Parents won't let me go to the College of my choice

[soret]

'm having a hard time seeing eye to eye with my parents and my future education. Since High School I really wanted to leave my hometown for a larger and somewhat better university or college located in bigger city but the only thing was when I graduated at 17 I didn't know what I "truly" wanted to take and I wasn't at that stage to move away for college at such a young age without knowing what I truly wanted to do with my life. I'am currently 20 (21 this year) and I've finally found where my skills are. I have decided that a more arts based career is what makes me happy since art has been an important part of my life since I was very young. I worked very hard to get my grades at the appropriate level and I talked to a school counsellor about my options. I'm currently working towards getting a BA in Photography.

 

Since September of 2011 I choose the option of going to a school about a 4 hour plane ride from my city. It's a more populous area but the town which the college is located in is fairly small, maybe a few thousand people which mostly consists of students. I've been told by many of my mothers clients how well of an area and how well of a school it is. My mothers boyfriend who was once a teacher stated the same. I originally planned on spending 5 years there ( 1 year of an art introduction course, 4 years of Photography for a degree) but now I've decided to take just the first year course instead. I made this decision because the cost of living away from home would be too great over a 5 year period of time and I could take my degree at home. The school in my city has a similar set up ( 1 year of art into and 4 years of photography) but the only problem is I have to submit a very detailed portfolio to get into my first year, the school I want to go to doesn't even require that even though they are basically the same program….. but to get into the 4 years of photography in both cities I would need a portfolio. I really hope this makes sense, it's a bit complicated to explain. The downside of staying in my city would be that I didn't apply to the school because I would be spending another year just building a portfolio to get into my first year. In the school that I want to go to I do not need one.

 

I just found out today that I was accepted into the first year program after being wait listed a few months back. It's my ideal school and something I've researched extensively and i couldn't have been more pleased with my efforts. All that happiness vanished once I told my mother that I got in. She flat out told me that I'm not going and when I asked why she said "because". I had discussed going to this school way back when i was looking into it and she didn't like the idea of me living in a town far away from home and I do agree with her to an extent but this is really something I've wanted to do for close to a year now. A few months ago she did come to the conclusion that it was what I really wanted so she excepted it and after I got wait listed I think she figured I had to stay at home. I personally think this would be a good experience for myself. I'm very passionate about my education since I've gotten older and I feel very responsible and independent of my parents. I do not ask for much from them, just help when it comes to my education. They have saved roughly around $20,000 for my education. I was willing to pitch in money as well but I had a hard time finding a job so I resulted in working for my mother. I would be willing to take out a student loan for my tuition, books, etc. but I would need that help with living costs. I know for sure this is the school I want to go to, I have researched extensively for myself and my parents, asked for advice from my school councillor etc. I'm currently taking a photography course and I love it so it's not a question of "if this is right for me"

 

If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. I have to have my payments complete in the next couple of weeks and I don't know how to convince my parents that it will be only a year of college and I will be back at home to start my degree program.

[alvitdk]

Well, you are 21 and can chose wherever you like to go, worse case without financial support from you mom. And if you are 100% certain this college is what you need, I would go that way, your mom might actually give in once she sees that you are serious about it and even taking a loan out to achieve that.

 

I had two girls in college, they are 21 by now and one will graduate this winter. We signed her up, and convinced her to go to a school, far away from civilisation, thinking it would be better for her studies. Her sister (twins) went to the school of her choosing, and damn we were so wrong. She was so unhappy at her scholl, grades plummet and after the freshmen year we decided to grant her wish for a transfer. What should I say, her grades went up, she made deans list almost every semester and graduates 1/2 year early, even with a transfer.

 

Lesson learned for us as parents, even though we wish to have the kids close by (I guess that's your moms main reason for not allowing you to go away), choosing a college is not just rational but also a gut feeling. Both my girls told me when visiting all those colleges, that they just felt this is were they belong, we just didn't listen to the one daughter. Close by but unhappy and bad grades is so much worse than being far away, enjoying the college experience and getting good grades.

 

Feel free to show this post to you parents, it was the best decision we could do for our daughter.

 

Good luck.

[SpiralOut]

Would it be possible for you to get a job on-campus? I don't know where you are, but in my province most schools try to help their students with work-study programs and offering part-time jobs with flexible hours specifically to students.

 

Speaking as someone who made the mistake of listening to my parents and pursuing something they thought would be good for me instead of doing what I truly wanted to do . . . I think you should go for it.

 

The fact that your mother couldn't even answer the question of "why?" she didn't want you to move away is very telling. She doesn't want to have to worry about you. She wants you close but she doesn't want to admit it to you. But if you just go ahead and do it they won't have much choice but to get used to it.

Edited July 13, 2012 by SpiralOut

[alvitdk]

And being away from home teaches you more than just what you learn in school. After my girls being away just their first freshmen year, they are so much more independent, something they might have not achieved when living close by.

And they were only 18, now with 21 they have grown to strong and independent you ladies, making us very proud.

 

Go and do what feels best, it's hard but listen to yourself and don't let the money get in your way, there are many scholarships and low interest student loans available.

[pink_sugar]

It is your choice, they cannot make you do anything. Worst case is you have to put up your own living and school costs the year you're away from home. I left home at 18 and been on my own 100% financially. I would love if my parents even helped a cent with my college education, but if I were you I'd weigh what is the most important to you.

[soret]

Exactly what I was thinking, I have to be independent sometime in my life and I think this would be an ideal situation. It's only for a year so it's not a huge commitment as it would be if I was there for the 5 years I was planning on. I would really love having no debt but I do not want to spend a two extra years going to a school I really don't have much interest in.

 

As for student jobs on campus there are a bunch. I have a friend who worked on campus during the weekends and I know their are jobs located in the town. By the way I'm from Alberta, trying to move to Ontario. I'm thinking I may have to talk to someone about getting a loan... I'm not sure how they work and if it only covers tuition and supplies but I heard from a friend that they do cover living costs as well.

 

I have until July 25th to accept my offer. If anyone has any other advice about loans/ finances I would appreciate it. My mother is worried about me and the same goes for my father but I have done a lot of research about the area and I have asked my friend what the town is like. I definitely would not put myself in any sort of risky situation just to go to school. The rent here in my city is ridiculous in comparison to rent there.

 

Also I'm planning on putting a pamphlet of sorts to show my parents. It would include the statistics of the town, places I could rent, any info they might need on the school... etc

[alvitdk]

I'm not sure how it is in Canada with student loans. In the US they do cover all expenses, but I think you have to live on campus, not sure.

[Bob_Funk]

Don't burden your parents even more by going away for college. And why in God's name would you pursue a degree in photography?

[Enema]

You can choose your own college when you pay for your own college.

 

Seems fair, you should be grateful they're even considering paying for a photography degree anywhere.

[3DRocks]

I think the perfect college is over rated. While I certainly understnad wanting to go somewhere you are passionate about, I wouldn't let a good opportunity to go to college anywhere pass you by.

 

Any idea why you mom hasn't given any details about why she refuses?