Friend and Workmate

[Lexval]

Hello!

This is my first post here so I want to introduce myself first. I am girl and I am 25 years old. My name is Lex.

I have been working with this guy for almost a couple years. At first I thought he was really cute, but that was it. We were in different areas in our company so we barely saw each other. Then, last May he and I started talking and I discovered a wonderful person which whom I had a lot in common. And I think it took me a month (believe, is somewhat shameful for me to accept it ) to fall for him. At the end of the summer, we went on date to the cinema but we bought some friends with us so It wasn't really a date. Positions changed again and we barely saw each other, but this time we did not lose contact. He would wait for me after our shift, he will come to me to talk about tv shows, movies, music or any weird thing that happened at our workplace and would do the same. And I fell harder, if possible. By the end of the year I was really looking to spend any possible moment with him. However, he has never shown any kind of romantic interest in like ask me out or anything. The 'craziest' thing he told me during this time was that he did not speak romance language. Another guy came along, and he became my partner at my job, so we spend the whole day alone and together. I really like him, we get along extremely well, things are easier with him and I know that If I wanted him, I could have him. But I am too into boy A to want anything about the great boy B. Time went by and my friendship with boy A grew closer. He even invited me to a en event with all his friends. He forgot my birthday in the process. There was an important strike here and he was there 'protecting' me in case of riots and giving me the best routes to move around town and so. But then he had a work supper with boy B and, after it, he pulled away for like two weeks. I went on vacation, I came back and he was all lovey dovey, promising me to go everywhere (even transcontinental flights to visit his family!), do things together (like a second event with his friends) and all 'I missed you'. Weeks passed, now everyone at work seems to think we are dating although we are so far from it. It's really frustrating. I know he appreciates me as friend, I know he doesn't like boy B at all, he still waits for me and tells me everything, but there no romantic move. All promises are broken, we don't go anywhere, we don't do anything together and everytime I take a step towards him I have this feeling he's running away.

I know he hasn't had a relationship in a long time, I haven't either, but... It's like me chasing him all the time to do things, sometimes I even feel I'm smothering him with plans and hints. On one hand, I am afraid I am in love and he just sees me as a friend and he is nice enough to don't say a thing, plus I don't want to tell him because I don't want to lose him. The boy is shy, nice, kind, clever, he has the nicest smile ever but he has an awful memory and he has really desmotivated about life itself, while I like a bundle of energy, I remember every single important date and I have a thousand plans for my life. On the other hand, if the people that see us together the most think we are dating it must mean something, right?

What do you guys think? Do I have a chance? What would you do?

 

Edit: Sorry, I just realized I wrote this on the wrong forum. Can someone please, move it to the correct one?

Edited July 12, 2012 by Lexval

[Snakechammah]

Hi Lex,

Seems to me like he's really into you. Have you done anything physical - like hold hands, kiss or hug?

 

Keep hanging out with him. Plan something in advance. Go to a park, or somewhere you can have some privacy. Chat normally, and at one point, try to initiate physical contact with him. Brush your arm against his, or move closer to his personal space. Or when you hug him, linger your touch a little longer. Or lean closer and whisper in his ear. During a conversation, touch his cheek, look into his eyes and bite your lower lip. Gauge his reaction.

 

If he is attracted, he will respond. Or if he is shy, these acts will trigger a need for him to respond just as sexually, or make him see you in a different light. Right now, he is comfortable and feeling compatible with you, which is good for a solid relationship. But we need to move him along into thinking of you as a potential sexual partner - thus the need to ignite his passion!

 

If he pulls away, it could mean two things. Either he is not confident of his sexuality (not gay but just inexperienced?), or he is blatantly not attracted to you that way. If it is the first one, don't worry. Once he gathers his confidence, he will initiate the partnership with you. Your actions would have shown him that YES, I AM INTERESTED, NOW YOUR TURN. If he wants you, he'll do something.

 

If he doesn't respond favourably, pulls away or acts weird, it's a sure sign he's not interested and you can stop wishing. You'll then know he isn't attracted and you can pursue other boys like Boy B. Cut your losses and move on.

 

Good luck!

Disclaimer: Showing him sexual interest is only needed to move him along to start a relationship - whether you want to go all the way and actually have sex with him is your own choice. Don't feel pressured and don't promise too much - all you need is subtle hints to show him you're interested in a partnership way.