5 months distance.

[Jade90]

Well i didnt know if i should post this to the distance relations section or here.

 

Anyway,

 

Ill use as few words as I can to describe it:

Im in my 4th year of university,she has just finished the national exams,in September she will

start the University too(im 4 years older).We started dating last September like 2 times

per week(as much as her free time would allow us to).Until Febrary everything was ok,we were having fun,we definitely had chemistry etc etc(and no significant fights I can recall.I even had a conversation with her brother and he told me that she is excited with me and our relation,and he knows her better than anyone).In Febrary I went abroad to an exchange student programme(5 months,Feb-July)something that had been arranged 1 year ago(2011)and couldn’t be changed-nor I wanted to cancel it or something because I had tried a lot for this.

 

 

So I went abroad.Somewhere midway(and when she was on her most stressful period,right before she starts with the exams-May-)we talked on Skype and she sounded confused or worn out from her studies,I dunno.In the end of the conversation she said that ‘’some things have changed’’ or something like that,she was speaking as to warn me for something forthcoming-guess what.I didn’t pressure her to explain me over the phone(I hate that)nor I asked explanations by texting(I hate it that even more).I just waited till the next call,when the exams would be over and her head clearer.In the next call she told me that some things have changed inside her mainly due to the ‘’long time-no see’’ but also because during that time she realized that we differ in some aspects of our characters(I assume that this one is one of those typical excuses girls create in their head in order to justify to theirselves their decision.Anyway).She said that although she is the type of person who gives 2nd and 3rd chances,that in this case ‘’right now,as I know my self,i feel that it will not work even when you come back’’(By the way,her brother is a friend of mine,I know 100% that there is no 3rd person,trust me on this).Again,I didn’t pressure her much over the phone besides asking the reasons.I have learned from previous experiences that this doesn’t help or change things.

 

 

 

So official break up.More than 20 days days of NC followed and one day she send me on messenger.(*Before I went abroad I had given her a mobile phone because her was broken*) to tell me that it* had been stolen from her and she was feeling so sorry etc etc.I thought she was overreacting a bit so I calmed her down,besides I wouldn’t even ask the mobile phone back when I would return back.Anyway she insisted for a while and then changed subject asking me how I feel that I would return home soon.I told her that i didn’t want to return(it was the truth)because its hard to change the lifestyle I had there(And the freedom)to be back to my usual routine and because I wouldn’t have something waiting for me(ok this one I didn’t mention=p I just said ‘’well,for many reasons’’).She asked me my plans for the summer,I told her and then she started telling me things like ‘’Im feeling so bitter about how I behaved to you’’,’’I have s h i t in my head’’ etc etc,blaming herself(and also she was telling me that when I would return back I would hear some rumors and that she didn’t want me to believe this rumors.I learned later that a guy that I know hit on her but she rejected so apparanetly she was worrying that I would assume that she did something with her,when I would learn about this).I was always responding passive enough to this like ‘’its ok,I haven’t kept bad feelings for you inside me,don’t worry’’ but she was continuing talking in the same mood so finally I told her ‘’listen,its not your fault how you feel or how you don’t feel for someone’’.And then she said ‘’right now my thoughts are clouded’’ or something and at that point I really didn’t know what to answer so I instantly signed out from messenger(I know it’s a bit funny but I was like ‘’what the **** I am supposed to answer now’’.Maybe her last words smelled ‘’reunion’’ and I didn’t know how to handle this).

 

 

Next day I send her an offline message to messenger telling her that the internet connection was not good last night and that ‘’these are not things that can be discussed in front of a screen’’).That happened about 10 days ago while I was still abroad.Now im back in my country and haven’t spoke to her since then.Do I want to try for this?Yes.Do I know what to do next?No.I saw her 2 days ago downtown but I didn’t spoke to her(she didn’t see me).

 

 

My faults all this period(before abroad and during abroad): 1)When I adjusted to the lifestyle abroad I started neglecting the communication.Maybe not neglecting,but reducing for sure.She may said in the ‘’break up call’’ that I didn’t do something wrong but again,this is a cliche that girls say only to comfort us.2)Because of a traumatic previous relationship I was sometimes over-cautious with this one,even telling her sometimes ‘’don’t make plans for the future,you ll never know how you will feel when you pass to the university where you will have a new life’’ and things like that.I know I was more cynical with her that I usually am.And I know that this played its part.

 

 

So for all those who put up with bad English(its not my native language as you have already understood=p),and read this thing in its entirety..what are your thoughts?

Edited July 13, 2012 by Jade90