SHE broke No Contact! Now what??

[BoyinWonder]

Ok...so here's another No Contact story, I think. G/f of 4 years broke up with me in Feb. Talked a bit in the beginning of it and then just stopped. I made my efforts and then just left it. We work for the same company so I hear stories every now and then about her, being really pain to people, pissing people off and no one likes her at her job now. Anyways, that's beside the fact.

 

So last week, Tuesday to be exact, I walk into work and lady at register says I have a phone call. I walk over not thinking anything, and say hello and it's her. We work for the same company so she started by asking me if I could bring something from my store to hers. I had someone else do it not me. After she asked that she asked how I was doing and all that. I said I was doing great and she said she was fine, working a lot with no free time. Told her I just gotten back from vacation and she said she was about to take off too, only she was moving out of her house.

This is something she had always wanted to with me so I was like oh that's great. Now I love her to death but she is not great with money at all. She has a large credit card debt. Almost 10,000-15,000 and she has a loan taken out on them to pay them off. Last I heard from her she was not going to be ready to move out till end of year and now all of a sudden she can.

Well I was little aggravated she was making a mistake in moving out just yet but happy she spoke to me. She had said she was thinking bout calling me the week before and I was like why didn't you, she told me didn't have my number. Okay, we dated for 4 years and she forgot? Plus she called my cell not even a month ago, so I know that is bull.

So couple days go on, Saturday comes and she calls again to my work, asking for another manager but it was just me there, she needed the other managers phone number, I gave it to her and we chatted and then bye.

That same night while I am out with friends she calls me on my cell. I didn't answer, she left no message. This is at like 11 at night.

I figured she was packing to move and found something she wanted to give me back or something so I didn't call back.

The next day she calls me again at like 10 at night, I answer and we chat. Told her I was on my back from seeing fireworks with friends. She said she didn't really do anything all day blah blah. Talked about where she was moving out to, with who (someone she hardly even knows), little chit chat really. Then she said she had to go to bed b/c had to be up early, I said okay, good talking to you, talk to you later and goodnite.

I have talked to her more times or had her call more times in the past week than we have in the 4 months we have been apart. So what is the deal? Starting to see what she is missing? Trying to step back into my life? She hasn't called again so far this week and moves out to her $800 a month apartment on Friday so...who knows.

[dreamguy]

Then she said she had to go to bed b/c had to be up early, I said okay, good talking to you, talk to you later and goodnite.

I think you were doing great up to the point where you said "talk to you later". That's a no no no !

Especially when she is doing all the calling. Just end your conversations with something like "take care" or "nice talking to you but I gotta get going". Mate, you got her eating from your hand so don't give her any hope that you will start calling. Don't give her the power to stabilize herself now ! Keep her de-stabilized so you can understand why she is calling you so much. Is she just bored ? Is she testing the waters to see if you're still available and that's it ? Does she sincerely regret her decision and wants you back ?

This is the ultimate question we are all faced with when an ex calls after a break up. Unfortunately the answer is not easy to get and it surely takes time !

It takes time because you cannot ask her directly "why are you calling me ?" You have to wait for her to make it clear.

You cannot assume (as most people do because that's what they hope for) that she is calling because she regrets her decision to break up with you.

That's why I don't agree with you about calling her back as you said "I have talked to her more times or had her call more times in the past week"

You have to keep on playing her game by answering her now and then and allowing her to chase you (without chasing her in return) until she makes it as clear as the sky on a sunny day that she WANTS YOU BACK !

[BoyinWonder]

She is the one doing the calling, sorry that wasn't clear there. I called way in the beginning of the breakup but have left it alone as much as I wanted to hear her voice.

 

I plan to keep it that way. I'm right in saying she should be doing all the contacting for a little while now, not me since I have done the reaching. Question is, is the last time I will hear from here for another long while? Was this a sign of some sort of actually feeling for once in a long time? I feel like she is about to embark on something, moving out on her own, that is going to be something really new and strange for her. Something she has always wanted but with me and her, with someone who was stable and could help her through it.

 

I wonder if maybe that has something to do with it, maybe hoping I could be there for her and do it with her. It's all so very confusing, wishing you could have that one special person call, have another chance, and then when they do call you don't know what to do...lol.

[dreamguy]

BoyinWonder,

I wonder if maybe that has something to do with it, maybe hoping I could be there for her and do it with her. It's all so very confusing, wishing you could have that one special person call, have another chance, and then when they do call you don't know what to do...lol.

I have to comment on this. When you don't know what to do, just don't do anything. Wait for her to do things. Wait for her to show you she's ready, if she ever is (especially when she knows how you feel about her, it's not as if you've never told her in the past and she's second guessing). Wait for her to tell you she wants you to be with her when she moves out on her own.

Ask her before she tells you and you risk being rejected. When you want to take the initiative then it always involves a risk. Are you willing to take that risk ?