell him how you feel and you understand he needs time and are going to give that to him. I can only go by my results on doing this but we are doing better now than we have in years and we are both extremely happy. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 I think that is relly great advice crazyconfused. I am just scared to push him away. I am worried he will think that I am saying I have realized my mistakes all in an attempt to get him back. I did tell him the other night that I love and trust him and that he means the world to me, so if this break is what he feels is good, then I respect that. I can deal with a break and some time to think....I just want to know that I will have the second chance at making the relationship be the way it should have. Right now, I cannot contact him because he said maybe its better if we don;t talk for awhile and that he will call me when he's ready to. If you don't mind me asking...how long did it take you and your boyfriend to work things out. Did you do the no contact thing for a long time? When you finally do begin talking to the other person again, how do you know its the right time to bring up relationship issues and the possibility of getting back together? Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
crazyconfused Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 well we didnt do the no contact thing.. I just let him call me instead of me calling him cause I didnt want to push him away. I know exactly what you mean when you say you dont want him to think you realized your mistakes to get him back. When I told him that I knew what I did that was the first thing he thought. Once I started proving though he knew different. It took us about a month to start getting back on track. Dont bring up your relationship right away; show him you have changed and give it a couple weeks before you bring it up. Another thing.... him saying he fell out of love with you.. its not that easy or that quick so I wouldnt worry about it. Hes angry, hurt and upset but once he gets things straight in his mind I think he will feel different. I know thats what happened with me. For some added hope... right before we started working things out he told he didnt want to ever see or talk to me ever again. The next day I had an email from him saying he was sorry. Anger is a horrible thing but it usually is disguising another emotion. Another thing I will suggest is a book I was recommended it is doing me a lot of good. Its called Relationship Rescue by Dr Phil. It helps to get in touch with you and what makes you the person you are and why you have been doing what you have been doing and helps understand your partner. If you want to talk more IM me on here and we can talk one on one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dumbgirl Posted July 10, 2004 Author Share Posted July 10, 2004 That is so funny! The other day I went out and bought that book, but then when I met up woth my ex to talk, I gave it to him and told him I would get myself a new copy. As to whether he is reading it, I am not sure. Thanks so much for your help....it is so reassuring to know that someone has been through a simialr experience and gotten through it. I don't know how to IM on here, but I would definitely appreciate the opportunity to pick your brain a little Link to post Share on other sites
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