Husband and his wacky family are making me miserable

[dynamom]

I am a 30 year old woman, married with two children and am at the end of my sanity. What do I do when my husband and his family make me so crazy I just want to take the kids and run far, far away.

 

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and it seems as though he will never grow up. When we have family get togethers, he is off playing around with the kids - acting just like one, while I sit with the adults and visit. It is sometimes very embarrassing and I wish he would realize he's not a little boy anymore and be more of a husband and father.

 

Overall he is a hard worker and provides for the family, I stay home with the kids. The thing is, he is constantly grabbing and me or making comments that make me feel like common street trash. He can't talk to me without looking at my chest, or when he walks by he grabs or pokes at me. Other times when he walks up to me, he puts his hands out like he's going to grab my chest.

 

He makes stupid remarks, nothing like hi honey, how was your day and hardly ever hugs or holds me, when he does it's like he's hugging a buddy, it's real stiff and there is no feeling behind it. I don't think he has the capability of thinking about anything besides sex, and I think he is very compulsive. If he has a really off the wall, stupid remark, he thinks he can just blurt it out and it's normal. In my entire live, I have never experienced anyone like him.

 

I have turned into a real bitch because I can't stand him, or his family anymore. He has no communication skills what so ever and seems to think his sister has to be in the know about every stupid thing. If something happens (not in our marriage) he seems to think it is normal to run to her and bring her into it.

 

I feel like I am always the last to know and he seems to always treat her really nice, but when he does something that upsets me or hurts my feelings, I better not react or he gets mad and me and doesn't want to deal with it. I think he spends entirely too much time at his sisters house and talks to her a little more often than what I would consider "normal".

 

You have to walk on eggshells and always worry about what you say or how you say around his family because they always twist things around. Believe me, it is them, not me! He has two older sisters, who at different times I have become pretty friendly with, but there is always something that causes them to get weird. When our first daughter was born, his one sister wouldn't even come to the hospital or to our house (and didn't have anything to do with her until she was at least a year old or so), and there was no other reason she gave except that she said I wasn't very nice to her when I was in labor.

 

Well, my husband will tell you that is not true, but she was drilling me with questions and in my face. What did she expect out of me? Needless to say, there is always conflict in his family. His mom is a closet drinker and I think she is just plain nuts and I truly think the sisters are just like her, except for the drinking part. I don't know if any of this is making any sense, but I have to get it off my chest because I'm going to go off the deep end if something doesn't change.

 

If I had a decent job, I honestly think I would walk away because I want to be happy and if that means being alone, fine. Is it normal for a husband to expect his wife to always worry about upsetting his family, even if it results in hurting his wife or children. I think that we should be his top priority and he should be willing to stick up for us at any cost - that is if he truly loves us. It's so bad, I can't even cry anymore and I don't know how to escape this nightmare. H E L P !!!!!!!!!

[lnichols]

Did he start out this way when you met him, or did he gradually become this person you can't stand? Has his family always been this quirky? I must say, if he has always been like this and you knew it, what was the attraction in the first place?

 

Have you tried just sitting him down and talking to him and telling him how annoying he has become? Honestly, men don't grow up sometimes until they are long past 30! Since you say his mother is a closet drinker, I'll bet he grew up close to his sisters and they have sorta become his mother figure. If they have indulged his immaturity, it may take a long time to get him away from it. You need to let him know exactly how you feel, and communicate with his sisters afterward so that they know it, too. That way, everyone is on the same page. He sounds pretty emotionally immature, alright. But he may grow out of it yet. Let me know.

[Moose]

Wow, reading your post was like describing me about 10 years ago!!!! I was the same way he is. My wife had doubts that I'd ever mature, and in a lot of ways I haven't. I just toned it down a bit. The reason I was that way was because I had no security in myself whatsoever. What broke me out of it was my wife.

 

She would compliment me on the mature things she saw in me which actually encouraged me to do more. She would call me smart, responsible, and a good decision maker, ( Even if I wasn't all these things ). I know it a physcological thing, but hey, it worked.

 

Of course my kids miss the kid in me but we still have a good time regardless. Do you still find him attractive? Do you still have love for him? If you do, I'm going to ask for patience on his behalf. You will just have to get used to his family because you married them as well. But once he starts growing up and gains confidence in himself through you, his connection with his siblings will slack off.

 

Trust me when I say that this is a phase that he will eventually outgrow. Give him some time.

 

Good Luck

Moose

[dynamom]

that someday soon he will grow up. I have to say that I haven't been so wonderful in trying to boost his self-esteem because he seems so self-centered that it makes me crazy. He has gotten worse over the years and I have never been able to understand that. I will definitely try to work on making him feel more worthwhile and see if it helps. I do really love him and want to be with him, but it's so hard to stick it out day after day.

[lioness]

Have you thought about marriage counseling? If it's gone that far... it sounds like you are at your wits end and if you could actually let him know how you feel before it leads to something like divorce it would be better for both of you. It probably would help to mature him.

 

I let mine lead to divorce.