How do you get back the love?

[D]

I love him, but I am not in love with him the way a wife should be in love with her husband.

 

I have given 110% of everything inside me to this man. There was nothing that I wouldnt do for him.

 

He told me that I was unlike any other woman he had ever met. He told me there was no other woman like me. I asked him if I was overwhelming and he said I was. He was basically in AWE of me. All I know is that I have learned from previous relationships, what I want and what I dont want in a relationship. I learned that I want my relationship ( marriage or dating ) to have trust, honesty, RESPECT, communication, LOVE, you know all the main ingredients that make for a Prosperous marriage and a happy home.

 

When we were dating of course everything was wonderful. I did everything I could to not crowd his space, to let him have is life outside of me. I did not question his where abouts, I just gave him the respect and trust that I know men need.

 

Then we moved in together and got engaged. Things were pretty good for a while. Then I recognized in his actions, in his remarks, when we had conversations, in our arguemnts, that he was condescending me, insulting my intelligence, distorting, manipulating my words, he was patronizing me making me look and feel incompetent.

 

I asked him was it just me and to honestly tell me if I am right or wrong? He said I was wrong. Then we were married. I found myself compromising ( for the good of our relationship) everything that I was seeing and everything that I was hearing was against everything that I believed in. I thought I was wrong, and to some point I guess I believed it was just me when all along all it did was take a toll on my self esteem, my confidence. I have completely became someone I am not. I was never insecure, and I believed in myself to the upmost.

 

The 110% of love that I gave to him has now turned into ( hate is such a strong word) disgust! The reason why I was able to give him that 110% of my love was because that was ME. I am confident, I have much self respect, self love, and very high self esteem. I give my everything, everything to whom I love, and I the only thing I want from them is not to take advantage of that, and just plain and simple Love me back.

 

What I got back from him is Mental Abuse. I dont know if he is just insecure because of what I have given him. I dont know if he is insecure because he thinks he cant provide me with the same. He feels he has to control the marriage. He honestly believes I have to submit myself to him. What he doesnt realize is that I had already submitted myself to him when I fell in love with him. It was on my own terms and not to the point where he could feel in control.

 

I have talked to him, he just says what am I talking about, he always says that something is wrong with me. I have never believed that, and that is why we are at such bad terms right now. I am trying to keep me as a person and he is trying to make me resign myself to him.I honestly feel that he is insecure, very insecure, I think he needs to bring me down to his level, just so that he can feel secure.

 

I am truly dying inside because I love him. I just dont know if I love him because of what he has created me to be, or if I still love him with the same 110% of love that I gave in the beginning. I know im not giving that 110% of the love I gave so I guess I dont love him with that. I am trying because I take marriage seriously.

 

But, to think someone who says they love you can do what is called a form of Mental Abuse, such riducle, just makes me SICK and just to know that this is what he has done to me, makes me think of him as shyt.

 

I am not trying to change him or anything like that. Because any other woman can have him like that!!!!!!!!!! I just wish I knew what would cause anyone to treat someone with such disrespect. And I just wish it didnt have to be this way. My attitude has become soooooo shytty and of course now our relationship is being torn apart.

 

I just need to get this out. Can the love come back?

[tiki]

In my experience, these things don't really get any better. Especially if he won't even admit there is a problem. I also take marriage seriously, but have been asking myself, Is this really the way I want to live out my days? Can I imagine living like this day in and day out for the next 20 years or so? I suggest maybe you ask your self these questions as well, and be honest with yourself about the answers. Like I said, if he won't even admit that there is something legitimate in how you feel, you are not going to be able to work through it because it will be you giving all the effort again. I'm a little down on marriage right now, however. Did you know that married men live longer then single men, but single women live longer then married women? Good luck, and don't let your life be sucked out of you- you are a woman in all your glory- live it up!

I love him, but I am not in love with him the way a wife should be in love with her husband.

 

I have given 110% of everything inside me to this man. There was nothing that I wouldnt do for him. He told me that I was unlike any other woman he had ever met. He told me there was no other woman like me. I asked him if I was overwhelming and he said I was. He was basically in AWE of me. All I know is that I have learned from previous relationships, what I want and what I dont want in a relationship. I learned that I want my relationship ( marriage or dating ) to have trust, honesty, RESPECT, communication, LOVE, you know all the main ingredients that make for a Prosperous marriage and a happy home. When we were dating of course everything was wonderful. I did everything I could to not crowd his space, to let him have is life outside of me. I did not question his where abouts, I just gave him the respect and trust that I know men need. Then we moved in together and got engaged. Things were pretty good for a while. Then I recognized in his actions, in his remarks, when we had conversations, in our arguemnts, that he was condescending me, insulting my intelligence, distorting, manipulating my words, he was patronizing me making me look and feel incompetent. I asked him was it just me and to honestly tell me if I am right or wrong? He said I was wrong. Then we were married. I found myself compromising ( for the good of our relationship) everything that I was seeing and everything that I was hearing was against everything that I believed in. I thought I was wrong, and to some point I guess I believed it was just me when all along all it did was take a toll on my self esteem, my confidence. I have completely became someone I am not. I was never insecure, and I believed in myself to the upmost.

 

The 110% of love that I gave to him has now turned into ( hate is such a strong word) disgust! The reason why I was able to give him that 110% of my love was because that was ME. I am confident, I have much self respect, self love, and very high self esteem. I give my everything, everything to whom I love, and I the only thing I want from them is not to take advantage of that, and just plain and simple Love me back. What I got back from him is Mental Abuse. I dont know if he is just insecure because of what I have given him. I dont know if he is insecure because he thinks he cant provide me with the same. He feels he has to control the marriage. He honestly believes I have to submit myself to him. What he doesnt realize is that I had already submitted myself to him when I fell in love with him. It was on my own terms and not to the point where he could feel in control. I have talked to him, he just says what am I talking about, he always says that something is wrong with me. I have never believed that, and that is why we are at such bad terms right now. I am trying to keep me as a person and he is trying to make me resign myself to him.I honestly feel that he is insecure, very insecure, I think he needs to bring me down to his level, just so that he can feel secure. I am truly dying inside because I love him. I just dont know if I love him because of what he has created me to be, or if I still love him with the same 110% of love that I gave in the beginning. I know im not giving that 110% of the love I gave so I guess I dont love him with that. I am trying because I take marriage seriously.

 

But, to think someone who says they love you can do what is called a form of Mental Abuse, such riducle, just makes me SICK and just to know that this is what he has done to me, makes me think of him as shyt. I am not trying to change him or anything like that. Because any other woman can have him like that!!!!!!!!!! I just wish I knew what would cause anyone to treat someone with such disrespect. And I just wish it didnt have to be this way. My attitude has become soooooo shytty and of course now our relationship is being torn apart. I just need to get this out. Can the love come back?

[Mitch]

What was weird about your post is that, usually I have an opinion. And despite the lengthy description, there's not much of one.

 

Most posts on this board are usually of the "fire god comes seeking fire" variety. The person knows what they need to do more or less at some level, it's just that they could use some encouragement.

 

Or it's very transparent that they're in a bad situation and need out and are looking for confirmation perhaps.

 

Or they aren't in a horrible situation but need advice with specifics.

 

Or maybe a combination.

 

But here...

 

I don't have an opinion on this guy either way. And what was interesting is there were:

 

16 references to " me "

 

70 (about) refs to " I "

 

86 total.

 

15 references to " him "

 

24 references to " he "

 

39 total.

 

This guy never really got to be the subject.

 

Now sure, he could honestly be the biggest jerk in the world for all I know.

 

I really don't think you know what's going on with this guy at all. That's not good.

 

No idea whatsoever on this side.

 

And considering "110% love" and "Mental Abuse" is going on, I'm disappointed in myself.